The Bachelor Chapter 5
Hermione walked back to her room in a daze. She felt like she was in a pigpen—from all the squeals that other girls were emitting. "Oh, gosh!" she heard someone shout. "Where is my yellow bikini?"
Hermione breathed in a sigh of relief as she entered the quiet of her room. That was until she remembered what torture her day would turn out to be. Self-consciously, Hermione donned an elegant and fashionable aqua one-piece with a deep neck and sides that showed the sides of her abdomen. Although this was a little too revealing for her, there was no way she was going to show up to some pool orgy in a bikini.
She grabbed a pair of flip-flops and an old white pool robe, put her hair up in a bun, and stepped out to wait for the rest of the girls. After waiting for about five minutes, she sighed, went back in and came out with an interesting read.
It turned out to be a very good idea--it was a good thirty minutes before any other life showed up. It turned out to be the girl called Albany. She wore a frown on her face as she pranced across the room in her outfit.
"What do you think?" she asked Hermione, whose nose was buried deep in the book.
Hermione looked up, a little disoriented. Her mouth nearly dropped open when she saw the tiny thing that Albany wore. Half her chest was hanging out and the bottoms were much too low. Hermione gave her a wane smile and muttered, "Lovely."
Honestly, she thought angrily, he's not going to appreciate hanging out with sluts! Or maybe he would. Malfoy struck her as that type of guy.
Not long afterward, the rest of the girls were ready to go. "I am so excited," declared Hannah happily. One of the cameramen came into the room and zoomed up on Hannah's glowing face. Hannah spoke clearly. "I hope he likes my brand new bikini," Hannah said loudly. "I'm so pumped about this date!"
Hermione groaned as the cameraman made his way to her. "How do you feel about getting the individual date?" he asked slyly.
"A little disappointed," Hermione said. "I've heard that Malfoy is a little…weak with his alcohol," Hermione said, smirking. The cameraman wheezed.
"Why are you on this show?" he probed.
Hermione shrugged. "Why not?" she answered calmly. There was no way she was going to rant to the entire wizard world about how her mother had practically forced her onto the bloody show.
Finally the girls all circled around a port key (which just happened to be in the shape of an M, as Hermione noticed with disdain) and soon found themselves in one of the wizard world's top-rated spas (and obviously extremely expensive), L'Acqua.
When they arrived, Kathy Silver immediately greeted them. Hermione sighed. The lady seemed to be everywhere.
"I'm sure you are all very excited about seeing Draco!" she gushed. All the girls smiled brightly. Hermione pretended to be absorbed in the shape of her right toe.
"First we're going to set you all up with fifteen minutes alone with Draco in one of the steam rooms," Kathy explained. "Why don't you go first?" she said, pointing to a small girl who nearly jumped with joy.
"First impressions last," she said knowingly as she went into the room that Kathy had pointed to.
All the other girls slid into the warm water of a nearby hot tub. Hermione closed her eyes, trying to relax. At last they were free of the cameramen--who were now haunting Malfoy and the tiny girl.
Around her, the other girls were talking about what their impressions of Malfoy were so far. "Hermione loves him," Rose said teasingly.
Hermione cracked open an eye and glared at Rose. "I don't think so," she said.
"You liar," another one said. "You're just playing hard-to-get!"
Just then the small girl stepped out of the steam room. "That's a great pore-cleanser," she said lightly, although her voice was slightly higher than what it had been before she'd gone in. "Anyway, you're next, Rose."
And so it went--through all four girls until at last it was Hermione's turn. With a look of resignation, Hermione marched up to the room and opened it. Hot steam greeted her nostrils and eyes; she couldn't see a thing.
Groping about Hermione sat down on one of the benches, expecting to feel the hard wood beneath her. Instead, she felt something soft…bouncy…oh, no, it was rather like…human flesh!
"Granger, giving me a lap dance isn't going to get you into the next round," someone drawled.
