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Anime Battle Royal I
Chapter 8
Wednesday, February 20, 2002
Vegeta, Trunks, Kirby, Serge and all related characters are
owned by Naoko Takeuchi, Akira Toriyama, FUNimation, Nintendo, Playstation and others.
Sun, Snorb, and Matt are all owned by us.
All other characters either featured or mentioned are the property of their respective owners.
The Anime Battle Royal (c) 2001 - THE END OF TIME
WARNING
This fic has been rated PG-13 for language and some sexual comments that kids wouldn't understand anyway. Minors shouldn't view this fic... but hey, if you really wanna... by all means. . ENJOY!
WARNING
()'s are stage directions. []'s are thought's, author's notes, and fight headers. is an onomatopoeia.
-Chris, Chris, and Matt
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Last time, on Anime Battle Royal!-
(that multicolored test pattern pops up)
Matt: Oops. Wrong show.
(REALLY stupid banjo music starts playing)
(text card- The fear of blood tends to create fear of the flesh.)
(photo of Alessa Gillespie appears)
Sun: Wrong show again!
(footage of last episode, with the Evil Judges of DQQM)
Serge: (satisfied nod)
(the Anotherworld, where old program codes go to be recycled...)
Snorb: So... um...
Serge: ...
Goku: Hey, shouldn't we be beating the crap out of these felonious dudes!
Tox: Oh, please, can I just use me (concentrates) ...powers?
Sun 2: Ook.
Matt: It appears that Tox's powers don't work in the Anotherworld!
(a large pink ball of goo with a smile embedded on its face appears in front of Matt)
Matt: (In serious voice) Bookeworm Splat. Has it been that long. I thought that day in sixth grade when I lost your comic strip, while I was eating my Macaroni and cheese ketchup sandwich, that you would never return. But it seems I was wrong. You bastard... How ya ben!? (slaps the goo on what appears to be a back)
Bookeworm Splat: (tries to smother Matt)
Matt: Hey hey! I'm not THAT happy to see ya!
Bookeworm Splat: (smiles slowly turns upside-down)
(screen shatters like glass, insert FFX battle music... HERE)
[Exhibition Match- Sub Judges vs. Dub Judges: Sailor Moon Lite!]
Snorb 2: Ah, crapola. (snaps fingers, trys to run away but slips on a potato chip and falls to the ground)
Snorb: (evil grin appears on his face as he stands over Snorb 2)
Snorb 2: Oh... shite.
Snorb: (Grabs Snorb 2 by the neck, lifts his up and throws him against the side of the wall. The wall then falls and Snorb 2 is poped worse than the human pimple in Akira)
Sun: Hmmmm... (looks at what Snorb has done)
Sun 2: Ooo oook?
Sun: (Slowly outstretches arm toward the monkey)
Sun 2: O.o? EEUUUUUUUUUU AAAAAAAA AAAA aaaaa AAAAAA EEEAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! (Grabs and hold's on to Sun's arm)
Sun: Ahhhhhh!!! (runs and waves arms abruptly) GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!
Makoto 2: ProtossAdvisor We are under attack! /ProtossAdvisor
Snorb: (head jerks up) Matt!
Matt: (from inside Bookeworm Splat) Ya?
Snorb: I just remembered! We never made it official that the Jig man won the other fight!
Matt: Your right!
Bookeworm Splat: O.O (grows wide-eyed and explodes)
Matt: (Steps out of the muck)
Tox: Huh?
Snorb: Wah?
Sun: YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! (runs around in circle trying to shake off the equally challenging opponent)
Matt: Dark wind. One of my famous attacks. You see Goku! I told you it was a good idea to stop at Taco Bell on the way here!
Goku: Now I underst... wait. What?
Matt: Confused Goku?
Goku: Very...
Matt: As it should be.
Snorb: Anywaaaaaaaaaay... We gotta get back there to the arena ASAP!
Serge: (nods and takes out cooler with "Nuclear Hazard! Danger!" stickers on it, opens it up)
Goku: (rips photo up) Hey, Serge, what's in that cooler?
Serge: (holds up cooler)
Goku: Hmm... AntiMat Explosive, a hell of a lot a' ice cubes and... hey, sweet! Beer! (takes a beer and guzzles it) Thank God for cold fusion!
