Chapter Three: Totality

The sound of muffled giggles brought Allen's attention back to the monitor in front of him. He pressed his lips together as a sullen look settled on his features. It had been like this all morning. He was pretending not to watch the time and they were pretending not to notice that he was watching the time. Allen could feel their eyes burrowing into the back of his head, but he was determined to ignore them.

For a while he preoccupied himself with organizing the data tablets on his desktop, but his eyes inevitably strayed towards the clock, causing another round of giggles to erupt. Sighing wearily, he stood, mumbled something about taking a break and strode out of the room with as much dignity as he could muster. As soon as he stepped out the door the room exploded with laughter.

Growling, Allen spun on his heel, wanting to give them a piece of his mind. Instead, he nearly got his nose pinched between the closing doors. He groaned inwardly and rubbed his nose before stalking angrily down the corridor.

It was starting already, he thought, miserably. Chief hasn't even set one foot onboard yet and I'm falling to pieces. I'll be falling off chairs and walking into walls next.

He stopped in front of the elevator and gave a decided nod. I'm going to go about my day as usual, he told himself as the doors opened. He stepped inside and nodded to himself again. I'm not going to be there the moment she gets off that ship. I'm not going to go running to her like... like some puppy.

He grunted and looked around as if daring anyone to argue, but he found himself very much alone and suddenly feeling very ridiculous. The computer chirped then, prompting him for a destination. After a lengthy pause, Allen's shoulders drooped and he replied with a heavy sigh.

Take me to the Dock.

*****


Allen! You didn't have to welcome me back, cried Shion as she walked up to him. She had seen him from across the walkway as soon as she stepped off the ship. He was hard to miss, being the only person waiting at the gate. Shion thought he seemed slightly embarrassed to be there which made his gesture all the more endearing.

A faint blush crept up his face in response to her words. I know, he replied. I wanted to be here. They stared at one another awkwardly until he remembered the flowers hidden behind his back which he then whipped out, causing her to jump in surprise.

Uh, these are for you, he said dumbly.

Shion's face lit up as she accepted the bouquet. They're beautiful! You really didn't have to do all this.

Allen cleared his throat noisily and shrugged. He wasn't about to tell her that he had been waiting for her arrival all morning or that he barely slept a wink all night. He certainly wasn't going to mention the fact that he was supposed to be working at the moment. He decided to change the topic.

Um, so, Chief, how was your trip?

Much too long, she answered, smiling faintly.

I guess you're pretty tired. I'll walk you to your room, then, he offered, pleased to be of any service.

He stooped to pick up her suitcase and they started down the platform. Shion was content to walk beside him in silence with her nose in the bouquet. Allen watched her out of the corner of his eye, noting that she seemed almost carefree. It had been a long time since he had seen her like this. He thought it was an encouraging sign. Perhaps, Shion was finally comfortable enough with him to open up.

I guess everything went well with Momo?

Her brow crinkled and the peaceful expression on her face vanished. Allen mentally berated himself for saying the wrong thing and looked away, sensing a wall come up between them. He'd gotten to know that wall very well over the years. He hated that wall.

I'm sorry, he began, not entirely sure why he was apologizing.

What for?, she asked in confusion.

It was just... you seemed upset...

Did I? she wondered aloud. She looked at him sideways and laughed self-consciously. I must have been lost in thought. I didn't mean to make you think it was something you said.

Somehow, he didn't feel any better. It was obvious to Allen that Shion had a lot on her mind, but what bothered him the most was that she would not unburden any of those worries on to him. They were friends, weren't they? Good friends. Although he wanted it to be more, he wasn't about to rush into anything. Shion's last relationship had ended tragically and the last thing Allen wanted was to bring up painful memories. He was doomed, he realized, doomed forever to remain in the shadow of a dead man.

Momo is happy, Shion said suddenly, startling Allen from his morbid thoughts. She's where she wants to be. I expected Gaignun to be more difficult, but he was very understanding. I didn't know what he was thinking half the time. He's just so different from Jr., but everything worked out fine.

I'm glad.

It was hard saying good bye.

You miss her already?

Shion nodded, smiling wistfully at a memory.

She wasn't at all sad when I left. Instead of crying, she gave me a hug and told me she'd be all right. Imagine that, the child having to reassure the adult. But I don't suppose she's really a child, Shion said, her words fading off as she thought about Momo.

