A/N: Again thanks to those who read and reviewed this, it means the world! I would especially like to thank Bonnie/max/rei for giving me the perfect idea for how to end this once I get that far. That way my baby, Pretty Crimson Eyes, can stay happy as my own suggestion for an alternative ending was to kill them all (Mwahahahaha) and she didn't exactly like that… There's a little bad language in this and it's not pretty, but I have a feeling it's something most people can handle anyway. Oh and yeah. Mention of KaixTyson, but also TysonxHillary.

I do not own BeyBlade!

Please do read and review!

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Dear Diary – Kai Who?

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Dear Diary,

Today I've made two great and important decisions!

Firstly, I'm fine with just writing Dear Diary. I've tried, but I can't think of anything else to write that I like better so it'll have to do, even though I'm still not too fond of the way it makes me sound…

That was the less great and important decision. The really great and important one is that I'm completely, entirely, and totally over Kai Hiwatari!

I am not in love with that creep of a perverted control freak with no heart or conscience whatsoever. Not anymore!

If he doesn't want me? Fine, I don't want him either, bite me, I couldn't care less. And if he does want me? Well, I still don't want him! Bite me even more, I really couldn't care less!

How could I want someone that makes me wanna puke? I'm just asking.

So. The end. Period! Easy as pie. Kai who?

–

Right.

Okay, Rei, easy there, deep breaths.

And you know, sorry, my little rage attack is over. You can come back out now, no need to hide anymore.

But really, being all sober and serious, I'm over him. I am!

Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

I'm not really over him, though, I can admit that here, right? And I'm not really that sick of him either, and I know for sure that if he made me an offer I'd take it straight away. Stupid, yeah I know, you're telling me, but I guess that's what being in love does to you.

Gah, maybe I am gonna be sick, I'm making myself nauseous over here. Because, and isn't it almost law of nature by now? He'd hurt me again. I'm positive. But I'd still do it and hope and pray he wouldn't. I just want him to be in love with me the same way I'm in love with him, is that too much to ask?

No, don't even answer that one. I know it is since he obviously isn't feeling the same way I am, but what am I doing wrong? I really can't think of anything and I've tried everything to please him or at least just get in contact with him so that he'd notice me.

I've played hard to get, he didn't even react on it, I doubt if he even noticed it. I've been loving, which just made him look at me as if I was his annoying little brother interfering with his quality time with his boyfriend, and that's just sad and not at all what I aimed for. I've been his friend, which was just plain weird as it's pretty obvious that we're not even really on speaking terms right now. I've tried to make him jealous, which earned me an encouraging smile and wink spelling out in letters ten feet high to finally go and get laid. And by someone else, preferably. I've tried all the things I could think of, but they never worked, he always turned to Tyson instead. And may I just say for everything?

Man!

When did my life get this messy?

And that's another problem I have. Not the mess in my life, mind you. Well, that too actually, but… Yeah. What I really wanted to say is Tyson. One of my best friends if you ask the public and the press. Now, if you ask me I would just say my so-called-blading best friend.

–

Hey, go me, I invented a new word. So-called-blading best friend. Interesting… Or really not.

Anyway.

He's only so-called, because how can he be my best friend when he's doing whatever it is he's doing with my real best friend and the one I want to be with? Let me tell you. He can't, I already figured that one out.

Well then, how do I know they've got something going on?

Easy. I saw them.

That really cut me into pieces. They were lying there on Kai's bed kissing, cuddling, talking and laughing, all the things I want to do with Kai. And see, even Kai would change his behavior for someone he really cares about, Tyson, whereas he's still his usual uncaring self around me. It's not fair, and right at that moment they seemed so perfect for each other that I just felt like dying. It was so obvious that Kai had everything he could ever want in Tyson. Which leaves very little room for lil' ol' me.

But maybe my luck is returning, because at least that problem seems to have solved itself.

I stayed there by the door. I could only see very little through it, but it didn't matter, my mind already had all the pictures that I didn't want to see ready to flash for me. I didn't want to stay, believe me, I didn't. The two of them together was probably the very last thing I ever wanted to see or hear, but I was frozen to the spot, cause the thought of them as a couple never occurred to me.

Now I'm glad I stayed, cause the next words Tyson said really made my day. It was something along the lines of: "Kai, this is nice, and I really like you, but you hopefully know that this is the last time it's ever going to happen."

That wasn't exactly what he said, but it's not all that important. My point here is that he was trying to do something that probably wouldn't be too healthy for their future together. I was confused of course and paid even more attention to his next words: "I'm not the type to cheat on the people I'm with, and now that I have Hillary she's all I need."