Tox: (Looks at the drink in Goku's hand and does a double take) Goku! Weren't you just drinking a beer!?
Goku: (looks at hand) O.o Wholey shit! A COKE!
FUNimation censor 2: (Sneeks around bushes)
Goku: YOU SON OF A- (Goku appears to be talking but nothing can be heard coming out of his mouth)
Matt: I've gone deaf! Ahhhhhh!!! (runs around in circle until he finally crashes into a tree and falls to the ground)
Everyone: (blinks for a few seconds)
Snorb: The censor is editing Goku's mannerisms! (rubs chin) But how come the Bastard doesn't effect us?
Tox: Hahaha! Hey censor! You don't own us! Nah nah nah-poo poo! (pulls downs left eyelid with middle finger and sticks out her tounge)
Censor: (Eye twitches for a few seconds then he runs in a rage at Tox)
Tox: (Smiles and pokes the Fox's lower backside with a needle)
Fox: O.O (flys onto the censor's head and begins gnawing away at his face. Faint screams can be heard from the backround)
Makoto: Hmmm... (takes out a needle and looks at Makoto 2)
Tox: Don't even think it bitch! There's room in this fic for ONE truly hot babe, and that's me!
Snorb: (smiles) Hey, there's always room for-
Tox: (while choking both Makotos, she looks up at Snorb and growls)
Snorb: O.O (quickly) Nevermind.
Sun: Ahhhhhh!! (continues to run around in a circle until he himself crashes into a tree)
Sun 2: (gets up and wipes a sweat drop from his face)
Matt: Hey, all this was that FUCKING MONKEY'S FAULT! Let's rip him a new one!
Sun 2: Oh fu- (everyone rips him into bite-size pieces. YUMMAH)
Serge: (glances around nervously seeing Evil Squall, Evil Tidus, Good Yu Yevon, and Evil Reina headed their way) (swallows nervously)
Reinforcements: ...?
(sounds of combat continue)
Serge: We're all gonna DIE! I'LL BLOW IT!
Dark Serge: Yo.
Serge: AAAaaaaaaggghhhh! (slaps button on AntiMat Explosive)
(held cell of the anotherworld.)
Sound: beep Beep BEep BEEp BEEP BEEP! KA-BOOOOOOM!!!! (the entire Anotherworld is destroyed, and the Homeworld judges are launched through some sort of plothole)
(Homeworld.)
Matt: Ouch.
Serge: =(
Tox: DAM!
Snorb: Ow.
Matt: Gah.
Serge:
Goku: That did not hurt in the least bit. Now somebody please disinfect this large gaping hole in my chest... oh, cool! Free food! (scarfs it all down, chest heals)
Tox: Gasp! What happend to Sun!?
Matt: Hey, ya, and Heero?
(Road piece.)
Sun: (looks at sign)
Sign: "Road Piece"
Sun: It figures. Son of a bitch.
Crono: (shrugs)
Guard: There they are! Waste them!
Guard 2: Yes, Major Biggs!
(sounds of automatic gunfire heard, followed by two THUNKS.)
Sun: ...ow.
Crono: -
Guard: Dumbasses.
Sun: I wanna go home.
Guard 2: (picks Sun up by throat, holds him over ground) That better stop! What's going on?!
Sun: Punt. (kicks guard in crotch)
Guard 2: Aaagh! (collapses) JHKGGy&#TG&%!!!!! (starts firing at Sun, blows away other guard)
Crono: (skewers Guard 2)
Sun: Hey, I knew you'd come in handy!
Crono: :D
(A flaming ball of fire falling from the sky can be seen crashing near the beach)
Sun: That can't be what I think it is. Can it?
Crono: (Shrugs)
(they both run toward the beach where the crash was)
Sun: Wait was this beach here a minute ago?
Crono: (Shrugs)
Sun: SHUT UP!! (slaps Crono)
(a slightly crusty Heero Uie apears infront of them)
Sun: Wholey shit! What the fuck is that thing!?
Crono: (starts to shrug but is flung across the beach by Sun)
Heero: (in a drunken voice) It's a little differnt without the gundum. (falls over)
(later that night)
Snorb: ...ouch. That was actually GOOD pain.
