I can't even tell us apart anymore.

Buffy stared dazedly up at the First, life ebbing out of her at an alarming rate. And the apparition took its time to kneel down and chat with her.

"Ow! Mommy! This mortal wound is all itchy," it taunted.

Sounds like something I'd say.

"You pulled a nice trick, " it admitted. "You came pretty close to smacking me down. What more do you want?"

If only it kept its mouth shut, maybe things might have been different, however…

"I want you," Buffy puffed. Then forced herself on her knees never losing eye contact.

"To get out of my face!"

And naturally it disappeared. If only everything else I faced vanished so easily. Speaking of, wonder if it's kicked in yet?

Regaining the scythe from Rona, she sliced through five Turok-Han. Faced down two more, decapitating them and watching as they dematerialized into dust. She stabbed at an eighth, imagining it to be Spike she had stabbed her staked end through. Imagining the look of shock as he faded into oblivion, wondering briefly if his essence would be in Hell. And if he was suffering for eternity.

How proud Angel would be of me right now. Mom. I'm the best Slayer there ever was, ever will be. I am going to win!

It was then she saw the blue light escape from Spike, piercing a hole in the cavern top, the school roof, and the sunlight pouring in. The sun embraced him and solar streams shot out obliterating all in its path.

For a second she couldn't move. He was…glowing. Glowing with such radiant beauty. He called out her name.

And unconsciously called out his. She ran for him.

From the description Angel had given her, it sounded horrible. The one wearing the amulet would be a conduit for enormous amounts of energy, too much for any one being to even think about taking on alone.

Yet, there he was. Taking it. With no real expression of pain. He wasn't crying out. Screaming in torment. He looked almost…beatified.

Wonder alighted his face. Awe. Like she vaguely remembered from heaven. Sense memories she could only find again in her dreams, and even then sporadically. And as Buffy ran to him, avoiding the rays, and the rest of her troops got the hell out of there, she felt such unquenchable anger and envy.

He doesn't belong there. He's not the hero! I am! I suffered more than he did. I had to go through killing my greatest love, my mom dying, putting up with some mystically constructed teenage brat, sacrificing myself for her worthless ass, getting pulled out of heaven, granting my friends their lives when they deserved nothing but death at my hand, and finding myself again after wasting my life in his darkness. I should be there! And Angel should be at my side, begging to stay. And of course, he wouldn't leave me and I wouldn't let him! We would die in each other's arms as it should be, forever bound by our love, and I would go to heaven. But he…he gets it?!! Him?!!! He's my savior?!!!

"I can feel it, Buffy," he whispered awestruck.

Curiosity got the better of her and she asked what it was. And that nauseous feeling returned.

"My soul. It's really there," he breathed. His face beamed with love and humility as Buffy stared at Spike touching a piece of the divine spark that he fought for. That God had granted him again by his own doing. And he was filled with such peace.

I should be wearing it! I should be getting the peace! It's mine! I 'm the Slayer!! He's touching God Himself! I SHOULD BE TOUCHING GOD!! I SHOULD BE TOUCHING GOD!!

"Kinda stings."

You're dying, you fool. This is when you should be penitent. Pleading for your sins to be forgiven! Crying out for mercy! And they'll never be forgiven! Not while I live! I hate you and God hates you!! The Slayer is God's instrument!! I'm His warrior against evil like you. You don't deserve to wear that!! It was a mistake!!

"Go on then," he said calmly but firmly.

Oh, no. No, you're not gonna get glory in my sight. Not while I'm standing here. You're not gonna prove you're better than me, vampire!

"No, no, you've done enough. You can still…," she pleaded. Act like you care. And he'll take it off. Then you can kick the dog to the Ubervamps and watch as they rend him apart your name on his lips. Then it's mine. And I get to die in peace and finally rest. I get to die with dignity, while his legacy is tainted forever the way it should be. Then you don't beat me! Selfless acts or no, I'm still the fucking Slayer! I'm the chosen one! I get the glory! Me!

"No, you beat them back," Spike stated gently. "It's for me to do the cleanup."

GIVE ME THE FUCKING AMULET, YOU RIGHTEOUS PIECE OF SHIT!!!

Buffy heard Faith call her name at the top of the stairs. She wanted to impale the slutty bitch with her scythe as she stared at Spike honestly going through with it, going out a hero. Just another twisted, topsy-turvy punch line in the supernatural world of Buffy Summers.

I hate my fucking job.

"Gotta move lamb," he gently told her. "I think it's fair to say school's out for bloody summer."

You don't get to tell me what to do. You never get to tell me what to do! I decide when I should leave! I won't leave until I know you're suffering! Until you're at the point where you start screaming and bawling for the pain to end! Then I'll go! You think this changes anything? That I'll admire you for saving…for trying to save me? Did it ever occur to you that I didn't WANT you to save me! You don't deserve that honor! He did! He saved me when he left and he'll save me when we're together forever. You just picked up where he left off and did a piss-poor job at it! You'll always be second best to him and less than nothing to me! I still win, you got that? I still beat you! I save the world, not you! I'm the savior!! And it doesn't matter what you do, who you think you are, or how much you rewrite the history books on vampires, you're not him. To love you may be the greatest thing ever, but it's shit to me!! And nothing you do will change that!! Angel and I still know what it means to be a hero! You'll never be a hero to me! And in the end it's my view of you that matters most. That gives me the power! I choose who to love and who's worthy of it! And I don't--I won't choose YOU!!! YOU. ARE. NOT. HIM.

" I mean it," he finally said somberly, with purpose. "I gotta do this."

Telling herself she was doing it just to see if he was actually stuck, Buffy reached out. And Spike reached out and grabbed her. She was about ready to take his head off and claim the amulet as her own for trying to ignite her in flames, but much to her disappointment the fire didn't burn her. It warmed her. And it didn't dim. It must mean something. Shouldn't it?

And the feeling was ecstatic. She stared across their joined hands and then she remembered who was the one holding her.

Give it to him. Show your power over him. He's never been told it in his life. And it would be so beautiful for him to hear and not be able to do anything about it. I still win, asshole.

"I love you," she said softly. That's all you're getting. And I didn't mean any of those three syllables. You should know how I really feel about you. I kissed him and I loved it. I wanted to eat him up! Utterly consume him!

Buffy wasn't sure if Spike had actually read her true feelings through their union or just had to get the last word in like always, but once again, the indefatigable Big Bad spoiled everything. Like always.

"No, you don't. But thanks for saying it."

She looked at him speechless. No comeback. No scream. Nothing. She didn't have the strength for any of their shit anymore. He did it. He beat her. He didn't believe her lie. He still had the power. Even at the end.

In the end, she was nothing.

The cavern rocked again. And Buffy ripped her hand free from the vampire's clammy grip. Actually, rather easily, considering he didn't make much effort to hold on.

"Now go!"

She had so much left she wanted to let fly at him and destroy him. But in the end, glory or no. Or redemption. Victory. Salvation. Heaven. It didn't matter. There were only three absolutes.

He was dead. And she lived. And she could be with Angel.

She fled, hearing bits of "see" and "end" coming from him. Acting stoic, resolute, and courageous.

He had no concept of any of those terms.

Good riddance.