((Ron))
My back hurts. My head hurts. My arms hurt. My whole body hurts! I hate these bloody boarding school mattresses. I'm going to go sit in the common room. I can't possibly sleep like this.
((Harry))
Geeze, it's late! I wonder what woke me up- I think it was the door. What if? Oh never mind or I'll become as paranoid as Madeye. I'll just calmly get up, and lock the door. Nothing to fear.
((Ron))
This fire sure is interesting. I've been watching it for the last century. AND IT NEVER SEEMS TO CHANGE! Muggles are always stumbling about, poetically, saying how beautiful fire is- stupid gits. Sure, it changes shape. But it's orange. Orange is great, but honestly, if I were fire I might change to a sparkly purple or sing a bit, orange gets pretty boring after half an hour. I think I'll go change it. Fred taught me a spell once...
I'm flicking my wand and nothing's happening... maybe I need to move closer.. or..... maybe I'm saying the spell backwards- OH! BACKWARDS! That's the ticket; I'll say the spell with my back to the fire!
"OWWWWWWWWWW! MY BUM IS ON FIRE!" I've never experienced this before but I KNOW, MY BUM IS ON FIRE!
((Harry))
Ron sure isn't in a good mood today. He keeps glaring at me for locking the door last night... how was I supposed to know he got up and decided to light his bum on fire?
That's another thing, he keeps complaining about not being able to sit. I told him that this was okay, he wasn't wearing his pajamas, his bum was covered! But his eyes got all squinty and he mumbled something about Hermione and a hole in his seat.
((Ron))
I am never speaking to that sniveling excuse for a wizard AGAIN. Starting tomorrow.
I have double potions with the Slytherins, I can't sit down, I burned a hole in a rather uncomfortable place in my favorite pajamas, I mortified myself in front of Hermione, AND THAT IDIOT CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!
"Hey Ron? You know what you were saying... about Filch? I've been thinking... maybe you're right."
Scarhead is speaking. Now normally I would refuse to respond. But, c'mon, this involves FILCH. And if I must suffer through another unsanitary foot massaging session, I think I'll become one of those odd people who can't stand feet. I met a wizard like that once, when I was with dad at the Ministry. He kept flinching whenever feet came near him, muttering about 'nasty vile toes, yellow toenails, going to touch me!' once a tall man with a maroon tie got on the elevator and, unaware of the Foot Problem, stepped near him. He started shrieking, 'warty foot warty foot!' over and over. Then he pulled the emergency handle. At the time I thought it was a bit amusing but mostly bizarre.
Now I know it was Filch's old manicurist.
"Of course I'm right Harry. Am I ever wrong?" I thought it was a witty comment. But for some reason Harry just opened his mouth and closed it- I think it had something to do with Hermione stepping on his foot.
"So what're we going to do?" he finally uttered. Hmmmm. I've got to consider this. I looked around the room for inspiration. But all I saw were tens of cauldrons brewing a vile smelling Mucus Membrane potion. I grinned at the potions. Then I grinned at Harry. He slowly grinned back, eyeing the potion with renewed effort. Then just for the heck of it I grinned at Hermione. She just looked puzzled. I love it when girls play hard to get, poor girl doesn't realize I see right through her charade.
((Harry))
I can't stand Trelawny's class- but thinking of the trap we're laying out for Filch, it's worth it.
The only problem is this: How're we going to smuggle the Mucus Membrane potion out of Snape's office and end up levitating it in the corridor in front of Filch's office from behind the tapestry- without getting caught?
We're going to need a distraction...
Although, perhaps this plan isn't as exciting as I thought... the room is so warm... and perfume-y...
((Ron))
Great, the old bat is telling me my prediction that she will soon be diagnosed with a serious disorder of the mind is incorrect. BUT I LOOKED IN THE BOOK! That's what it says! She took my tarot deck an d is now explaining how Harry is going to die. Funny, he looks kinda dead right now. His heads down, he's not moving, he's...
Sleeping.
((Harry))
That was a BIG mistake. I thought when Ron distracted Filch by bawling and asking for a potion for his burned rear- mumbling some excuse about not wanting to go to the hospital wing- that perhaps we shouldn't try it. But later, Ron reminded me about Quidditch, and Filch's apparent soap- phobia, and how he merely had to ask Snape for a bum cream.
Well, we did pretty well with the plan, that wasn't the problem. The problem was this:
Filch is a squib. Filch could not magically clean himself and would not take a bath (this of course has always been obvious.) Filch was blackmailing two teenage boys. He made them clean it off. The two boys were Ron and I.
Mucus Membrane potion is putrid. It was apparently used for Ancient Witches and Wizards crossing the Sahara to keep them moist. Ron and I thought this was pretty stupid, couldn't they just fly? But Hermione shot us a testy glance and threw her book in our face raging about how brooms didn't come to the part of the world for another 250 years. And now my hands could travel the Sahara 50 times, they've got so much MM potion on them. The only way to get it off is by magic, but neither Ron nor I could grab our wands, our hands were too slimy.
