Chapter Eleven: See with Your Heart

Shion watched the emotions play across her brother's face. Guilt and anger flashed in his dark eyes as he listened to her sad tale, but it was his sympathy that made her words more difficult to say. He looked as if he had a million questions he wanted to ask, but to his credit, he remained silent, letting her finish without interruption.

Allen sat at the end of the room, nothing more than a silent witness. Shion had barely looked at him since she walked in the room. The few times that she did happen to glance his way, she could hardly tell what he was thinking. He kept his thoughts carefully guarded, perhaps as a result of their conversation the day before.

As painful as it was, she laid the truth before them. The Gnosis attack at the hospital. Mizrahi and the Acute Neurosis Treatment Facility. Kevin and Vector. She held nothing back except her true nature towards Momo and KOS-MOS. That was one secret she was not yet ready to reveal. She told them as much as she could, admitting that there was still a lot she didn't understand.

I know it must be hard to believe. I'm not even sure how it's possible that I exist like this when I was once not quite... human.

She ran a hand through her hair absentmindedly and was momentarily distracted by the silky texture as the strands slipped through her fingers. She had been noticing little things like this all morning. Her senses seemed suddenly heightened like she was looking at the world through a magnifying glass.

Every sharp angle jutted out at her. Every sound grated on her nerves. The white walls and the brightness of the room, the hard furniture and the plush carpet beneath her feet. All these things cut into her awareness like a razor's edge.

Of course, it was only her imagination. She had spent all her time staring in front of her, focused on work and duties to her job that she never noticed much around her. Now that her eyes were open, she was amazed to discover that the world was so alive. That she was alive and a part of that world. There was a newfound strength in the way her heart beat now that she had a future to look forward to and new dreams to realize.

There's this whole other side of me that I never knew about, she continued sadly. I have a purpose to fulfill. Everything that has happened recently has been leading me to this point... to accept who I am. I know that now.

She raised her head and looked across the room at her brother and Allen.

That's why... I can no longer be the person I once was.

Jin's brows fell into a straight line. Allen sat numbly, staring at a spot directly above her left shoulder. Shion sighed and let her eyes drop to the floor, knowing that her next words would bring them much pain.

That's also why... you have to let me go.

Silence swallowed up the room. Awkward minutes ticked by as Jin and Allen struggled to grasp the meaning behind her words. She had made up her mind and would not be dissuaded, yet when she spoke again, there was a hint of regret in her voice.

You have to let me go, she repeated more gently. Her expression was more confident than it had been in a long time. This purpose... whatever it is that I'm meant to do, it's something I have to do alone. I can't allow anyone to get involved. It's already complicated enough without...

She paused, lips twisting in a frown.

I just don't want to see anyone else get hurt. I don't expect you to understand my reasons, but try to respect my decision. I'm leaving immediately to go after Momo... This will be the last time we will ever see each other.

Shion turned away from them, relieved that they were too surprised to react. It made saying good bye easier. Departing company with the very people who had stood by her hadn't been an easy decision, but Shion told herself it was for the best.

She had no idea what the future would bring. All she knew was that danger seemed to follow her wherever she went and she could never live with herself if Jin or Allen were injured or even killed because they felt the need to protect her.

She nodded to herself, believing she had made the right decision. It was not their fight, after all. Before she lost her nerve, she rushed through an apology and hurried to the door.

I won't ever forget everything the both of you have done for me, but this is the way it has to be. I'm sorry.

Without waiting for a response, she left the room, not even sparing one last glance at the two people who had come to mean so much to her. She knew she would only see sadness in their eyes and that was not how she wanted to remember them.

Shion quickly left the house, making it as far as the bottom of the front steps when a hand closed around her elbow, jerking her to a sudden stop. She spun around, surprised to find that she was followed.

Allen dropped her arm and stood back, surprised by the forwardness of his own behaviour. Then, he remembered his anger and the corners of his mouth curled into a humourless smile.

It's all suddenly becoming clear to me, he began. why you said those things to me yesterday... why you're leaving us now. You're cutting yourself off from us... cutting yourself off from everything connected to your old life. Why? Why do you think you have to give up everything? Like there's no room for anything else but this burden you've chosen to carry?

He sighed in frustration, turning away slightly to gather his thoughts.

So what if you're destined for greater things than the rest of us? That doesn't mean you should leave your friends behind. Haven't you learned anything over the last few months? As stubborn as you are, you can't stand alone.

His blue eyes softened and the edge in his voice disappeared.

You don't have to stand alone when you have us. And if you're worried about what we think of you now that we know about your past... we don't care about where you came from. You're still the same person to us. You're still Shion and nothing will change that.



Did you really think it would be that easy to get rid of me?

Shion stared down at her feet, wondering if she actually thought she could get away without a fight. As much as she believed what she was doing was in everyone's best interest, she could not deny that there was a certain amount of selfishness in her actions.