–

I don't know what happened after that. Honestly I don't, I just blacked out I guess.

–

Half an hour later I found myself in my room silly with happiness. Tyson had someone else, which meant he didn't need Kai, which again meant Kai might see me…

Oh, and yes, you heard that right, Tyson is taken, but is anyone really surprised?

No, I didn't think so either.

–

So, yesterday when we all met up at the dojo to train he brought that girl of his, Hillary. I liked seeing them together, cause they both looked happy in a very real way and they were so great for each other. Somehow that also made me happy. Maybe it was because Tyson really showed me that he didn't need Kai at all, I don't know. They were so relaxed with each other and she was really nice, so I tried my best to make a good impression and make her like me. After all she is the one I can thank for my opening, and luckily she seemed to like me too. Now I just have to be careful that she doesn't start to crush on me…

No, just kidding, she wouldn't, I can tell by the way she looks at Tyson and he looks at her. Those two people were made for each other, trust me.

Kai noticed that little fact too. I watched him while he was watching them, which he did all the time. He'd never admit that Tyson and this change in his love life hurt him, but I know it did. I wanted to go and comfort him, tell him that we would be just as perfect together as Tyson and Hillary are. If he would just open his pretty eyes and see how much he means to me.

–

You know the second decision I told you about earlier, the one about being over him? Well, forget that. I can't even keep my mind focused on being over him for as long as it takes me to write in my diary. Is that pathetic? I think it is. I hate that he makes me feel like this! For God's sake, I'm seventeen, not eleven. And I'm acting like such a girl again. I should be able to handle this, I should be able to make him mine. But I'm not.

It's cruel. I'm loved all over the world. Girls faint when they see me, I get more offers than I could ever have the time to take, even guys like me. I'm successful, I'm good-looking, I'm good company, I can be cute, I can be a bad-ass, I can be tough, whatever he'd want, but none of it seems to interest him.

I've pondered the idea that maybe he's just playing hard to get just like I was, but I don't think that's the case. If it was he'd respond to me at least once in a while, wouldn't he?

And to top it all off I lost his friendship too. Why is it that making out always ruins great friendships?

"Hey, pick me, pick me, I know the answer." Drum rolls It doesn't. Ours was just ruined because stupid Rei, that's me, had to fall head over heels in love with his best friend, that's Kai, who he happened to be making out with. Note this: Don't ever, ever fall in love with your best friend. It just fucks everything up, and you end up without a best friend.

I could just start crying now. Everything is so wrong and I miss having things the way they were before. Kai and I were the best friends. We didn't have anything going on, we weren't clinging onto each other, but we weren't ignoring each other either. I trusted Tyson to be one of my closest and smartest friends and someone who only wanted the best for me. I believed Mariah was the one I was going to spend my entire life with, and I was pleased with that too. I loved her, believe me, I did. Yes, we had our ups and downs, but that's life for you. There were times where I gladly would have killed her with my bare hands, I won't deny it, but I also have a place in my mind marked Mariah and everything in there consists of all the good memories I have of her, all the wonderful things we've done together.

But Mariah. My so-called girlfriend. Everything seems to be so-called these days. Not even she can take my mind of Kai, not even she can cheer me up and that's really bad. She always could earlier. She's noticed that something is wrong, but I haven't told her yet what it is specifically. It'll be the end of us, and I can't handle that as well right now on top of everything. I have to, though, the sooner the better. It's not fair towards her. I don't even know why I'm doubting her. Every time something was up and I told her she always reacted the best possible way. Do you think she'll do that this time, too? I hope so. I'm telling her as soon as I'm done writing this.

I have something else to tell her now that I think about it. I've been thinking a lot, as you can probably tell; it's all I do lately really.

I'm in love with Kai and Kai is a guy. I don't love Mariah anymore; I don't seem to like girls at all anymore. That means I'm gay, right?

Yeah, I thought so too. That's the other thing I have to tell her. Might as well drop the entire bomb at the same time instead of hurting her again later.

I don't want to write any more. I don't feel like it. I'm too depressed, and I'm not making any sense. For my own sake I just have to add that things are lighting up a bit. Tyson is out of the picture. It's not much, but it's all I have to hold on to right now. I'm still as much in love with Kai as I've always been, if not more, and he still doesn't like me back. We still go around ignoring each other, but Tyson is out of the picture, I have to focus on the good things! However small they may be…

Wish me luck with Mariah, will you?

Thanks. I know I'll need it.

Yours truly

Rei Kon