Disclaimer: I don't own HP
Warning: This chappie is very dark.
American Magician
Chapter 19
Last Time:
"James, just let him go. He's scared." Lily sobbed as she tore her husband away from her eldest child. The moment James let go, Harry shot up and ran out of the room, luckily picking the right one.
After a moment's running, Harry's vacant expression left and he was able to think again. The first thing he did was walk quickly to the Great Hall to meet with his so-called "Best Friend." When he arrived, he set a quick pace to where he was talking to Kimber and Miccy.
Harry grabbed Simeon's sleeve and spun him around to punch the boy's face. A quick sweep of his foot at the same time ensured Simeon falling to the ground. Harry shook off the pair of hands reaching to pull him back as he reached down to pull the slightly taller boy up to ho his level. Blazing emerald eyes bore into confused blue ones.
"Who gave you permission to stick your nose where it doesn't belong! What happened or happens to me is none of your goddamn business! If I wanted them to know about something, I would have told them! I don't need you making up some bullshit story!" Harry hissed angrily between clenched teeth. Simeon stood fully on his feet and glared down at Harry. His full height was reached and he stood three inches taller then Harry.
"It was the truth and you know it." Simeon's deep voice growled.
"Shut up! My life is exactly that! Mine! My life is my business!" Harry yelled, his maturing voice squeaking slightly in the middle of his rant taking none of the edge off.
"Spe-"
"That's not my name. I fucking trusted you! You son of a bitch!" He was too busy glaring at Simeon to see the sucker punch to his stomach until it was too late. Harry crumpled and glared hurtfully to where Miccy stood. "You're taking his side? It figures." He sneered. "Why don't all of you beat me up? It seems to be a favorite on things to do." Harry stood with his arms wide open. "Go ahead and hit me! Prove that you were just fucking with my head! Go on! You didn't seem to have much problem with it earlier! What changed!" Harry glared at the pair in front of him, not taking notice of the tears running down Miccy's cheeks.
"Harry!" Simeon yelled, pushing the smaller boy up against the table. "Harry! Straighten up! Look at yourself! Listen to yourself! Pull yourself together!"
"Siri, please. I'm sorry, but your wouldn't stop yelling." Miccy cried. She angrily swiped an arm across her face to clear the tears. Harry shook his head and almost fled the room at full speed, leaving three teens and a room of bewildered and scared children behind.
The next couple of days, Harry didn't talk to anyone, instead he did all of his schoolwork and wrote morbid lines in the margins of his parchment. He cut his fingertips with the sharpened quill to get rid of the emotional pain. Matt was the only one that didn't know what was going on and he was often found staring at the rest of his family trying to figure out what was happening.
"Siri! Siri, please talk to me." Miccy begged, pulling on Harry's arm.
"What do you want?" He asked coldly.
"Look, I don't know what this thing between you and Simeon is about, but it's tearing both of you up." She said softly.
"The reason you don't know is because you don't need to know. You don't need to know because it is my life, something Simeon forgot."
"Just talk to him. Please?" She asked.
"I shouldn't have to say anything. I didn't do anything wrong."
"Sirius, please stop being so cold. I am sorry for hitting you, but you attacked Simeon out of no where and you kept yelling."
"Look Miccy, it doesn't matter." Harry stared at his paper while he tore at the pad of his finger with his quill tip.
"Sirius stop it!" She adopted the tone of voice she used when she used to scold Harry about homework. She grabbed Harry's right wrist to keep the quill from the bleeding fingers.
"Let go Miccy." Harry growled.
"No, hurting yourself won't change anything."
"It'll make me feel a hell of a lot better."
"That's it, get up." She pulled the unresisting boy up and proceeded to drag him out of the room and into the Slytherin common room. She pushed Harry onto the couch in front of where Simeon was studying. "All right, both of you are not moving until you say something." Miccy growled fiercely.
"I've got nothing to say to him. I said my bloody speech." Harry sneered.
"I did what I thought was best." Simeon said calmly.
"Bull shit! The best thing for you to do would be to just keep your damn mouth shut!" Harry snapped.