Allen walked beside her in silence, letting her sift through whatever thoughts were in her head. He could almost see the gears turning. She was thinking about something complex. He doubted she was even aware of it. He'd seen her go into these deep, meditative pauses every now and then when she was working on a problem in the lab. Almost always, she would arrive at an ingenious solution that was intuitive to her but illogical to everyone else.

Allen smiled fondly at her, remembering the first time he met her. He had mistaken her for one of the lab technicians and had given her some data to analyze. Shion had promptly handed him back the tablet plus an entire pile sitting on the table next to her. He would never forget her next words... Allen Ridgeley, right? Listen, Allen, I'm not your subordinate. You can analyze that data yourself and if you try anything like that in the future, analyzing data is all you'll be doing.

No, he would not forget those words. He still felt the heat of embarrassment when he thought of them. Allen had been on his best behaviour after that, hoping to make up for his mistake. It was then that he started calling her by her title. Even now, after all these years, he found it hard to call her by her name.

Shion said, stirring him from his reverie. how is KOS-MOS?

She's fine, he replied, adding more cheerfully, I've been keeping her entertained, but we don't seem to have the same sense of humour.

Shion smiled, picturing Allen telling bad jokes and KOS-MOS staring blankly at him.

I'm glad you were here to watch over her, Shion began. I really hated to leave her behind.

Allen raised an eyebrow at her. She's a big girl, you know. It's not like anyone can push her around.

I know, but I still worry. There's things about KOS-MOS that can't be explained. I can't even begin to figure out how...

It was a mystery, indeed. The KOS-MOS they designed and the KOS-MOS they built were two very different beings.

I'm supposed to know everything about her... I don't like surprises, Allen.

He nodded. He didn't like surprises either. At least not the lethal kinds.

Why don't you stop by the lab later? I'll let KOS-MOS know you're back. She'll be happy to see you.

I think I will. Thanks, Allen.

Sure, no problem, Chief.

Shion's mood lightened somewhat at the thought of seeing KOS-MOS again. Everyone would think her silly if they knew how she felt about the android. Everyone except, perhaps, Kevin. Kevin would understand. He wouldn't laugh if she told him that she thought of KOS-MOS as a friend. A very dear friend. No one would understand how that was possible, except someone who spent as much time with KOS-MOS as she did.

Shion shook herself from her thoughts, unwilling to linger on the past. She didn't allow herself to think of Kevin often, or for very long. Nothing good ever came of dwelling on those memories. They were like nightmares, something not real. They were too horrible to be real. There was something sinister about those memories that Shion refused to recognize. Whenever her thoughts strayed down that path, she would give herself a shake and steer them right around before they got too far. What is at the end of the road? she wondered briefly. What is down there that I don't want to see?

*****


When they finally arrived at Shion's room, she invited Allen in for tea, but he declined, setting down her suitcase inside the door and hurrying on his way. In truth, he wanted to spend more time with her, but he had to get back to work. His was running suspiciously long and he was sure tongues were wagging back at the lab.

He groaned as he looked over his shoulder at her closing door. As usual, his timing was bad. Would there ever be a right time, he wondered. He was glad he was a patient man, although, lately he felt as if someone was having a laugh at his expense and it was become wearisome.

When Allen returned to the lab, he knew the day would be a long and torturous one. Everyone seemed to know where he had been. He hung his head and buried himself in work, resenting the fact that everyone seemed so interested in his personal life, or lack thereof. Even KOS-MOS noticed that people were acting strange. Allen explained that Shion was back, to which the android replied, I still do not understand what that has to do with you, Allen. He winced and let out a long breath before answering. I don't understand, either, he agreed dryly, contemplating how he could incorporate a sensitivity subroutine into her programming. The thought made him grin just a little.

By the way, KOS-MOS, he said, getting up from his chair, She'll probably stop by to see how you are. I think she missed you.

KOS-MOS turned her head to look at him as he walked back and forth from her stasis pod to the monitoring station. Allen could always tell when she was looking at him. The hairs on the back of his neck would stand on end. He knew she was scanning his reactions, analyzing his behaviour the way she was programmed, but sometimes, it felt as if she was looking straight through him.

You... missed her, Allen? she asked suddenly. He turned around and faced her, startled by her question.

What makes you think that? he asked, cautiously. Generally speaking, he clarified before she listed every microscopic detail of his biological make up.

Generally speaking, she began, blinking as if she knew he was mocking her and chose to ignore it. I have noticed a change in your behaviour patterns when Shion is absent. She paused, thinking of her words carefully. You... prefer to be alone instead of seeking the company of others. I have also observed that you smile less and sigh a lot. My databanks list these symptoms as indicative of mild depression.

