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Anime Battle Royal I
Chapter 10
Sunday, June 2, 2002
Vegeta, Trunks, Kirby, Serge and all related characters are
owned by Naoko Takeuchi, Akira Toriyama, FUNimation, Nintendo, Playstation and
others.
Sun, Snorb, and Matt are all owned by us.
All other characters either featured or mentioned are the property of their
respective owners.
The Anime Battle Royal (c) 2001 - THE END OF TIME
WARNING
This fic has been rated PG-13 for language and some sexual comments that kids
wouldn't understand anyway. Minors shouldn't view this fic... but hey, if you
really wanna... by all means. . ENJOY!
WARNING
()'s are stage directions. []'s are thought's, author's notes, and fight
headers. is an onomatopoeia.
-Chris, Chris, and Matt
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Marge: You've waited for it...
Sun: (Lands plane next to Marge) YES!!! FINALLY I AM BACK!!
Marge: (hesitates) Ummm... (sweatdrops) Like an inescapable war...
Audience: (snore)
Marge: ...or a... ugh... hard-on during a Sailor Mercury hentai...
Snorb: (boi-oi-oinggg)
Marge: ...it returns. Again.
Serge: ?
Marge: Man, I was going for something slightly spooky there. Sorry, guys.
Tox: -Why- did we hire her, again?!
Sun: I don't know. But! I -do- know that we've still got an ABR to finish!
(jumps into a blood soaked judges seat) Ah. It's good to be home (pats chair)
Snorb: This IS the Profound Darkness!
.....
Matt: Snorb. Hand over Phantasy Star IV.
Snorb: Sure. (hands it over)
Matt: ME HATE ME SMASH (smashes the poor Genesis cartridge)
Snorb: NOOOOOOOOOOO NOT RIKA NOOOOOOO
Sun: ...Huh?
Tox: You keep forgetting, Sun! Only .01% of the people that read this actually
understands all of the jokes!
Sun: ......-HUH-?!
Tox: ...Never mind, sir.
Goku: Look, I've got a Dark Force to kick the crap out of, so...
Matt: Goku. Hand over Phantasy Star III.
Goku: But, I... you... oh, FINE. (hands it over) NOOOOO NOT LEENA NOOO
Matt: I didn't even crush it yet.
Serge: (rolls eyes)
Matt: Thank you, Serge.
Serge: (poses) [FlyingArrow] (fires a blast of light at the PS3 cart)
Goku: Hmm. I'll have to rip that one off someday.
Serge: =(
Goku: I mean... ah... (bigsweat) NOOOOO NOT LEENA NOOO
Snorb: Stupid Saiyan.
Goku: O.O :[-]
Snorb: (backing down slowly) Ummm... I mean... Very intelligent humanoid
thingie. Ummm ya that's right.
Goku: Hey that reminds me. I don't know what race you are Tox.
Snorb: She's human! Just look!
Matt: Not necessarily Snorb. Many aliens in animes look human. Take our Saiyan
primates for example. (points to goku)
Goku: (Picks a bug from head and starts eating it.)
Tox: Ya, I don't know why it should matter but I'm Julugen.
Snorb: (thinking) Julugen... I have heard of them. They are supposed to have
very special powers. I wonder what they are.
Tox: (looks at Snorb) Mind reading.
Snorb: O.O
Matt: Hey guys! I just remembered! Check out what I found yesterday! (pulls out
a silver colored box with switches and a meter)
Snorb: Where did you get that!?
Matt: Some Sailor Moon strip club or something.
(Star Ship Revenge)
Lackey: SIR!
Large Floating Head: Yeh, yeh, I know.
(arena)
Matt: Anyway, I think It's a refrigerator, but I can't seem to get it open!
Goku: (ears point upward like a dog, grabs the box and is about to smash it on
the floor)
Snorb: Goku! That is extremely fragile!
Tox: (rolls eyes) Ya right.
(the box's meter moves a notch)
Snorb: It's a Sarcasm meter! (swipes it out of Goku's hand) Can you guess what
it does from it's name?
