YEA! Reviews! Please keep it up! If you like it, or don't, tell me!!! Pretty please with sugar??
Leyre- Hehe, yea, sometimes I think that Sirius is certifiably insane…but he's fun to write!
Smart cids- Thanks!
The Lady Quotes- Yea, Remus has a good enough sense of humor to be amused by James and Sirius…lucky for them!
Deirdre of the Sorrows- Personally I think they deserved what I had Lily say to them, based on OOTP, but maybe that's just me. I really like Snape as well, and he CAN be a prick, but does he really deserve all of the things the Marauders do to him?
Red-Devil15- Hehe, Sirius puts a goldfish to shame with his inattentiveness…
AlyDragonChild- Hooray, Aly gave me candy! Nope, I'm not dead!
And without Further Ado….Chapter Six!
Strange Little Creatures
Please, Oh Great Nondenominational Deity in the Sky, let me NEVER forget that Sirius, sugar, and small animals DO NOT mix. Why James thought it would be okay to allow Sirius to have a chocolate bar and a Pumpkin Pasty for lunch is beyond me. Since it's only a week before the full moon (i.e. Let's See How Many Rules we can break This Month day), I have to go to the hospital wing daily to be "checked on." Naturally, because it just figures, I forgot and ended up having to go during lunch. Of course, EVERY SODDING INCH of me has to be checked over until Madam Pomfrey is satisfied, so by the time I left, lunch was nearly over. I had time to wolf (haha) down less than half a sandwich before the bell rang for Care of Magical Creatures. Had I been my normal, super-amazing self, I might have noticed that Sirius had already started rambling on about nothing. But, of course, in my breathless and food deprived state, I didn't notice anything wrong until we were in class.
"Today, we'll be starting our unit on Bowtruckles. Now, wh- Yes, Mr. Black?"
"Can I say something, Professor Kettleburn?" Yes, that was Stupid Arse himself, otherwise known as Sirius Black.
"I suppose so," said Professor Kettleburn uncertainly. Sirius stood up.
"I would like to say," he began solemnly, "that 'Bowtruckle' is a funny word. Thank you." Needless to say, most people's reaction here wasn't, "Oh, what a clever and witty person he is!" No, it was more, "Oh look at Sirius Black make a prat of himself, the idiot." And my reaction (because I like to be different), was along the lines of "I am NEVER leaving James and Sirius alone again." Of course, because God or Buddha or the Dalai Lama obviously hates me, it didn't stop there. Oohhh no.
"Yes, well, thank you for that- er- enlightening observation, Mr. Black," said Professor Kettleburn, raising his eyebrows. "Now, to continue. Who knows what a bowtruckle is? Yes, Mr. Black?" I spun around. Yes, people, the stupid idiot's hand was waving in the air, a moronic grin on his face, waiting to show of his intelligence yet again.
"A bowtruckle is a fairy kinda thingamajig, 'cept they bite. But if they bite you it just hurts. Only I got bitten by a cat once and that's worse as their teeth are bigger, and -" I finally came out of my coma and smacked Sirius upside the head. I was by now entirely convinced that Sirius was high or drunk. Or both. Probably both. Sirius gave me an indignant look.
"Ow. That hurt ,Remus!"
"Shut your bloody mouth then, you prat!" I hissed. "You're making a complete ass of yourself." Sirius looked hurt.
"I'm not; I'm just explaining what a bowtruckle is." Professor Kettleburn cleared his throat.
"If you would excuse me, gentlemen," he said irritably, "may I PLEASE continue my lesson uninterrupted?"
"Sorry, sir," I mumbled.
"Thank you. Now, bowtruckles are wood guardians who generally live in trees whose wood can be made into wands. Can anyone tell me what they eat?"
"Candy!" Guess who?
"Yes, Miss Evans?" said Professor Kettleburn, ignoring Sirius.
"Wood lice," answered Lily, shooting Sirius a murderous glare and mouthing What is he on? at me. Wouldn't we all like to know?
"Correct. Five points to Gryffindor. Now, keep in mind that bowtruckles do bite, so please be careful when you take on. I'd like you to observe the bowtruckle's anatomy and write two feet on their diet, habitat, and anything else you found interesting in your research. You may start now."
"I have two feet! Hey Moony, d'you think he wants us to write on our feet? Because that would be cool," said Sirius excitedly.
"Make him SHUT UP!" Lily snarled.
"I'm trying! Merlin's beard, Sirius, what the hell did you eat?" James blushed guiltily. I groaned.
"I have a feeling that I don't want to hear this," I said grimly.
"No, probably not. So can we skip the part where I tell you and you yell at me and just pretend nothing happened?" James suggested hopefully.
"Moony! MOOOOOOONYYY!!"
"WHAT, Sirius?"
"I can tell you what I had for lunch; you don't need James to tell you. I had candy- a chocolate bar." I glowered at James.
"You let him have a CHOCLATE BAR for lunch?"
"And a Pumpkin Pasty," said James meekly. "Don't look at me like that! He's not a kid, Remus, he didn't HAVE to eat it. Just because I dared him to-" He stopped, taking in the look on my face. "Oh, shit."
"You DARED him to?" James squirmed nervously.
"Well, I wanted to see how fast he could eat it."
"Brilliant, James, just brilliant," I snapped.
"Stop acting like my mother, Remus. It was just candy. And it's not like anyone got hurt or anything."
"True," I conceded. I relaxed a little. So what if Sirius had made a complete fool of himself? It wasn't my problem. Right?
"Hey, guys, look at these thingies! They look like bits of twig with eyes!"
"Sirius, DON"T TOUCH THAT!" Too late. Sirius screamed as the bowtruckle bit him and dropped it, yelling "My HAND! My poor hand!" Meanwhile, the pissed off fairy thing was attempting to bolt out the door, amidst shrieks of, "Don't let it escape!" and "CATCH the bloody thing!" and "It attacked him!", along with constant refrains of "My hand! My hand!" by Sirius, the dim-witted, overly caffeinated, hyperactive prat. Lily finally managed to stun the stupid thing, and everyone calmed down a little. Professor Kettleburn (surprise, surprise) wasn't pleased.
"Right, you three. I've had enough of your clowning around. GET OUT OF HERE!" We did. Peter gave shot me a sympathetic look. I miserably grabbed my bag and followed James and Sirius out of the room.
"I think I'm bleeding," Sirius said, frowning at his hand. "Am I bleeding?"
"Shut up, Sirius. Your speaking privileges are revoked for the rest of the day," I said sullenly. Sirius ignored me.
"You know, those bowtruckle things are strange little creatures. And really mean."
"Sirius, STOP TALKING. I'm hemorrhaging from the ears!" I yelled.
"Well fine, be that way," Sirius said huffily. He stopped talking until we got to the castle. I hightailed it to the Library, because A.) I knew he wouldn't follow me and B.) I couldn't get into any more trouble there. Unfortunately it's nearly curfew, so I'd better go. -RJL