CHAPTER 2 (or, rather, 1A)
I rather ran out of ideas...help me! Anyway I had made up a few parsonages (and threw myself on the stage) and thought I need to introduce them. New characters: CHRISTINE, the authoress. Not Miss Daae *grins*, even hardly resembles her: talks in a very low contralto, wears a classical black costume with a tie; has wavy golden-brown hair. MEGHAN, her friend and the biggest Legolas fan on earth: has purple hair, no other make-up, black clothing as well. AMELIE, MEGHAN's mother: a not-very-tall lady with short brown hair and blue eyes, dressed like a grunger, hobbies - bossing around and yelling at everyone.
(A room. A sofa, 2 armchairs, a piano with open score on the notestand, a wall-mirror. A Legolas poster on the wall. CHRISTINE and MEGHAN are sitting in the armchairs, MEGHAN staring at the Legsy poster)
MEGHAN: Where is Chapter 2? I want Chapter 2.
CHRISTINE: I want Chapter 2 myself, but I've got no inspiration! School and stuff, they take so much time. As soon as anyone gives me an idea, I will write!
(both sigh)
(their conversation is interrupted by a flash of light and a most sudden appearance of LEGOLAS, pursued by ERIK and SARUMAN)
ERIK (menacing): Another off-key note, mon prince, and you're dead!
SARUMAN (furious): I'll get you, Greenleaf the Superstar! Ash bibika sharkimai bubhosh, beep, beep, beep!
(MEGHAN, unable to stand this, stands between them and LEGOLAS, blocking the way)
MEGHAN (coldly and proudly): The one I love can't sing off-key!
LEGOLAS (whines): Yeah, I can and I do, please kill me - but I don't want to see any fangirls like you *points at MEGHAN* stalking around me all the time, all the time!
CHRISTINE: Why, you should give a public concert to scare them off.
MEGHAN: We fangirls won't care about your singing! You are good at something else. (hugs LEGOLAS and, though he fights, tries to kiss him)
LEGOLAS (pleading): Save me from this torment...
SARUMAN: I would hardly deny myself the pleasure of you being tormented.
LEGOLAS: Sadists you all! (finally struggles out of MEGHAN's embrace)
CHRISTINE: Okay, but what are you doing here?
SARUMAN (turning on his charming voice): We want, lady authoress, to have this idiotic cutie out of the game or atleast get him a singing teacher. He gives everyone headaches.
MEGHAN (kicks SARUMAN hard on the stomach): Idiotic cutie!?!?!?!?!?
(AMELIE's VOICE from behind the door)
AMELIE: That's so stupid! Hey I found a Mordor newspaper on the kitchen table, and I have no idea who had the gall to put it there!
(AMELIE enters, holding the Mordor Times in her hand, looking rather furious)
(SARUMAN grabs the newspaper and sees it through): Oh damn!! Look what they write: this nine-fingered ringomaniac kidnaps our Sanni and wants to get married!!
AMELIE (looks around): Meg, get out of this company! By the way you told me that your (mocks) 'hot elf' is legless!
LEGOLAS: Le-go-las. Not legless. (proudly) But hot.
AMELIE (teaching MEGHAN): You must marry a serious man.
MEGHAN: Mom, who do you call a serious man?
AMELIE (dragging ERIK into the centre of the room): Say, this. (makes MEGHAN stand near him) You do make a nice couple!
ERIK and MEGHAN (both): But...
AMELIE: No 'buts'! It's stupid. The word of the mother is law, remember, Meg.
ERIK (dryly): Eh, madame, I'm in love with another. (puts arm around CHRISTINE's waist) (to CHRISTINE, in a whisper) Don't get angry. I had to make an excuse.
(CHRISTINE blushes and wishes it wasn't an excuse)
MEGHAN (relieved): See?
AMELIE (insisting): I do not care.
SARUMAN: Just leave, lady, it's all we want.
AMELIE: Ah so? Then I won't leave! My daughter needs to be under control, and she will be!
LEGOLAS (suddenly deciding to defend MEGHAN): She deserves freedom! (embraces her protectively)
(MEGHAN is in heaven)
CHRISTINE (to herself): Poor Legolas, such a mother-in-law he will have...
AMELIE (hearing CHRISTINE): Legolas? What Legolas? No more Legolas! (draws ERIK and MEGHAN together again) This. Is. My. Final. Decision.