Tox: Nooooooo.
Sarcasm Meter (SM): Moves a little more
Snorb: Tox, aren't you exited?
Tox: (rolls finger around head) Whoopee.
SM: (explodes)
Snorb: Damnit Tox, why did you have to go and do that?
Goku: You know guys. It may just be me, but I think the Anime Battle Royal has
gotten extremely stupid the last couple of matches. I mean most of the time,
stuff happens not even related to the topic at hand. Some person would just be
talking about something irrelevant and then all of a sudden just die for no
apparent reason.
...
Goku: (ducks out of way of giant weight)
[La Finale Semi-Grande.]
Marge: In THIS corner... weighing in at... (consults Pokedex) sixteen pounds...
with a love of songs, and a hatred for Clefairies, Saiyans, and artists, wearing
the pink skin... HEEEEERE'S JIGGLYPUFF!
Jigglypuff: Jig. [Worship me, damn it!]
Audience: (one person coughs, followed by an awkward silence)
Marge: And... in THIS corner...
Audience: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYYAAYAY
Marge: Weighing in at a massive 195 pounds without his katana, he's been called
the Purple Haired Freak, the Psychopathic Deranged Crackhead Freak, the Terror
of Tokyo, the Nihon Nutcase, the homose- heAAGHH!
(Crime Lab.)
Criminologist (An Expert): At this moment, Marge Insula was immediately made
less volumous due to a katana hurled through her jugular vein. She managed to
get off one last Hellsoul Element before she finally passed away. For some
reason, Serge didn't care- maybe he was playing baseball with his half-human
half-cat father Wazuki/Lynx? Or maybe he... he... (looks at bomb) Hey, what the
hell are YOU doing here?
Ziggy H. Bomb: Zeeky boogy doog! (nuclear explosion)
(The arena!)
Matt: Not again.
Sun: Okay. I don't care WHO the announcer is. Somebody be the announcer!
Mike: I don't know why I do this... okay, where did Marge leave off? Ah. (reads
from card) he strikes FEAR in all he surveys! Ladies and gentlemen, heeere's
your new hero, Trunks D. Saiyan!
Crowd: YAYAYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYAYAAY
[The Final Showdown IV- Jigglypuff vs. Trunks: End of Hand of Doom]
Jigglypuff: (takes out marker) Jiggly...puff... Jig.alEE... (fails to see Trunks
running up to her)
Trunks: KwAAANZAAAAA! (Poor-man DDTs Jigglypuff)
Sun: That might be easier for me to understand if I even KNEW what a DDT was.
Matt: Screw it. I think I'll play some PSX. (picks up controller)
Serge: Hey, how'd I get all these scars on my body? (points finger in the air)
USE OF GUARDIAN FORCE IS CLEARLY INDICATED HE... What? Huh?
Sun: My God!
Tox: The man TALKS!
Matt: Whoa, cool.
Goku: Oh, lemme see. (snatchs controller)
Serge: (Hurricane Kicks himself) Ow. That didn't hurt me at all. Nope. Not at
(collapses)
Snorb: Ah, I see. The controller transmits its user's personality to Serge!
Lemme... (takes it)
Serge: NOOOO! Not my suave El Nido chaaaaAAAAH, YOU ASSWIPE (takes controller,
which promptly shorts out)
Trunks: So... what does that mean?
Jigglypuff: Jig! Puff puff jiggypuff jig! [It means that Serge must have no
personality of his own. And that I need new pants.]
Serge: TT
Trunks: Hey, I have an idea!
Tox: You take some ropes and fence off a 10'x10' area so you can act like Hulk
Hogan?
Trunks: Well, no, but THAT idea sounds even better! (puts on a black bandanna
with HOLLYWOOD written on it)
Jigglypuff: Ah, fuck. I'm done for.
Trunks: (rips off clothes to reveal Hulkamania spandex)
Tox: (nosebleed)
Sun: Okay, new rules!
Goku: What?
Matt: ...bring in Sun 3!
Serge: ?????
