Chapter Six: Affinity
Miltia, 4751 T.C.
Shion tilted her head to look up at the pale sky. Her breath danced before her in swirls of white mist, but it was the snow that held her attention. A particularly large snowflake landed on her eye causing her to blink several times. It melted, creating a tiny droplet of water which slowly migrated down her warm cheek. The sensation left her breathless.
Are you going to stand there all day? asked a gruff voice from behind.
She turned and blinked at a boy who had already started walking away.
You act like you've never seen snow before, he called over his shoulder.
Shion frowned, trying to recall a memory.
I haven't, she said to herself after drawing a blank.
She gave the sky one final glance before hurrying after the boy.
The two walked side by side in silence, listening to the soft crunch of snow beneath their feet, but their thoughts were worlds apart. The boy was fourteen, tall and proud like his father with dark hair and solemn looking eyes. The girl, nearly six, was small for her age but already showing signs of genius. Unlike the boy, she had green eyes and red hair. They were a mismatched pair, but they were family.
Shion looked up at her brother, wondering why he was in such a rush. His profile revealed nothing of his thoughts. She was walking as fast as her little legs could go and still having a hard time keeping up. Without warning, she felt herself fall forwards as her foot slipped on a piece of ice. The next thing she knew, she was sitting on the ground, staring up at her brother's back in shock. Shion felt hot tears streaming down her cheeks. Her brother stopped and turned around, equally shocked to learn that she had fallen. His brusque manner softened and he quickly went to her side.
Are you all right?
She sniffed and nodded.
Nothing broken? he teased.
She shook her head.
Just a little stunned, I guess, he said, straightening and helping her to her feet. Come on, we'll be late. He took hold of her hand and they continued down the street towards the shuttle stop. Seconds later, the shuttle came into view, screeching to a halt in front of them. Brother and sister piled inside along with the other passengers.
The compartment they were in was cramped. Shion's fingers tightened around her brother's hand. She shifted uneasily and pressed herself closer to his side. When he noticed her discomfort, he looked down at the top of her head and smiled unsympathetically. Everything seemed to make her nervous. She couldn't rely on him to protect her all the time. Soon, he would be going away to study and then what would she do?
The shuttle rocked gently back and forth. Outside the window, the snow continued to fall, fast and furious. Shion leaned against her brother's arm and quietly observed the glum faces of the passengers. The shuttle was full of government employees and a few workers in the service industry, all dressed smartly in their uniforms and staring blankly ahead at nothing in particular. There was a Realian sitting in the back smiling at her. Shion returned her smile.
When their stop neared, her brother edged closer to the doors, pulling her along with him. The shuttle suddenly jerked to a stop and the doors swished open, letting in a flurry of snowflakes. They pushed their way outside into the cold and stood in the empty street looking around uncertainly, as if testing the severity of the weather before continuing. A small park waited ahead, and then some steps and a playground. Beyond that was a hospital.
Come on, urged her brother. My feet are getting cold.
Shion skipped alongside him, trying to keep up. They climbed the steps and crossed the playground, but instead of heading towards the hospital, they continued to the building next door. Like most government buildings, nothing about it was remarkable. It was small and squat, revealing little about the type of work that went on within. It sat impassively on a huge and mostly undeveloped lot.
Once inside, the pair were greeted by several people, none of whom Shion knew by name. Her brother continued to lead her through a maze of hallways, their wet boots squeaking loudly in the silence as they walked. Finally, they reached their destination, stopping in front of a door and pausing as it slid open. Shion was suddenly bombarded by noise and confusion as various employees ran by, each absorbed in finishing their work before heading home. Somebody called to them from across the room.
You finally made it. I was getting worried.
It started snowing, explained her brother.
I can see that, said the voice, quietly amused.
Shion looked up as a shadow fell in front of her. Strong hands were under her, lifting her up. She smiled and laughed, delighted by the feeling of being weightless.
How is my little girl? her father asked, brushing the snowflakes from her hair.
I'm fine.
Can I go now? her brother demanded irritably.
Yes, you may go now, her father answered, rolling his eyes at her. He's so impatient, isn't he? How does that old saying go? Take time to stop and smell the roses? You should try to remember that, Jin. It never does one any good to grow up too fast.
Yeah, yeah, her brother said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and turning to leave. I'll see you at home, he said sullenly.
All right.
Her father's attention was already turned towards something else. Shion saw her brother flash them a gloomy look before disappearing out the door.
Ready to go visit mommy? her father asked.
Shion nodded, excitedly.
She was very happy to see us yesterday. I think she's starting to feel better.
Shion nodded.
Her father's smile was optimistic.
he continued. Ever since you came along...
His words drifted off and he shook his head, smiling fondly at her.
Your presence has made all the difference.
