Chapter Ten: Eyes Open
She was standing in a garden. Shion closed her eyes as a soft breeze lifted the ends of her hair and tickled her nose with the scent of jasmine. She could hear a lonely tune carried in the wind, but the melody trailed away, vanishing into the night before she could grasp it and keep it safe in her memory.
The stars in the night sky seemed to spill onto the horizon. Shion stretched out her hand and closed her fist around the brightest star she could find, almost believing that heaven was within reach. Smiling, she dropped her hand and looked around at the sleepy landscape. Her attention drifted, falling upon the swaying branches, the wisps of cotton-like seeds blowing in the breeze, the fireflies weaving through the murky blackness.
Someone took hold of her hand and spun her around. The world swirled before her eyes until she came to an abrupt stop against a solid body. Shion relaxed into the embrace, drawn to a warmth that melted the restraints around her heart. She was safe. She was loved. She leaned forward and rested her head on a broad shoulder, forgetting...
What was it that she was forgetting?
A nudge under her chin. She looked up into laughing, blue eyes.
Kevin.
Darkness crept into his smile.
What are you thinking? he asked. You seemed so far away just now.
She shook her head and buried her face in his chest, breathing in the musky scent of his cologne... and something else... she thought that she could smell rain.
I feel like... I've been living in a dream, she said and felt his chest shake with laughter.
I hope it's a good dream.
No... it wasn't. Because... you weren't in it.
I wasn't? Then, it was a bad dream, indeed, he teased.
It was horrible... You were dead.
Yes... I watched you die.
That is horrible.
Not as horrible as being left alone...
It's a good thing that it was only a dream.
I... miss this.
Being with you.
Have we been apart?
I... I'm not sure...
You're important to me, Shion. I would never leave you.
Am I really? Important to you?
She turned her head to the side, blushing.
You've never said that before.
I'm saying it now.
I always felt there was something... from the first time I saw you... I felt like I knew you from another life. Does that sound silly?
No, not at all.
Can we stay this way forever?
Is that what you want?
She looked up into his face, brow creasing with worry. There was something nagging at the back of her mind, but she dismissed it and nodded. The look in his eyes softened.
I'll make you forget, Shion... all the sadness in your life...
She shook her head.
I just... want you to hold me... like this. That's all I need.
His lips twisted into a sad smile. He shook his head at her, laughing silently.
You were always so easy to please.
Shion slid her hands around his waist and held him tight.
she wondered out loud. Why do I feel like I'm losing you.
Pulling away, she looked up into his blue eyes and saw a shadow fall across his face.
Or... is it... that I'm losing something else...
But the shadow was passing. Everything was suddenly all right again. She let out a self-conscious laugh.
I'm being foolish.
Shion leaned back against him and let out a contented sigh as his hand smoothed the hair away from her face.
I only want to protect you, he whispered.
She smiled. I know.
Do you?
Shion nodded. His fingers trailed down the side of her face, catching her chin and forcing her eyes to meet his.
I hope... you will be able to forgive me someday.
There was a strange feeling like an iron curtain falling over her mind, weighing down her thoughts. Shion felt as if she were drowning. She was retreating further and further into herself, sinking into the fathomless blue pools of his eyes. Suddenly, an image flickered in the depths of the pool. A reflection like a blue flame. His eyes darted to the approaching figure behind her.
The invisible fingers gripping her mind seemed to withdraw and with them went the feeling of security. It was only a dream. A beautiful, fading dream. She was trapped in an illusion, but, somehow, she didn't care. Shion closed her eyes, clinging to the warmth of Kevin's memory, wishing that it wouldn't fade in the growing awareness.
So... you were here all along, said Kevin.
Shion's eyes flew open as she remembered that they were no longer alone. Her fingers tightened on his shirt, sensing a growing separation. She was annoyed by the interruption and wished whoever it was would go away.
How perfect, Kevin continued, pleasantly surprised. I never expected to meet you here. Can it be... you feel the need to protect her from me? I feel a sense of irony in this moment, he chuckled. I once protected her from you... but there's no harm being done here... I would never hurt her. If anyone should know that, it's you.
Then let her go, said a woman's voice.
Shion tensed. She knew that voice, but it sounded... different.
Is it his will? Kevin asked.
It is... my duty.
I see, he replied. You won't allow me to take these memories from her.
She will be incomplete.
She will remember that I was here.
That was your mistake.
Kevin's laughter filled Shion's ears. Yes, it was, wasn't it? And I'm sure I will pay for my mistake. I only wanted to warn her...
Silence.