Matt: Never mind.
Trunks: (bounces off rope) YAAAAAAAH! (clotheslines Jigglypuff- with his
katana.)
Jigglypuff: Jiiiiig! (inflates, and lands on Trunks's head)
Trunks: Ah, you're fucking up my bandaroo! Get off! (they struggle, and Trunks
throws Jigglypuff out of the ring.)
Matt: That's it! Trunks wi-
Sun: (punches Matt) No! We can't have the final match end in something so
pathetic as a Ring Out! Trunks! You drag her ass back in there and finish her
off!
Trunks: But I won!
Matt: (points Pheonix Cannon at Trunks's groin)
Trunks: Or not. Time to take out the trash... (drags Jigglypuff into the ring)
Jigglypuff: Jigglypuff! [Mooo.] (kicks Trunks in the knee)
Trunks: &%&&#!!! My trick knee!
Jigglypuff: Jig. Jiigly JIIIIG puff. [Funny. I didn't know you had a trick
knee.]
Trunks: Funny. Neither did I. (points at Matt) Make the "Use of GF" joke at your
own peril. FIINAL FLAAAAAASH! (throws a Final Flash at Jigglypuff, who goes
flying like a balloon!)
Jigglypuff: Jiiiiigggllyyyyy..... [Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!] (thuds to the ground a
foot away from the judges)
Sun: Let's keep it in play! (punt)
Jigglypuff: PUFFFFFF [Fuck you, Sun. Whhaaaaaaa!] (lands on feet in arena)
Trunks: Grrr...
Jigglypuff: ! [Ding.] (poses) GF Jig jigggly jig! [GF Sailor Venus!] (Sailor
Venus appears)
Jigglypuff: (runs into Sailor Venus) Jiiiiig! [MINAKO ##$!%]
Minako: WHAAAaAaAT?!
Jigglypuff: Puff jiggly jiiig! [GET THE TABLES!!]
Minako: (grabs judges' table)
Tox: Hey! She stole our table!
Sun: Ah, I'm sure she'll put it to a good use.
Minako: (drops table) Got one!
Jigglypuff: (grabs Trunks, hold him above her... um... head?) Jigg! [Get ready!]
Trunks: Hey! What the fuck?!
Audience: 3D! 3D! 3D! 3D &$%&%&$%!!!!!!!!!!! (Minako and Jigglypuff throw
Trunks through the table) FUCK YEAH FUCK YEAH FUCK YEAH %$#!!%!
Minako: Now that this GF is complete, I must go now! (disappears)
Sun: Oh, my God, that actually looked like it -hurt- Trunks.
Trunks: (does nothing)
Matt: Trunks?!
Trunks: ...
Goku: (gets out of booth, starts pummeling Trunks) Hey, Trunks! Wake up! Get up,
dammit!
.......
Goku: O...KAY.... I'm now a bit concerned. Rigor mortis has set in.
Tox: Umm...
Goku: But, as far as I can tell, he's faking it. (continues pummeling Trunks)
Sun: .....Idiot.
Serge: .....Moron.
Matt: ....Hey, dude. Nothing's happening.
Snorb: I think the match is over.
Sun: Oh.
......
Sun: What now?
All: ........
(Line Dancing!)
(Everybody Ever Mentioned In The ABR, Except For Aeris And Ryo): Let's do the
Time Warp agaiiiin! (bum bum BUM bum bum da dum) Let's do the Time Warp
agaiiiiiin!
(Crime Lab.)
Ami: It's just a jump to the left! (jumps to left)
(stage)
(Everyone Else): And a step to the rii-iight! (steps to right)
(Crime Lab.)
Ami: (puts hands on hips) Put your hands on your hips!
(stage)
(Everyone Else): And shake it tiiiiight! It's the pelvic thrus-usssts! That
drive you insaaa-aaa-aaane! Let's do the Time Warp agaiiiiiiin! (bum bum BUM bum
bum da dum) Let's do the Time Warp agaiiiiiiiin!
....
