Pills

by Kard of Dark

Standard disclaimers apply.

Chapter 3: Sink

nanimo shiranai baku wa itsuka nemuri-tsuzukeru kara

daremo todokamai yume no naka de oborete

--"Sink" by Plastic Tree

The bottle sat in front of her on the coffee table, tempting to look at but dangerous to touch. She hadn't taken any in the three days she had them. Dr. Hino's warning wasn't what was ringing through her head, but rather the joy she felt when having lunch with Megumi. It was something she hadn't felt in what seemed like ages. The feeling was nice but Kenshin didn't want her to feel it again. He didn't want her to have another little luncheon with Megumi ever again.

And she was scared.

Scared of an image that was created by her head, a figment of her imagination and own unbalanced feelings.

Reaching out she grasped the bottle and read the directions once more. By this time she had memorized what it read, knew each word by heart. She knew not to take more then one every twelve hours, and it wasn't suggested to take two in any twenty-four hour period. Dangerous was what rang through her head at that. She wanted to follow the directions; it would keep Kenshin away long enough for her to sleep with just one pill.

That was what she wanted.

Twisting open the bottle, she spilled a pill out onto the palm of her hand.

"What are you doing?" Kenshin was there again. Yelling at her again and again like he was always doing since he had died and came back to haunt her. She shook the idea from her head. Ghosts did not exist; it was simply her imagination.

Taking up the cup of water, she swallowed the pill. It went down easily enough, but she didn't know when it would start to take effect. Kaoru hoped it would take effect soon. She didn't want to listen to Kenshin; she didn't have the energy left to feel everything he wanted her to feel. The love, the anger, the sadness. She didn't want any of it right then. All she wanted was to sleep.

Lying down onto the couch, she covered her body with the blanket, her hand shaking as she did so at the sight of Kenshin sitting under her feet at the other end of the couch. He wasn't speaking, but his eyes were amber--a color she learned to be wary of.

Kenshin had always been pleasant and sweet, a wonderful person to be around with, but he did have a temper when evoked. She had seen him angry only once, and that was enough for her. Though, she had always fantasized about his angry half, about how well a lover he would be. Once more brushing the thoughts aside, she settled down onto the pillow and closed her eyes.

The first night she spent on the bed the couch folded out to, Kenshin had simply tortured her, wouldn't let her get any rest by doing things with her body. From that she learned to sleep on just the couch itself instead. He didn't seem to enjoy doing anything to her unless he had a lot of space.

"You can't--won't, get away from me," he spoke suddenly, his voice deep with thought. He glanced over at her, his amber eyes glowing in the dark. "I won't let you."

Shrugging his words off, she pulled the blanket farther up and turned over to try and sleep. "You will always be mine."

Those where the last words she heard before she fell asleep.

The drug-induced sleep was peaceful and dreamless and when she woke up Kenshin was not about. But she was tired, and sluggish, as if her body needed more sleep then the twelve hours she already slept through. She really should've moved and set her alarm clock.

Kaoru was grateful, though, that she had a few days off from work. This way she could get used to the pills and create a sleeping schedule.

Pushing the blankets off her body she decided to use what was left of the day and do some things around the house. Kenshin's mother had asked Kaoru to sort through Kenshin's things and to take out anything she wanted to keep before giving her what was left. It had been more then a week already, and she still had not done so.

Getting dressed, she found herself in baggy clothing that was a few years old, and she could not remember getting dressed. Raising a hand she brushed it through her wet bangs--when did she take a shower for that matter?

Shaking it off with a yawn, she took on look at the closet and chose to go through his clothes first. Turning on the television, she turned it to the "all news all the time" station to catch up on current events. Kenshin was the one who knew about the events going on in the world. Kaoru, meanwhile, still hated watching the news.

"'The reason behind the boat explosion killing all 365 passengers and crew members is till being looked through,' said the Police Sergeant in charge of the case. They suspect it was done by an extremists group who were trying to protect the wildlife that lived near--"

Kaoru could no longer hear the television, all she could see were the pictures of the wreckage that Kenshin's body had been pulled from. People who had the same goal as those on the boat killed them.

She scrambled to turn the TV off, but even as the screen when black the images stayed in her head, only these were worse.

There was Kenshin, sitting on his little bunk holding a picture of them in his hands gently running his finger over her face, her smile.

Kaoru tried to pull herself out of the "vision" but she couldn't, it kept going on as Kenshin put the picture back in his suitcase. They would be docking soon and everyone needed to be ready to get off the boat.

"No...No..." Kaoru struggled to get his face out of her head. His image and what might have been his death. She didn't want it. She didn't deserve it.

Struggling to see her way through the apartment she swallowed her anti- depressants, but the image stayed as she sank to the floor wrapping her arms around her legs and started to cry. Kenshin's face stayed in her mind as he left his room with his suitcase in hand for the deck.

He reached the metal stairs only to hear some one scream. Dropping the bag he rushed towards the top--he always had to be the hero. And reaching the top he saw the man with the gun, his eyes wide and hysterical, as if he didn't believe something.

That man said something and fired the gun into the air for emphasis. Kaoru didn't hear what he said only closed her eyes but the image only got stronger, more real. As if she was Kenshin.

The mad man opened his jacket, to show the bomb strapped to his body. "There's several other bombs all on the ship," she heard him say. Holding up the detonator, he gave a smile. "We'll protect the animals there. Not destroy them like you all so carefully planned. Have a wonderful time in hell."

Someone started to scream and more people did as well, and someone started to run for the side of the ship to jump while Kenshin... He was running towards the man yelling something about protecting the animals and wildlife there was their goal as well.

The man's eyes widened but it was too late. The button had been pushed-- Kaoru gave a scream and shook her head while covering her ears.

More tears where falling as the horrid images flew her head. Kenshin dying with her name on his lips. Her face in his mind, that happy smiled from the picture.

"No! Just leave me alone!" she screamed again.

There was yelling outside her door as someone opened it. The apartment manager and Megumi rushed in, finding Kaoru in tears and pain.

Megumi rushed forward and wrapped her arms tightly around Kaoru, whispering words of comfort as the tall brute that owned the building stood back ready to be of any use.

Her tears started to slow as the last images filled her mind, the cool water where Kenshin's body floated as his lungs filled with water. A drowned man if he wasn't already missing half his brain.
Now, Kenshin did die as indicated in this chapter. Think of him as someone who goes out to places where buildings are being built to look for any animals and plants that are rare and endangered. Obviously, in incident like the one in the fic wouldn't likely happen in real life (then I would fear for my cousin's life...), but it was done by an extremists group for advocate for animal's rights.

This wasn't a vision, but rather her over active imagination. The image of Kenshin is the same thing, an object created by her mind. There are no ghosts or anything like that, it's just her mind. Now, about the sleeping pills, I've taken one before and the day was very hard to get through because I was very tired, so I based her morning off my own experience. At least she didn't have go to work, I still had to go to school.

As for the lyrics from the top, here is the translation:

Because I, who know nothing, will one day sleep forever,

In a dream unreachable, I am drowning.

The symbolism is death and Kaoru's little "vision." That's all I really want to explain, some things though, should be noticeable in the way Kaoru is acting. Reread the chapter, if you hadn't caught it already, and see if you can catch what I mean.

This chapter should be a few more chapters more and then it'll be done with. And thank you again to my beta-reader, MoMo-ChAn. You are the best.