A/N Sorry this is so short
(Harry wakes up to find Professor Snarl Face chewing on his shoe)
Snarl Face: Oh so sorry my dear boy! Here have a bit o' dumpling! It helps, REALLY helps
(Harry reaches out his hand to accept the soft and placid offering)
Harry: What...what was that thing?
Ron: I dunno mate, but I felt weird though, like I'll... I'll never fully mature as a man.
Snarl Face: It was a De-linter, one of the guards of the wizard prison
Ron: A de-linter? BLOODY HAYOL! What was he doing on the train?
Snarl Face: Apparently some of us are not using proper technique when doing our laundry. They are on the lookout for Serious Lee Darkskidmark because you see, like his name, Serious is known for his lack of laundry cleaning skills hence the name Darkskidmark. They need to see what type of laundry detergent he uses.
(Harry looks down his shirt front and for the first time in his life he wishes not that he had breasts, but that he didn't have that huge mayonnaise stain dribbled from his collar down to the hem of his tatty T- shirt, how humiliating)
Harry: So, err, Hermione, why were you shouting anyway?
(Harry tries to discretely cover the stain by folding his scrawny arms across his bony ribcage)
Hermione: Harry, I wasn't shouting
(Close up as Harry tries to look innocent and confused in his reflection, only to botch it up due to the fact that his left eye wouldn't stop twitching)
Ron: Harry, what's wrong?
Harry: Oh, um, well, I ah, you see, um, err....
Hermione: Oh REALLY Harry! If you are going to be THAT self-absorbed, trade shirts with me! My flat chest is not much bigger than you're own and no one Need ever know about this!
Harry: Well if you think it'll be okay.... (Harry quickly slips out of his robe and pulls the oversized T-shirt over his head)
Ron: HARRY! Where did you get that cool training bra? Glory Be! It's lovely!
Harry: (proud smile broadening across his flushed face) Thank you Ron! I um, I got it online from the House of BraZils! I have this same model in many colorful Um, colors....
Hermione: (Immediately mindful that Harry's breasts are plumper than her own, grabs the soiled T-shirt and pulls it on before the others notice) Well now. I will just run to the little witch's room and see about getting this mayonnaise off.
Harry: Ron, do you think this color of T-shirt makes me look like a SISSYBOY?
Ron: No! Not a-tall Harry. I think it looks dandy as is, but if you want, let me just tie the front for you to accentuate your waistline!
Harry: No time for that now Ron! The Delinters will be coming now. I think they are going to KILL!!!!!! I better go use my lint brush before they get here.
Ron: Great idea buddy! You do me quick and I'll do you!
(The two take turns rolling a large spool of tape over one another, comparing the size of one another's lint balls)
Hermione: Oh! Well lookie 'ere I have quite o' bit o' lint meself right 'ere RON!
(Hermione pushes out her chest and waits in hysterical anticipation... one of her nostrils is making a shrill whistling noise)
Harry: What's that sound? Is that a Delinter on its way again?!
Ron: Bloody HAYOL! I dunno mate but we better get off the train quick! (Wink)
(The boys seize their opportunity to purge themselves of Hermione and make their exit)
THE GREAT EATING HALL
(All the students compile into the great hall wearing their wizardy best)
Milfoil: Crap! Boyle! Did you hear? Potter was the reason the Delinters came! He was wearing an oddly yellow substance stained shirt on the train!
(Crap and Boyle look up from the steroids they are injecting in their hindquarters to guffaw at Harry)
Hermione: (looking under her robes remembering she is still wearing the grubby t-shirt) Just IGNORE them Harry!
(Milfoil takes out his compact mirror and fixes his hair before applying ten layers of make up to cover his blemishes)
Harry: Blech!!! Great giggling grapefruit! WHAT is that stench? (Harry gives Hermione a quizzical look)
(At that precise moment old man Dumbledore whirr's by, having just arrived in the Great Hall by assistance of his latest motor scooter, a neon pink sign on the side of his new rascal 2000)
WrRRRrRRrRrRrRrrr!
(The hall falls silent as everyone watches the brittle and spotted old man attempt to clamber into his special hydraulic podium chair, all stand mesmerized as they watch it slowwwwwly rise high enough to see over the top. Dumbledore is about to begin his first speech of the year)
(Dumbledore, looking very majestic and proud, suddenly breaks into a beaming smile of relief as the flatulence he has been holding onto for 3 days suddenly makes its escape beneath his robes and warms his backside)
Dumbledore: Errr- WELCOME! It is another year (cough spit cough) and we need to be making sure all laundry is fresh and clean for as many of you have seen by now we are playing host to the Delinters! Goodnight!
