Disclaimer- I still don't own Harry Potter. Why? Why does it torment me
like this?!
Authors note- Just one thing you need to be aware of in this chapter. Most of my stuff so far has been romantic and sweet, with the exception of my last chapter. This one made me cry. HEAVY ANGST! If you can't handle that kind of thing, I don't advise you to read it. Other than that, enjoy and review!
To the Reviewers:
Reaka- I like that song! You suck for saying that! Oh well! Thanks!
Elanastar- Blink blink. Okay...What you said was just a little uncalled for. When exactly did /I/ say that wizards have a longer life expectancy? I think you need to pay more attention to what the author says, not what the general consensus of fanfiction authors say. Did you not see the bit where I said he was sick? You do realize that you can die at :any: age. That happens believe it or not. Sorry if you can't accept the facts of :real: life you prat.
Hopelessromantic2006- I'm sorry! I'm glad you liked it though. Thanks!
Mr. Happy Java Man- I might wrap it up soon. There's just...a few more things I want to happen first. Yeah...It would kill me to see him slowly dying. ::cringes:: And thankfully James is that young. You'll see more examples of his age in this chapter. Poor Harry...Thanks! I'm actually working on another Sirius and Harry story. It's just taking a while because I want this one to actually have a plot. There really aren't enough of this pairing!
Sati White- I know and I apologize but I think its better for the story this way. Please don't kill me...Thanks though!
Siris-my-baby- I cried too...but I can't bring him back...next Sirius/Harry story I write he won't die. Promise. Thanks!
Anarane Anwane- Thanks for not yelling at me! You've made my day a bit better! And yes...poor Harry. Poor Lily and James too.
Draco Malfoy-Potter- Thanks so much for reviewing! You cheered me up. I got a flame. :( . Okay, from here is the funeral (a.k.a. this chapter) and a little surprise that I'll elaborate on later. Thanks again!
Lizzie24- It made me cry too! But thanks for the compliment!
Lady Laffs-a-lot- Really? First fic to make you cry? I feel special. Anyhow, I highly recommend Canon in D by Ocassus to you in that case. That made me cry more than this one did. But I'm glad you liked the chapter. Not many people did...Thanks!
Digidestined Liz- The best you've ever read? Wow! I'm flattered! Thanks!
Sirius'slove- Believe me, I sympathize with you. But...it had to happen for the sake of the story! I'm so sorry! I don't like it either, but I'm glad you haven't killed me. Thanks for reviewing!
--
/In memory of a great lover, father, and man Sirius Black./
I stood there looking at the dirt that covered my lover long after the crowds of pitying and sympathetic people had left. I was crying softly and whispering his name. My 14 year old daughter Lily had her arms around me crying into my shoulder trying to comfort us both. My 3 year old son James held my hand while sucking on 3 of his own fingers gazing down at the mound of dirt covering his father.
The funeral had been horrible despite all the people who showed up. Half of them weren't even there to see Sirius. They wanted my fucking autograph. Lily had to drag me away from them before I killed them all. And believe me, I wanted to.
Even with that the worst part was when James asked me, "Why daddy sleeping in the box? When he gonna get up?"
That was when my resolve not to cry broke. I hugged him and whispered that daddy had to go away for a while and that we'd see him again someday. When the minister was finished talking it was my turn to speak. I walked to the front of the room and stood before everyone.
"Very few of you ever accepted my relationship with Sirius. I don't care what you people think. This isn't about me. It's about the man that was everything to me. The father of my children. He was the light of my world. He spent 12 years in Azkaban Prison. As we all know, he was innocent. 12 wasted years of his life. When he was cleared of all charges he wasn't bitter. He became a healer. I believe he was the greatest man ever in existence.
"His life was difficult and filled with pain. The last 15 years were probably his only happy ones. I'm honored that I could be a part of his life. All of those who ever knew him will miss him. I know I do. And it hasn't even been a week yet. For those of you who never knew him, I feel so sorry for you. And for those who don't give a damn, I swear to God I will hunt you down and kill yo-"
"Okay Mr. Potter. Thank-you for that heartfelt account," Dumbledore said.
I couldn't believe how much my heart hurt at that point. Dumbledore took the stage and I sat back down with my family and cried. The person who had been there for me all those years was gone. I was alone.
