Ruse
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
(Today's another day. How much longer will I have to wait. He's only been gone
for two days, and already I've lied to him. How much longer must I lie to him. I
don't even know if I'll be able to tell him the truth. Heh, they say love is nothing without
trust........he trusted me.......and I failed him. I don't deserve
him.)
Rinoa was walking to the cafeteria after her conversation with Zack where she left
him abruptly. She decided to avoid going anywhere for a while, afraid that she might do
something that she'll regret again. She couldn't bare to hold another secret. Cheating on
him was pain enough. She didn't fell hungry but she thought that she needed to see
people that she knew, ones she trusted. She didn't want to fell lonely anymore and this
was the only place to go without the possibility into seeing Zack. She needed to avoid
him at all cost. She also knew that there was always one person who was constantly
inside the cafeteria. One person who was also close to Squall.
(If I can't talk to Squall, then I'll need someone to talk to about him) She looked
around the cafeteria, but more precisely, the line-ups. She knew that's where
he'll be-looking for more hot dogs. What she didn't know that it was a mistake to seek
for him.
She was right-Zell was there, at the end of the line-up. No matter how important
a SeeD is, or high ranking he is, he was still unable to get past the crowd. She tapped him
oh his back while he was shaking his fist on the air, ranting about hot dogs.
"Zell!!" she finally said when he didn't realize that she was right behind him.
"Huh?" He turned around. To his shock, he saw the person he thought about
avoiding, "Oh, it's you Rinoa." He gave up on his food. "what brings you here?"
"Can't a person have some breakfast?" She was looking for an empty table they
could sit on.
They sat down, "Yeah, well, as much as you're entitled to, it's just so damn hard
to get some. It's a war out there!!" He tried to sound cheerful, trying to avoid a
conversation that included 'him'
She chuckled, "I knew you were the right person to go to, especially now that
Squall isn't here, I need someone to cheer me up."
Zell's face became serious and he put up a suspicious tone in his voice,
"So........what have you been doing lately? Now that 'Squall' is gone. Do
you 'miss' him?"
(huh? Why is he suddenly talking like this?) "What do you mean? I've been
doing.......things. Since I've finished my mission, I've had very little to do,
so I've been.......visiting towns, and meeting new people." She sounded so
guilty. She wasn't lying, but she wasn't also telling the truth. She could feel Zell's gaze
on her. She started heating up. It was hard for her to lie....... to Squall, and to
someone he trusts. "W-why are you asking me these questions, Zell? You know I miss
him. I can't stand being away from him, for two weeks, and knowing that he's with
Quistis."
"Yeah.......right." He didn't believe her. (He doesn't believe me..)
(What does he know? Why is he acting like this. The worst thing that could
possibly happen is if he knows.) then it hit her, (He can't. he couldn't
have...... could he?)
"Yeah, don't worry, I believe you." She still sensed doubt in him, "I know you
would 'never' do anything that might upset Squall."
That made her feel worse. Even HE had faith in her. Even he knew that Squall
trusted her. It made her feel guilty knowing of her betrayal.
"I just thought......."
(What did he think!!?) "What did you think?" She needed to know how much he
knew, or how much he didn't know.
"Well, I kinda, saw you, with that dude. That one you worked for. You're last
mission." He was scratching the back of his head, unable to explain to her just what
exactly it is he saw.
She tried to lead him away from the truth, "Of course you saw me with him! He
had to pay me. Though I told him not to, he insisted. So he said that he'll just, just take
me to lunch." She, again, wasn't lying, or being honest.
Zell, still thought that she was keeping something from him. He needed to tell her
directly what he saw and how he interpreted it. "Rinoa, stop. I saw you leave the quad
this morning. Then, after a few minutes, I saw him emerge." She was afraid that this
would happen. How will she ever be able to explain to him.
"I-" She was about to explain, but she was cut off.
"What could he be doing? Inside the Quad. With you. As early as morning? Don't
get me wrong, I trust you, I just don't know how far. I know that you wouldn't do
anything, what I thought you were doing. It's just hard to believe when I saw it. It's just
hard to believe, especially when knowing that he had no reason to be there, with you."
