Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, I don't even have the motivation to work on a manga daily basis, much less on a weekly deadline. Heh ;; ::watches her own manga collect dust and tries to ignore it::
A/N: Hey, sorry I took a while there to update. Three of my nephews are up at my house, and I've been hanging out with them (for some reason, I get along well with guys. ; ::shrugs::) a lot. We've been playing a lot of games, including something we made up called "Manga Tag". I've been pretty good with that one, since I know the most manga titles I never get tagged! Whee! We were even up till 1 AM last night playing flashlight tag..fun at the moment, but when you have to get up at 6 in the morning for summer school, it's not that great...Argh my head...::bashes head with an axe in hopes of relieving her headache:: CAFFEINE!! NEED!!! COFFEE MWAHAHAHAHAH!! ::slurples coffee happily::
Okay, then, away from my babbling. Here's the new chapter. I wrote this author's note before I wrote the chapter, so I'm unsure if this will be the last chapter or not...to end it or not to end it...I probably will, since unless I get something going on, I'll bore you all. Oh well, I guess we'll see what happens eh? Okies I'll get to writing now.
Kurama could no longer see the world around him anymore. His evergreen eyes remained fixated on the still jaganshi, limply held in his blood-covered arms.
Nothing else mattered. He didn't know where he was going, what he was doing, all that crossed his mind was Hiei.
So still...Kurama couldn't stand it. Hiei couldn't die...he couldn't leave everything like that...
Hiei had been the last thing sustaining Kurama's life as well...
Now that he was dead, what was the point of anything anymore...??
Hiei would only be forgotten by the world...relieved of the Makai...of anyone who hated him like Hiei had intended them to...
And Kurama would have to live without him...
The very idea didn't seem possible. Sure, he had lived for two years without him. Two, torturous years of almost always punishing himself for the past...wanting Hiei, needing Hiei...giving himself to dreams of Hiei...It was only then he could really hold him, love him, own him... it was keeping him alive, sustaining him.
It could never be the same now.
He would live day to day secluded in his memories, in his mourning over his lost love...he would give himself to the same dreams of being with Hiei...holding him, kissing him, making love to him...being his finally...He would wake up with the slightest contentment, only for it to dawn over him like every other morning...
Hiei was dead. He would never return.
The single thread keeping him standing had seemed to snap in that one moment, when Akujin had thrown Hiei to the Shinbi...
When he had smiled so freely, so happily to Kurama...
....
The youko found himself standing at the entrance to a familiar apartment building.
Each stair-step was more pain rattling through him, another ragged breath from his lips. It went unnoticed...Kurama had lost all sense of feeling. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off of the still man in his arms...like he was taking as much of him into his memory, into his soul. Enough to remake the two years without him. Enough to last the rest of his life.
He would never forget this...
It would be burnt forever in his memory, this image...this image of Hiei motionless...
Each cut with faded red blood staining his pale face...the faint glimmer of water against his skin...crimson eyes shut loosely...the almost unreal, placid expression that rested on his face...
It would only be mixed in with the rest of his horrible memories. He would always see that day, two years ago; He would watch Hiei, beautiful in the rare sunlight of the forest clearing outside the Dark Tournament stadium, he'd see that same flash of shock and anger flashing through his eyes before he bolted away from Kurama, from everything he had said...Kurama would see himself running, to catch up with the jaganshi, only to see his retreating back fade into the blinding sunlight...Then would come Hiei pushing him away in Yusuke's guestroom, that look of pure hatred clear in his features.. he would see him trying to push Kurama away in the warehouse as he attempted to escape into the Makai.
And then he would see Hiei dead. Hiei lifeless. Hiei not moving. Bloody. Torn. Bruised. Cut.
To be thrown away, buried like a piece of worthless trash.
To be forgotten about.
Kurama felt his eyes sting, but he paid it no mind. There were...no more tears to cry. Because...
Because he would always remember those free days before everything went wrong. He would remember when they were going to steal the Artifacts of Darkness, and had gazed over the Shinbi Lake. He'd see Hiei with his adorable blush, remarking on how breautiful the lake was. He'd see Hiei, happy though he kept it inside, as they fought with Yusuke and Kuwabara to help the Reikai...He'd see Hiei standing before him in that same warehouse, hands rested lightly on Kurama's shoulders, face pink in the slightest, breathless...and the time they had spent in the Makai, their last together...when Hiei had been all his...
And the warmth...the warmth of Hiei's lips, of his touch...his velvety skin...the indescribable feeling that had sunk through him, because he had left Hiei breathless...just the warmth, the feeling of finally being close to the one he loved, and had waited for for two years...
He would never forget that feeling.
A pale hand struggled to free itself from it's grip on Hiei, and knocked weakly on the door. Kurama didn't even seem to know what was going around him, but when the knob rattled softly, and opened to reveal Yusuke standing there, his eyes blank, he looked up, regarding his teammate.