Hermione screamed and leapt up with a smell yelp. Unfortunately, the floor was slippery and in her haste to get up, she slid across the floor, finally banging into the opposite wall. With a small moan, she rubbed her elbow, which had jabbed into the wall.
From his corner, Malfoy snickered. "You're not doing a very good job of impressing me so far," he said lightly.
"I'm not trying to impress you," Hermione said in the loudest voice she could muster--which wasn't very loud because of the pain she was in. "Could you at least help me up?" she finally asked.
Hermione heard him sigh and move towards her. Grabbing his hand, she lifted herself up and breathlessly stared at him. "I hate you," she said.
"Oh. I rather expected a thank-you," he said with a scowl. He prowled back to his bench and Hermione determinedly sat down on the bench that was directly opposite.
"How much time do we have left?" she asked, crossing her arms across her chest, a little worried.
"How should I know? And you don't need to sit like that. It's not like I can see much anyway. Not that there's anything even to see…"
Hermione huffed. "I'd come hit you if I was sure that I wouldn't fall again."
"Weakling."
A few minutes of silence passed. "So," Hermione finally said, the silence beginning to unnerve her, "What girls are you interested in so far?"
For a moment, it was quiet and Hermione was sure he wasn't going to answer. But then he spoke up. "I really don't know," he said thoughtfully. "There are too many."
Hermione smiled to herself. "Well, what about the ones here today?"
Another small pause before he said anything. "Well, I can't stand the one who looks like she's wearing nipple clamps."
Hermione snorted. "You mean Albany?"
"If that's what the wench's name is," he said.
Hermione was pleasantly surprised. Who would have thought Malfoy would have enough taste to go for a decent girl?
The rest of the time passed by in silence, but it was rather companionable, Hermione thought. Until, of course, she remembered that tonight she'd have to see him again.
After that, the date passed by rather quickly. They all entered the hot tub, and Hermione nearly snorted as she watched the girls constantly rearrange themselves so they could be next to Malfoy. Hermione was the only sedimentary one of the lot. She sat in one of the corners with a powerful jet and let the relaxing feeling wash over her as she heard the sickly-sweet voices of the girls around her and Malfoy's deep growl of a laugh. It didn't sound very happy.
Finally the girls bade Hermione and Malfoy (well, more Malfoy) good bye and the two that were left were escorted to the poolside terrace restaurant.
Hermione was dismayed to find out that the menu was entirely in French. As the waiter approached the table, Hermione grew more and more agitated, but she didn't want to ask Malfoy for any help. Maybe I can skip dinner, she thought, but her stomach immediately growled in protest.
"Vous desirez?" Hermione stared up at the waiter who had sneaked up on them. He looked down snottily.
"Go ahead," Hermione said to Malfoy as she racked her brain. She didn't want to look like an idiot--after all, she never looked like an idiot--but she couldn't read the menu and now she couldn't understand the waiter.
To her shock, Malfoy looked at the waiter stonily and began to speak rapid French. "Je voudrais du poisson avec citron," he said.
Both the waiter and Malfoy turned to Hermione expectantly. Feeling herself going red, she decided that she would just have to ask Malfoy.
"Um, I can't speak French," she hissed at him.
A slow grin began growing on his face. He turned to the waiter and said, "Et elle voudrait le même chose." The waiter nodded, took their menus, and left.
"What did you just order me?" Hermione demanded furiously.
"The specialty of the house," he said, smirking.
"Which would be…"
"Chicken liver and rabbit paté," he smirked.
Hermione paled considerably. "You didn't," she whispered.
His grin was so infuriating!
Suddenly she felt a sick wave of nausea wash over her. "How could you!" she shrieked. Some people turned to look at them.
"Shut up," he said rudely. The silence grew uncomfortable as they waited (or dreaded, in Hermione's case) for their food.
Finally he broke the silence. "So, Granger, why are you on the show?"
Hermione scowled at him. "I'm supposed to be looking for a serious boyfriend…or 'someone to settle down with' as my mother puts it."
