A/N: I am extremely sorry for taking this long updating! I was ready to do it two days ago, but I couldn't log in, so nothing happened... I know we've reached a critical point in the story and a lot of people have told me they're waiting to see what'll happen, will Rei actually hurt himself and what'll Kai do about it, but life so got in my way and I haven't had time to do anything. I'm very sorry. But here it is, and since I'm already talking I might as well tell you that there is only one chapter left after this one. So, whatever happens, it'll be revealed in hopefully not too long. The ending will be… Different {smiles}

I do not own BeyBlade!

Please do read and review!

–

Dear Diary – The Time Is Running Out

–

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I can't help wondering if things happen for a reason. If maybe some of the things every person has to go through in their life happen because the person deserves a reward or a punishment of some sort. And that will then be the reason why life seems incredibly unfair to some while others are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.

I can't help thinking that there has to be something more than just more or less lucky coincidences and more or less lucky people. Life would be much too random if that's the way the world works, and I definitely wouldn't like that. There has to be something or someone in control of what's going on; someone who has a good grasp of how things are and someone who can change the current bad things into future good ones.

Because maybe I could actually accept my situation if I knew for sure that all this was happening because I did some terrible things in a past life and now I have to take my punishment in this one. My horrible deeds, whatever they were, have simply caught up with me.

Farfetched, you say?

You couldn't be more right, I say.

But at least it'd be something I couldn't go up against; cosmic order, karma or something equally powerful. I'd have to let it rest. On the other hand if this mess with Rei, and as of lately everybody else as well, is just something caused by the general unfairness of the world and a few unfortunate happenings I'll rip out my hair and go kill someone.

It's not like I'll have to pay for it later anyway.

And I'm worried. Very worried!

My entire situation has gone from bad to worse within maybe a week, and even before that it was nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster ride that I simply haven't been able to stomach. I've always managed by taking things as they come and not worry too much ahead. I've only ever gotten stress and migraine from thinking about the future, so I've never favored it. Besides, if there's one thing I've learned by being part of the Blade Breakers and knowing people like Tyson and Max, it's that working ahead pays off later, but procrastination pays off now. And as cheesy as it is it's not all that wrong. You can plan and worry yourself halfway to death, and it won't bring you a single thing if certain circumstances change even slightly.

But this time I don't know if my choices might turn out to be so limited that I should have planned ahead and intervened back when I could, instead of letting the general disorder take over and multiply. But, before this gets out of hand, there still is a chance that I've read the events of the last few days all wrong and there'll be no need to do any emergency rescues.

Though I highly doubt it. I read events and situations the wrong way once every millennium and I already made my mistake of these 1000 years by sleeping with Rei so it's not very likely that I'm wrong again; not this soon.

And how could you possibly guess that Rei's also the main character of this little problem of mine?

–

I need to go out more, get a life, I've been all about Rei, Rei and Rei again lately, and even if I can't help it I don't have to like it! He just breezed in and took over, after which he left me with nothing but all these thought and vague assumptions that are useless, yes, but still worry me to the point where I can't sleep thinking he'll choke himself with his pillow when the lights are out.

And right there is my problem.

I think Rei's been toying with the idea of taking his own life.

That's what I was talking about earlier. I'd be able to handle it if he was meant to do it. I'd do whatever I could to prevent it, but I'd accept it. I think. Now, if there's no reason why he should do it, I'd do everything within my power to stop him, but I don't really know exactly how I'd do it.

I don't want him to die, though. I love him. And if that's the whole problem, Hell, I'll stop, I'll try, as long as he'd still be around and I'd still get to see him. I'd bend over backwards if he'd just smile for once. Or say something. I don't even know if the guy can speak anymore.

I wish somebody would do me a favor and wake me up from this nightmare.

–

The problem with Rei, and the reason why I fear for his safety, is that he's the kind of person who's perfectly happy and content when there aren't any problems, but the minute something's wrong he goes crazy. Considering how long our back-and-forth has been going on it's actually a new record for him to have lasted this long. However, it does also mean that the break-down that will inevitably follow will be much worse than if this had happened right after he found out about Tyson and me. Which I still have no idea of when was, but you get the gist of it.

Not a lot of people know that he's like this, but he is and he needs somebody to look out for him when problems arise. Till now it's always been me. Somehow I've always known what to do to keep him from acting on these strange impulses he gets, that could be potentially dangerous to him, but this time I think I've managed the exact opposite. I've driven him into the arms of insanity and not just once, but twice!