"K-Kurama-kun..." he remarked, bewildered, brown eyes falling down on Hiei. "Hiei! W-what happened..?!"
He couldn't say it. He wouldn't. He didn't want to say the words again, it was too damned painful... He simply pushed past Yusuke, walking slowly and softly over to the couch. There was a choked gasp as both Keiko and Yukina entered the room, Yukina being its owner. She stood there, face the epitome of horror with her pale, tiny hands over her mouth and red eyes widened. "What happened?!" she shrieked, "Hiei!!"
Kurama merely set him down on the couch, mutely, kneeling down beside him and gazing solemnly over him. He didn't want him to be buried and forgotten about..He wouldn't let them throw Hiei away...!
"Move!" Yukina cried, shoving Kurama aside with little regard and placing her hands over her brother, a white light glowing from them. Kurama watched as the bruises began to fade, the wounds vanish. "He's wounded!" she sputtered, flustered. "I'll heal him! He'll be fine!" She seemed almost desperate...
"Yukina...don't...it's..." Kurama tried to reason. He couldn't say it...it hurt too damn much... but... "Yukina, it's no use...Hiei's ...he's dead..."
"He's not dead!" Yukina cried childishly, voice cracking. "My brother can't die! He..can't...!! He has me, I'll heal him after every battle if I must..." Her words became thicker, Kurama watching with forlorn features. Her pale cheeks reddened, crimson eyes squinting. Pale, glowing tears fell down her cheeks, falling to the ground as perfect blue spheres. "He's not...he can't be.." It was clear to the youko...
Yukina knew it better than he could ever...
Hiei was dead.
"H-Hiei...what?!" Yusuke seemed at a loss for words, as though battling what to say, what to think...what to feel... Keiko stood simply in the back where she had entered, frozen, bewildered by it all.
Yukina remained bent over, crying, as more tear-gems fell freely and abundantly. Kurama looked up at Hiei, once again perfect thanks to his sister. Kurama couldn't bear it...he had told himself there were no more tears to cry...
But all Kurama's wounds simply opened again.
Tears drifted down his pale cheeks once more. He buried his face into Hiei's chest, hiding from it all, hiding from everything that had happened, from the events in the Makai...
...from the life he would have to live without him...
Yusuke watched his friend break down, stunned. This was...it was...
His mind couldn't seem to comprehend it all; It only managed a feeble:
'Why...?'
Hiei was...dead...?
His fist clenched, thoughts surging through his head. Kurama had always needed Hiei, Yusuke had always sensed that. Kurama had been one of Yusuke's best friends...he knew him, better than he would admit, better than Kurama knew. He had..hated Hiei. He had wanted to fucking kill him when he had left the Urameshi-gumi...! Kurama had simply come back, after running off so suddenly, evergreen eyes haunted and lips curved in a easily fake smile.
-"N-no, nothing's wrong, Yusuke-kun...I'm fine..."-
Kurama had been one of his closest friends, another male who actually understood him. And seeing him, torn like that, over a simple action by his friend...his love... he wanted Kurama to be happy, he would've made Kurama happy if he could...but he had run off, and secluded himself for two years, leaving Yusuke with a guilty conscience.
Always feeling like he had been the one to betray Kurama, because he couldn't do anything about what was going on....
Everything had been so wrong when Hiei had left...
Funny how the one who was sure he was hated by everyone was the one that tore the team apart by simply leaving...he was needed so much.
And then that day had come, when a rosy-cheeked Yukina had visited only a matter of weeks ago, smiling in a way she hadn't for a while. She had news that lifted Yusuke's spirits beyond imagination...
-"Hiei's coming back!!" she had cried breathlessly, happily.-
Maybe now his friend could finally be happy again...
He had tracked down Kurama just to tell him the news. He had walked in to see Kurama, his face smiling, but the same, haunted look in his eyes...
...it had seemed to vanish completely when Yusuke had uttered those simple words of Hiei's return. He had watched, happily in his own, as Kurama's face lifted entirely, because his everything was returning...
It made Yusuke happy as well. He hated Hiei for running away from Kurama like that...he hated himself for not being able to help Kurama, to make him forget Hiei. He hated him...but he was Kurama's everything, and he was returning. Kurama would finally be happy, after all he had been through.
Maybe, this way...Yusuke could forgive Hiei...
After Keiko had gone off to bed that night (into the girls' room), when they were all at Yusuke's house, Yusuke had begun to go off to his own, before he had heard Hiei and Kurama talking, softly, in the extra guestroom.
Call him weird, but he had stopped, and stood outside the door, listening. He wanted to hear Hiei confess a love he had been afraid to admit before to Kurama. He wanted to hear himself the words that would make his teammate happy...that would make his friend happy.
And then he had heard a loud 'thud' of a body being pushed violently against the wall. Hiei's words had followed....
