A/N: Firstly thanks to those who reviewed the first part and also to those who just read it. This next entry isn't from Rei's diary, but I really can't imagine it being a problem to figure out whose diary it's from in stead. And then a little warning. There will be some mentioning of KaixTyson in this part, and while I do not like it, it's very essential for the plot, and I simply had to write it that way. I can assure everybody, though, that Tyson won't be involved particularly later on; this is, will be, all about ReixKai

I do not own BeyBlade!

Please do read and review!

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Dear Diary – A Kicked Puppy

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Dear Diary,

Who thought that I would ever get to write a diary? I definitely didn't, but yet I'm right here doing it. It just proves that nothing is ever what it seems.

Reason why I'm doing this is that Mr. Dickinson told me to; he thought it'd be good for me, as I'm apparently not exactly the Kai I used to be or the Kai he used to know.

It's very strange. He never ceases to amaze me with how much he knows about me and how well he actually does seem to know me. I'm not sure I fully know how he does it, but in the letter that followed the diary he wrote that he thought it would do me good to find out what exactly is going on inside my head, and hopefully I'd also find out what to do about the problems I have caused.

I have absolutely no idea what he's referring by saying something like that, but I guess I'll find out?

But because I do respect him as a person and also the authority that he has proven to be, I'll do as he told me to. If anyone should ever ask me what I'm doing writing a diary, though I highly doubt that anyone would ever be able to bring up the courage to actually do so, I'll tell them to mind their own business and then maybe that Mr. Dickinson needed me to do it. It wouldn't make sense if I did this just for the sake of it when I have so much else to do with my precious time.

It's not exactly a lie, and even if it was, why would I care?

Secretly and only to myself, however, I must admit that there is a little more to it than just that. The main reason behind all of this is somewhat different.

The main reason is that Mr. Dickinson is probably right.

It seems he knows me better than anyone else, which is truly sad considering who this man actually is, and that he has some sort of instinct telling him when something isn't alright with me. It annoys me beyond words. Why did the one and only Mr. Dickinson have to develop parental instincts for me? It's stupid and pointless, but obviously I can't help it.

Mr. Dickinson isn't my real problem, though, and even if I would love to, really I absolutely would… Not, filling this diary up with things about him isn't going to sort out the mess inside my head.

And what a mess!

I really hope nobody is ever going to read this, because they will truly think I have lost my mind. Not just for doing as I did, but also for not feeling bad about it. Maybe, just maybe I really am going back to the person I was once, and maybe I like it that way too. Maybe I've realized that life was so much easier back then when I didn't absolutely have to care about everyone around me, not hurt their feelings, make sure to smile and look supportive at the right times and so on.

Cause that is really the strangest thing. For a while there I think I might have given it a decent try. And I think I might even have succeeded…

Bizarre.

But so what if I've stopped caring? So what if I'm once again turning into a heartless monster? Let's face reality for a minute here. I'm in a business that will eventually turn everybody into some sort of freak, as power and the prospect of power will override any and every human value; it's a fact! Take a look at everybody who's gotten somewhere with their blading. They've turned ignorant, arrogant and extremely in love with themselves. May I just say Majestics, All Stars, and even the White Tigers? They've always had bad attitudes, but they're just plain horrid now. And it didn't happen over night, I know that; it happened slowly, yes, but they have changed. Why shouldn't I have the right as well?

That thought is probably what scares me the most. That I compare myself with them and realize that my behavior isn't unique, that other people can turn that way too. People I never imagined would.

Even more disturbing is the fact that I am now in a position where I can tell how disastrous this could be. I know because I've been at the other end of the line as well, I've seen the situation from a human point of view. I don't think I do anymore, and if that's true, then what is left of me that really is me?

And while this does worry me to a great extent, there's another side of me that just doesn't give a damn. That side tends to be superior.

I'm told I'm supposed to have an easy life doing what I love. Ha, I can only laugh at that!

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So I have all these issues, and I have to deal with them. Question is how.

I know how the other guys do it. Tyson's developed this almost callous side to his personality that at times makes him use people in every which way he wants. Of course he just leaves them where they fall; it's so obvious that he doesn't care. After seeing this happen, I promised myself never to become like that, and I still like to tell myself that it hasn't come that far, though the wicked side of my personality finds itself strangely drawn to this change in his nature.

Kenny just loses himself in blading and figuring out strategies with Dizzi. His whole life is eat, sleep, work, nothing more, nothing less.

With Max it's a little more difficult. What does actually keep him going? It took me a while to figure that one out, but I ended up with an answer. His way of coping is always being the funny one, always being the silly one, the one nobody really counts on as a serious person. It takes a lot of the pressure off him and he's probably the one of us who's still mostly normal behind the façade.

