Remus POV
Ok, so now I am at the Burrow. I suppose this is better than Grimmauld… I don't have my photos though. What will I do all day without my pictures?
Sleep. That is the obvious answer. Maybe I will go to sleep and just never wake. Yes, a very good idea indeed.
I turn over in my bed to face away from the door and close my eyes.
Later
There is movement in the room. My wolf senses have dulled over the years, but I can still sense that it is Molly. I ignore her. Maybe she will go away.
A hand is shaking me gently. I growl softly.
Have they not heard that you should let a sleeping dog lie?
Ok, I am a wolf, but it is close enough.
I open my eyes slowly,
"Yes?"
"Do you want something to eat?"
"No I do not!" I snap.
"You have to eat something, Sweetie," she coos suddenly.
I spin to face her,
"We want to die," I hiss. My eyes turning more yellow as I let Moony have a bit of slack. "We have no reason left to live, so please just leave us be!"
She looks shocked, I suppose Harry just told her I was ill or something.
"Don't be foolish," she scolds briskly, "come down and have some lunch with us. It will make you feel better."
"No it will not," I grit my teeth. "My Mate is dead. There is nothing you can do to help me. I am here because Harry wants me here, that does not mean I have agreed to let myself be coddled. I just want to be left alone."
She looks scared now. I guess letting Moony fight my battles for me isn't such a good idea. I don't have the strength to reign him in. He won't hurt her, anyway. He only wants to protect us.
She nods and backs out of the room.
I sigh loudly and drop back onto the bed. I'm not so tired anymore, so I open the curtains and look out over the garden and the fields beyond. I open the window to let in the breeze and close my eyes as it tussles my hair.
Sirius would like it here, I decide. All that space for us to run in at the full moon… Yes, he would have loved it here.
The door opens slowly and I sense Harry coming in behind me.
"Yes?" I sound almost friendly.
"Molly is upset," he sounds like he wants to send me on a guilt trip.
Moony is still the one talking for us so I just snort.
"Yes, well, she should have left us alone," I tell him.
"Us?" he noticed that I see.
"Remus and Moony," I tell him. "Moony is more dominant when I haven't the strength to reign him in. The line between us is becoming fuzzy, he has more strength now."
"Oh," there isn't much else you can say to that.
I nod slowly, still looking out the window.
"I brought you some tea," he adds as he stands at my side.
I am suddenly amused,
"I have just told you that my werewolf side is dominant and you just bring me tea?"
He grins and hands me the mug.
"Thank you," I murmur as I wrap my hands around the warmth.
"You're welcome," he smiles then looks out of the window. "What were you thinking about when I came in?"
"I was thinking how Sirius would have loved it here," I told him. "So much freedom here. Nothing like Grimmauld."
Harry nods slowly,
"Are you going to ask how I know that Sirius was your Mate?"
I close my eyes. Harry doesn't know it, but James once asked me the very same question. But then, of course, Sirius was alive and James spoke in present tense. Hell, James was alive too.
For a few minutes I am locked in memories. I had been so afraid to tell them I was a werewolf, then to say I was gay and, finally, that I was in love with Sirius. Every single time they accepted me…
"I noticed something was wrong," Harry tells me, "but it was Hermione who knew why…"
I nod slowly,
"I had guessed as much."
"Do you want to talk?" he asks again.
I shake my head,
"I would like to have my photo album…" I add after a pause.
Harry hisses suddenly,
"I'm sorry, we bought it with us, Ron went to see if there was anything of yours you might want. I forgot to bring it up. I'll be right back."
He leaves me as he exits for my photos. I breathe in the tea vapour and sigh quietly.
Photos. I can't believe that all I have left of my Mate is an album of old photos. My memories, I have them too I suppose. It is getting harder to remember. I am truly getting old.
I snort quietly; I have memory problems at the age of forty. I never thought this would happen to me, though I suppose nobody ever does.
Harry enters again and brings me the album. He is looking at the front page, a group photo of James, Lily, Sirius and me. Peter took the photo. We are all grinning. We look so happy. Every so often photo-Sirius kisses photo-me on the neck, he has his arms round my waist.
I smile weakly at the memory.
I sip at my tea as Harry looks through the photos. I know I should stop him, some of the photos at the back he probably won't want to see. I don't though.
Harry reaches the first of those photos and almost drops the album. He looks up at me, rather shocked. I shrug lightly.
The photos are of Sirius and me in rather, err, compromising positions.
"Who took them?" that was the last thing I expected him to ask.
"James," I tell him honestly.
"My father took photos of you having sex?"
"No, just touching, and kissing of course," I tell him.
"Odd," is his last comment as he hands me the album.
I nod and take the album from him. He looks worried when I meet his eyes. I don't offer a smile.
"We have an idea of how to help you," he tells me, "we just need a few more details. Then we will need time to act on it."
I shrug,
"Don't worry about it, I doubt I will last that long."
"Ron found one thing that we could do now, if you wanted… but me and Hermione thought you would rather die…" he paused and looked down.
I look at him, then walk back to sit on my bed. I feel tired again.
"It was a potion," Harry tells me, "to sever the connection a werewolf has with their Mate…"
My head whips up in fear.
"…without the connection to Sirius you would get better again."
"Don't you dare…" I growl.
He holds up his hands,
"We won't, I promise. I was just telling you, so that you know we are trying."
I continue to glare at him, my muscles twitching as Moony growls inside me.
He leaves me without another word.
I put the album down on the floor and curl back up in bed. My tea is on the windowsill. I haven't the energy to get it.
Later
It is morning. I must have slept for twenty hours, assuming it was yesterday that I spoke to Harry.
The tea has gone from the windowsill, so someone must have collected it.
I sit up to find a note on my pillow. It is from Harry.
He says they are all out for the day, mainly at work but him, Ron and Hermione are shopping for some supplies to help me. He apologises for upsetting me yesterday and says Molly has left me a sandwich in the bread-bin.
I crumple up the note and toss it across the room. It bounces against the wall and drops to the floor. I watch it for a few minutes the get up, retrieve the note and put it in the bin. I feel strangely better after that and decide to venture downstairs.
I step outside and squint a little against the brightness. I vaguely notice that I am only wearing my pyjama bottoms. It doesn't really bother me, I am sure all the clothes in the world would not help me to warm up.
I walk across the garden and up to the hedge at the end. I squeeze through a gap in the hedge and into the fields beyond.
"You would have loved it here, Sirius," I tell my lover.
I imagine him agreeing with me and adding that we would have races.
"Prongs always wins our races," I tell him.
He nods, but adds that deer are only fast over short distances. He thinks we would beat Prongs on a long distance race, especially on the flat.
"We never tried long distance…" I sigh.
He shrugs and tells me we never thought that time was against us.
I agree silently and keep walking.
I head towards some trees. I am feeling sleepy again. I reach them after what feels like hours and drop down against one.
I am asleep as soon as my eyes close.