A/N: Thanks to those who read and reviewed once again and I hope you'll like this chapter. I liked writing it and I hope you'll like reading it as well. Dare I say it? Might it really be? Is Rei finally going back to normal? {smiles} Naah, not exactly… Take a look for yourself!

I do not own BeyBlade!

Please do read and review!

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Dear Diary – Abrupt Awakening

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Dear Diary,

I think I may have crossed a very important line in my relationship with Kai. This confidence and being secure in myself is all good, and at our picnic I just tried to get closer to him, whereas I was pretty drunk at our party so all in all I'd say no harm done there, but we were at this expo on BeyBlades yesterday and I don't have any explanation or excuse for my behavior then.

I'm glad we went because there were lots of new and interesting things in the BeyBlade department. It was a very educational experience for all of us and I'm sure we'll be able to improve on a lot areas when Kenny's had time to analyze the new products and their capacity. But the expo in itself wasn't really all that, at least I didn't think so as I remember being focused on something else and thinking that there were also lots of new and interesting subjects when it came down to – what was the word I used? – Oh yes, meat.

Superficial much? I couldn't agree more, but it was just so suitable and fitting for the way I've been behaving that I though nothing of it and ditched the others to go man hunting. And they were mind-blowing most of them! You have no idea what kind of bodies beybladers must have in order to be and stay the best. Wow, is all I'm saying and when you know I'm used to Kai standards I think that says a lot about with level we're talking here. It was gorgeous and very, very doable.

I'm being cocky again now. I'm sorry, apparently it's all I am lately. Kenny's words not mine, but maybe he's right just this once. Maybe I am overdoing it.

But being cocky and what Kenny might think of it was the smallest of my concerns as I was walking around and checking out what might be available. Of course we're talking people wise here; I wasn't exactly interested in BeyBlades at that time, if you know what I mean. And it's surprisingly easy too. I would've thought that picking up strangers in a fairly public place in daylight would be quite a task, but I proved myself wrong within like ten minutes.

While it does scare me a bit now I didn't really care then. I'd have something – someone – to do and the others could go around and be the BeyBlade geeks they really, truly are.  Sounded like a perfectly alright arrangement to me.

I don't know what it is with me. One minute I'm picking out curtains with Kai, the next I've completely forgotten about his entire existence. And now that I think about it, it's not even because I don't like him anymore, cause I do, probably more than what's healthy for me, I guess it's just because it's easier to play around with someone else as it won't get me hurt or leave me confused. We're playing by my rules when I'm the one initiating things, and I like that because it's the total opposite to whatever it is I have with Kai. I don't know what being in love with Kai is going to bring me, and so it's easier to ignore it, though I really can't, or at least only react on it where there aren't great things at stake. Like for instance at the picnic, he was asleep, and at the party I was so drunk I didn't know what I was doing most of the time, meaning that even if something bad happened I most likely wouldn't have been able to remember it or I could've blamed it on the alcohol.

I'm always taking the easy way out, it seems. Maybe if I stopped doing that it would actually get me somewhere.

But that's me thinking now. Yesterday at the expo in the bathroom with some guy who'd approached me by saying, "Hey, you're Rei Kon, I'm a big fan!" And who had his hands under my shirt and moving south trying to keep me quiet as there were actually other people… You know, I wasn't thinking so much then. Not at all and not along those lines.

I suggested we took thing somewhere a little more private; I had this wonderful room with almost soundproof walls, and off we went.

What, you really think he would've turned down an offer like that? The guy screamed "Fan Boy" as much as Tyson screams "Hit Me" when he's all smug and told-you-so because he accomplished something we thought he never could. I had plans for a wonderful afternoon.

But unfortunately, or should I say luckily? The very same Tyson, who's rarely smug and hardly ever accomplishes anything, showed up and got in my way. Unfortunately because I was just leaving with Fan Boy and what was the moron doing blocking my way? And luckily because he did accomplish to get rid of above mentioned Fan Boy by grabbing me and scaring Fan Boy away.

Luckily in retrospective, as he gave me the most abrupt awakening I've ever in my life been through. He was mad when he dragged me along, but he was completely serious and almost sad when he asked me quietly what the Hell I thought I was doing back then?

I wanted to yell at him, I had every intention of yelling at him and asking him what the Hell he thought he was doing by ruining my "action" like that. But before I could open my mouth and raise my voice it was like something clicked.

Something that told me to open my eyes and see if maybe Tyson wasn't right after all.

–

He was, of course, but I bet you could've told me that as well.

All the things I'd done and what I'd been very close to doing flashed before my eyes and I felt like the lowest of the low. How could I ever have lost touch with myself to such an enormous extent that I was ready to do what I almost did?

I have no idea.

–

I guess Tyson left me there when Kai came over.

