Damn.

I tried being angry. It helped for a while. Even made my back feel
better. Gave me something else to think about, to focus on.

But then the anger gave way to the other pain. And then it hurt more.
And no morphine pump in the world could take away that hurt.

Damn.

I've been here for almost four days now. Only Viv has come to see me
since that first day. She's keeping me up to date on the latest office
gossip – who's screwing who, in both the political and physical senses.

And I'm feeling like I'm a member of both categories. I thought we'd
gotten to be more than just fuck buddies. We were best friends. I
thought that meant more.

Damn.

We've known each other for almost two years now. We've been fooling
around for a year. How come he couldn't say it?

I keep asking myself that question – why? Is it really that hard? Three
little words. I mean, he had to know it was mutual, right?

Damn.

I shake my head. How stupid can I be? Why should he know? I've never
said it, either. Three little words.

Maybe it's time to change that. Maybe it's time to really come clean. I
reach for the phone, ready to call him, but he's at my door.

Damn.