Author notes:

Heh heh, reviews... you like it! I am surprised. Anyway, if you like angst that is good, as things won't get much better for poor Remus for a while... Thanks again for the lovely feedback.

Remus' POV

It has just occurred to me that I haven't spoken to anyone or even left this room for four days. I would probably stay longer but I am starting to feel hungry.

I know what you are thinking, if I want to die so much why am I worrying about eating? The simple truth is that I do not want to die here. I don't want to die in a place which my Mate has so many bad memories.

I think that, when the time comes, I will go to the Forest at Hogwarts. We had good times there.

That is Hedwig… Harry must have written to me. Excuse me, I'll be back in just a moment.

He wants to know how I am, and why I haven't visited. I am not sure if I should reply.

I won't, I cannot think of anything to say right now. Anything I say will be a lie anyway.

I hate lying to people. I always have. That is why it ate at me that I betrayed Dumbledore. It wasn't just that we were doing something illegal, it was that he trusted me and I lied.

Well, in truth I guess I didn't lie. The subject just didn't come up.

Later

There is a knocking, make that hammering, at the door. Harry has come to see me. I guess he is worried, he probably thinks I am dead or injuring myself in some way.

I make my way to the door and open it slowly. I am grateful that someone had the bright idea that if we couldn't get Mrs Black off of the wall we could at least burn it down. In the same way she burned her son's name from the family tree we burned her from the wall. I am sorry, but I felt that was a deserved fate.

Yes, it is Harry. He looks awful, though I guess I do not look any better. I stand in the doorway blinking owlishly as the sun hits my eyes. Hermione and Ron are with him, they look worried and rather like they feel they are intruding.

Bother, I have forgotten to smile. I wonder if it is too late. I try a smile,

"Harry," I great him, "Hermione, Ron, what are the three of you doing here?"

Harry is looking at me strangely,

"Why did you take so long opening the door?" he asks quietly.

"I was sleeping." That is the truth; I was sleeping.

"It's mid-day," Ron looks confused.

I shrug lightly, trying not to show my surprise,

"I am a night owl."

Ron nods slowly, but doesn't look like he believes me.

"Remus," Harry begins, "do you want to talk?"

"About what?" I play dumb.

"Sirius," he replies bluntly.

I wince at the name,

"I'm not sure I do," I tell him. I let the smile drop. I don't have enough energy to protect him anymore.

"I think you should," he presses on.

"And I think I shouldn't," I tell him. "Harry, I'm tired. I'm going back to bed."

"No, you're not," he tells me.

I blink, and start to close the door on them. His hand shoots out to stop the motion. I growl suddenly and release the door.

"Fine, come in," I snap, "see if I care."

"Remus, let us help you…" Hermione pleads as the three of them enter behind me.

I ignore her and stalk into the lounge. I collapse back onto a sofa and stare at my hands on my knees.

"You're so pale…" Harry sits opposite me. I don't know where the others have gone.

I look up into his eyes,

"What is your point, Harry?" I ask him directly.

"I don't think Sirius would want you to do this to yourself."

"That is none of your business," I tell him.

"I think it is," he denies.

I sigh,

"Whatever. Harry, say what you want to say then leave, please? I'm not up to this anymore."

"We can help you, if you let us…"

"YOU CANNOT HELP ME!" I scream suddenly, jumping to my feet. "You cannot bring Sirius back…"

I sink to my knees before him, my hands palm down on the floor. A ragged sob escapes me and I feel Harry wrapping his arms around me.

I don't cry. I have no tears left, all of them fell while I was alone and a long time ago. I haven't cried for years now.

My dry sobs, however, vibrate around the room. Harry is rocking me gently, not saying a word. I cling to him, suddenly needing warmth. I have been cold for so long.

I pull away and back off. Harry looks confused now.

"Remus?"

"I can't do this anymore, Harry," I tell him. "I cannot continue without my pack."

"You mean your Mate," Harry tells me.

I nod slowly,

"Yes, my Mate. If you understand that, Harry, you must understand that I cannot stay."

Harry glares at me,

"Don't be the fourth parent to leave me!" he snaps, then looks scared, "Please, Remus?"

I wince. His parent. God, he thinks of me as a parent…

"Harry, I'm sorry, but…" I pause. "The pain… Harry, you don't understand."

"So talk to me!" he begs.

"I can't," I look into his eyes again. "Harry, I'm sorry but I disagree. Sirius wouldn't want me to be in this much pain. We agreed… so long ago, we agreed…"

I stop and close my eyes. We were so young when we made that promise. A promise made when Sirius found out how hard it would be for me if I out lived him. We promised that we would not put ourselves though unnecessary pain. We would follow the other into death as soon as every thing was put into order.

"We can help you," he tries again. "Give me a chance to make it right, please?"

Something in the way he said that makes me pause.

"Two months, Remus," he tells me soothingly. "Come with me to the Burrow for two months. If I can't make it right by then you can do whatever you like. Two months, please?"

I sigh, two months more. I am not sure I will last that long. Every morning it is harder to get up. Every day seems longer, and the smallest thing seems like a chore.

I nod slowly,

"For you, Harry. But only two months, please…"

He nods in understanding,

"Two months is more than I need."

Later

It turns out that the others were in the kitchen, having a drink. I am not sure what they had, as far as I know there is nothing down there. I certainly don't remember shopping for months. The last time I ate was surely the last time I saw Harry at the Burrow.

We are at the Burrow now. Was the sun always this bright?

I am so tired. I always feel tired these days.

Molly is smiling at me. I can see the pity in her eyes. I don't smile back, I don't think I have any reason to.

They are showing me to Percy's old room. He has moved out now. Ron would have done, but he is using what money he has to pay his way though further education.

I drop onto the bed exhausted. I hear a few whispers, wondering if I'll be ok. Harry is sending everyone away. Now he is helping to tuck me in.

It is only a very small comfort.

"Remus?" he murmurs.

"Hmm?" I am close to sleep now.

"Thank you for letting me try…"

I fall asleep.