((Ron))
Too bad Hermione's already gone to bed, There's no one around but Neville to get this gunk off our hands.
Hermione was flirting with me today, I'm sure. She put her book in Harry's face for some odd reason (I wasn't listening, I never pay attention to anything in Snape's class) and I'm sure she was doing it so we could get some privacy. But Harry was laughing- something about brooms, of course- and Hermione just blushed terribly and slid farther in her seat. Is she really so desperately in love with me that she can't even speak?
Oh, here comes Neville. Hope he can remove this gunk. But honestly, I'm rather afraid he'll turn my hands into... rats! Or maybe just pincushions. Thank goodness! Ginny is with him.
"Ginny!" Hello? She's ignoring me! What's so interesting about talking to Neville anyway? He so thick and he's always coming in with some new sort of magical ailment... how could anyone stand some one so thick? If I had a friend like that I'd-
((Harry))
Ron can be so thick sometimes. He's standing two feet from Neville and Ginny, who's making Neville promise not to tell Ron about Malfoy. I wonder what he's not supposed to tell about him?
But really, I have no time to ponder that. I need this membrane off- and I need to talk to Ron about Operation Filch Removal- and how it's not working.
"Ginny?!"
"Yes?"
"Would you mine removing thi-"
"My god, what did you guys get your hads into this time- is that Snape's hairgel on your hands?!"
I am allowing myself a moment to shudder.
"No, it's Mucus Membrane potion, see, Filch won't let me go to Quidditch Practices, so I'll get kicked off the team, so Ron and I decided to –err- punish Filch, but it backfired because he made us-"
Omigod. I wasn't supposed to tell them this! If Filch finds out... !!!
"WHAT!? That dirty, rotten, pitiful excuse for a wizard!"
"Actually, he's a squib."
"Thanks Ron. So much to do with the point! Now what were you saying Harry? So FILCH is the reason Gryffindor isn't getting the Quidditch Cup this year? Hah! I'm not going to stand by and let this happen. I'll join you, and I'm sure Hermione will too, once we tell her. Same with the rest of the DA. And you will, of course, Neville?"
((Ron))
AHH! Harry just snitched on filch! He'll get expelled now.
OWWW! THAT IDIOT NEVILLE JUST TRIPPED WHILE STANDING UP AND TRIED TO SAVE HIMSELF BY GRABBING MY SORE BUM! OWWWW!
My back hurts. My head hurts. My arms hurt. My whole body hurts! I hate these bloody boarding school mattresses. I'm going to go sit in the common room. I can't possibly sleep like this.
((Harry))
Geeze, it's late! I wonder what woke me up- I think it was the door. What if? Oh never mind or I'll become as paranoid as Madeye. I'll just calmly get up, and lock the door. Nothing to fear.
((Ron))
This fire sure is interesting. I've been watching it for the last century. AND IT NEVER SEEMS TO CHANGE! Muggles are always stumbling about, poetically, saying how beautiful fire is- stupid gits. Sure, it changes shape. But it's orange. Orange is great, but honestly, if I were fire I might change to a sparkly purple or sing a bit, orange gets pretty boring after half an hour. I think I'll go change it. Fred taught me a spell once...
I'm flicking my wand and nothing's happening... maybe I need to move closer.. or..... maybe I'm saying the spell backwards- OH! BACKWARDS! That's the ticket; I'll say the spell with my back to the fire!
"OWWWWWWWWWW! MY BUM IS ON FIRE!" I've never experienced this before but I KNOW, MY BUM IS ON FIRE!
((Harry))
Ron sure isn't in a good mood today. He keeps glaring at me for locking the door last night... how was I supposed to know he got up and decided to light his bum on fire?
That's another thing, he keeps complaining about not being able to sit. I told him that this was okay, he wasn't wearing his pajamas, his bum was covered! But his eyes got all squinty and he mumbled something about Hermione and a hole in his seat.
((Ron))
I am never speaking to that sniveling excuse for a wizard AGAIN. Starting tomorrow.
I have double potions with the Slytherins, I can't sit down, I burned a hole in a rather uncomfortable place in my favorite pajamas, I mortified myself in front of Hermione, AND THAT IDIOT CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!
"Hey Ron? You know what you were saying... about Filch? I've been thinking... maybe you're right."
Scarhead is speaking. Now normally I would refuse to respond. But, c'mon, this involves FILCH. And if I must suffer through another unsanitary foot massaging session, I think I'll become one of those odd people who can't stand feet. I met a wizard like that once, when I was with dad at the Ministry. He kept flinching whenever feet came near him, muttering about 'nasty vile toes, yellow toenails, going to touch me!' once a tall man with a maroon tie got on the elevator and, unaware of the Foot Problem, stepped near him. He started shrieking, 'warty foot warty foot!' over and over. Then he pulled the emergency handle. At the time I thought it was a bit amusing but mostly bizarre.
