OMG! This chapter got sooo messed up. There's like a whole part at the end that got left out. Please re-read this chapter and review. It should make a little more sense once you read the whole thing. I am soo sorry!! I hope it will work this time.

Disclaimer: Ask my friends, I'm still not Josh.

The Rays Of A Beautiful Sun

Chapter 4: I Wish I Didn't Love You

Ryan woke up late the next morning, around eleven to be exact. He hadn't slept that long in years. Theresa never let him. Theresa. . . Oh god. His arm wasn't around Theresa. He could tell. He wasn't in Theresa and his house. . .he could tell. It all felt old, and different. But familiar. . .and nice. It felt like the poolhouse. . .and Marissa.

Oh god.

He was in bed with Marissa. He had just had sex with Marissa. He had just told Marissa that he loved her.

But I do, right?

No, he loved Theresa. But Marissa. . .it felt so good to be with her. So different than Theresa. So much better than Theresa. When they laid there together, his arm just fit so perfectly in the space between her hips and her ribs. And he could wrap his arms around her waist and hold her as tight as he wanted. Not like Theresa. With the extra baby weight that Theresa never lost, she didn't really like him to hold her like that. Wait a minute. . .what was he doing?

I have to be with Theresa.

He had to do the right thing. He couldn't just go back to Marissa like that. . .especially when him and Theresa were supposed to be going on their honeymoon in a few hours. They would have to do the wedding over now, and get the vows done this time.

Marissa started to stir, and open her eyes. She looked gingerly up at Ryan. "Morning." She said sweetley.

Oh no.

That was the voice. The special voice that she saved just for him. The one that made him forget about everything in the world and just focus on Marissa. He stared at her for a while longer. She leaned in and gave him a soft kiss. She nibbled on his bottom lip for a moment and let go, making sure to leave him wanting more.

"Morning." He said happily. He was always so happy with her. It felt like his heart was flying all around his body. She sent shivers down his spine whenever she kissed him.

I have to stop thinking like this.

He was with Theresa now. He had to go back and apologize and go on their honeymoon. He would miss Marissa, but it was the right thing. And Ryan always had to do the right thing, no matter how much it hurt.

"Marissa-" He started. Ryan looked over to Marissa. His tone of voice had made the light in her face disapear. But he had to keep going. "Listen. . .I don't know how to say this." He had to say it. It's the right thing. "I have to be with Theresa." There. It was done. But by the look on Marissa's face, it wasn't over yet.

"W--what do you mean?" She stammered. Tears filled her eyes. She knew what he meant. But why? Why would he do this? He loves me. She couldn't cry in front of him. She blinked back her tears.

"I mean. . .I. . .I have to go get married to Theresa. It's the right thing to do." He told her. He told himself that too. He tried to believe it. . .and it was the right thing. But it hurt. Bad.

"You. . .have to go back to Theresa." She looked down. The tears wouldn't stop coming. She tried to wipe them away, but whenever she did, more came out. Her heart was breaking so fast, she couldn't stop it. There was nothing that she could do. "So. . .I guess you better go get ready. And I'll go."

He couldn't believe he was doing this to her. His heart was breaking with every word. "I'm sorry." That was it. That was the best thing he could think of to say. He felt horrible. And by the looks of it, so did Marissa. And he was the one who made her feel like that. Again.

They looked at eachother for a while longer. They were both broken. And they both knew it. Ryan finally got up, he couldn't do this anymore. He walked over to the bathroom, and without looking back, he closed the door.

Marissa still sat on the edge of Ryan's bed. She still had the tiniest amount of hope left in her, that maybe. . .just maybe he would come back. But after she heard the shower running, that was it. It was over. She got up and put her shirt and shorts on. She couldn't go home in her underwear. She started to head for the door, but instead, turned around to Ryan's desk. She grabbed a small piece of paper and wrote a note on it. She then folded it, and stuck it into his front pocket of his jeans. He would eventually find it. . .not that it would make any difference.

--

Ryan got out of the shower after what seemed like hours. He wasn't ready for the real world, he wasn't ready to face what mistake he knew he had just made. After he dried himself off and got dressed, he walked into the kitchen to find all three of the Cohens waiting for him.

"Hey kiddo!" Sandy smiled and handed him coffee. Ryan took it graciously and gulped it down fast. He was tired after last night, after all.

"Thanks." Ryan said in-between sips.

"So tell me, where are you off to in such a hurry ?" Seth asked

"I'm gonna go talk to Theresa. . ."

"To tell her that you aren't getting married?" Kirsten asked, trying to cover up the hopefulness in her voice. As much as she loved Theresa, she always wished that him and Marissa would be together.

"To tell her that I'm sorry for running out on the wedding, and if she still wants me, I still want to get married" Ryan corrected.

"Oh, well that's good too. . ." Seth said.

"So. . .I'm gonna go then." Ryan said as he walked out the front door.

--

When Ryan finally pulled up to his and Theresa's house, he found Theresa sitting on the front porch, and she had a scowl plastered all over her face.

"Where were you?" She asked, trying to be calm.

"Out." He stated simply. Ryan didn't want to get in trouble all over again.

"I see." She paused. "Do you know what you have done?"

"Yeah, Theresa, I do. And I'm sorry." Theresa's face still hadn't moved. "Look, what do you want me to say? I made a mistake. I just came all the way here to tell you that. . ." He looked down to his feet. He couldn't look at Theresa's face anymore. He shoved his hands in his pockets and started playing with a little piece of paper to take his mind off of her. Wait. . .a little piece of paper? What was that? He quickly took it out of his pocket. He unfolded the paper and read it franticly. It was Marissa's handwriting. He would know it anywhere. Scribbled lightly across the lines it read 'I'll always love you.' That was it. Plain and simple. He had to be with her. Who was he to think other wise? True love is forever, and there's no changing that. Why deny it. "To tell you. . .that I gotta go."

"You what?"

Ryan could practically see the steam coming off of her head. But he couldn't worry about that now. He turned towards his car. "I gotta go. I'm in love with someone else, and I can't deny it anymore."

"What are you talking about? I cannot believe you have the nerve to. . ."

But that was all Ryan heard, because he was already half way in the street, speeding off to find Marissa.

--

An hour had passed, and he couldn't find Marissa anywhere. He walked into the poolhouse and flung his tired body onto the pull out mattress. He wasn't giving up, he was just taking a break. He needed time to think, and refuel. He felt something crinkle under him. It was another small piece of paper. Ryan read it fast, and his heart broke even more as he read it.

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

I can't stand not hating you, but I have to face reality, Ry. I'm so incredibly in love with you. I only wish you felt the same way about me. I guess I was wrong, but I had to know. I couldn't live my life wondering what could have happened. I can't stand it that you don't love me back, but that's the way it is. I hope you have the best life, and you're always happy, no matter what, because you deserve it.

Forever,

Marissa

Oh, Marissa, if only you knew. He ran out the doors again, this time, he was going to find her.

--

Again, very sorry for the messed up version of chapter 4. Please review if you didn't already and tell me what you think. It should make a little more sense this time, and maybe some of you won't be so mad. I think the next chapter is going to be the last, I have it pretty much all planned out. If enough people like it, I might do a sequil. Also, sorry for the late update. Hope you enjoyed. REVIEW! Love ya!! Oh and by the way, yes, the first part of Marissa's last note was from 10 Things I Hate About You. I didn't steal it, nor do I own it. Just like everything else!

Margo