"Daddy, lets go," Lily whispered pulling me away from Sirius's grave. I gave in but not before telling Sirius goodbye once again.
We chose to take brooms home. Lily and James were still too young to apparate. James rode with me and Lily rode on her Nova Firefly she used as chaser on her Quidditch team.
When we arrived home, it was late. James yawned and I brought him up to his room, tucked him in and slept with him that night. I wasn't ready to sleep in the room I had shared with Sirius for 15 years.
A week later, we were all holding up much better. I still hadn't set foot in my own room other than getting clothes. Lily and James were in the living room watching the Disney movie /Thumbelina./ I sat down with them and tried to enjoy the movie. It brought up memories of Sirius.
Sirius, Lily, who was at that time 5, and I were all on the couch watching the movie. Sirius decided to be extremely corny and sing /Let me be your wings./ Then he dedicated the song to me. From then on, every time Lily watched the movie Sirius would sing it to me and that would be followed by...
I held back my tears and continued to watch the movie. That was until one song in particular made me feel the pain all the worse. It went, "/Once was the sun. Bright warm and wonderful. Shining like the love within my heart. Now there's no more sun. Winter has killed everything. And although it's dark December. Forever I'll remember sun./"
That hit me hard. Sirius had died in winter. I turned off the movie quickly.
"Dad!" Lily and James chorused in unison. I looked at them.
"I'm sorry." I turned it back on and left the room and ran straight up to the bedroom Sirius and I shared. I buried my face in his pillow and cried. "Oh god Sirius, why did you have to die? Why did you have to go and leave me? I can't live without you."
--
That turned out to be the first night I slept in my own room. I didn't sleep well at all. Every detail of the room made me think of him. It was however calming to breathe in his scent that lingered on everything in the room.
Looking around turned out to be torture. On the night stand, there was my favorite picture of myself and him before we had kids. He waved at me, his face smiling. My own face was smiling back happily. I had been happy once.
If I had a choice, I would've gone back in time to relive my life with him. I just missed him so much. The only way to see him again was to join him. I began thinking of every way possible to die. The first thing to do is get both of the kids out of the house so they wouldn't be traumatized by the blood and my lifeless body.
Getting Lily out of the house would be easy. She was due to go back to Hogwarts soon anyway. And I could get someone to take James. That was the plan.
--
After that day, I started feeling slightly better, though everything reminded me of him. Lily asked if she could stay another week and I had told her no.
"Why dad? I don't want to go to Hogwarts yet," Lily yelled.
"You're going back Lily. That is the best place for you right now. Dumbledore was kind enough to give you a 2-week leave. Now you have to go back to school," I reasoned.
"I'm not ready to go back. I can't dad. Everyone will be coming up to me and telling me how sorry they are for me. I don't want their pity. I want to stay here," Lily argued.
"Sirius wouldn't let you stay if it had been me instead of him. He would've wanted you to get back to your normal life as soon as possible. That means school Lily," I argued back.
Lily looked at me for a minute, then pulled me into a hug. "Dad, why couldn't this have happened to someone else? Daddy didn't deserve that. I want him back. I want him back so much..." Lily continued to cry.
"I know how you feel sweetheart. We're going to have to get through this one day at a time. As I said, picking up where we left off is what Sirius would want us to do," I said stroking her back.
"All right. I love you Dad. Now that Daddy's gone, you aren't allowed to leave me. Okay?" Lily asked looking up at me.
I looked at her in surprise. She was right. I needed to be there for James and Lily. That was when I realized I couldn't just kill myself to be with Sirius. I had to live for my children. "Of course," I whispered.
Lily smiled and ran up the stairs to her room and put on her music. I recognized it as Good Charlotte. For about a half an hour I just sat there listening to it from the couch. I heard one particular line and broke down crying again. "/I still miss you. I miss you. Hey dad/."
"Stupid disease! Stupid Sirius not telling me! Stupid fucking me for not figuring it out!"
--
A/N: Sorry! I don't like the idea of Sirius dying, but I felt I had to write this chapter. Sorry again. A reviewer pointed out that this story won't be the same without Sirius, and I do believe they're right, but...there are some more things I want to happen before it just ends. For instance, next chapter I've got something actually planned. Oooo. Scary. Anyway, I'll stop before you chuck stuff at your computers for me rambling /and/ killing Sirius.
