The Edge

by

Expected Aberrance

Disclaimer: If I owned them, would I work at Rite Aid?

This is my first HP fic. Please be gentle.

Chapter 1: Responsibility, What's That?

"When I find my wand, Potter, I am going to kill you. Slowly."

Malfoy. Prat. Gods I'm cold. I can't see a bloody thing. Are my eyes open?

"Shut it, wanker. Ron? Are you there?"

Harry?

"Mmmph."

I think my jaw is frozen shut.

"And this would be the perfect place to hide the body, wouldn't it-"

Does he ever shut up?

"-because we're in the middle of bloody nowhere-"

"Shove it up sideways!"

Ow. Did anyone catch the name of that bludger?

"-because the great Harry overly-hyphenated-Boy-Who-Lived-Despite-All-His-Efforts-to-the-Contrary Potter-"

"Shut it or I do it for you!"

I think I can move my arms. Can't feel my legs yet. Let's try pushing up ... just a bit more ... there.

Bugger. Now all I see is white.

"Try it Potter!"

"Sod off!"

Head for the sound of fist hitting flesh-

"Arse pustule popping-"

"Rat-cock sucking-"

Yes! Black and white. An improvement. Black tree shapes, black hill shapes, now the black blur with black hair

and glasses must be-

"Harry! Over here!"

"Ron?"

Close enough to make out Harry's face, and Malfoy's evil grin behind him as he-

"Harry! Look out!"

Oops. Ouch. Bloody Slytherin never miss a chance to hit a bloke in the back. Merlin, this snow must

be at least three feet deep. Almost there-

"Shite-for-brains!"

"Flobberworm piss!"

Close enough now to hit Malfoy in that ugly sneer of a face-

"Go bugger the blast end of a skrewt!"

"Fuck off, Weasel!"

"Get him, Ron!"

"Of course it takes two of you bloody Gryffindor imbeciles to do anything!"

"Right, as if surgery wasn't necessary to remove the sorry sacks of lard you call sidekicks!"

"Hold him still!"

"Get off me!"

Slippery bastard. Got his legs-

"Give in yet, Malfoy?"

"You wish!"

Merlin's man-tits, that hurt!

"Pin his arms!"

"Watch out, the wanker bites!"

"Ogre-dung-eating-"

Ha! Try talking with snow shoved in your gob-

"Got him!"

"Sit on him!"

"Bet you dreamed of this, Potter!"

Bugger. He managed to spit the snow out. At least he won't be moving for awhile.

"Shut it! How are you, Ron?"

"Aside from freezing my assets off, just fine. You?"

"Same. Do you have your wand?"

Fuck.

"No. Do you?"

"Bloody hell. No I don't."

"Brilliant, the both of you. Have you checked for them up your arses yet?"

"Who asked you? And I don't see you with a bloody wand, either!"

"Where are we?"

"Shouldn't you know, Potter? You're the one who opened the bloody orb."

"You're saying this is my fault?"

"Oh, no. I'm not saying that our sudden trip to this icy barren Hell is your fault.

And neither are the strange absences of our esteemed Potions professor and the Hairy

Brain portion of your trio."

"Where's Hermione?"

"Quick one, aren't you Weasel? And I suppose the two dragons over there are merely a

coincidence."

What? Where in Merlin's great back hair-

"Bugger me..."

Double bugger. The big black mountain shapes are breathing.

"What did you tell it to do, Harry?"

"Yes, Potter. What indeed?"

"I- I don't remember."

"One black and one red. I wonder which is which. Very original, Scarboy."

The smaller one does appear to be Gryffindor red-

"You think one of those is Hermione?"

"We have a NEWT-level logician here!"

"Is being overly sarcastic a requirement for Slytherins, or just arse-wipes in general?"

"Seriously Harry, what did you do?"

"I told you, I don't remember!"

"Will you let me up now? I'm beginning to think you're enjoying this..."

"Don't try jumping us again."

"I'll try to resist the overwhelming temptation."

Slimy blond snake. Here's a chance to look around at least. God's it's cold.

Nothing but the dragon-lumps and a few dead trees for as far as I can see. Without wands,

we're buggered.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"A bright, white light-"

"So helpful."

"You do better!"

"Fine then. I distinctly remember you three yet again buggering everything up by butting in where

your heroic idiocy was not wanted-"

"Hang on! What were you and Snape doing with the orb?"

"Like I'd tell you."

"Malfoy-"

"Ron! Don't. Move."

"Why not?"

Strange. My back feels very warm. Perhaps if I just turn around slowly-

"Merlin's giant bearded-"

end chapter 1. :doing tapdances for feedback: Should I continue? Is this interesting?

Constructive criticism doted upon!

Thanks for reading!