Shion tilted her head to the side. Sometimes her father said things she didn't understand, but she never asked questions. She was content to be held and adored. She enjoyed their evenings together, even if they were spent in a place of much sickness and sorrow. The suffering seemed to bring them closer.
They left the building, hand in hand, making their way across the yard through wet slush and falling snow. As they approached the hospital, Shion gazed numbly at the large glass doors leading inside. She had been coming to the facility every evening for the past month. The visits were becoming so routine that they were verging on ritual. Shion looked up at her father, feeling the tension ebb away when she saw how happy he was. She smiled and clutched his hand tightly, glad that her presence was able to ease some of his pain.
They entered the hospital, walking straight past the nurses who greeted them pleasantly, and headed to the room at the end of the hall. Her father took a moment to brush the snow from her hair and straighten his suit before taking a step towards the door and entering the room.
A woman stood at the window. Her slender figure was silhouetted against the sky, white with snow. The picture took their breaths away. She turned around, smiling warmly. Her dark eyes fell on Shion's face as if searching for something.
Shion smiled.
Relief washed over the woman's features and she smiled back.
My darling, she said, holding out her hand.
Shion looked hesitantly up at her father. He let go of her and urged her forwards. Shion walked across the room and placed her hand tentatively in the hand of the woman.
Let me look at you. She crouched down until their eyes met. My Shion, she murmured, stroking her fingers through Shion's hair. My daughter, Shion. There was a distant look in her eyes, but it vanished quickly. She straightened, putting her arms around Shion's shoulders and turned to face her husband.
Are you happy to see us? asked her father.
Of course, she replied, smiling brightly. I feel better each day. Soon I'll be ready to come home... to you... and... to our children.
Her father's smile faltered just a little.
They spent the evening making plans. The future was a bright and happy place. A less lonely place now that three of them were together. Outside the window the snow continued to fall, covering the world in a blanket of white. The white of forgetfulness.
Tucked away from reality, Shion believed that she belonged to this man and woman. She believed they were a family. When they spoke of their future together, she was thrilled to be included. She was thrilled to be a part of something instead of being treated like discarded material.
Later that night, Shion had the same nightmare that had been plaguing her since she could remember. Her strangled cries brought her father running to her room.
he said, cradling her in his arms. Shion, what is it? That dream again?
Shion could only manage to nod through her sobbing.
There's no reason to be afraid, he said, trying to comfort her.
She shook her head, wishing she could believe him. Standing at the door was her brother with his hair sticking out at all angles and his pajamas gently ruffled.
What's wrong with her? he asked, rubbing his eyes sleepily.
Nothing is wrong with her, snapped her father.
Could have fooled me, he replied, yawning.
Go back to bed, Jin.
She cries all the time, whined the boy.
said her father in a warning tone.
Shion sniffed and wiped her tears with the back of her hand.
I'm sorry, she said weakly, staring down at her lap.
There's nothing to be sorry about, Shion. Nothing at all. Your brother is just being insensitive. A snort from across the room.
I'm going to bed. He folded his arms in front of him and left the room in a huff.
Her father sighed heavily, still cradling her in his arms. Shion closed her eyes, lulled by a feeling of warmth and security that she had never known before.
Ignore him, her father said after a while. He's having difficulty adjusting to the... changes. He'll come around eventually.
She nodded mutely.
Just try to remember... this is your home now. This is where you belong. With me. With Jin. And with your mother... when she gets well again. You will always be part of our family. So, there's no reason to be afraid. You're not alone anymore.
Shion nodded again.
Do you think you can go back to sleep now?
She pulled away and settled under the blankets.
I'm just next door. It's all right to call for me.
She closed her eyes.
I'm okay.
All right. Good night, Shion.
Good night, daddy.
Her father left the room, turning off the lights as he went. Shion pulled the covers up to her chin and curled into a ball. The nightmare had a hold of her and it refused to let go. She forced herself to take deep, calming breaths. She wouldn't cry anymore. She wouldn't give them reason to send her back. She didn't want to go back to that place.
Whenever she thought about it, she could only remember silence.
Unending silence.
And sleeping.
She had been sleeping forever.
Since she'd been born.
She slept in that bed of metal with the walls of glass.
Sometimes that boy would come.
More often than not, she would be left alone. To sleep. Sometimes to dream.
One day everything changed. She woke up. She opened her eyes, blinked up at the world and somebody told her she would be going to live somewhere. In a real home with a real family. She would have a father. He promised to take care of her. She would never have to sleep behind those walls again.
But she still remembered the way it felt.
Lonely and empty.
She remembered longing for the boy to come. To whisper secret promises in her ear. Don't be afraid, Shion. Everything will be all right. I'll take care of you. I promise. I'll find a way. And he did.