Now I know it was Filch's old manicurist.
"Of course I'm right Harry. Am I ever wrong?" I thought it was a witty comment. But for some reason Harry just opened his mouth and closed it- I think it had something to do with Hermione stepping on his foot.
"So what're we going to do?" he finally uttered. Hmmmm. I've got to consider this. I looked around the room for inspiration. But all I saw were tens of cauldrons brewing a vile smelling Mucus Membrane potion. I grinned at the potions. Then I grinned at Harry. He slowly grinned back, eyeing the potion with renewed effort. Then just for the heck of it I grinned at Hermione. She just looked puzzled. I love it when girls play hard to get, poor girl doesn't realize I see right through her charade.
((Harry))
I can't stand Trelawny's class- but thinking of the trap we're laying out for Filch, it's worth it.
The only problem is this: How're we going to smuggle the Mucus Membrane potion out of Snape's office and end up levitating it in the corridor in front of Filch's office from behind the tapestry- without getting caught?
We're going to need a distraction...
Although, perhaps this plan isn't as exciting as I thought... the room is so warm... and perfume-y...
((Ron))
Great, the old bat is telling me my prediction that she will soon be diagnosed with a serious disorder of the mind is incorrect. BUT I LOOKED IN THE BOOK! That's what it says! She took my tarot deck an d is now explaining how Harry is going to die. Funny, he looks kinda dead right now. His heads down, he's not moving, he's...
Sleeping.
((Harry))
That was a BIG mistake. I thought when Ron distracted Filch by bawling and asking for a potion for his burned rear- mumbling some excuse about not wanting to go to the hospital wing- that perhaps we shouldn't try it. But later, Ron reminded me about Quidditch, and Filch's apparent soap- phobia, and how he merely had to ask Snape for a bum cream.
Well, we did pretty well with the plan, that wasn't the problem. The problem was this:
Filch is a squib. Filch could not magically clean himself and would not take a bath (this of course has always been obvious.) Filch was blackmailing two teenage boys. He made them clean it off. The two boys were Ron and I.
Mucus Membrane potion is putrid. It was apparently used for Ancient Witches and Wizards crossing the Sahara to keep them moist. Ron and I thought this was pretty stupid, couldn't they just fly? But Hermione shot us a testy glance and threw her book in our face raging about how brooms didn't come to the part of the world for another 250 years. And now my hands could travel the Sahara 50 times, they've got so much MM potion on them. The only way to get it off is by magic, but neither Ron nor I could grab our wands, our hands were too slimy.
((Ron))
Too bad Hermione's already gone to bed, There's no one around but Neville to get this gunk off our hands.
Hermione was flirting with me today, I'm sure. She put her book in Harry's face for some odd reason (I wasn't listening, I never pay attention to anything in Snape's class) and I'm sure she was doing it so we could get some privacy. But Harry was laughing- something about brooms, of course- and Hermione just blushed terribly and slid farther in her seat. Is she really so desperately in love with me that she can't even speak?
Oh, here comes Neville. Hope he can remove this gunk. But honestly, I'm rather afraid he'll turn my hands into... rats! Or maybe just pincushions. Thank goodness! Ginny is with him.
"Ginny!" Hello? She's ignoring me! What's so interesting about talking to Neville anyway? He so thick and he's always coming in with some new sort of magical ailment... how could anyone stand some one so thick? If I had a friend like that I'd-
((Harry))
Ron can be so thick sometimes. He's standing two feet from Neville and Ginny, who's making Neville promise not to tell Ron about Malfoy. I wonder what he's not supposed to tell about him?
But really, I have no time to ponder that. I need this membrane off- and I need to talk to Ron about Operation Filch Removal- and how it's not working.
"Ginny?!"
"Yes?"
"Would you mine removing thi-"
"My god, what did you guys get your hads into this time- is that Snape's hairgel on your hands?!"
I am allowing myself a moment to shudder.
"No, it's Mucus Membrane potion, see, Filch won't let me go to Quidditch Practices, so I'll get kicked off the team, so Ron and I decided to –err- punish Filch, but it backfired because he made us-"
Omigod. I wasn't supposed to tell them this! If Filch finds out... !!!
"WHAT!? That dirty, rotten, pitiful excuse for a wizard!"
"Actually, he's a squib."
"Thanks Ron. So much to do with the point! Now what were you saying Harry? So FILCH is the reason Gryffindor isn't getting the Quidditch Cup this year? Hah! I'm not going to stand by and let this happen. I'll join you, and I'm sure Hermione will too, once we tell her. Same with the rest of the DA. And you will, of course, Neville?"
((Ron))
AHH! Harry just snitched on filch! He'll get expelled now.
OWWW! THAT IDIOT NEVILLE JUST TRIPPED WHILE STANDING UP AND TRIED TO SAVE HIMSELF BY GRABBING MY SORE BUM! OWWWW!