What did you think? Let me know! REVIEW!
Authors note- Just one thing you need to be aware of in this chapter. Most of my stuff so far has been romantic and sweet, with the exception of my last chapter. This one made me cry. HEAVY ANGST! If you can't handle that kind of thing, I don't advise you to read it. Other than that, enjoy and review!
To the Reviewers:
Reaka- I like that song! You suck for saying that! Oh well! Thanks!
Elanastar- Blink blink. Okay...What you said was just a little uncalled for. When exactly did /I/ say that wizards have a longer life expectancy? I think you need to pay more attention to what the author says, not what the general consensus of fanfiction authors say. Did you not see the bit where I said he was sick? You do realize that you can die at :any: age. That happens believe it or not. Sorry if you can't accept the facts of :real: life you prat.
Hopelessromantic2006- I'm sorry! I'm glad you liked it though. Thanks!
Mr. Happy Java Man- I might wrap it up soon. There's just...a few more things I want to happen first. Yeah...It would kill me to see him slowly dying. ::cringes:: And thankfully James is that young. You'll see more examples of his age in this chapter. Poor Harry...Thanks! I'm actually working on another Sirius and Harry story. It's just taking a while because I want this one to actually have a plot. There really aren't enough of this pairing!
Sati White- I know and I apologize but I think its better for the story this way. Please don't kill me...Thanks though!
Siris-my-baby- I cried too...but I can't bring him back...next Sirius/Harry story I write he won't die. Promise. Thanks!
Anarane Anwane- Thanks for not yelling at me! You've made my day a bit better! And yes...poor Harry. Poor Lily and James too.
Draco Malfoy-Potter- Thanks so much for reviewing! You cheered me up. I got a flame. :( . Okay, from here is the funeral (a.k.a. this chapter) and a little surprise that I'll elaborate on later. Thanks again!
Lizzie24- It made me cry too! But thanks for the compliment!
Lady Laffs-a-lot- Really? First fic to make you cry? I feel special. Anyhow, I highly recommend Canon in D by Ocassus to you in that case. That made me cry more than this one did. But I'm glad you liked the chapter. Not many people did...Thanks!
Digidestined Liz- The best you've ever read? Wow! I'm flattered! Thanks!
Sirius'slove- Believe me, I sympathize with you. But...it had to happen for the sake of the story! I'm so sorry! I don't like it either, but I'm glad you haven't killed me. Thanks for reviewing!
--
/In memory of a great lover, father, and man Sirius Black./
I stood there looking at the dirt that covered my lover long after the crowds of pitying and sympathetic people had left. I was crying softly and whispering his name. My 14 year old daughter Lily had her arms around me crying into my shoulder trying to comfort us both. My 3 year old son James held my hand while sucking on 3 of his own fingers gazing down at the mound of dirt covering his father.
The funeral had been horrible despite all the people who showed up. Half of them weren't even there to see Sirius. They wanted my fucking autograph. Lily had to drag me away from them before I killed them all. And believe me, I wanted to.
Even with that the worst part was when James asked me, "Why daddy sleeping in the box? When he gonna get up?"
That was when my resolve not to cry broke. I hugged him and whispered that daddy had to go away for a while and that we'd see him again someday. When the minister was finished talking it was my turn to speak. I walked to the front of the room and stood before everyone.
"Very few of you ever accepted my relationship with Sirius. I don't care what you people think. This isn't about me. It's about the man that was everything to me. The father of my children. He was the light of my world. He spent 12 years in Azkaban Prison. As we all know, he was innocent. 12 wasted years of his life. When he was cleared of all charges he wasn't bitter. He became a healer. I believe he was the greatest man ever in existence.
"His life was difficult and filled with pain. The last 15 years were probably his only happy ones. I'm honored that I could be a part of his life. All of those who ever knew him will miss him. I know I do. And it hasn't even been a week yet. For those of you who never knew him, I feel so sorry for you. And for those who don't give a damn, I swear to God I will hunt you down and kill yo-"
"Okay Mr. Potter. Thank-you for that heartfelt account," Dumbledore said.
I couldn't believe how much my heart hurt at that point. Dumbledore took the stage and I sat back down with my family and cried. The person who had been there for me all those years was gone. I was alone.
"Daddy, lets go," Lily whispered pulling me away from Sirius's grave. I gave in but not before telling Sirius goodbye once again.