Ami: Now, Chris, you'll get even better than that if you stick to our agreement!
Snorb: Hmm... tough one, Ami... honest contest (holds out left hand), friction burn groin ward visit (hold out right hand) ... (raises and lowers hands like a balance for a few seconds) WHOOP! (lowers right hand, grab's one of Ami's breasts)
(the next morn.)
Matt: I wonder where Snorb is.
Tox: Well, he'd better show up soon- four judges. Bad. Five or three judges. Good.
Serge: (points to horizon)
Snorb: Hey. Sorry I'm late.
Tox: Sleep well?
Snorb: OHH YEAH
Matt: Well, we've got another bloodsport to enjoy.
Goku: Yeah! Let's see some violence!
Serge: VIOLINS
...
Matt: Tox got rid of the violin, remember?
Serge: TT
Lynx: Hey. Have this fiddle, kid.
Serge: !!!
Lynx: See you after the fight. (mumbles "Stupid kid..." under his breath)
[Fight Twelve- Jigglypuff vs. Sailor Mercury: Drunken Sephiroths Galore!]
Ami: Jigglypuff.
Jigglypuff: Puff. [Ami.]
Ami: (takes out Ice Harp, plays it)
Jigglypuff: JigaLEEpuff...jigalEEeepuff... (both songs explode in midair)
Matt: Eek!
Jigglypuff: ...PUFFFFFF! Puff puff PU jiIIIGGG! [Enh.] (Pounds Ami)
Ami: Ouch! (kicks Jigglypuff)
(this goes on for -pages-. Ami now has Jigglypuff in the Dreaded Thighmaster Grip.)
Jigglypuff: Puff... Jighlypuff jiiig... [You're hurting me. Put me down, please.]
Ami: (squeezes harder. Get your mind out of the gutter!)
Jigglypuff: PUUUUUUUFF PUF JIG! [any gutter is better than this place!] (gets shot off like a rubber band)
Ami: He's leaving the ring! I'm going to win!
Camando: Ready men!?
Fireing Squad: SIR, YES, SIR!
Jigglypuff: (slams into a wall and bounces off quick enough to evade the squad)
Squad: SIR, THAT SUCKED ASS, SIR!
Camando: ONLY SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO!!!!
Squad: SIR, YES, SIR! (trys to mumble but can't) SIR, WHAT A JACKASS HUH?, SIR!
Camando: (grabs all of the weapons and points them at the squad)
Squad: SIR, O.O, SIR!
Camando: Now get your asses outta here!
Squad: Allright...
Camando: You bastards!!!!!
Squad: SIR,- (before they can finish the camando kills, burries and salutes them in an instant)
Snorb: So much for ring-outs...
Matt: Shite.
Ami: (eyes widen in horror) Uh-oh... (Jigglypuff slams into Ami, knocking both of them unconsious)
Matt: OHH MY GOD!
Goku: Double KO?! What the fuck?!
Tox: Ah! The crowd's starting a soccer riot!
Snorb: Serge! Do something!
Serge: (nods) Taxi!
Snorb: Hey... I could win this for Ami...
Matt: Snorb, grab the machetes!
Snorb: TIME FOR SOME VICTORY, SALT LAKE CITY STYLE! (runs into arena, starts kicking and slaping Ami, trying to get her awake)
Tox: Hey! Can he do that?
Serge: (bolts out of booth with Spectra Swallow)
Snorb: (drag drag) Whoo... you be heavy, Ami... sexy, too.
Serge: GRRRRRRR (waves Spectra Swallow)
Snorb: Ah. Serge. Help me with Ami here. Just a few more seconds, and she wins the match!
Serge: (kicks Ami in the head, picks up Jigglypuff)
Snorb: Oh. Wanna RACE, Ghost Boy?!
Serge: DIIEEEE! (wakes Jigglypuff at the same time Ami wakes up)
Goku: It's a tie!
The hare would be SO PROUD
Tox: Um... hey, I have my powers back!
Matt: Do something!
Tox: Okay. filfre serge's pants
Serge: (fireworks shoot out of his pants) AAAARRRRGGRGRGRGHHHHGHHH!!! (runs around frantically)
Tox has exploded Serge's crotch
(Cruisin'... Yeah yeah yeah!)