(MEGHAN makes big, frightened, hopeless eyes)
SARUMAN: Don't worry, Meg. (transfigures AMELIE into a parrot and a flower vase into a cage)
(AMELIE flies into the cage. SARUMAN closes her inside)
AMELIE: Tweeet, tweet, that's so stupid! That's so stupid! tweeet tweet, Amelie good birdie, Amelie good birdie! Good morning. Tweet tweet tweet. That's so stupid. Tweet. This is, tweet tweet, my final decision.
(CHRISTINE's CAT who's been sleeping peacefully on the sofa wakes up and walks closer)
AMELIE: Good morning, tweet!
CAT: Meow!
MEGHAN (doubtfully): Won't it eat my mother?
CHRISTINE (shrugs): No idea. But hey, we forgot about Sanni!
(everyone except AMELIE who tweets peacefully becomes very worried)
(CHRISTINE takes the newspaper, and a note falls out of it)
MEGHAN (picks up the note and reads aloud): Gone to Middle-earth to gather troops. Planning to declare war on Sau. Join us! The Dark Lord Voldemort and Draco Malfoy from Slytherin.
MEGHAN: You're going to Middle-earth? I'm with you!
AMELIE: Tweet tweet, that's so stupid.
CHRISTINE: Okay, Meghan, you go as well.
LEGOLAS: I don't want to have fangirls I can't get rid of.
MEGHAN: Then why you saved me from my mother?
LEGOLAS: Er...umm..
CHRISTINE: No objections, Mr. Greenleaf. Meghan is on the journey too.
SARUMAN: And the mad mother?
LEGOLAS: Why, it'd be boring without her.
MEGHAN (cries): No, no, leave her here!
CHRISTINE: Okay, I'll take care of the birdie. But I don't guarantee she'll get out of the cage and join you somewhere on the way.
MEGHAN (with distaste): I won't stand that.
CHRISTINE: No one needs you to stand that.
LEGOLAS (joyfully): So, off to Middle-earth! Saruman, can you teleport us there?
SARUMAN (doubtfully): Not sure.
CHRISTINE: I will. I have the power in this story.
ERIK: Why don't you simply get Sanni back?
(CHRISTINE shrugs and waits for suggestions from the audience)
I rather ran out of ideas...help me! Anyway I had made up a few parsonages (and threw myself on the stage) and thought I need to introduce them. New characters: CHRISTINE, the authoress. Not Miss Daae *grins*, even hardly resembles her: talks in a very low contralto, wears a classical black costume with a tie; has wavy golden-brown hair. MEGHAN, her friend and the biggest Legolas fan on earth: has purple hair, no other make-up, black clothing as well. AMELIE, MEGHAN's mother: a not-very-tall lady with short brown hair and blue eyes, dressed like a grunger, hobbies - bossing around and yelling at everyone.
(A room. A sofa, 2 armchairs, a piano with open score on the notestand, a wall-mirror. A Legolas poster on the wall. CHRISTINE and MEGHAN are sitting in the armchairs, MEGHAN staring at the Legsy poster)
MEGHAN: Where is Chapter 2? I want Chapter 2.
CHRISTINE: I want Chapter 2 myself, but I've got no inspiration! School and stuff, they take so much time. As soon as anyone gives me an idea, I will write!
(both sigh)
(their conversation is interrupted by a flash of light and a most sudden appearance of LEGOLAS, pursued by ERIK and SARUMAN)
ERIK (menacing): Another off-key note, mon prince, and you're dead!
SARUMAN (furious): I'll get you, Greenleaf the Superstar! Ash bibika sharkimai bubhosh, beep, beep, beep!
(MEGHAN, unable to stand this, stands between them and LEGOLAS, blocking the way)
MEGHAN (coldly and proudly): The one I love can't sing off-key!
LEGOLAS (whines): Yeah, I can and I do, please kill me - but I don't want to see any fangirls like you *points at MEGHAN* stalking around me all the time, all the time!
CHRISTINE: Why, you should give a public concert to scare them off.
MEGHAN: We fangirls won't care about your singing! You are good at something else. (hugs LEGOLAS and, though he fights, tries to kiss him)
LEGOLAS (pleading): Save me from this torment...
SARUMAN: I would hardly deny myself the pleasure of you being tormented.
LEGOLAS: Sadists you all! (finally struggles out of MEGHAN's embrace)
CHRISTINE: Okay, but what are you doing here?