We chose to take brooms home. Lily and James were still too young to apparate. James rode with me and Lily rode on her Nova Firefly she used as chaser on her Quidditch team.
When we arrived home, it was late. James yawned and I brought him up to his room, tucked him in and slept with him that night. I wasn't ready to sleep in the room I had shared with Sirius for 15 years.
A week later, we were all holding up much better. I still hadn't set foot in my own room other than getting clothes. Lily and James were in the living room watching the Disney movie /Thumbelina./ I sat down with them and tried to enjoy the movie. It brought up memories of Sirius.
Sirius, Lily, who was at that time 5, and I were all on the couch watching the movie. Sirius decided to be extremely corny and sing /Let me be your wings./ Then he dedicated the song to me. From then on, every time Lily watched the movie Sirius would sing it to me and that would be followed by...
I held back my tears and continued to watch the movie. That was until one song in particular made me feel the pain all the worse. It went, "/Once was the sun. Bright warm and wonderful. Shining like the love within my heart. Now there's no more sun. Winter has killed everything. And although it's dark December. Forever I'll remember sun./"
That hit me hard. Sirius had died in winter. I turned off the movie quickly.
"Dad!" Lily and James chorused in unison. I looked at them.
"I'm sorry." I turned it back on and left the room and ran straight up to the bedroom Sirius and I shared. I buried my face in his pillow and cried. "Oh god Sirius, why did you have to die? Why did you have to go and leave me? I can't live without you."
--
That turned out to be the first night I slept in my own room. I didn't sleep well at all. Every detail of the room made me think of him. It was however calming to breathe in his scent that lingered on everything in the room.
Looking around turned out to be torture. On the night stand, there was my favorite picture of myself and him before we had kids. He waved at me, his face smiling. My own face was smiling back happily. I had been happy once.
If I had a choice, I would've gone back in time to relive my life with him. I just missed him so much. The only way to see him again was to join him. I began thinking of every way possible to die. The first thing to do is get both of the kids out of the house so they wouldn't be traumatized by the blood and my lifeless body.
Getting Lily out of the house would be easy. She was due to go back to Hogwarts soon anyway. And I could get someone to take James. That was the plan.
--
After that day, I started feeling slightly better, though everything reminded me of him. Lily asked if she could stay another week and I had told her no.
"Why dad? I don't want to go to Hogwarts yet," Lily yelled.
"You're going back Lily. That is the best place for you right now. Dumbledore was kind enough to give you a 2-week leave. Now you have to go back to school," I reasoned.
"I'm not ready to go back. I can't dad. Everyone will be coming up to me and telling me how sorry they are for me. I don't want their pity. I want to stay here," Lily argued.
"Sirius wouldn't let you stay if it had been me instead of him. He would've wanted you to get back to your normal life as soon as possible. That means school Lily," I argued back.
Lily looked at me for a minute, then pulled me into a hug. "Dad, why couldn't this have happened to someone else? Daddy didn't deserve that. I want him back. I want him back so much..." Lily continued to cry.
"I know how you feel sweetheart. We're going to have to get through this one day at a time. As I said, picking up where we left off is what Sirius would want us to do," I said stroking her back.
"All right. I love you Dad. Now that Daddy's gone, you aren't allowed to leave me. Okay?" Lily asked looking up at me.
I looked at her in surprise. She was right. I needed to be there for James and Lily. That was when I realized I couldn't just kill myself to be with Sirius. I had to live for my children. "Of course," I whispered.
Lily smiled and ran up the stairs to her room and put on her music. I recognized it as Good Charlotte. For about a half an hour I just sat there listening to it from the couch. I heard one particular line and broke down crying again. "/I still miss you. I miss you. Hey dad/."
"Stupid disease! Stupid Sirius not telling me! Stupid fucking me for not figuring it out!"
--
A/N: Sorry! I don't like the idea of Sirius dying, but I felt I had to write this chapter. Sorry again. A reviewer pointed out that this story won't be the same without Sirius, and I do believe they're right, but...there are some more things I want to happen before it just ends. For instance, next chapter I've got something actually planned. Oooo. Scary. Anyway, I'll stop before you chuck stuff at your computers for me rambling /and/ killing Sirius.
What did you think? Let me know! REVIEW!