-"I don't love you, Kurama. I never have, and I never will."-
He had walked off to his bedroom, almost unable to stomach what he had heard.
And he had only hated Hiei more...the damned coward was running away again...
He woke up later, seeing the once again haunted youko leaving. He wanted to comfort him, wanted to kill Hiei. But he couldn't...he couldn't bring himself to.
Was he really that bad at making his friends happy...?
He had simply watched him leave, as though he knew nothing of what happened.
...
The day after the next, he had awoken rather early, and dawn had barely risen over the horizon.
He had found that damned jaganshi ready to leave in the living room. His fists had clenched, his brown eyes had narrowed in unspeakable rage.
"Hiei," he had said. Hiei had turned around, eyes emotionless, contemplating.
"Nani?" His reply was as stoic as his expression.
"Where the hell are you going...?" Hatred had dripped off each syllable. Hiei wouldn't go if he had anything to say about it...!
"Back to the Makai..."
"Why!!" Yusuke had yelled. He didn't give a shit if Atsuko or Yukina, in the guest room, awoke. "It's because of Kurama, right?! Because you're a coward, and can't accept what he feels for you?!"
"I am not meant to be loved...Demons are not meant to love..." he replied solemnly, no emotion still. His voice was monotonous, as though he had repeated it many times and was still trying to convince himself of it. "Kurama is a demon, he should know that."
"Well get the hell over it! He's waited two damn years for you, and if you try to leave him alone again, I'll stop you myself!!"
"Kurama has become a ningen...I hate ningens... I hate him."
Yusuke trembled madly at these words, inches away from beating the life out of him. "Do you...really mean that...?" he murmured.
Hiei had replied without hesitation, "Yes."
A fist had met his face in furious response. Hiei's face had jerked to the side as it hit, blood dripping abundantly from his lip. He had wiped it away, staring at Yusuke in a way he had never known, before turning and walking out.
Yusuke had merely slumped to the floor, staring down at the floor as he left.
And...he had promised not to let him leave. He had simply betrayed Kurama again.
He had gone back to bed, only to lie awake. He knew it...
Kurama would always have that haunted look about him, as long as Hiei existed, as long as he ran away from him.
There was nothing that Yusuke could do about it.
He had called him the next day, hearing Kurama's heart break all over again. He couldn't tell him about what Hiei had said...he could almost see the tears fall down Kurama's cheeks...
And the guilt ate at him...that if he hadn't called, Kurama might still be at least a little happier...
He didn't want to tell him the truth..that Hiei hated him....
He didn't want to break Kurama's heart like Hiei did.
-"Yusuke-kun...Hiei has to pass through the dimensions to get to the Makai...where--?"-
He was chasing after him again, only to be left behind without a word. To be left alone.
And now...
He watched his friend, maybe his best friend, crying into the pitch black shirt that was Hiei's.
He had wanted to kill Hiei for breaking Kurama's heart...
Well, Hiei had done it on his own.
He had run away for good...
And Yusuke hadn't stopped him...
All he seemed to do was betray him over and over again...
A/N: Ah, well...that's enough for one chapter, I guess. MY HEADACHE IS EVEN WORSE NOW WAHH... Kuso, where's my aleve!! ::searches through every medicine cabinet in her house:: Well, now I know: There will be another chapter. The next will be the last. I hope I didn't bore you all with this one. If I did, then the next chapter will make you happy. ::coughs:: Is it just me and my hentai yaoi mind, or is Yusuke acting like he has had a lil bit of a crush on Kurama? I dunno. If I'm implying at it now, I'm bound to imply at it more. But don't worry, this story is purely KxH. It's just that, looking through the older (and more horribly written) version of this story, I realized that Yusuke seemed to have a connection with Kurama and Hiei in it, though I didn't explore it. Like, all these Yusuke POVs? They weren't there. Neither was the 'talk with Hiei' early in the morning and the whole hating him and wanting to kill him bit. I added it all, in hopes of making it all a bit more angsty. Still, I hope you enjoyed. Please review. I'll try to update sooner, now I need some morphene for my head...
Review Corner:
just Kita again - Oh, yay! You're okay again! Hey, your fic sounds interesting. Angst is good. I'm not fond of killing off characters, it makes me sad, but sometimes I guess it just fits a story. ::shrugs:: And I dunno, alot of KxH fics I read are where Hiei dies, and are Kurama's contemplations after his death. Oh well. Thanks for reviewing again!
Bishounenlvr - Revenge is sweet ne? The ending is next chapter. Hopefully you'll like it! I worked hard ;.;
Kay - Um...calm...down? I figured there were a lot of fics were Hiei dies. WE'RE ALL EVIL!!! Please forgive me! I hope the last chapter will make you all happy when I post it...thnx for reviewing!
ruby-dream - Everyone's so mad at me for the Hiei thing...I'm sorry okies ;.; Though I'm happy you finally decided to review, it makes me happy