Sun: (watches "Anime Battle Royal" on a portable TV) Sweet.
Heero: (starts laughing)
Sun: filfre Heero's pants
Heero: (fireworks shoot out of his pants) (runs around frantically while screaming)
Crono: (Starts laughing)
Sun has exploded Heero's crotch
(arena)
Snorb: That's it. I'm gonna make Ami completely impervious to an unnatural death! And, since she's an immortal because she's a Senshi, she'll win this contest!
Tox: What the hell are you talking about?
Snorb: ozmoo ami
Ami: (gets up) Hmm. I wonder what happened to me.
Goku: (starts eating steaks) Miff Mifuno! Come join me fer sohm chi'in f'ied heak! (swallows steak)
Ami: Well... it's not healthy... but, Chris ozmooed me. I'll be fine!
Jigglypuff: ... Puff? [Can I join you?]
Ami: Sure. (takes one bite of steak, clutches chest, turns pale, and THUDs to the ground dead)
Snorb: What the...?!! I thought the Ozmoo spell made you invincible!
Matt: To unnatural death.
Serge: BUT A HEART ATTACK IS NATURAL! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. (In serious voice) Sorry for your loss.
Next time, Ami, lay off the fatty foods...
Snorb: (takes out X-Potion and Pheonix Pinion) Well...
Matt: Chris!
Snorb: What?
Matt: Think of the fans!
...
Snorb: Who gives a fuck!?
...
Matt: Then... THINK OF THE CHEESE!
...
Snorb: What the fuck are you talk- (serge kicks Snorb in the croch)
(snorb falls to the floor in pain)
Serge: Jigyfoo' is da winna!!
Crowd: ...
(2 police guys enter the Arena Carying Sun, Crono and Heero)
Officer 1: Hey. Does anyone know these kooks? They say you can vouge for 'um.
Crono, Sun and Heero: (smile inocently)
Matt: Never seen 'um before in my life.
Sun: Fuck you Buu-lick!
Matt: (growls and then runs at Sun)
Officer 2: Hey What the fuck are you doing!?
Matt: (stops punching Sun) Who me?
Officer 2: Ya you! You are commin' wit us!
Matt: What!? (being draged away) Why!?
Officer 1: Hey since these guys can't afford a lawyer, we are simply going by the rules.
Matt: Oh I get it, since I'm the best Lawyer EVER, you just picked me naturally.
Officer 2: Looks at Officer 1
Officer 1: Ya... ummmm... somthing like that.
Tox: Awwww man. Hey comes anonther field trip.
Lynx: Wait! Before you go... I have something I want to tell you...
Goku: Hush. This is the good part.
Lynx: (camera focuses on Lynx, now dramatically lit) SERGE INSULA... WOOSH WOOSH I AM YOUR FATHER.
Serge: Nooooooooooo! (collapses just like in the Chrono Cross opening)
Matt: Wait. He's probably right.
Serge: (thwacks Lynx with Chrono Cross, causing the right half to turn into Wazuki!)
Wazuki Half: Serge!
Serge: Dad.
Lynx Half: He's my kid, too, Insula!
Serge: Dad #2.
Lynx Half: I'm obeying orders, here, Wazuki! So naff off!
Wazuki Half: I'm you, too, Lynx! Always obey orders, the Porre Army told us, eh?
Lynx Half: Yes...
Wazuki Half: Well, this one's been harping around in my head for TEN YEARS! (Wazuki Half uppercuts Lynx Half in the jaw, bringing them down)
Lynx Half: (evens the score with an elbow to Wazuki Half's ribs)
(the remaining judges watch Wazuki/Lynx beat the crap out of himself)
Matt: That's your dad, Serge?
Serge: (sweatdrops) I don't even know anymore.
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WINNERS ELIMINATION
Vegeta
Cloud / Vegeta
Kirby Vegeta
Sailor Mars / Kirby /
Trunks TRUNKS
Jigglypuff / Trunks /
Clefairy Trunks /
Sailor Mercury / Sailor Mercury /
LOSERS ELIMINATION
Link
Cloud
Cloud / Dummy
Rei / Jigglypuff
Jigglypuff / Jigglypuff
Clefairy / Jigglypuff
Ami /
Kirby /
Vegeta /
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