Oh wow people actually read this section and I thought I'd have no reviews what-so-ever. I'm quite happy with myself now. Now then, some people told me that the last chapter was insane. All I can say is that it was quite sober compared to what this will soon be. Now then, no need to keep up on this little section. All I'll say is that just because this isn't Sarah/Jareth doesn't mean that there will be absolutely no couplings at all... nuff said.

Sarah looked down at the labyrinth in complete dismay. This was way too familiar, and somehow it looked as if the day would end up in a parody of a week before. Of course, for the sake of the story, she decided to start her journey, and headed toward the gates. But, when she reached that area where she first saw Hoggle taking a piss, she found something entirely different... a casino?

THE JARETH WARS

Chapter 2: Winged Croissant of Impeders

Sarah: What? Since when was there a casino here?

Voice: Since I got famous and decided to build one.

Sarah turned around quickly to see none other than Hoggle, standing in a new spiffy business suit and carrying an overly large brief case. Obviously, our ragged little friend had plopped into an oil rig or something of the sort, to which Sarah found herself quite envious.

Sarah: flustered How the hell'd you get all that money to make this monstrosity?!

Hoggle: Well, ya see, last week while you were doing your "I must confront him alone" thing, the guys and eye figured we'd take the time to do some castle plundering. Personally, I was able to make a fortune off of never been washed Jareth boxers.

Sarah: Wait a sec. How could he be even capable of wearing boxers if he's always wearing dance tights?

Hoggle: Sarah, please, you must understand. Everything in this world is magical; you know, where everything is possible, but nothing is what it seems?

Sarah: Oh dirty thoughts passing through head wow

Hoggle: smacks her with brief case Get your mind out of the gutter!

Little did the wrinkly thing (lack for a better word) know, when he had whacked her, he damaged her brain, making her somewhat distorted in her thinking.

Sarah: looks at Hoggle Hoggle, I never realized it before, but your eyes are the brilliant colour of the ocean after its been filled with sewage. Oh how I long to forever stare into your somber gaze.

Hoggle: WHAZZAH?!

Now, we could continue on this little excerpt, but, seeing how this is titled THE JARETH WARS (Jareth being the main character), it seems to be about time to switch over to the castle.

Jareth found himself a tad more angry than usual. When he had walked through the door, immediately all of his loyal subjects took their positions at all the windows and kitchen cutlery. A bunch of goblins began to pace slowly towards him with ropes and chains, doing what they must to save their leader from personal annihilation. This fully aggravated Jareth, and found himself in no mood to deal with these peasants.

Jareth: Keep away! chucks crystal ball

Goblins: watch ball pass by

Well, that's what you get when the only magic power you display is ball juggling. The Goblin King mentally kicked himself as his minions were closing in, when he realized something. Making a hazardous move, he pinched the baby, hoping that his plan might work. Of course, it did, for he is hot, and therefore brilliant, because right as he did that, Toby made an agonizing screech that was so horrid that all of the goblins' ears split, and they bled to death. Jareth was in no way harmed, though, because (once again) he is the main character. If he died, we'd have to change the name to THE SARAH BITCHINGS or something of the sort.

Now that the goblins were out of the picture, Jareth did a victory triple loop thing followed by a tap dance to his throne (he is a dancer, after all). The baby was not too pleased with these actions while still being in Jareth's arms, and prepared himself for another mind blowing wail. Our wondrous king, fortunately, saw this coming, and ethered the child before the agonizing scream sounded once more.

Jareth: Now I must say, that is quite more becoming. pulls out cigarette Now all I have to do is wait for- ah crap... the lighter's busted...

Yes, this was a dilema indeed. Without the lighter of life, Jareth would be doomed to a day of nicotine free torture (I dunno, I saw the behind scenes with him taking a smoke, and it just stook). There was only one solution to this problem.

Jareth: pulling out crystal ball I must locate... the Chilly Gang.

The Chilly Gang, being the only source of fire in the Underground (it seems that everyone took to micro waving their food, and decided to ditch the roasting idea), he would have to go to them for a light. Sadly, after chucking it at the goblins, his crystal ball seemed to be malfunctioning, so he'd have to go and find them manually. Leaving the baby on the throne, Jareth picked up and started off for the woods.