Chapter 3: More Randomness
Disclaimer: I don't own Family Feud I don't own Hp, do we really have to go through this every chapter?
Me: Ok I had some editing on this one...but he isn't here to comment on that so Ha! Take that Jon! cough Right well...enjoy!...
-lights go up and music plays, JKR walking out-
JKR: Hello and welcome to Wizarding Family Feud, the game where wizarding families duck it out in a match of wits and wonder. But before we start the game let's welcome our families.
-camera zooms in on Harry who points to the scar, crowd oo's and ahhs. The other members are shown, Uncle Vernon, Sirius Black, Ron, and Fred and George Weasley-
JKR: ... wait, the Weasleys aren't part of Harry's family. And Fred and George can't count as one person.
George: I suppose we could have brought in Duddly but he's a bit absorbed up right now discovering our Hideous Hydra Hamburgers.
cried out from offstage: "This hamburger is biting me back!"
Me: It's my story. Just go with it.
JKR: Well you're getting it wrong.
Me: Don't make me erase you from the script. I could have easily gotten Oliver Wood and trust me he would have gotten better ratings.
-JKR mumbles under her breath-
JKR: And now the Malfoy family! –lights shine on the Malfoys, Crab and Goyle, and one mysteriously cloaked figure in the last spot-
JKR: Let's have our first two contestants step up please.
-Harry and Draco step up, Draco kicking Harry behind the buzzer box-
Harry: He kicked me, he kicked me!
Draco hands JKR a sack of money: No I didn't!
MCF (mysteriously cloaked figure): All shall bow to me!
-George snickers-
JKR: To start the game we've polled all of Hogwarts School and found seven responses to the following question. What is the most popular thing to do in Hogwarts?
-Harry buzzes in- "Quidditch"
JKR: Quidditch is the number one answer. Draco?
Draco: Here take some more money.
-JKR pockets the money- And the Malfoy family will be starting us off.
-Draco smirks and walks back-
JKR: alright. Lucious what is the most popular thing to do in Hogwarts?
Lucious: I'd have to say making evil plots.
-JKR raises an eyebrow- "...alright. Show me 'Making Evil Plots'-
MCF: I SHALL RULE YOU ALL!
–board flips and shows it as answer #7-
JKR: Yes, with 6 votes, 'Making Evil Plots' is up there.
-JKR moves to Crab who is picking his nose-
JKR: Crab? Seriously, we're on TV. Use a piece of Kleenex or something.
Crab: Clean-axe?
George: You can try one of mine.
Crab: Why thank yo... Oh god! It's attacking my face!
JKR: Attacking my face, let's see if it's up there. Survey says...
- Big Red 'X' –
JKR: No. I'm sorry Crab, attacking your face is not one of the most popular Hogwarts activities. But good try. Maybe next time.
JKR: Now Goyle, what would you guess to be a popular Hogwarts activity.
Goyle: Hehehe. Mak'n... uh... mak'n fun a Ron and Harry. Cause they're so darn silly.
JKR: I hear "Making fun of Ron and Harry." Survey says?
- board flips and shows answer #3 –
JKR: Yes, surprisingly enough, that is quiet a popular response with 25 votes.
Ron: You know, I take offense to that...
Harry: Aren't there 25 people in house Slytherin?
Draco: Complete coincidence, I'm sure.
MCF: BLAST YOU MUGGLES AND MUDBLOODS! I SHALL RULE YOU ALL!
JKR: Now on to you Mr. Mysteriously Cloaked Figure.
Lucien: How about we just skip him and flip over one of those correct answers? Dangles a bag of money
JKR: Hey, what sort of money is in this sack anyway?
Draco: A few shillings, a few sickles, mostly knuts.
George and Fred: Hehehe. It's a knut sack.
JKR: I'm sorry, but I'll have to insist Mr. MCF answer.
MCF: HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO THE DARK LORD OF ALL THAT IS EVIL AS AN EQUAL! I SHOULD TURN YOU INTO A MOUSE AND FEED YOU TO HECTOR, MY BURMESSE PYTHON!
JKR: Our mysterious contestant says "Turn you into a mouse and feed you to snakes." Survey says...
- Big Red 'XX' -
JKR: Oh. I'm sorry. That's two strikes against the Malfoys.
JKR: And we're back to you Draco.
-Draco stares at JKR for a long moment and then says "You're one of them..." and slowly backs away off the stage-
JKR: ...
-lights dim as it goes to commercial-
-George shouts- "It's Ok! They'll turn on again don't panic!"
-Fred grins at JKR for a while and then announces "I have new socks on."-
-lights go up again-
JKR: Welcome back! Draco's answer was 'You're one of them'. Let's see if it's up there.
Big Red 'XXX' –
-Fred calls out "Group Hug!" as they go into a huddle-
JKR: Alright...George have you and your team members come up with an answer?
-Hermione raises her hand out in the audience-
George: I'm going to say going to Hogsmeade.
JKR: Let's see if its up there.
-Flips as #2 answer-
JKR: And the Potters...ish...get the points and win the game!
Me: That's not the end of the game...
JKR: Bite me.
Me: Don't make me get Oliver Wood.
MCF: I AM LORD VOLDEMORT! FEAR ME!!!
-crowd gasps and scrambles-
-Harry grabs the sack of money and runs offstage-
MCF: RAWRRRR!!!
-JKR snickers as lights dim-
-Me sighs and shakes her head- "Main characters"
JKR: Are you insulting my characters?
Me: And what if I was?
JKR: Then...I'll...
-Me erases JKR from script- Buah ha ha...
-Jingle Bells plays in ending music-
Me: I give up.
Fin.