A/N: I knew I had something semi-important to say, but I can't think of it to save my life… Oh well. Thanks to those who read and reviewed, and crazy nek0-JIN I won't say you're entirely right, because you're not, but you aren't exactly wrong either. You'll see what I mean {smiles} In a way this is the peace and quiet they get before things really, well yeah, as I said, you'll see.

I do not own BeyBlade!

Please do read and review!

–

Dear Diary – Power And Control

–

Dear Diary,

I have never been one for doubting myself. Never. But lately I have found myself in situation after situation where my usual standards and routines simply don't suffice, and therefore it has been completely impossible for me to know what to do and even more impossible to know if I do the right things.

I would like to curse Hillary to all Hell, but that would be letting my emotions get the best of me, and I know perfectly well that my reason would never let that happen. My reason also knows that even if I did curse Hillary to all Hell it wouldn't help one bit.

But then why in the world would I even want to have Hillary removed if not to Hell then at least to the nearest mental institution?

Now that is a very good question. And the answer is so simple, yet so stupid that I almost daren't say it.

I want her taken away because she suggested we all go on a picnic and everybody jumped up in joy and went.

And yes, I know, immensely stupid, childish even, and a not at all reasonable reason, but there's just something about her that pushes every single button I have. That girl will be the end of me, I just know it!

It might have something to do with the fact that she was the one to take Tyson away from me, but as I'm not really bothered by that anymore it's very unlikely. I find it much more likely that my feelings of animosity towards her have something to do with how much Rei seems to adore her. And that is absolutely not something I am a great fan of!

But aside from her theft of my precious friend I'm quite impressed with the changes she's made regarding Tyson as well as everybody else. Truthfully speaking she's managed what I doubted anyone could, bringing us all back together, and she's done it in the strangest of ways.

She's made us like her.

I know that statement doesn't go very well with what I said to begin with, but I've been a bit of a mess all day; evil towards people and the like even though it's not really what I've wanted. Hillary's a nice girl. She is. What I don't like about her is what she's doing with Rei.

Of course I have no proof of anything; it's more like a feeling that she somehow has something to do with his change in behavior. That maybe they've talked and she's told him to forget about me and go have fun and live his life without me or something similar. I don't know why she'd do that, but it's the only reason I can find for this brand new Rei that's really just the old, happy Rei. I don't know, maybe he just got over me and it has nothing to do with her, but it's just so convenient to have somebody to blame for all the things that I can't control.

And now enough of Hillary. I need to think of something else. Something nicer. Her picnic for instance.

As much as I didn't like the idea to begin with, it turned out remarkably better than I had ever dared hope. Of course there were the usual immaturities from both Tyson and Max, actually from Rei too, but it was nice to see them like that for a change. Sometimes I really have to remind myself that we're still young. I know Tyson would have a fit if he ever read this, but when I take the time out to really watch them I must admit I still consider them children to some extent. It'd be awfully wrong if they didn't behave like five-year-olds at least every now and then.

The immaturities I'm so kindly referring to consisted of Tyson and Max getting out their super soakers right after we'd eaten and, well, you've guessed it, soaking the rest of us to the bone.

A lot of running around and screaming started after that and instead of joining them in their playing around I left to have a little peace and quiet.

They may be children, but I am certainly not a child myself. Besides I was wet enough as it was, no need for more water, thank you very much!

But maybe water would've been preferable, because not even 20 feet away from the others I was knocked over by a little kid running straight into me and thereby successfully covering me in leaves and sand and whatnot. Luckily I wasn't all that wet and I got rid of most of the mess fairly easily, though I would've been just fine without the whole falling and rolling around part.

And that kid was really something else as well.

I've never really cared about little children; I scare them and make them cry, but this little boy missing all his front teeth and driving his remote-controlled car around like it didn't even matter what he'd done was the exception proving the rule. When I started in on him, icy voice and hard glare, the usual, he just interrupted me and told me to watch where I was going or else he'd have to do it again.

That totally broke my control.

I have never laughed as hard in my entire life than I did just then. That little nuisance of a boy wanting to run me over again, threatening to run me over again and putting all his weight behind his words as if to prove that I had nothing on him.

He reminded me of myself at that age so I just let him be and went to find the others who I assumed had taken their battlefield and their water elsewhere.

I was surprised to find that they hadn't, as I was greeted by our blanket and bags, Hillary dragging Tyson of to do God knows what, Kenny sneaking off with Dizzi also to do God knows what, and Rei and Max throwing sticks for God knows what reason.

I just lay down, fell asleep and dreamed this dream of myself as the little boy.