(Damn!) "........." She didn't know whether to tell him or not. She
didn't know whether to stop the lie she was currently stuck in. Telling the truth would
take a load of her shoulders, but it would also threaten her relationship with him.
"I take your silence means I've hit something." She didn't know why he was
being so hard on her.
"........I-" She couldn't say anything to take it all back. If this is
how Zell would react, she couldn't bare to imagine how 'he' would. She started to quietly
sob, with her hand covering her face. (I-I didn't mean it. I don't know what I did! I-I
don't know what to do!!!)
Zell knew that he didn't mean anything bad. He felt bad making her do this to
herself. He hated himself for making Rinoa sad. Squall would kill him if he found out.
He thought that he'd done enough damage and that he should leave it at that.
He stands up from the safety of his chair and kneels beside Rinoa and he put his
hands on her shoulder and tried to calm her down. "Rinoa.........I'm
sorry. It's just that, Squall told me to watch out for you. I've seen you two together
before, and........I told him. I'm sorry, I wrote him a
letter........" He stood up from his position and left the cafeteria.
She looks up from the barrier that she put up with her palms and peeked out to see
if Zell was gone. She didn't hear the last thing that Zell said, however, she knew that he
was right; she would never do anything to hurt Squall, but the damage has been done. She
couldn't take away what happened. All that she needs to concentrate on is to make it all
better.
She didn't feel hungry anymore. She's been sitting there for 3 hours,
contemplating. She left the quad at 8 am and now it was11. She saw people come and go
inside the cafeteria. She heard their laughter and tranquil attitude. They had nothing to
worry about. She envied them. She knew that sulking won't do anything for her, it'll only
make matters worse, so, she decided to confront him.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
(I just don't understand! What's the deal with her? First she screams and moans
asking for more! Then next, she's throwing you out the door! I can never understand
women. Is she trying hard to get, or..........it was just all a mistake.) He
was walking back and forth his bakery. He didn't bother going home, because it would
just make his mother ask him non stop questions. ( It can't be a mistake!! She wanted
it last night. She didn't want me to stop. She was more in it than I was.)
He wasn't getting any work done. Work was the last thing that came to his mind.
although he did notice some difference in it since two days ago when he didn't go to
work. He saw that it looked more like a bakery now. He figured that Erik may have done
some things. He also noticed the register and found some money, instead of the usual
empty one. He was happy for that. But that thought also led to Rinoa, because it was
because of her that they were able to pull themselves back.
(I need her. I need her. Why is she doing this to me? I need to see her, her voice,
and her smile. I can't stop thinking about it. The time we spent together last night was the
best moment of my life! I can't let her go and slip from my fingers. I don't care what
Squall will do to me, he doesn't deserve her, and he already has everything. He can't take
her away from me!)
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening. In his heart he
yearned for it to be her but his logic knew that it couldn't be. It was Erik that emerged
from the sunlit door.
"Good morning, sir." He put up a smile on his face, he was happy.
"It nothing but bad." He was still pacing around the room. "Nothing but bad" He
mumbled again to himself.
"He put away his coat and stood in front of him to block him, "What's the matter,
sir? Aren't you happy? Haven't you seen the thing that Rinoa has brought to us? Look!"
He points his fingers around the clean room, "Look what one person did to this store.
You must appreciate it, sir!"
"That's the point!! It's all her! All her!! Now-I probably won't be able to see her
again!!" His hand was now on his head trying to think, or trying to restrain himself from
going crazy.
"But, sir? I thought Miss Rinoa and toy were out yesterday. Isn't that why you
didn't go to work?" When he said that, Zack gave him the 'I-know-but- something-
happened' look. he caught on pretty quickly. "Oh no, what did you do?"
"I-I couldn't help myself! I-I just had to do it! I had to touch her. My mind
kept saying that it's for our own good. It told me that we both wanted it. I wanted it. I-I
couldn't stop!"
"Oh, no.......Do you know what this means? You'll be hunted by the
commander of SeeDs himself, if she tells."
"She wouldn't!! She would never tell him. She's afraid to hurt him. That's what
I'm hoping for. I've broken her spirit and now I have more control. I'm going to continue
it. I don't care. I need her. There's no one else there for me."
"B-but sir!" He was following his pacing around.