And I'm the one who wants him to love me back.

It's so ironic it's almost funny, but at least I must mean something to him if I'm able to hurt him this way. I know he's the only one who can tear me apart with just a look, and that's simply because he is who he is. My… "Lover"

–

The first thing I did to mess with his head was yesterday when we fought. And yes. Again, you may say. I hadn't known that the rest of the team had figured out pretty much everything Rei and I have been through, so when they cornered me in the living room demanding answers it can't be any surprise that I got mad. Max said he'd seen Rei early that morning a couple of hours before I'd gone downstairs to look for him, and he wanted to know if I'd hurt Rei or treated him badly, as they'd all expected that we would've stayed together after that night.

I didn't want to answer their questions, and I especially didn't want to hear about their expectations to our failed relationship, so I refused to say anything and that's when Rei walked in. He was also questioned.

How it went from that to both Rei and I yelling our heads of I honestly don't know, but that's where we ended. I do know that I called him really, really unstable, a nutcase or something, and I also know that I called him easy and said he was too stupid to figure out the difference between what's alright to do and what isn't.

In one line I managed to insult him in three very different ways that all somehow mean a lot to him.

He knows he tends to go insane when things are falling apart; we've talked about it earlier when there were problems, and it was the lowest thing to say because I'm the only one he trusted with that secret; the only one he didn't think would use it against him. But I did.

Then about being easy. That was even lower, if possible. He gave me his virginity and told me he loved me and I threw it back at him telling him he was a whore. Not smart.

And finally it's very important to him to do the right thing whenever he has to make a decision, and I, the one he trusts and comes to with these matters, told him he couldn't even do that right.

I went as far as to walk out on him to end our fight, which is probably the most insulting thing anyone could ever do in the middle of such a heated argument, but I simply couldn't take anymore. My head was about to explode and I just needed to get away from him to somewhere where I could heal my wounds as he got in quite some good shots himself.

Apparently he thinks that I don't have any feelings.

If this isn't feelings then I don't know what is. But hopefully he was just talking trash. I know I was, I didn't mean a single one of those things, I swear!

–

But messing him up yesterday isn't all I've done. I told you I did it twice, and what I did today was probably even worse than what I did yesterday.

Doesn't that just speak volumes?

–

I've spent all day trying to figure out how I can help him without unintentionally destroying him further. I have thought about many different ways of approaching him, and I've rejected just as many if not more ideas about what to do.

Then I finally came up with something at least semi-useful.

Rei likes to think of himself as a whole person. Rei is in fact a whole person, and for him to actually be this whole person he needs all of himself.

It probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but think about it. I still had his headband, and it's such an essential part of him that I thought maybe it'd help him get his mind together and under control so that we could talk it out. After all it's about the one thing we haven't tried yet, I mean talking, and since we're running out of options I thought it might actually work this time.

So a couple of hours before I started writing I went over and knocked on his door. He was actually smiling when he opened it and that simple action made my heart flutter, despite the fact that I felt like I was little kid all over again waiting for my grandfather to come and punish me.

I made sure not to touch him when I handed over the headband; I didn't want to cause him more frustration, and returning it was painful enough in itself, so I just gave it to him and said I was sure he'd need it to heal.

Then he slammed the door right in my face, and I somehow started thinking that maybe I hadn't done the right thing after all.

–

All that leads to me sitting here now carefully listening for sounds from his room to make sure that he's alright.

It's probably needless to say that I can't hear a thing, it's like he's not even there. But if he's not in his room where else would he be?

Okay, maybe I've gotten a little paranoid from what I've just written, but I have a terrible feeling about this. I should go check if he's okay, talk to him or whatever; I've messed up enough, I need to make this okay again, clear lines and all that.

Give me a second.

–

Would you believe me when I say he's not there? Everything's neat and tidy, and Rei's room is never neat and tidy. Like he left and didn't plan on ever coming back.

Shit, I knew I should've done something sooner. If he's dead now I don't know what I'll do; probably kill myself too.

This. Is. Not. Fair!

I have to go, I have to find him. I have to stop time and start running, make sure he doesn't do something we'll both regret and be sorry for because of misunderstandings and nothing else.

Damn, Rei, what the Hell were you thinking running off like that?

If I love him, which I do, more than anything else, then he's gotta love me too and then we'll be alright; eternity, beautiful, red sunsets and starry nights, all that.

I just gotta get to him first.

I can't let him do this! I can't let our time run out!

I have to go. Right away.

Yours sincerely

Kai Hiwatari