Pills
by Kard of Dark
Standard disclaimers apply.
Chapter 5: itai ao
SURAIDO shashin no keshiki go kawareba
yowamushi no boku ga tori-nokosareteta
aoi INKU ga tobichiru yo mune no atari
itai kurai kirei dakara
boku wa naita'nda
--"itai ao" by Plastic Tree
Hello, people, yeah, this is a small note before the chapter begins. And well, just to remind you, Kenshin is not real. He's a image her mind created that voices her inner doubts and thoughts with the personality of the real Kenshin that she last saw--which is explained here. Well...yeah...on with the fic, ne?
Oh, yes, a warning. This chapter implies some adult conduct. Stress on the implies.
Kaoru found herself alone once more, brooding over nothing as she continued to stare out the window at the blue bird which was busy making a nest in the tree. Its mate had shown up and was busy helping. They looked like a perfect couple, Kaoru noted with a sigh. A happy couple that didn't fight.
Kenshin appeared beside her on the couch, lounging about while looking at her with a heated stare. "Arguments? Kaoru, you wish to think about arguments?" He leaned over, his lips gently brushing her ear as he did so. Her breath caught, he seemed so real. So unbelievably real. "Kaoru, did you really want to fight?"
His lips reached hers in a gentle kiss, one that left her hanging for more. But how could an image leave her hanging?
"And yet, deep down, you don't want what I have to give..." He kissed her forehead, holding her head between his hands in a gentle hold. He still felt cold but his lips were warm. And he was right, deep in her stomach, her muscles were clenching tightly together.
Fear, she recognized the feeling as fear. She feared him.
"As you should be." He kissed her again before letting go of her and stepping away. "A little bitch has all the right to be afraid."
She gasped at stared at him in surprise. "A what?"
"You heard me correctly, bitch, cause that's all you are," he looked out the window, glancing at the birds while Kaoru struggled out of her blanket. It no longer felt safe. She felt constricted, as if she didn't have enough air. "Oh, don't think you don't know what I'm talking about. I remember, and I'm the dead one."
He turned back towards her, and by that time she was free of the blanket and at the stereo, turning the music on loud. She learned her lesson from the last time. This way no one would hear her talk to herself or scream. She didn't want people to hear her scream. That would only make them worry about her more.
She didn't want anyone to worry about her and come rushing in without her consent. No, she shouldn't be bothered now that the music hid her voice and movements from prying ears.
"I forgot?" she said after a moment, keeping her eyes fixated on the stereo, not bothering to glance at the "figment" of her imagination and all of its lies.
"I do not lie, even you know it to be true." His cold arms wrapped around her middle, his chin resting comfortably on her shoulder. "You were always forgetting things though. But that feeling was something you never let go. It stayed with you, it haunted you...did it not?"
Kaoru walked out of his hold, going a ways before looking back at him again. "So what if I forgot a few little things--Kenshin was there to help me remember."
"But he isn't here to help you remember anymore. And it's all your fault." The Kenshin image seemed to blur, and Kaoru realized that she was crying once more. That was all she had been doing lately. Crying. She didn't want to cry anymore.
"Then why don't you just die? I know that's what needs to be done. Death will be your only salvation." He was walking closer to her until he stood just before her. She could feel his warm breath and closed her eyes.
"I-I don't want to remember." She shook as the words came out of her. She was stuck in the middle, between remembering and not remembering. And she didn't want to choose either option. She just wanted to leave in a sweet oblivion. But...
"You know you have to. It's the only way for you to go in peace. To the "sweet oblivion" as you call it." One cold hand rested on her hip, coming up to caress one of her breasts just lightly before going back down to her rest at her waist. The other rested on her left cheek, caressing it softly. "And all you have to do is remem--"
Her slap came quickly and hard, the ring on her finger leaving a jagged cut along his left cheek, which started to slowly bleed. Kaoru gasped and stepped away and looked at her right hand and the collection of odd rings she had not worn since Kenshin went away. She had cut him.
She had cut him. She had harmed him.
"What was that for?"