"You don't understand!! I HAVE NO LIFE!! She is the only one!!" When he
turned around to see that Erik was right behind him, he picked him up from his collar.
"Just leave me alone!!" HE shouted and he put him down.
He found it hard for him to control his anger; towards Erik, Squall, himself, and
Rinoa. She was afraid that he would explode, he decided that it was best if he'd gotten
some fresh air.
(I'm gonna get her no matter what! I deserve her!!) Now that he'd left the bakery
to get some fresh air, he was now pacing back and forth outside. He kept glancing around
as if he was expecting someone to come, someone like Rinoa. (That's impossible.) He
realizes what he'd done, (After what I did.......she probably never what to
see me again. But I have to!) "I have to!!!" He pulls of the apron from his waist and drops
it on the sidewalk. He ran away from the store and runs towards the exit of Deling.
Erik noticed Zack leave and runs to the bakery's window, "SIR!! Where are you
going? Don't do anything foolish!!! Sir?" That was the last thing he heard before leaving
to see Rinoa. He didn't listen to him. He kept on running.
(I don't care!!! I need to see her.) He took the earliest train back to Balamb town.
He had a hard time getting aboard because it was full and he got a ticket on a short notice.
He didn't care. He would do anything, like push an old woman out of the train to get in.
(I'll go to her and explain to her how I feel. Telling her will lighten the load I carry on my
shoulder and will open up her mind........she'll have to make a decision:
wait for a guy that will never come and will never feel the way I fell about her, or take
what's right in front of her.)
He was staring at the glass window from the train, watching as stations pass by
and as people wave goodbye. He's always loved trains, it was something that calmed
him. The way the train shook and even the sound of the engine roaring. There was
another thing that made him love trains more that he already did: This is where he met
her. The way her skin touched his as she accidentally bumped into her. The way she
smiled and apologized. The way she tightly clutched Squall's arm wishing that it was him
that she was holding on to. He'll never forget her face. She was much more that what he
thought she was when he first met her. She was more than the smile, the touch, the face,
and the dress; she was Squall's, but she'll soon be his.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Author's Note: From now on, my updates will be every week. It may be sooner than that, but I will try my best to not make take longer than a week.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
(Today's another day. How much longer will I have to wait. He's only been gone
for two days, and already I've lied to him. How much longer must I lie to him. I
don't even know if I'll be able to tell him the truth. Heh, they say love is nothing without
trust........he trusted me.......and I failed him. I don't deserve
him.)
Rinoa was walking to the cafeteria after her conversation with Zack where she left
him abruptly. She decided to avoid going anywhere for a while, afraid that she might do
something that she'll regret again. She couldn't bare to hold another secret. Cheating on
him was pain enough. She didn't fell hungry but she thought that she needed to see
people that she knew, ones she trusted. She didn't want to fell lonely anymore and this
was the only place to go without the possibility into seeing Zack. She needed to avoid
him at all cost. She also knew that there was always one person who was constantly
inside the cafeteria. One person who was also close to Squall.
(If I can't talk to Squall, then I'll need someone to talk to about him) She looked
around the cafeteria, but more precisely, the line-ups. She knew that's where
he'll be-looking for more hot dogs. What she didn't know that it was a mistake to seek
for him.
She was right-Zell was there, at the end of the line-up. No matter how important
a SeeD is, or high ranking he is, he was still unable to get past the crowd. She tapped him
oh his back while he was shaking his fist on the air, ranting about hot dogs.
"Zell!!" she finally said when he didn't realize that she was right behind him.
"Huh?" He turned around. To his shock, he saw the person he thought about
avoiding, "Oh, it's you Rinoa." He gave up on his food. "what brings you here?"
"Can't a person have some breakfast?" She was looking for an empty table they
could sit on.
They sat down, "Yeah, well, as much as you're entitled to, it's just so damn hard
to get some. It's a war out there!!" He tried to sound cheerful, trying to avoid a
conversation that included 'him'
She chuckled, "I knew you were the right person to go to, especially now that
Squall isn't here, I need someone to cheer me up."
Zell's face became serious and he put up a suspicious tone in his voice,
"So........what have you been doing lately? Now that 'Squall' is gone. Do
you 'miss' him?"
