Due to the lack of Labyrinth fanfiction on the net, and for most of the ones there being Sarah/Jareth stories, I have now found an obligation to write my own so that (1) there will be one more fic out there, and (2) fighting in hopes that one day Sarah/Jareth fics will be a minority (no offense to those who like the couple, but I can't say I'm one to truly enjoy pedophilia). In order to get rid of the stupidness of the disclaimer, I now proclaim that I, Miagi of Mr. Miagi's Banana Factory, do not own Labyrinth or any of the characters. Oh, and to Jim Henson (or whoever owns the dynasty now): if you ever decide to sell Jareth in the future... er... I have a quarter... what can I say? I'm broke. And to David Bowie: if you ever want to sell yourself, that quarter is still up for grabs. Now that I have that out of the way, I now feel that I may begin my procession of silliness.

Prologue:

It had been about a week since Sarah had thwarted Jareth, and returned home with her baby brother, and the Goblin King was still far from happy about this outcome. Because of six words, he had lost his little battle of sorts, and found himself in quite the cranky mood. How he scowled at the ceiling from his bed, which he had been tied to (the goblins had gotten sick of his suicide attempts, and figured it would be best to restrain him), and yet again tried to stop breathing long enough to suffocate. Of course, this never worked due to the fact that the body has a mechanism in it that makes you pass out before such a time, or so I've heard (I don't go out attempting to suffocate myself very often, so I can't say I have much personal experience on the matter). Still, he wasn't going to let some scientific study stop him, and went to work. As he was reaching that shade of red that's on the brink of turning purple, a thought occurred to him. Why not bloody go back to the little strumpet's house and declare a rematch? Yes, it was an excellent idea. This time, things would have to be made much more difficult, and not so full of loop holes. Jareth took in a heavy breath, letting his practically blue skin return to normal flesh colour, and started for his throne room... or at least he would have f he wasn't still strapped to the bed. Well, this obstacle was far from thought worthy. After all, much more luscious villainy was at hand, and the Goblin King had the perfect plan to go about it.

THE JARETH WARS

Act 1: Babies Over Cheese puffs

"SSSSCCCRRREEEECCCHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

Yes, the baby was crying yet again, and Sarah had once more found herself home on a Saturday with Toby.

Sarah: Oh please stop crying!

Toby: SCREECH!

Sarah: Urgh! Hoggle, I need you!

Seeing as how all she had to do was call, Sarah had now found the solution to all of her problems, or so she thought.

Answering Machine: Hello, you have reached the Hoggle Hotline. No one is available to take your call right now, but if you leave your name, we'll know who you are, and if you leave your number, we'll actually be able to call you back! Please leave a message at the beep.

Sarah: RAGH!!!

This was not going at all to what she had in mind. She plopped down onto her parent's bed and stared a the wailing child.

Sarah: I know I shouldn't, but you are seriously tempting me to say 'the words.'

Toby: *silence*

Sarah: ... no way... *looks in the crib* ... you're awake, yet you aren't crying.... THERE IS A GOD!!!

Tsk tsk. It was too bad she didn't know that her little brother was, at the moment, a verbally challenged atheist.

Toby: *pissed* SSSSSSSSSCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Sarah: Fine! You're really asking for it now! I don't care if the Goblin King turns you into a muffin, I am so saying 'the words' if you don't stop your screaming!

Voice: Now that won't be necessary.

Sarah spun around quickly, and there at the window stood the magnificent form that was the Goblin King, himself.

Sarah: *shocked* Jareth!!!..... why are you tied to a bed?

Jareth: Never mind that! *pivots over the best he can* I have much more important matters to discuss with you.

Sarah: How'd you get through the window?

Jareth: That doesn't matter. What I am here to say is-

Sarah: Better yet, how'd you manage to waddle all the way here?

Jareth: My, aren't we a one track mind. If my set of circumstances bothers you oh so much, then you could at least be part of the solution and untie me.

Sarah: Oh... okie dokie!

A few hours later (seeing as how Sarah had to keep tending to Toby, and also felt that she had to make the time for her favorite soap opera when the commercials were over), Jareth was untied. After doing a quick dance number in order to get his circulation going through his wrists again, he was ready to unleash his horrible scheme.

Jareth: You thought you had beaten me, but you were wrong. I have come to take back the child that you have stolen which I stole in order to make your life... BAD!

Sarah: But how would losing him ruin my life? I could finally go out on weekends and never have to change another diaper again... at least not until I become a victim of teen pregnancy.

Jareth: ... Well... you certainly have a bright future ahead of you... Of course, I was not planning to just let you stay here. Ya see over there? *suddenly in Labyrinth world* He is in my castle. Okay, now back to the standard rules. You've got thirteen hours, and if you don't reach it before time runs out, your baby brother will be one of us forever. Such a pi-

He stopped and began to scowl as he watched Sarah begin to set up camp on the outskirts. It seemed she was in no hurry to be traveling anywhere.

Jareth: Okay, let me rephrase that. If you don't reach the castle in thirteen hours, you're baby brother will be multiplied by ten, and shipped back to your home.

Sarah: *gasp*

Jareth: Now, back to my interrupted line. 'Such a pity.' *disappears*

Sarah: ... this bites.

Yay, I'm done with chapter 1! I don't know that I want to finish it, but if you guys say it's good, then I probably will. Yeah, now I'm off to play the playstation of life like I do when I'm bored.