"They needed to know and you were never going to tell them!"
"They don't need to know and they don't care! I have many things that I could tell Kimber, but your life is your life! I don't spill your secrets and I had hoped that you wouldn't tell mine! Who else have you told? What else have you told? How long have you been pretending to be my friend, huh? Once someone or something better comes along you just ditch me! Is that it? You were leading me on until you didn't need me anymore, then you tell everything? Because I don't matter, huh? Well fuck you!" Harry yelled. By the time he was done, his face was red and he was breathing heavily. "Stay away from me." He hissed.
"You know what? You will never be anymore than a failure, a beaten, broken, orphan failure. You will never amount to anything and you will never be loved by anyone because you're filthy, dirtied, and used." Simeon growled angrily. Harry's green eyes widened and the two in front of him could see the life leave them. Unbearable pain showed before all life and emotion in Harry's eyes flickered out.
"Simeon?" Harry's voice was almost a whimper and it was said so low that the two Americans in front of him could hardly hear it.
"Harry, I didn't mean that, I swear." Simeon pleaded, but it was no use, Harry ran.
Harry ran faster than he had ever run in his entire life. Har ran outside, by the lake and looked down at his reflection. He saw his face; a face too boyish, eyes too bright, hair that seemed to absorb the light ad a complete mess, skin too pale, and shadows under his eyes. In his eyes, the person he saw was horribly ugly. No matter how hard he tried, he could never measure up.
Simeon's words echoed through his mind. All of the foster parents that didn't want or care about him. Mr. Williams, the only father figure he had. Simeon's father, who couldn't say enough horrible things about him. His teachers, they only mad fun of him, or told him he would never amount to anything. When the teachers were handing out career worksheets and talking about what career the students wanted to have, he was never given the form and the teacher skipped his name. Now he knew his parents and one hated him while the other pretended to care about him for her own peace of mind. Simeon, whom he thought would be his friend forever, now also hated him in favor of his sister.
"I already did what I was supposed to do. Ever since Voldemort, my life has been borrowed time. I was supposed to die there, wasn't I? Everyone would have been happier. All I have to do is end it." He whispered. He transfigured a stone into a knife and looked at it. "Simeon's right, though, I'm filthy. Most people don't want a weak, used boyfriend. Miccy will hate me when Simeon tells her. She will leave and she won't want me around her child. I could never protect her." He picked up the knife. "Everyone was right." Harry looked to the castle. He scolded himself for feeling disappointed that no one was coming. Of course not, he wasn't worth enough to have someone care. "I have no one for me alive and no one to meet me in death. I'm going to hell where even there I won't be wanted." He looked from the knife to his wrist as he lowered the sharp blade. Just as it was about to cut, his shaking hands dropped the handle with a small cry. He looked at his tear-stained face in the lake and couldn't even remember when he had started crying. "You stupid, weak coward. You can't even kill yourself." He hissed angrily.
Harry threw himself back into a tree and leaned against it. His head was leaning back so that he could see the sky from between the branches and leaves. He let the peace of being alone lull him to sleep with the scent of trees and the lake. For the first time in a long while his sleep was not plagued with nightmares.
When Harry woke, it was to a person settling next to him. "Who is it?" He asked, not opening his eyes.
"Harry? I-I didn't mean that I said. I just got so mad. I truly did what I did because I thought it might help you." It was Simeon. "I never really thought you would take it this bad."
"I try. God knows I do. I have always tried so fucking hard. It never mattered. Nothing I ever did ever mattered. I had always hoped that everything would get better. It's stupid, I know. I even told you on the first day you came to the orphanage to give up on hopes and dreams because they aren't real. But now your dad's getting out of jail and Kimber really does like you. But I'm still the same sorry assed orphan that I was when I met ya. I never changed; it's everything else that changed." Harry said.
"Harry? About my dad? He won't be getting out." Simeon's voice shook. "I just got the letter, he killed himself."
Thank you:
Angel of Light3
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Newwi- sorry you don't like the dialog
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