(Harry wakes up to find Professor Snarl Face chewing on his shoe)
Snarl Face: Oh so sorry my dear boy! Here have a bit o' dumpling! It helps, REALLY helps
(Harry reaches out his hand to accept the soft and placid offering)
Harry: What...what was that thing?
Ron: I dunno mate, but I felt weird though, like I'll... I'll never fully mature as a man.
Snarl Face: It was a De-linter, one of the guards of the wizard prison
Ron: A de-linter? BLOODY HAYOL! What was he doing on the train?
Snarl Face: Apparently some of us are not using proper technique when doing our laundry. They are on the lookout for Serious Lee Darkskidmark because you see, like his name, Serious is known for his lack of laundry cleaning skills hence the name Darkskidmark. They need to see what type of laundry detergent he uses.
(Harry looks down his shirt front and for the first time in his life he wishes not that he had breasts, but that he didn't have that huge mayonnaise stain dribbled from his collar down to the hem of his tatty T- shirt, how humiliating)
Harry: So, err, Hermione, why were you shouting anyway?
(Harry tries to discretely cover the stain by folding his scrawny arms across his bony ribcage)
Hermione: Harry, I wasn't shouting
(Close up as Harry tries to look innocent and confused in his reflection, only to botch it up due to the fact that his left eye wouldn't stop twitching)
Ron: Harry, what's wrong?
Harry: Oh, um, well, I ah, you see, um, err....
Hermione: Oh REALLY Harry! If you are going to be THAT self-absorbed, trade shirts with me! My flat chest is not much bigger than you're own and no one Need ever know about this!
Harry: Well if you think it'll be okay.... (Harry quickly slips out of his robe and pulls the oversized T-shirt over his head)
Ron: HARRY! Where did you get that cool training bra? Glory Be! It's lovely!
Harry: (proud smile broadening across his flushed face) Thank you Ron! I um, I got it online from the House of BraZils! I have this same model in many colorful Um, colors....
Hermione: (Immediately mindful that Harry's breasts are plumper than her own, grabs the soiled T-shirt and pulls it on before the others notice) Well now. I will just run to the little witch's room and see about getting this mayonnaise off.
Harry: Ron, do you think this color of T-shirt makes me look like a SISSYBOY?
Ron: No! Not a-tall Harry. I think it looks dandy as is, but if you want, let me just tie the front for you to accentuate your waistline!
Harry: No time for that now Ron! The Delinters will be coming now. I think they are going to KILL!!!!!! I better go use my lint brush before they get here.
Ron: Great idea buddy! You do me quick and I'll do you!
(The two take turns rolling a large spool of tape over one another, comparing the size of one another's lint balls)
Hermione: Oh! Well lookie 'ere I have quite o' bit o' lint meself right 'ere RON!
(Hermione pushes out her chest and waits in hysterical anticipation... one of her nostrils is making a shrill whistling noise)
Harry: What's that sound? Is that a Delinter on its way again?!
Ron: Bloody HAYOL! I dunno mate but we better get off the train quick! (Wink)
(The boys seize their opportunity to purge themselves of Hermione and make their exit)
THE GREAT EATING HALL
(All the students compile into the great hall wearing their wizardy best)
Milfoil: Crap! Boyle! Did you hear? Potter was the reason the Delinters came! He was wearing an oddly yellow substance stained shirt on the train!
(Crap and Boyle look up from the steroids they are injecting in their hindquarters to guffaw at Harry)
Hermione: (looking under her robes remembering she is still wearing the grubby t-shirt) Just IGNORE them Harry!
(Milfoil takes out his compact mirror and fixes his hair before applying ten layers of make up to cover his blemishes)
Harry: Blech!!! Great giggling grapefruit! WHAT is that stench? (Harry gives Hermione a quizzical look)
(At that precise moment old man Dumbledore whirr's by, having just arrived in the Great Hall by assistance of his latest motor scooter, a neon pink sign on the side of his new rascal 2000)
WrRRRrRRrRrRrRrrr!
(The hall falls silent as everyone watches the brittle and spotted old man attempt to clamber into his special hydraulic podium chair, all stand mesmerized as they watch it slowwwwwly rise high enough to see over the top. Dumbledore is about to begin his first speech of the year)
(Dumbledore, looking very majestic and proud, suddenly breaks into a beaming smile of relief as the flatulence he has been holding onto for 3 days suddenly makes its escape beneath his robes and warms his backside)
Dumbledore: Errr- WELCOME! It is another year (cough spit cough) and we need to be making sure all laundry is fresh and clean for as many of you have seen by now we are playing host to the Delinters! Goodnight!