SARUMAN (turning on his charming voice): We want, lady authoress, to have this idiotic cutie out of the game or atleast get him a singing teacher. He gives everyone headaches.
MEGHAN (kicks SARUMAN hard on the stomach): Idiotic cutie!?!?!?!?!?
(AMELIE's VOICE from behind the door)
AMELIE: That's so stupid! Hey I found a Mordor newspaper on the kitchen table, and I have no idea who had the gall to put it there!
(AMELIE enters, holding the Mordor Times in her hand, looking rather furious)
(SARUMAN grabs the newspaper and sees it through): Oh damn!! Look what they write: this nine-fingered ringomaniac kidnaps our Sanni and wants to get married!!
AMELIE (looks around): Meg, get out of this company! By the way you told me that your (mocks) 'hot elf' is legless!
LEGOLAS: Le-go-las. Not legless. (proudly) But hot.
AMELIE (teaching MEGHAN): You must marry a serious man.
MEGHAN: Mom, who do you call a serious man?
AMELIE (dragging ERIK into the centre of the room): Say, this. (makes MEGHAN stand near him) You do make a nice couple!
ERIK and MEGHAN (both): But...
AMELIE: No 'buts'! It's stupid. The word of the mother is law, remember, Meg.
ERIK (dryly): Eh, madame, I'm in love with another. (puts arm around CHRISTINE's waist) (to CHRISTINE, in a whisper) Don't get angry. I had to make an excuse.
(CHRISTINE blushes and wishes it wasn't an excuse)
MEGHAN (relieved): See?
AMELIE (insisting): I do not care.
SARUMAN: Just leave, lady, it's all we want.
AMELIE: Ah so? Then I won't leave! My daughter needs to be under control, and she will be!
LEGOLAS (suddenly deciding to defend MEGHAN): She deserves freedom! (embraces her protectively)
(MEGHAN is in heaven)
CHRISTINE (to herself): Poor Legolas, such a mother-in-law he will have...
AMELIE (hearing CHRISTINE): Legolas? What Legolas? No more Legolas! (draws ERIK and MEGHAN together again) This. Is. My. Final. Decision.
(MEGHAN makes big, frightened, hopeless eyes)
SARUMAN: Don't worry, Meg. (transfigures AMELIE into a parrot and a flower vase into a cage)
(AMELIE flies into the cage. SARUMAN closes her inside)
AMELIE: Tweeet, tweet, that's so stupid! That's so stupid! tweeet tweet, Amelie good birdie, Amelie good birdie! Good morning. Tweet tweet tweet. That's so stupid. Tweet. This is, tweet tweet, my final decision.
(CHRISTINE's CAT who's been sleeping peacefully on the sofa wakes up and walks closer)
AMELIE: Good morning, tweet!
CAT: Meow!
MEGHAN (doubtfully): Won't it eat my mother?
CHRISTINE (shrugs): No idea. But hey, we forgot about Sanni!
(everyone except AMELIE who tweets peacefully becomes very worried)
(CHRISTINE takes the newspaper, and a note falls out of it)
MEGHAN (picks up the note and reads aloud): Gone to Middle-earth to gather troops. Planning to declare war on Sau. Join us! The Dark Lord Voldemort and Draco Malfoy from Slytherin.
MEGHAN: You're going to Middle-earth? I'm with you!
AMELIE: Tweet tweet, that's so stupid.
CHRISTINE: Okay, Meghan, you go as well.
LEGOLAS: I don't want to have fangirls I can't get rid of.
MEGHAN: Then why you saved me from my mother?
LEGOLAS: Er...umm..
CHRISTINE: No objections, Mr. Greenleaf. Meghan is on the journey too.
SARUMAN: And the mad mother?
LEGOLAS: Why, it'd be boring without her.
MEGHAN (cries): No, no, leave her here!
CHRISTINE: Okay, I'll take care of the birdie. But I don't guarantee she'll get out of the cage and join you somewhere on the way.
MEGHAN (with distaste): I won't stand that.
CHRISTINE: No one needs you to stand that.
LEGOLAS (joyfully): So, off to Middle-earth! Saruman, can you teleport us there?
SARUMAN (doubtfully): Not sure.
CHRISTINE: I will. I have the power in this story.
ERIK: Why don't you simply get Sanni back?
(CHRISTINE shrugs and waits for suggestions from the audience)