She had a home now and a real bed, but she couldn't quite let go of that other life. Snippets of conversations would drift back to her in the night. Distant words spoken by nameless faces. Sometimes she recognized the voice of the boy. Most of the time, she didn't know who was speaking. They were always arguing. Arguing about her.
And then came the inevitable silence.
A shadow hovered above her. The wall slid apart to reveal his smiling face.
Are you awake?
Of course you're not.
Not yet, anyway.
But I know you can hear me.
I know you're aware.
I'm sorry I can't come more often.
He won't let me.
He's... not himself lately.
Ever since... she died.
He's forgotten about you.
But I haven't.
I won't.
I'll help you.
Don't worry, Shion.
I'll take care of you.
Always.
His words would comfort her but the comfort never lasted. As soon as he would go, closing the glass panel over her and shutting her in, Shion's loneliness would return. The memory was burned into her soul, buried with other painful things she chose to forget over the years. Obsessions would flower in the depths of these forgotten memories. Obsessions with all things like her. The discarded and obsolete. Solitary figures separated from the collective. All things unique having nowhere and no one to whom they belonged. Like her. They would be the familiar ties to an unknown part of herself that she would cling to when nothing else in the world made sense.
Two years later, she would lose her parents.
Twelve years after that, Kevin.
And still she went on living, mocking their deaths with her existence.
*****
Shion stirred from her sleep, feeling the weight of the world pressing in on her from all sides. She opened her eyes, not remembering where she was or even what day it was. Nothing penetrated her muddled thoughts. It was as if she was disconnected from everything around her. She sat up in bed and hung her head, waiting for recognition to sink in.
There was an urgent buzzing coming from the door. She listened to it for a full two minutes before it opened without her consent. The relief on Allen's face called her back from the distant past, pulling her into the present and into a state of emergency as disarming emotions bubbled to the surface. A sob escaped her lips as she looked across the room at him. He froze on the spot, unsure.
Shion didn't know she was crying until he was sitting next to her, wiping the tears from her face. He held her, hesitantly at first, and then with more certainty. Neither of them said a word for the longest time. When Shion had finished shedding the last tear, she sighed against his shoulder and told him that there was something wrong with her.
He told her there was absolutely nothing wrong with her. The same words her father once spoke. Something within her broke. In her mind, she imagined glass shattering into a million pieces. She pulled back to look at him, seeing him for the first time without the wall between them.
Allen could only gape back at her, shocked to see the veil lifted from her eyes. A conversation with chaos sprang to mind. Allen felt like smiling, but he didn't dare. The moment was too precious. He was afraid that it would vanish before he could enjoy it. What happens next, he wondered, waiting for the spell to break.
His heart sank when he saw a despondent look enter her eyes.
My mother had a serious illness, Shion began, speaking in hushed tones. We visited her every day at the hospital, my father and I, but her condition only worsened. In the end, she didn't remember who I was.
Shion's eyes were dark.
Now I realize... she couldn't remember me because... she never knew me.
Allen was startled and confused by her confession, but he remained silent, unwilling to interrupt. Shion raised her hands, palms turned upwards, and stared hard at them.
She never had a daughter.
She smiled sadly and dropped her hands in her lap. Allen covered them with his own and squeezed gently. He didn't understand, but at least she was opening up. She was finally sharing some of her pain.
The silence in the room lengthened. Thoughts went unspoken. After what felt like a lifetime, Shion made a decision.
I'm going home. To see my brother.
Much to her surprise, Allen nodded.
Shion looked down at their hands.
Will you... do you think you could... come with me?
There was no answer. Shion lifted her head to look at him through her lashes. Allen appeared to be dumbstruck by her request.
Hmm? Oh, sorry. Sure, Chief. I'll be happy to escort you--
As a friend, I mean. Come as a friend.
He gave her a doubtful look which melted into a warm smile.
As a friend, then, he said, nodding.
Once it was settled, Shion let out a heavy sigh and thought about the impending confrontation with her brother. She was not looking forward to the things he had to say, but she needed to hear them. His memories of the past would help piece together the jumbled mess inside her head. Besides, it was time for them to reconcile their differences. Shion sensed a great darkness looming in their future and realized that they needed each other now more than ever.
=====
A/N:
Hmm, more intrigue.... are you ready to kill me yet? LOL. If you haven't guessed where I'm going with this story, I'm not going to tell you :)
The big reveal is coming up soon. Hats off to Lady T, who guessed correctly.
I know next to nothing about Jin so bear with me. I made him 8 years older than Shion, but I think he's much older? He seems to bear a grudge against her... all will be made clear, hopefully!
Did you get the reference to her friends in the end there. Discarded and obsolete=Ziggy, separated from the collective=Jr., unique=Momo and KOS-MOS.
Next chapter: the past through Jin's eyes