(huh? Why is he suddenly talking like this?) "What do you mean? I've been
doing.......things. Since I've finished my mission, I've had very little to do,
so I've been.......visiting towns, and meeting new people." She sounded so
guilty. She wasn't lying, but she wasn't also telling the truth. She could feel Zell's gaze
on her. She started heating up. It was hard for her to lie....... to Squall, and to
someone he trusts. "W-why are you asking me these questions, Zell? You know I miss
him. I can't stand being away from him, for two weeks, and knowing that he's with
Quistis."
"Yeah.......right." He didn't believe her. (He doesn't believe me..)
(What does he know? Why is he acting like this. The worst thing that could
possibly happen is if he knows.) then it hit her, (He can't. he couldn't
have...... could he?)
"Yeah, don't worry, I believe you." She still sensed doubt in him, "I know you
would 'never' do anything that might upset Squall."
That made her feel worse. Even HE had faith in her. Even he knew that Squall
trusted her. It made her feel guilty knowing of her betrayal.
"I just thought......."
(What did he think!!?) "What did you think?" She needed to know how much he
knew, or how much he didn't know.
"Well, I kinda, saw you, with that dude. That one you worked for. You're last
mission." He was scratching the back of his head, unable to explain to her just what
exactly it is he saw.
She tried to lead him away from the truth, "Of course you saw me with him! He
had to pay me. Though I told him not to, he insisted. So he said that he'll just, just take
me to lunch." She, again, wasn't lying, or being honest.
Zell, still thought that she was keeping something from him. He needed to tell her
directly what he saw and how he interpreted it. "Rinoa, stop. I saw you leave the quad
this morning. Then, after a few minutes, I saw him emerge." She was afraid that this
would happen. How will she ever be able to explain to him.
"I-" She was about to explain, but she was cut off.
"What could he be doing? Inside the Quad. With you. As early as morning? Don't
get me wrong, I trust you, I just don't know how far. I know that you wouldn't do
anything, what I thought you were doing. It's just hard to believe when I saw it. It's just
hard to believe, especially when knowing that he had no reason to be there, with you."
(Damn!) "........." She didn't know whether to tell him or not. She
didn't know whether to stop the lie she was currently stuck in. Telling the truth would
take a load of her shoulders, but it would also threaten her relationship with him.
"I take your silence means I've hit something." She didn't know why he was
being so hard on her.
"........I-" She couldn't say anything to take it all back. If this is
how Zell would react, she couldn't bare to imagine how 'he' would. She started to quietly
sob, with her hand covering her face. (I-I didn't mean it. I don't know what I did! I-I
don't know what to do!!!)
Zell knew that he didn't mean anything bad. He felt bad making her do this to
herself. He hated himself for making Rinoa sad. Squall would kill him if he found out.
He thought that he'd done enough damage and that he should leave it at that.
He stands up from the safety of his chair and kneels beside Rinoa and he put his
hands on her shoulder and tried to calm her down. "Rinoa.........I'm
sorry. It's just that, Squall told me to watch out for you. I've seen you two together
before, and........I told him. I'm sorry, I wrote him a
letter........" He stood up from his position and left the cafeteria.
She looks up from the barrier that she put up with her palms and peeked out to see
if Zell was gone. She didn't hear the last thing that Zell said, however, she knew that he
was right; she would never do anything to hurt Squall, but the damage has been done. She
couldn't take away what happened. All that she needs to concentrate on is to make it all
better.
She didn't feel hungry anymore. She's been sitting there for 3 hours,
contemplating. She left the quad at 8 am and now it was11. She saw people come and go
inside the cafeteria. She heard their laughter and tranquil attitude. They had nothing to
worry about. She envied them. She knew that sulking won't do anything for her, it'll only
make matters worse, so, she decided to confront him.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
(I just don't understand! What's the deal with her? First she screams and moans
asking for more! Then next, she's throwing you out the door! I can never understand
women. Is she trying hard to get, or..........it was just all a mistake.) He
was walking back and forth his bakery. He didn't bother going home, because it would
just make his mother ask him non stop questions. ( It can't be a mistake!! She wanted
it last night. She didn't want me to stop. She was more in it than I was.)