I'm a part of your life, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. It's no use arguing or trying to run away. I'll just follow you.

That's what I'm afraid of, she replied, shaking her head at him. I can't let you protect me forever. Are you going to fight my battles for me, too?

he said calmly. I know I can't protect you. But... I can believe in you. I can give you my support. I know it's not much, but I want to stand by you. I will stand by you through everything.

Shion hung her head, knowing that her protests would have no effect. If anyone was more stubborn than her, it was Allen.

Do you give up?



Then it's settled. We'll find Momo together.

I hope you two aren't planning on leaving without me, came a voice from the doorway.

Shion looked past Allen to see her brother standing at the top of the stairs.

she cried, giving him a pleading look. Not you, too.

I don't see why I should be left out, he replied.

Shion's brows drew together in a frown. A feeling of frustration and anguish churned in her stomach. Fisting her hands at her side, she turned her back to them, refusing to let them see the fear in her eyes.

If you follow me, she began. If you follow me... I'll lose you. Everyone in my life... I lose them, sooner or later... I don't want that to happen with you.

Is that what this is about? asked Jin. You didn't cause any of this, Shion. You just happen to be at the center of it, that's all. Keeping us away isn't going to change what's happening. We're involved, one way or another. We're all connected. Besides, I would rather face danger with the people I love, then to be safe and alone.

He's absolutely right, agreed Allen. We're in this together.

Shion turned to look from her brother to Allen. It was useless. With one of them she might have had a chance, but with the two of them ganging up on her, it was impossible to win. She swallowed her pride and gave a slight nod.

One hour. Be ready, or I'll leave without you.

Allen's face brightened. He was gone in an instant, hurrying back inside the house to pack his things. Jin smiled at her, shaking his head.

she asked.

I think part of you is glad things worked out this way.

she snorted.

Come on, you have to admit, things wouldn't be half as interesting without us.

If interesting means trouble, then I could do without it, she replied.

Jin's brow raised in a cool expression. Shion returned his look, and then, without warning, the corners of her mouth twitched upwards.

That's better, said her brother, turning around and heading inside.

Shion watched him go, fighting the urge to laugh. After all, she was supposed to be upset with them, wasn't she? Somehow, she couldn't find reason to stay angry. She lifted her eyes to the sky, feeling the warmth radiating down and touching her face.

Holding her hand over her heart, she could feel the steady rhythm beneath her fingers. It was such a simple thing, but like all simple things in life, she had taken her heart for granted. All these years, she had kept that part of herself closed off and had forgotten how much she needed to feel cherished and loved, things that were necessary to the soul.

Jin was right. They were all connected. Even now, she could feel his presence. She could feel them all. Everyone she cared about. Even those who were no longer living, they were still a part of her.

Suddenly, her memories of the past seemed less threatening. How could she continue to feel hurt and betrayed when the whole world was in front of her. For the first time, she understood something. Life was a gift and despite the lingering darkness, she was grateful for that gift.

The suffering of her parents, the loneliness she felt growing up, Kevin's meddling, and all the deaths she had witnessed... it was all important. She had to understand and accept these things because... pain was just a part of being human. Pain was one way of knowing that she was truly alive.

What was that power inside her that had been unlocked when she was a child? When she held up her hands and destroyed the Gnosis in that hospital room? Her fate had been sealed from that moment on. She had ceased to become an imitation of a living, breathing being and had changed into something--someone--real.

The world seemed a more scarier place than it had a moment ago, but now she knew she was not alone. Every life she touched and every life that touched hers... These delicate bonds, formed and broken in an instant... this was the fragile nature of the spirit.

Yet, in such fleeting moments there was great power.

Shion closed her eyes and held onto the realization, burning it into her mind so that she would never lose it again. She was finally complete and at peace.

Somewhere on the other side of the universe, the connection is felt.

Feelings pass down through tenuous links, invisible threads entwining through vast, empty space. Suffering and pain, heartache and loss, but now also love and joy, feelings of complete elation and relief. Memories drift into place and solidify into one, complete whole.

A sleeping angel wakes from a dream. She opens her eyes, clear and blue like the sky on a warm summer afternoon. A smile spreads across her face as she touches her fingers to her chest, grateful for being shown the path to her heart.

End.

A/N:
Sorry for the delay. Procrastination, blah!
Is it over??? Yup, afraid so. I left it pretty open-ended, in keeping with the idea that Shion's life is just beginning.
Aw, Allen is a sweetie. Maybe something happens between them, maybe not. I'm not good at writing fluff so I'll leave it up to your imagination.
Next chapter is just notes on Shion (things that raised a red flag in my mind).
Lastly, thanks for reading. I'm kinda in shock that people have stuck it out this far. Cool