"It was supposed to bring you back to your senses!" Kaoru yelled back at him, the words coming out of her mouth on their own. She did not know where they were coming from. But, they seemed natural as if she had spoken them before.
"Senses? Kaoru, there are endangered species we're talking about. And if we don't help them--" Kenshin kept talking, not even noticing his wound as he went into the bedroom, a picture firmly in hand.
"That's 'if you can' Kenshin. And even if you do, it's no reason to risk your life for it!" She was scared, so very scared. Her gut feeling, she didn't want him to leave her. Something bad was going to happen.
Something horrible was going to happen.
Was going to happen to him.
That was, if he left her to go on this wild goose chase.
"We will find it and that hotel won't be built--protecting the natural land there," Kenshin took some clothes from the closet, folding them perfectly before putting them into his suitcase.
"But this feeling won't go away. I really, really think something bad is going to happen to you on this chase."
Kenshin gave a smile and walked over to her, wrapping her in a tight hug. "The only bad thing that will happen to me is that I'll be lonely without you there will me, beside me."
He wiped his thumb over her cheek, gently erasing tears away before he gave her a soft kiss.
"You're bleeding," Kaoru whispered softly, looking away. No, she didn't want to make eye contact with him. Kenshin gently touched his cheek, finally noticing the wound.
"It appears I am," he face her a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. None of his smiles reached this eyes that day. "Come one now, you'll help me bandage it."
He pulled her to the bathroom were she cleaned the wound and covered it with gauze like material. She didn't want his face to be scarred because of her. He was too perfect to be injured by a cursed mess such as herself.
Leaving her to her thoughts, Kenshin went back into their room to finish packing, placing the picture of them together on top. Only, Kaoru realized with shock when she saw it, that it was a picture of Kenshin and Sayo. The two belonged to the same church and had been friends sense they were little. But why the picture?
"Kenshin...why did you want to marry me? No, do you really love me?" The words trembled out as she spoke them, matching the shaking of her own body as her hands clenched into tight fists.
Kenshin sighed and looked at her in an irritated way. "Kaoru, what makes you ask such a thing?" Already, gold colored flecks where appearing in his eyes, but Kaoru paid no attention to them as she met his question head on.
"If you truly loved me, you would stay instead of going off on some wild goose chase that will lose you your life!" Taking the engagement ring off her finger she glanced at the platinum band and sapphire stones a moment before throwing it at him with all the force she could muster and left the room.
Kenshin caught the ring easily and placed it in his pocket while following Kaoru. By the time he made it to the front room she was already shrugging into her jacket. "Where do you think you're going?"
His eyes were amber at this time. He really loved her, but this trip was only going to happen once in a lifetime and he wasn't about to let it slip through his fingers at any point.
"Out, Kenshin, out," Kaoru growled placing her keys and cell phone into her coat pockets.
"That doesn't answer my question."
"And you never answered mine!" She turned around, heading for the door when Kenshin grabbed her arm and twisted her around, keeping her arm in a painful position against her back.
"Kaoru, how could I not love you?" He kissed her forcefully, enjoying her gasp and small whimpers of pain as he pulled harshly on her trapped arm.
"You're hurting me!" Kaoru cried out as his hold tightened and his lips made their way down her throat.
"And I care because? You are mine, Kaoru dear, and I can do whatever I want to my possession. Whatever I want." He kissed her again, his tongue forcing its way into her mouth, filling her with disgust when the action would usually send her senses haywire. Nonetheless, she gave a small needy noise as she sank slowly into the kiss.
His free hand traveled over her side, grasping her ass. This woke her from her small daze and she reacted by kneeing him in the balls. Kenshin hissed and let go of her as the pain sank in. Kaoru took her chance to run, but Kenshin was full of adrenaline, which, ultimately, made the pain bearable.
She was reaching for the doorknob when he grabbed her once again and dragged her back to their room, thankful for the blasting music courteous of the party happening next door. They were the happy couple in the building and it wouldn't do them any good to be heard arguing.