"Ah. So the all-mighty Hermione Granger, woman who doesn't listen to anybody…decides to go man shopping when her mother forces her to."
In spite of herself, Hermione had to laugh. "Man shopping?" she said, her eyes nearly watering. "That's a good way to put it. So, then…why are you here?"
He shrugged. "Actually," he said after a few moments. "Same reason as you," he whispered, keeping his voice so low that the cameras wouldn't pick it up.
Hermione, who had just taken a sip of the Merlot, coughed into the wine. Smirking, she looked at him. "I have blackmail material against you now."
"It's not like I don't have any against you."
Finally, the food arrived, steaming hot, at their table. Hermione mentally grimaced and closed her eyes. She could practically feel Malfoy's smirk boring into her as the plates were set in front of them.
When she opened her eyes, she stared down in shock at the plate in front of her.
"Malfoy!" she yelled. "This is salmon with lemon!"
"Ah," he said lightly. "So it is."
"You bastard!" she yelled. "You horrible little ferret! You had me so worried!"
He smirked. "Too bad you can't speak French, Granger. That's one thing that you can't do."
Huffing, Hermione dug into the food.
The next day the last five girls departed on their date with Malfoy, excited about going to a small Irish village. They returned, smiling happily, and one of them was squawking in delight. "Oh, my, gosh," she yelled happily. "Girls, he snogged me!"
Hermione rolled her eyes. The familiar scene was getting rather boring, really. Just then Kathy Silver walked in with a broad smile. "Girls," she said quietly. "It's time for the second rose ceremony."
An immediate silence followed the announcement, and the girls followed Kathy into the next room.
Malfoy stood there near a pile of freshly cut roses. Hermione rolled her eyes as he began the usual speech--"This has been the most difficult decision so far. All of you are wonderful women…"
Hermione saw him sneak a glance at her and she stuck out her tongue. It was immature, she thought to herself, but he was bull shitting his way through so many women.
Malfoy picked up the first rose confidently and spoke. "Hannah," he said slowly. Hannah smiled and went up to accept the rose. Similarly, Malfoy made his way through many other girls, which, to Hermione's surprise, consisted of mainly Hogwarts graduates--Blaise, Parvati, Lavender, and Millicent among them. Finally he was down to the last rose. Albany was holding her breath, and Hermione almost felt sorry for her. She knew Malfoy wasn't about to pick the 'nipple clamp' girl, as he called her.
Hermione's name hadn't been called and to her surprise, her heartbeat had intensified. She wanted to stay here…Malfoy had gotten her so badly at that restaurant, and he needed pay back. Big time…
After what seemed the longest pause, Malfoy quietly said, "Gran--er, Hermione."
Smirking, Hermione went up and accepted the rose, although she did back out of the customary hug. Oh, Malfoy, she thought revengefully, you have just made a big mistake. You are really in for something.
A/N: Well, to all of you that complained about the length of the chapter--this is the longest chapter I've ever made! Please be satisfied with it! Please! Okay, well I actually have something to say during the author's note for once.
First off, I want to say to all of you that said you disliked the 'muggle show'--if you haven't noticed yet, this is really a parody of it! I'm glad you all liked that! Yes, the girls are completely exaggerated!
Er, how do you all feel about me doing recommended fics? I know some awesome humorous fics out there, so tell me in your review if you'd like me to start them starting next time. I'm only going to do a few…
Okay, the French! I had to work for that- I don't speak French so I had to ask friends who take French. If you don't know what they mean-- 'Vous desirez' means, "What would you like?" and 'Je voudrais du poisson avec citron' means, "I will have the fish with lemon" and 'Et elle voudrait le même chose' means "she will have the same thing."
One last thing. I am so close to 100 reviews! Thank you so much, reviewers! Would appreciate mucho if this was reviewed too! Also, if you want an e-mail update, leave your e-mail address in the review and tell me you want one! I'm already doing some so it's no problem! Sorry for such a long author's note.