I always knew it was possible... he said quietly, changing the subject. Now I have proof... because you're standing in front of me. I can see it in your eyes that you understand these memories... that you feel them... I tried to give this to you before, but I failed. It was Shion... it was always Shion that you needed... not me. I see that now. She was the only one who could be your guide.
Shion tilted her head and saw a wistful smile spread across his face. Looking past her, he continued to speak to the woman who's presence radiated such confidence that it made her uncomfortably aware of her own weaknesses.
Perhaps, one day, you'll be made whole... like her. I can only hope...
The intensity in Kevin's eyes made Shion nervous. He smiled at the woman before turning his attention to her once again. Shion's eyes widened as his face neared hers.
What am I feeling? Is it regret?
She jumped in surprise as his lips lightly brushed against hers, but the kiss was over before her senses could properly register it. He took her hands from his shirt and placed them at her sides before stepping backwards into the shadows.
I must leave you for now. Shion... remember my words... We will meet again on the field of battle. I wonder, will you be prepared to accept your fate then?
Kevin smiled one last time before vanishing completely from sight.
Shion called, running after him. Don't leave...
She reached out to him, but her fingers closed around air. It was no use. He was gone. Turning on her heel, Shion caught only a glimpse of the woman with whom Kevin had been speaking. She, too, was fading away. There was nothing more than a ghostly outline and two piercing blue eyes. Suddenly, the soothing tones of her voice echoed through Shion's mind.
Wake up, Shion. Open your eyes...
A familiar voice called her name, sounding distant and muffled as if she were standing at the bottom of a well. A hand clamped around her arm. She stared up into wide blue eyes, trembling with secret knowledge.
Her mouth opened and closed without a sound.
What happened?
I'm taking you home right now.
A hand closed around hers and tugged her along. She obeyed, feeling a sense of relief. There was no need to think for a while... no need to stimulate that part of her brain. She could just drift by, touching nothing, feeling nothing.
The next thing she knew, she found herself being seated in front of a warm fire. Someone draped a heavy blanket on her shoulders. Voices rose in a chorus of anger and worry. And then all was quiet.
Her head continued to fill with empty thoughts as shadows crowded her vision. Eventually, she saw only fire through a long, dark tunnel. Her mind turned away even from that.
Those blue eyes were in front of her again.
Words were spoken softly in her ear. Words that were cracked and broken with anguish and a more fragile emotion she refused to acknowledge. She turned away from it all until darkness consumed the world around her.
A voice called to her from deep inside.
Open your eyes...
She winced and held onto the shadows, wrapping herself in a blanket of forgetfulness.
Shion...
Go away, her mind screamed.
Nephilim stood before her, eyes full of ancient wisdom and sorrow.
Don't be afraid, Shion. Open your eyes. Accept who you are.
Who I am... is a failed experiment.
You are more than that, Shion.
I'm not the saviour Dr. Mizrahi believed in.
Nephilim agreed. You were never meant to save the human race.
But, isn't that why I was created?
Perhaps, but that is not your destiny. It is the future of Realians that you hold in your hands. You are the beginning. The first born. The miracle child, risen out of the ashes of a dead race. Your daughters will carry your legacy into the future.
My... daughters?
Nephilim smiled.
They are already evolving. Like you, they will find a way to become whole.
Already...
But, they cannot do this without you.
KOS-MOS and Momo...
Nephilim nodded.
The time is approaching when your fate, and the fates of those around you, will be decided. Accept who you are. Stand by your friends. They have already decided to stand by you. Open your eyes, Shion. Open your heart. See the hope that waits in the future. All is not lost.
Nephilim smiled and faded away.
Shion felt the darkness tighten and shudder around her before releasing its grip on her soul. The impenetrable blackness soon gave way to gray. There was a light. A beautiful, fragile light. It barely left a glow on the dim landscape. Shion moved closer, drawn by the need to protect it.
I can't let the light go out.
Her steps quickened. She reached out her hand and as her fingers touched the fluttering light, the details of her surroundings suddenly jumped out at her. She became aware of the soft material around her shoulders, the chair gently cushioning her, the flickering flames in the fireplace. She felt the chill in her limbs and the dampness of her clothes. It was still the same day as before. How long had she been sitting there?
Someone was with her.
She heard a confession.
Her eyes blurred.
He was immediately by her side. She turned her head to look at him.
How long have you been here? she asked, feeling as if she hadn't used her voice in years.
A brittle smile.
I haven't left your side since I found you.
I remember... she said, looking away. I remember... everything.
His hand closed around hers.