Now there's only Rei left to tell you about, and frankly I don't know what to say. Rei is one of my first real friends, my best friend, Mariah's boyfriend and so on. All the words ending with "friend" that's Rei. Earlier we always did everything together, so what made us strong and kept us strong was the fact that we knew we had each other. Can I just say pink candy floss?

I was fine with that; it was really good because I liked him.

I'm still fine and everything, but I'm also growing a bit tired of him. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, but I'm getting so fed up with having a lovesick puppy, that looks like I just kicked it, walking with me everywhere I go.

Do you see what I mean by me not being entirely me?

When we started out as a team and for the first while, I wouldn't have had a problem saying something like that, but it didn't take me long to grow used to them, and Rei especially, and before I knew of it I didn't think along those lines anymore. I actually liked them.

Now I just don't care.

The only thing I really care about is how to make him cut his "I'm hurt because I want you, but you don't want me" attitude out. I can't take it any more, it's driving me crazy.

Okay, so we made out twice, and I'll admit it, it was good, but it wasn't all that, and I did absolutely not give him any reason to believe that we had a thing going on. We didn't make any promises, none whatsoever, we just agreed on not telling anybody. I have the same arrangement with Tyson and that works out just fine. At least he seems to understand what it's all about. No relationship, no strings, no nothing, apart from a little fooling around when we feel like it.

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Actually, come to think of it, it was Tyson's idea to see if I could have Rei. We didn't mean any harm, it was just for the fun of it, or maybe his malicious side had something to say, but I really wouldn't know. He thought everything up, though, down to the smallest detail, and all I did was follow the plan.

Monday night, Rei was hanging in my room. I could tell he was bored, so I thought it would be a good time to try out the plan. I went to him and we started talking. I know how I can affect people with my eyes, but luckily not even Rei has found out about that yet, so I turned the wicked look on and stared at him, piercing through him. He fell quiet, obviously confused and taken aback, which gave me quite a kick, so I asked him about Mariah, just to tease him a bit. He answered honestly, that she didn't mean anything to him, she was like his little sister, and then I made my move. I suggested a bet.

If I could kiss him without him turning me down he'd win a massage.

I know my eyes are amazing, but so are my hands and I knew it was an offer he wasn't going to thank no to.

And of course he didn't.

I remember smirking inwardly at his gullibility as I kissed him with everything in me and shocked him to the point of no return. He adjusted fast, though, and we started making out. I am really good with my hands.

Tyson came a little later and interrupted us. Rei left immediately, and Tyson and I had a good laugh over him when I told him the story.

He's nice and warm to sleep next to, just for the record.

Next day I acted like nothing had happened and I thought I was still Rei's friend. Apparently I wasn't. He wanted to be near me all the time, and I soon realized that being with him had been a bad idea. But not even then did I feel like I had done anything wrong. Cause I hadn't, not really.

So I spent the week ignoring him to get my point across.

Please, I don't need a boyfriend, and I do sure as Hell not need Rei as my boyfriend.

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When the week had passed he seemed to have accepted that it had only been that one night. That made me feel sort of sorry for him, and Tyson hadn't been around for a while, so the next night, which happened to be a Monday night again like last time, I asked him for some help with some technical details on upgrading Dranzer. Lame request, I know, but I had to make sure he knew what I was at, and he did, cause it happened again.

–

Another week passed by, and two nights ago, Monday night, I knew he was expecting something again. I really didn't feel like it, though, and I really didn't care either, so I didn't bother doing anything at all. I could also tell that it hurt him a lot, but that's not really my problem.

I think this is what Mr. Dickinson is so worried about. My lack of, I don't know, respect maybe for other people and their feelings. There isn't any excuse for my behavior, but then again, I'm not really sorry, so I don't really need an excuse.

However, I do fully understand why he's worried, secretly I am too. What will I turn into later if this is how I feel at the age of 17? And what about Rei? I still want him to be my friend, I love him like that, and only like that, I'm not even all that gay, if I have to tell you the truth.

So as you can see I'm about to mess up big time here if I don't do anything, and soon. It's just that I'm not up for doing anything. Mr. Dickinson was wise to send me this diary, but I don't think that even his wisdom can help me out of this one. I'm not human anymore and that's the whole problem. I used to have Rei to lean on and rely on, teaching me the whole human thing, but I somehow don't think that's how it is now. Go ahead and blame me, it's not like I give a damn anyway.

I guess I'll just have to take care of things myself, as usual, and hope for the best. Is there really anything else I can do?

Yours sincerely

Kai Hiwatari