Rei as a child was in my dream as well and first we were flying somewhere soft and really green, which was the greatest thing to ever happen because the world is at its best when it's green or something like that, I don't exactly remember, it didn't particularly make sense. After that I think we went over to practicing karate or something, because suddenly everything was moving and very physical; I know I ended up grabbing him and shouting something at him, his name maybe, though I don't know why.

My dream changed dramatically right there as things got even more physical and we were older, and maybe I was just having my first official wet dream about Rei there in the park at our picnic…

Luckily I was saved because we "finished" and then we were back to being kids and sitting on a bird's wing almost drowning in feathers. Rei was holding onto my wrists so I wouldn't fall off, but it was very hard to hold still as everything, especially my face, tickled and eventually I wiggled free or he let go. I'm not sure. 

Dreams usually don't mean much to me, not even the wet parts, seriously, but this one turned into not very dreamlike laughter and so I had to wake up.

And see everybody halfway dead from said laughter. Hopefully I hadn't been talking in my sleep…?

I assume I growled something and a mirror landed in my lap showing me my face covered in black ink.

Perfect. Absolutely perfect!

But I wasn't really mad; I still had that dream of Rei in my head and I'd just woken up, so I suppose I threatened them with something, making them laugh harder, and then I saw the little boy from earlier, still with his little car, and I had to smile a bit.

After a sharp look from Hillary Tyson confessed everything. That he'd been the one drawing, but that Rei and Max had been holding me so I wouldn't move and disturb Tyson in his important act of honor in order to save the world…

I was more than a little surprised to hear that Rei actually had been holding onto my wrists like in my dream.

I wonder if he did all those other things as well?

Probably not.

We're not exactly on speaking terms and yet he did touch me. I didn't think we got along after the madhouse the last weeks have been and my not so admirable behavior, but apparently things aren't as bad as I thought.

Or he has been talking to someone – Hillary – and he's just plain forgotten about everything so we can go back to being friends like we were before.

I wouldn't know what to think of it, should that turn out to be the case. This confidence that's now oozing off him combining my old friend Rei to this new Rei I almost had sex with and dream about is strangely attractive, and I somehow don't think I would enjoy being around reliable and friendly Rei as much as I enjoy being around this new creature.

There was no time to think all this, however, back when I was still on that blanket with ink on my face and the three of them grinning like little troublemakers caught red-handed. I couldn't think of anything brilliantly smart to do or say, so I just went with the usual and called them idiots after looking at them individually.

Being able to look Rei in the eyes as innocently as I did then was better than beating Tyson to pulp at practice ever was! Though I do enjoy that very much as well.

I have to keep reminding myself that it could very well be an act of reviving our friendship, but it's getting harder and harder to believe that there's nothing more behind his actions than that when he keeps smiling at me in ways that aren't exactly friendship related. Like for instance at our picnic, but also later the same night after I'd spent hours and hours on end in the bathroom trying to get Tyson's mess off my face and finally succeeded. I was just gonna go to bed, it had been a day of ups and downs as you can probably tell, and I just needed to relax some and think of whatever my brain would like to occupy itself with.

I saw him in the hallway, he was just entering his own room and something in his smile gave me a feeling that he'd love to take me with him into that room, but also that he didn't think I'd be quite ready for that experience just yet.

That was surprising to say the least. But he was probably right; I don't think I would've been ready to follow him into that room, if that was even what he was initiating. I know for sure, however, that I managed to return his smile, though I'm not really one for smiling, and he definitely looked honestly happy when he closed his door.

It's needless to say that I wasn't exactly breaking into tears either. In fact I spent a good two hours thinking of this strange thing we call a friendship, from the very first days to now and how it may be changing fundamentally for the future before I finally fell asleep.

He's as innocent as a child, but at the same time he's also been growing up a lot lately; maturity-wise and intellectually he can keep up with the best, with me, and I know we'd have more to build a relationship on than I ever had with Tyson. Looking back that's probably why Tyson and I never turned into more than casualties. But Rei, that's something entirely different. Now that the kicked-puppy-look is gone, for good I hope I can't stand it, he's proving to be in possession of power and control, and if there is something I'm drawn to more than anything else it would be those two exact things. Power and control.

I'm not sure how he can pair that with his easy-going manner and, in lack of a better word, innocence, but he can and it's an intoxicating mix; that much is absolutely free of doubt. 

So maybe I've been wrong all along about Hillary. Maybe she really didn't have anything to do with him coming out and showing off his claws, though not to inflict harm, but to simply set the level and the pace. Figuratively speaking of course.

Or maybe I've just been up for far too long and so I'm starting to read more into things than there really is.

Seems time can only tell, I'll have to wait and see.

Yours sincerely

Kai Hiwatari