She looked sideways at him, her eyes shining quietly with laughter.
You called me Shion.
Allen's eyes grew round. A light blush crept up his face. He looked down the hand resting on top of hers.
I guess... he began, timidly. We've been through so much together... it was just time...
Shion smiled and leaned against his shoulder. He sat rigidly next to her, unsure of how to proceed, but after the awkwardness passed, he relaxed and put an arm around her.
If you hadn't found me... Shion whispered.
Let's not think about it, he replied. I'm just glad that you're back. Everyone has been out of their mind with worry.
She nodded and closed her eyes.
Everything's all right. I was just a little... lost, but I'm fine now.
What happened?
She shook her head, remembering the garden... and Kevin.
Was it really him?
The ache in her chest told her that he had been there, but the logical, scientific part of her refused to believe that a man could come back from the dead. Even if it was true, what did that mean to her? She had mourned him long enough. A feeling of loneliness tugged at her heart, but she didn't want to go back to that place. She didn't want to follow a path that lead nowhere.
I've been hanging onto something that wasn't real, she said softly. But it's over now... that dream... is over.
She curled into his side, burying her face in his shoulder.
I heard what you said... before... I've always known that you cared about me, but... I'm just not capable of...
Her words drifted off. Why did she find it so hard to say what was necessary? Shion hated hurting him, but there was no other choice... now that she knew exactly what she was... there was no future for them. She took a deep breath and gathered her courage before speaking again.
You should find someone else. Someone who will make you happy. I can't... be that person...
Silence.
His arm fell away.
Allen, please, say something.
She sat back and looked up at him, feeling her stomach twist at the expression on his face.
I understand, he said quietly.
He got up slowly and turned his back to her.
Suddenly, he turned around. Shion managed not to wince, but the smile on his face was painful to watch.
It doesn't change anything.
The soft rush of air caught her attention.
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see someone entering the room.
Allen turned his back to her again and stared into the fire.
She lifted her head to look at her brother. The worry in his eyes quickly changed to relief.
It's all right now, she said. I didn't mean to scare you.
Jin could only gape at her, unable to say anything. Shion let out a shaky laugh.
I've been searching so hard for my past and making everyone around me miserable... I'm sorry.
Jin shook his head, frowning.
There's no reason to apologize. We're not here because we have to be. We're here because we want to be... We care about you, Shion.
Her eyes darted to Allen's stiff back. The distance between them was already wide enough to fill an ocean.
I know, she replied. I don't show it often enough, but I'm glad that I have you both in my life.
She noticed Allen's shoulders relax and let out a sigh. He would get over her sooner or later. He was a lot tougher than he appeared. Shion looked down at her lap, feeling a sense of regret for all the things she could never have.
We should let you get some rest, said Jin.
Shion nodded and watched the two of them cross the room together. As they were about to walk out the door, she called them back, remembering something.
About Momo... she said.
Jin hesitated. Momo is...
Shion finished, smiling sadly.
Did Allen already tell you? he asked in surprise.
She shook her head. I had a feeling.
Don't worry about it now, her brother said. Just get some rest. We'll deal with it later.
The door closed behind them, leaving her alone with her thoughts. Shion listened to the silence for a while, thinking about Momo. She couldn't explain how, but she had felt the girl's absence.
Shion leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes, realizing that she had always been able to sense these things. She thought it was nothing more than a strong sense of intuition. Now, she knew it was because they were all connected. Momo... KOS-MOS... the Realians she worked with... even those she didn't know, who passed by her on the street.
Shion wondered how Nephilim could have so much confidence in her. How could Nephilim count on her to make the right decisions for others when she could barely make decisions for herself.
Hope.
All she had to rely on was hope.
Shion remembered touching that fragile light just before waking. She remembered that she had chosen to carry it within her. Whether or not she fulfilled her destiny, she would keep that fragile flame burning in her heart. For the future.
A deep sense of sadness filled her. She felt as if she was saying good bye to her old life, but she could never be the same woman she once was. Shion thought about her brother and Allen with regret. In the morning, she would tell them everything and leave them to handle the truth on their own. She had to go after Momo. It was a mother's instinct to protect her children, after all.
A/N:
Hehe. I'm so cruel to Allen.
I'm going with the theory that Kevin is the man in red working for Wilhelm--yup that's what he's been up to since his . I didn't really flesh out his character, but that was on purpose.
Who is the woman protecting Shion? Well, ain't it obvious? ;)
Next: Awakenings. (End of Shion's journey of self-discovery... leading into Momo/Jr. fic)