Allen's lips twisted into a frown.

Would you like a complete analysis of your--

Thanks, but that won't be necessary, he groaned, cutting her off. He sat down in his chair with a thud and propped his chin up in his hand, annoyed that he was like an open book to everyone except Shion. KOS-MOS, on the other hand, lay quietly in her pod, as unreadable as always.

He decided he had nothing more to lose by inviting more discussion about the subject and admitted that he did miss Shion. Things just aren't as lively without her, he confessed. There just isn't anybody quite like the Chief. She has a way with people. Not just people... she has a way with everything... Allen stopped himself, realizing how vague and silly he sounded. He looked sheepishly over at KOS-MOS and found her watching him intently. What about you, KOS-MOS? he asked, Didn't you miss the Chief?

KOS-MOS thought about his question for a long time, blinking emotionlessly at him as if waiting for him to speak first.

I do not have the capacity to feel such emotions, came the reply.

Allen knew it was true, but he still found it hard to believe that KOS-MOS didn't feel one way or the other about the person who was closest to her. Despite her unemotional responses, there was something very human about KOS-MOS. Maybe, it was Shion's influence, Allen thought. Maybe it was only because Shion treated her like she was real that we all started thinking of her that way.

He looked at the time and rubbed his temples wearily. Everyone had already left for the day. He knew Shion wouldn't drop by with the lab full of people, so he stayed behind hoping to see her, but it was late and he was starting to wonder if she would ever come.

He stood and stretched, dimming the lights on his way out. KOS-MOS lay peacefully in her stasis pod, oblivious to his disappointment. Her eyes were closed now, but he knew she was awake. She never slept, but Allen still wished her sweet dreams each night before leaving.

The ghostly figure of a little girl stood next to KOS-MOS, glancing briefly at Allen as he walked out the door. She smiled patiently and touched a finger to the tip of KOS-MOS' nose. Red eyes fluttered open and stared at the girl before closing once again.

Sweet dreams, KOS-MOS.

*****


The playground was deserted. It was almost time for supper and all the children had gone home. Shion sat on the swing, looking down at her feet as she dragged them across the dirt. She was thinking of something. Something that was missing, but she couldn't remember what it was.

As she stared at the ground, a shadow stretched out before her. Someone was approaching. Shion pressed her glasses up on her nose and kicked at the ground, letting her feet dangle in the air as she swung back and forth. Whoever it was had stopped next to the swings, but had said nothing. Shion lifted her head and gasped, recognizing the blue hair of her silent visitor.

KOS-MOS' back was facing her and she was watching the sunset. She seemed at peace. Shion felt her lips move as several questions sprang to mind, but the sound would not escape. As if sensing her distress, KOS-MOS turned to look over her shoulder at Shion. Startling blue eyes met green ones. Shion slowly smiled and got to her feet.

You must accept the entirety of your memories, came a familiar voice.

Both Shion and KOS-MOS turned to look at the girl who had appeared behind them.

Shion whispered. You said that once before. I don't know what you mean... why is KOS-MOS here?

She is a part of you, Shion, the way you are a part of those around you, but you share a connection with her that very few will ever understand. She is the answer you have been looking for; and you, in turn, are her lifeline.



Shion, this place, said KOS-MOS. We have been here before.

Shion nodded.

Yet, it is not... complete.



We must enter...

KOS-MOS turned to look at the building beside them. Shion's eyes followed. She shivered involuntarily and hugged herself.

I don't want to go, she said, shaking her head.

You must, interrupted Nephilim. You must see for yourself what you have lost... the memory of that day.

I already know what's in there and I don't want to see, Shion argued.

Nephilim smiled sadly.

When you were given the chance before, you refused to look beyond your fear. You did not see everything. You must look again. It is the key that will unlock your past. Without this moment, you are incomplete.

Shion looked back and forth between KOS-MOS and Nephilim. Both of them seemed to be waiting on her for an answer and Shion knew there was really only one choice. They had to go inside. She had to relive that horrible moment. The thought made her gut twist into knots.

All right, she sighed, squaring her shoulders and walking away. I'll go, but I won't like it.

Nephilim nodded at KOS-MOS before disappearing.

Let Shion be your guide.

Shion was already half way across the playground. KOS-MOS turned to face the sunset one last time before following her into the hospital.


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A/N
sorry about not updating... been sick and busy, but hopefully things will be back on track now
next chapter: inside the hospital... the dreaded Gnosis attack that killed Shion's parents... what really happened?