Throwing her down on the bed, he looked at her for a moment before reaching out to take off her jacket. Kaoru struggled to keep it on, but he won that battle, throwing the offending garment into the floor.
Kenshin gave a sigh before speaking, choosing his words carefully. "Kaoru, can we please talk?"
"Talk? I thought you wanted to use force?" Kaoru glared at him, meeting his amber eyes with all the strength she had. One of them had to win this battle, and neither participant wanted to lose.
Kenshin thought about an answer to her question and decided to skip answering all together and move onto a different topic. It was true, he did use force to get his way, and he hoped he wouldn't have to force her to hear him out. If it came down to using force once more, though, he would.
"Please, Kaoru, believe me when I say I love--"
"Then stay with me!" Kaoru scrambled off the bed and glared at him. She wanted to break out in tears; she wanted to do anything that didn't involve confronting Kenshin. "Don't go off and risk your life."
"I would rather I be my own life then what is left of an endangered species." Kenshin knew that was the wrong thing to say, but it was out and finished with. Kaoru's eyes started to fill with tears, her anger and strength diminished as the sadness came in and her heart broke just a little.
"Would you leave me alone to feel the pain of your loss?" Kaoru's words were clear despite the tears and sobs.
Kenshin couldn't stand it. She acted as if she knew he wasn't coming back! As if he was going to die out there on the "wild goose chase" as she called it. So, he slapped her, the force sending her tumbling to the floor in a daze.
He used the chance to pin her to the floor, roughly tying her hands behind her back with a stray belts and sitting on her legs to keep them still.
"I love you Kaoru. Believe me." Kaoru heard him, but the tears wouldn't stop as the grip on her shoulders tightened and his fingers dug painfully into her skin. Her knee length skirt was now bunched up close to her hips, though she wasn't sure if her underwear could be seen or not. Her struggling did not help, though. "Please believe me baby."
He kissed her tears away, kissing each closed eyelid and then her lips, but she was struggling and her struggling only gave his sudden desire more fuel. She did deserve to be punished for thinking that he didn't love her...
Nodding his head to himself in silent agreement, one hand strayed up her thigh and she cried out, her body shaking. She didn't want this. This wasn't right.
Her struggling continued and she wasn't aware of anything that was going on around her. All she knew was that he was hurting her. He was doing something to her that she did not want.
Kaoru didn't care if they were boyfriend and girlfriend, that they were an engaged couple. What he was doing, the constant pounding, was not something she was all right with. It was rape.
Kenshin left her on the floor after untying her, grabbed his suit case and said a softly, "I'll see you in month." He left the room, he left her life. He went off just to die.
Damn it all, this was supposed to be the last chapter, but...I just can't make it any longer without screaming. It's already 2,219 words! A record so far, but still! I guess I'll just have to leave everyone hanging for just a little while longer. And, reread it before you ask me anything, and remember what I said before. Also, this really happened. She conveniently forgot everything that happened the day he left. So, everything in this chapter was real. As for the scar, it wasn't mentioned in Kaoru's little "vision" a few chapters back because she didn't remember it being there. Man, this is getting confusing, huh? In the end, its just a matter of what is going on in one's own head that makes her act how she is.
Kaoru has always believed in that "curse" and how everyone she holds very dear dies. Well, a little side note on this, everyone she loved and held dear went away from her and died. Now, this wasn't mentioned for when Kaoru's dad or mom died, but it is also true for their deaths as well. That is why she was scared to hold people close yet also tried to keep them as close to her as possible. Kenshin stayed close to her up until this point.
Okay, lyric time.
As the scene on this slide changed
I was left behind, the weakling
Blue ink splattered all around my heart
So beautiful if pained me
And so I cried
Okay, let it sink in a moment. All right, the "scene on this slide changed" would be the remembrance of what really happened, what she forgot. The being left behind part, the weakling, well, that comments on what happened before Kenshin left. And the blue ink equals sadness. Ah, the sweet sounds of symbolism.
And finally, thank you to MoMo-ChAn, with out your wonderful help this chapter wouldn't have been possible. . You know what I'm talking about.