I'm pretty sure I apologized to him. For what I don't really know and by the looks of it he didn't really get it either, but it didn't matter that much because he was there and so was I and I needed him to reassure me that he wasn't mad and that he'd still be able to feel me.

So I made the second biggest mistake of that day – the biggest was still by far Fan Boy – I kissed him.

There in the middle of a hallway for everybody to see and I couldn't have cared less.

He was clueless at first, which I don't blame him, not after my changing behavior, but eventually he kissed me back resulting in me growing a pair of wings and floating. Maybe he could forgive me for all the mess I'd created and things would finally work out now. I need him, I've finally realized that, but I suppose I have a funny way of showing it.

I was demanding, I needed more, to be closer and if my memory serves me well I might have started clawing at his clothes while kissing him. He moved my hands and just held me, and while it was wonderful I still needed more. I needed his skin, his pulse, his heartbeat. I'm not sure if I told him, but at some point there were no more people, they'd gone away or Kai'd moved us, not that important, and he gave in.

Skin, erratic heartbeats, hands and overall this warmth, this body heat that was so unmistakably Kai. Everybody I'd ever been close to could just pack up and leave, I had everything I needed right there with me. Pure bliss.

But again there was the whole we're-in-public-we-gotta-be-careful aspect to think of and so he redressed me and sent me back into the crowds telling me we'd talk when we got back.

–

No matter where I went after that he always lingered a few steps behind me as if looking out for me and making sure I'd be okay. It was nice, I felt protected though I wasn't really in any kind of danger and I'm usually capable of looking after myself.

Kenny came up to me at some point, I think we were just about to leave, and he did the only thing he shouldn't have done. He started lecturing. About how he'd talked to Kai, and I had noted that he'd been missing for a while, that I was approaching things the wrong way, that I was just setting us both up for heartbreak, didn't I know that Kai had feelings as well? And so on.

I blocked him out, skill born of necessity, and I felt betrayed. Kai had talked to Kenny about us? What on Earth was the thinking doing that? How dare he!

Actually it was probably more like Kenny bothered Kai until he told him something to shut him up, but apparently he'd said enough to make Kenny jump into defense mode and think Kai needed a lawyer to handle his problems.

Again, note the difference between what I'm thinking now and what I was thinking then.

I left Kenny and I don't even know if he was still talking, but it wasn't my main concern at that time. I had to find Kai and do some lecturing of my own!

–

I wasn't mad, I wasn't even angry, I was furious! Enraged! And Kai really had it coming! I was gonna teach him a lesson or two for sure.

And I guess I did.

I walked up to him and picked a fight. I hurled insults his way and it didn't take him long to respond to my advances resulting in a huge row once again in the middle of a very public hallway. Luckily for us there were hardly any people left and the press was gone as well. We wouldn't have lived it down if the substance of our fight got out and somehow ended up in a newspaper.

What we fought about, or what I fought about, Kai's not that verbal when it comes down to it, was of course us. I was in such an evil mood that I took everything that had happened that day and threw it back at him. I don't remember everything I said, but I do remember telling him that I was so sick of him following my every step just like a well-trained dog, and that he'd have to let me get some privacy as not everything I did had something to do with him.

He was shocked when I said that, it was very easy to see even though he is extremely good at hiding his emotions, but at that time it just encouraged me to continue and try to smash him down as far as I could.

I told him that he was acting like a lovesick schoolgirl, which he really wasn't, and also that if he so desperately wanted to be my bitch, he could, but he'd have to wear something of mine to show everybody that he belonged to me and me alone. That's when I took of my yin yang headband and threw it at him telling him that I thought it'd be very fitting for the purpose and that I was sure he'd enjoy being below me and take my orders or something like that.

That was probably the last straw as he suddenly exploded as well yelling something or other, squeezing my headband and leaving through the door faster than I have ever seen anybody move.

–

Obviously we didn't talk that night and we haven't really talked at all ever since. I think I would like to talk to him, apologize, explain, but there's no way I can get close enough to him to actually do so.

Now, I think it would be quite understandable if I was still mad and I was for a while, but then this morning when I arrived at breakfast and he was just leaving I'm so sure I saw my headband tied around his neck underneath his own white scarf…

So he's actually wearing it? And what? Being my bitch? It is around his neck like a collar. But that's not really what I wanted, and certainly not in that way.

I still can't seem to get over the fact that he actually still has it. Much less that he seems to be wearing it.

I really don't know what to make of that, and I can't help feeling a little guilty for what I've done. If he'd just gotten mad as well and we'd both been in that fight maybe it would've evened things out a bit and we'd be able to talk this through as adults, but with the way everything's been I don't think that's very likely.

I hope we'll be able to work something out soon and I somehow also really, really hope that he is actually wearing my headband. It would be nice if he cared enough to do so even if we aren't exactly on speaking terms right now.

And God do I hope he cares!

I gotta go; training and even if he probably won't talk to me at least we'll both be there.

Yours truly

Rei Kon