A/N- This is one of my favorite chapters! Beware the mass insanity.
The cast of Lord of the Rings, dead and alive (except for Legolas, Gimli, and Sam) gathered outside the mysteriously and suddenly-there tomb for elves for no apparent reason.
"Plot convenience!" the Authoress and William Shakespeare shouted.
Gandalf the Gay... gray... white... something... blocked the door of the tomb with a pretty shiny light from his staff.
"You shall dot pass!"
"What's in there?" demanded Elrond, Lord of the Eyebrows.
"Subtig," Gandalf answered through his bloody nose.
The readers wonder why Gandalf, a wizard, can't heal his own bloody nose.
The Authoress points out that Gandalf's not really all that helpful when you're actually in trouble – see the story of Osgiliath, the Bal-Rog, the Barrow Downs... all he really does is make shiny lights and bother Saruman.
And the Authoress really likes writing about people with stopped-up noses.
Thranduil gasped. "My Mary Sue! She's... broken!"
"Move aside, Gandalf," Saruman ordered. (A/N- It's the entire cast, remember.) "I want to go in that tomb for no apparent reason!"
Galadriel and Celeborn nodded enthusiastically.
Frodo and Pippin looked around. "Where's Sam?"
Legolas's ghost and Gimli's ghost went frolicking through a field of flowers.
"I cad dot led you id," Gandalf said firmly.
Bilbo did a psycho face while reaching for the tomb.
The audience jumped.
Boromir, complete with three arrows sticking out of his chest, began to make an inspirational speech while Faramir looked proud.
Éowyn, Éomer, Théoden, Théodred, and everyone else with "éo" in their names had no reason to stay and disappeared in a poof of smoke.
Actually, no one else had a reason to stay.
But they did.
Merry's ghost started apologizing to Pippin, assuming it was his fault Pippin had killed him. And in case of anyone ever mistaking one for the other again, Merry's ghost died his hair blue.
For this deed, the Authoress brought him back to life.
"Oh, and guess what, guys! I've finally found a catch phrase! Can you believe it?" Pippin cried.
"Can you believe it?' Is that your catch phrase?" asked the new-and-improved blue-haired Merry.
"No, silly!" Pippin said. "My catch phrase is..."
He was interrupted when Wormtongue turned into a mouse to escape Treebeard and ran away.
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Lupin, and Sirius chased him.
Wormtail felt ignored and disappeared in a poof of smoke.
Nine black riders began to do the cancan.
Shelob joined in.
Helob wandered by.
The readers wonder who Helob is.
So does the Authoress. "Security!" yelled a voice from the sky.
Harley, Frankie, and Joey chased Helob away.
"My catch phrase is..." Pippin repeated loudly.
No one listened.
Gollum and Sméagôl got into a schizo fight. The Authoress turned Sméagôl back into a hobbit. Sméagôl and Déagôl immediately attacked Gollum.
Denethor threw Boromir a party, but he didn't invite Faramir.
Boromir didn't go.
Faramir threw Boromir a party, but he didn't invite Denethor.
Boromir didn't go.
Neither did Faramir. It was a setup.
Denethor went.
"Where's da party at?" he asked.
No one knew what he was talking about.
Denethor got bored, twitched a few thousand times, and disappeared in a poof of smoke.
Elrond's eyebrows began to break dance.
Elizabeth Swann's ghost chased Legolas's ghost through a field of flowers with a pair of scissors and a bottle of brown hair dye.
Legolas's ghost and Gimli's ghost jumped onto a fell beast's ghost and flew away.
The Authoress realized that this chapter is pointless and ended it.
"But my catch phrase...!" Pippin protested.
"Oh, right," said the voice from the sky. "Go."
"Thank you!" Pippin said. "My catch phrase is