He wasn't getting any work done. Work was the last thing that came to his mind.
although he did notice some difference in it since two days ago when he didn't go to
work. He saw that it looked more like a bakery now. He figured that Erik may have done
some things. He also noticed the register and found some money, instead of the usual
empty one. He was happy for that. But that thought also led to Rinoa, because it was
because of her that they were able to pull themselves back.
(I need her. I need her. Why is she doing this to me? I need to see her, her voice,
and her smile. I can't stop thinking about it. The time we spent together last night was the
best moment of my life! I can't let her go and slip from my fingers. I don't care what
Squall will do to me, he doesn't deserve her, and he already has everything. He can't take
her away from me!)
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening. In his heart he
yearned for it to be her but his logic knew that it couldn't be. It was Erik that emerged
from the sunlit door.
"Good morning, sir." He put up a smile on his face, he was happy.
"It nothing but bad." He was still pacing around the room. "Nothing but bad" He
mumbled again to himself.
"He put away his coat and stood in front of him to block him, "What's the matter,
sir? Aren't you happy? Haven't you seen the thing that Rinoa has brought to us? Look!"
He points his fingers around the clean room, "Look what one person did to this store.
You must appreciate it, sir!"
"That's the point!! It's all her! All her!! Now-I probably won't be able to see her
again!!" His hand was now on his head trying to think, or trying to restrain himself from
going crazy.
"But, sir? I thought Miss Rinoa and toy were out yesterday. Isn't that why you
didn't go to work?" When he said that, Zack gave him the 'I-know-but- something-
happened' look. he caught on pretty quickly. "Oh no, what did you do?"
"I-I couldn't help myself! I-I just had to do it! I had to touch her. My mind
kept saying that it's for our own good. It told me that we both wanted it. I wanted it. I-I
couldn't stop!"
"Oh, no.......Do you know what this means? You'll be hunted by the
commander of SeeDs himself, if she tells."
"She wouldn't!! She would never tell him. She's afraid to hurt him. That's what
I'm hoping for. I've broken her spirit and now I have more control. I'm going to continue
it. I don't care. I need her. There's no one else there for me."
"B-but sir!" He was following his pacing around.
"You don't understand!! I HAVE NO LIFE!! She is the only one!!" When he
turned around to see that Erik was right behind him, he picked him up from his collar.
"Just leave me alone!!" HE shouted and he put him down.
He found it hard for him to control his anger; towards Erik, Squall, himself, and
Rinoa. She was afraid that he would explode, he decided that it was best if he'd gotten
some fresh air.
(I'm gonna get her no matter what! I deserve her!!) Now that he'd left the bakery
to get some fresh air, he was now pacing back and forth outside. He kept glancing around
as if he was expecting someone to come, someone like Rinoa. (That's impossible.) He
realizes what he'd done, (After what I did.......she probably never what to
see me again. But I have to!) "I have to!!!" He pulls of the apron from his waist and drops
it on the sidewalk. He ran away from the store and runs towards the exit of Deling.
Erik noticed Zack leave and runs to the bakery's window, "SIR!! Where are you
going? Don't do anything foolish!!! Sir?" That was the last thing he heard before leaving
to see Rinoa. He didn't listen to him. He kept on running.
(I don't care!!! I need to see her.) He took the earliest train back to Balamb town.
He had a hard time getting aboard because it was full and he got a ticket on a short notice.
He didn't care. He would do anything, like push an old woman out of the train to get in.
(I'll go to her and explain to her how I feel. Telling her will lighten the load I carry on my
shoulder and will open up her mind........she'll have to make a decision:
wait for a guy that will never come and will never feel the way I fell about her, or take
what's right in front of her.)
He was staring at the glass window from the train, watching as stations pass by
and as people wave goodbye. He's always loved trains, it was something that calmed
him. The way the train shook and even the sound of the engine roaring. There was
another thing that made him love trains more that he already did: This is where he met
her. The way her skin touched his as she accidentally bumped into her. The way she
smiled and apologized. The way she tightly clutched Squall's arm wishing that it was him
that she was holding on to. He'll never forget her face. She was much more that what he
thought she was when he first met her. She was more than the smile, the touch, the face,
and the dress; she was Squall's, but she'll soon be his.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Author's Note: From now on, my updates will be every week. It may be sooner than that, but I will try my best to not make take longer than a week.