A/N: Who likes angst Bowen? I does! Bowen being all angst over the death of Draco. Implied slash so yay! Bwahahaha!
Over Again
What can come of such an insipid little thing? Over and over, in such a mindless way. It's almost like I'm trapped. Delusional is the best way to describe it.
There are times I can almost feel like my existence isn't futile, but those are few and far between. Anymore, though, I lack the ability to care.
I do know why I've become this. Everything was so…normal. I guess you could say I'd gone insane. I did murder my best friend. They say I had to, but I know better. We could have trapped him, kept him caged up like the monster he was.
On the other hand I felt an obligation. I couldn't let him loose his soul, not when I wanted it for myself. Selfish, I know, but I stopped caring. Crushing guilt robbed me of my senses. Right and wrong have no place within my head anymore.
I guess they slowly noticed the insanity, my madness. I stopped sleeping and just stared at the stars. I did what he told me, to look to the stars.
I kept looking and found no solace in those twinkling lights. After a while they mocked me, they kept him from me. And, in the end I hated them, but still looked, because it wasn't the stars but Draco I was interested in.
They left me, those who claimed to be my friends, all but the priest. He didn't understand, but he stayed. It was, in sorts, a comfort to have someone there, though he doesn't understand.
Every night I still look to the stars, and hopefully, one day I will find a way up there.