Of course, that's what COULD have happened. But! How about THIS?!:
Sun: Oh.
.....
Sun: So, what n- (looks at Jigglypuff) What the fuck?!
(arena)
Jigglypuff: Hmm... rrrggh.... nngghh...
Tox: I'm not liking this!
Sun: Me either!
Tox: ...Yo, Sun. If you die, can I have the website?
Sun: No.
Tox: =(
Jigglypuff: (pulls head off Jigglypuff costume to reveal.....)
(Keep scrolling!)
(Is this getting annoying yet?)
(Yes, you ARE moving.)
(.....Mister Satan!)
Crowd: ...
O.o?
...
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAAY!!!
Sun: OMG! It's Mr. Satan!
Mr. Satan: (pulls off Jigglypuff costume) Ha! HA! I am! The best! (poses, rubs
finger under nose)
Sun: Gah! Serge! Do something!
Serge: (looks at button marked "!!!") (very slowly) Hmmmmmmmmm.......
MMMMMMMMM........ OOooohhhhhhhh. (pushes button, and is crushed under a 16 ton
weight)
Snorb: Oh, no! Serge died! (lifts weight) But, the Mastermune and Spectra
Swallow are just fine... Hmm.
Sun: Bah! I could do better than that! (pulls lever)
(machine powers up)
Matt: All right, what the hell does that machine DO?!
Sound: Neeeeeeyooooup. (a shoe attached to a pole is lowered into the arena.)
Mr. Satan: Hmm?
Shoepole: Errroooup. (shoe rears back) OOoooup. KONK! (kicks Mr. Satan's head,
but fails to kick it off) Ha! It takes more than that to defeat me! I'm Mr.
Satan! (head explodes)
Matt: Hey, his head exploded cause he said Mr. Satan.
Snorb: Yah. That's odd. It's not like he said "Blah". (head explodes)
Mike: AHHHHH! Everyone is dieing! Someone declare a winner!
Sun: Okay. We have decided.
The remaining judges: But we didn- (death)
Sun: (fast and fearing for his life)
Ihavedecidedthatthewinnerofthefirsteveranimebattleroyalis-
(World)
Earth: (explodes. A bunch of confetti erupts from the ruined Earth, spelling out
"Happy End!".)
(Mario Theme starts playing as the credits roll up "Cry Freedom" Style)
CHARACTER,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,CAUSE OF DEATH
Matt,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Ran over by parked car
Sun,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Slipped in shower
Snorb,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Nose bleed
Tox,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Explosive tater-tot
Serge,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hellbound worked
Marge,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Fell off chair
Mr. Satan,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Copyright issues with a POWERFULL FOE
Bookeworm Splat!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hit the fan
Sun #2,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Ate his own feces
Snorb #2,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Testicular Cancer
Fox,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Shot by Elmer Fudd
Serge #2,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Sold
Jigglypuff,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Copyright issues with Afro man
Vegeta,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Growth hormone imbalance
Sailor Scouts,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Assassinated by Carmen Electra
James,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Trianglized head
Mr. Game & Watch,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Two words: PAPER SHREDDER!
(Credits end and the screen zooms out of a TV screen to show five people dazed)
Chris M: What the hell was that?
Chris S: (shrugs)
Mike: (scratches head)
Morgan: I could go for a cold shower right about now. (shutters)
Matt: (Raises finger, a single "." Appears over his head)
Chris M: Stop that! (brushes dot away, and a pointy "!" appears over Chris'
head)
Matt: Huh?
Chris M: (takes Explination point and flings it at Matt)
Matt: (quickly moves out of the way and the "!" impales the wall.
Morgan: Poor wall.
Matt: RRRRGGGG... (a giant "?" starts to form and grow over his head)
(Space Odyssey 2001 theme starts playing)
Sound: Duuuuuuuuuun... duuuuuuuuun... duuuuuuuuuuuuuun... dun du- SPLAT!
(Question Mark falls over and crushes all of them... matrix code starts
appearing on the screen)
Code: 7h0 3nD of 4BR.
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