Into the West is the best… song ever!
*I don't own the characters. I own the depressing story I put them in. I also stole a scene from The Importance of Being Earnest, because I thought Merry and Pippin were exactly like Jack and Algernon.*
IT IS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY AND I AM FIFTEEN!!!!!!!!
____________________________________________
Chapter four: Of jerky, bread and lots of eating
"Hmm… is it just me, Lord Aragorn, or was there something seriously wrong about your decision to leave your things behind?" Boromir asked sarcastically.
Aragorn stared with disbelief at the mountain of snow that now covered their campsite, his weapons and his beef jerky.
"You can't leave your sword back there," said Legolas in a somewhat astonished tone, "you would not be able to fight without it!"
Everyone except for Aragorn sat down and started chewing on slices of their own beef jerky. Aragorn was jealous. How could they just sit around while he was in distress?
"Aren't you going to help me find my things?" asked Aragorn.
"I think it's a good time for a rest," said Boromir, "Don't you, Gimli?"
But even though Gimli had his mouth full of jerky and was unable to speak, Aragorn realized that he could no more get the company to help him than he could get Arwen to cut her hair.
After ten minutes of digging through the snow, Aragorn emerged, somewhat more tousled than before.
"I have found it!" he cried, and everyone turned to see him holding a long strip of beef jerky out in front of him, brandishing it like a sword.
"Er… you do know that's jerky…" said Legolas.
"I know," said Aragorn, taking a bite, "But I need a new sword too. Change of plans. Now we're going to go to Gondor, to get me properly armed again."
Legolas nodded slowly and Gimli scowled. "Why do we have to do what he said?" he pointed at Boromir.
Boromir, smug, replied, "Because I have better ideas than you, Master Dwarf."
"In any case," said Aragorn, raising his voice, "it is time to go. Gimli, write a note for the halflings. Legolas, lend me your long knife, you never use it anyway. Boromir, er… you can lead the way."
Boromir smirked to himself. He doesn't know the way, but I do, he thought.
***
"Merry?"
Merry's eyes popped open and he saw his dear cousin running towards him. "Pippin?" So gald was he to see a friend at last that he got up and started towards Pippin to give him a very warm reception. Then he stopped, and remembered why he had gone away in the first place.
"Go away," Merry ordered, sticking his nose in the air.
"What do you mean, Merry? I just came. Aren't you glad to see me?"
"Ye - I mean, no."
"But Merry, I was worried about you! I came looking for you!"
Merry had reached the frustration he had felt when he ran away. "You forgot about me! You all did! You all think I'm useless, that I'm stupid…" Merry began to sob.
Pippin frowned at him. "See, I don't know why they chose you for this expedition. It certainly wasn't for your baffling emotions."
Pippin sat down on the snow and took out some bread. He began to chew, slowly, until Merry had stopped crying.
"How can you just be calmly eating bread under these circumstances? It's perfectly heartless of you!" Merry cried.
"Oh? You're still here Merry?" Pippin looked surprised. "I forgot about you! Anyway, eating is the only thing that consoles me."
"Yes, but that is no reason for you to be eating all of it in that greedy way, give me some!" Merry wrestled the bread from Pippin's hands and took a bite.
Pippin picked up a slice of beef jerky. "Would you have beef jerky instead? I don't like beef jerky."
Merry wrinkled his nose. "No thanks. I am quite content with the bread. I'm not really fond of beef jerky."
"But you just said it was perfectly heartless to be eating bread!" Pippin protested.
"No, I said, it is perfectly heartless for you, under these circumstances, to be eating bread. It's an entirely different thing." Merry felt quite content. He missed having these pointless arguments with Pippin.
"Yes, but the bread is the same!" Pippin pulled his bread back, and munched happily.
"But you can't eat all the bread!"
"Well, I don't like beef jerky!"
"Neither do I!"
"Well what are you going to do about it?"
Merry sighed resignedly. "Whatever. But we can't sit here all day watching you eat bread. We have to move along."
Pippin looked up, scandalised. "But I haven't finished eating my bread yet!"
Merry scowled. "Pippin, you are the most -"
"Now, now, little hobbitses, no fighting is necessary!"
The figure of Sméagol approached them and stood in front of the two hobbits, 'grinning'.
"Er, hello Sméagol," said Pippin hesitantly. He rather thought that the creature would leave him alone after leading him to Merry. Clearly, though, this was not the case. Perhaps he wanted some payment.
"Would you like some beef jerky?" Pippin asked, grabbing the slice from Merry's hand. Then will you go away? He thought.
"Oh, no," Sméagol replied, shuddering, "but Sméagol can help you again, nice hobbitses. Sméagol knows what hobbitses are trying to do. Sméagol knows what it is you're looking for - and where you can find it."
"You do?" Merry's eyes widened. This ugly thing knew where the Ring lay? "Why didn't you say so earlier? Where is it? Which way do we go?"
Sméagol grinned, and made a noise of gollum, gollum in the back of his throat. "Sméagol will lead you to it himself.
***
And Gandalf, in ways unknown to the rest of us, had already arrived in Rivendell. He whistled, ad casually strode across the bridge, admiring the trees on either side of him, and crashed straight into someone who just came up to his waist.
"Gandalf?" asked Bilbo Baggins incredulously, "What are you doing here?"
"Nice to see you too, Bilbo!" he replied cheerfully, giving Bilbo a somehow awkward hug.
"You smell terrible," said Bilbo when Gandalf released him. "Like… beef jerky."
"Oh, that," remembered Gandalf, taking quite a few strips of jerky from his pocket, "Aragorn's favourite beef jerky. Let's go inside, my friend, and we shall talk and enjoy what our poor Ranger and his friends cannot at the moment."
____________________________________________
Fanfiction cannot be copyrighted, so copy, copy all you like! The bit where Merry and Pippin are fighting over the bread is from Oscar Wilde's play The Importance of Being Earnest, except in that it was muffins and tea cake instead. It's a really great play and the dialogue is hilarious, but if you don't want to read it you could always watch the new-ish movie on it, with Reese Witherspoon playing the airhead.
Cryptic crossword clue (it's LotR related of course): "Girl after children's building blocks." (7 letters) Can you figure it out? Do you know the answer? It will be released in the next chapter, and if you think you know it drop me a line or review. This question belongs to some fellow LotR fans who go to my school.
*I don't own the characters. I own the depressing story I put them in. I also stole a scene from The Importance of Being Earnest, because I thought Merry and Pippin were exactly like Jack and Algernon.*
IT IS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY AND I AM FIFTEEN!!!!!!!!
____________________________________________
Chapter four: Of jerky, bread and lots of eating
"Hmm… is it just me, Lord Aragorn, or was there something seriously wrong about your decision to leave your things behind?" Boromir asked sarcastically.
Aragorn stared with disbelief at the mountain of snow that now covered their campsite, his weapons and his beef jerky.
"You can't leave your sword back there," said Legolas in a somewhat astonished tone, "you would not be able to fight without it!"
Everyone except for Aragorn sat down and started chewing on slices of their own beef jerky. Aragorn was jealous. How could they just sit around while he was in distress?
"Aren't you going to help me find my things?" asked Aragorn.
"I think it's a good time for a rest," said Boromir, "Don't you, Gimli?"
But even though Gimli had his mouth full of jerky and was unable to speak, Aragorn realized that he could no more get the company to help him than he could get Arwen to cut her hair.
After ten minutes of digging through the snow, Aragorn emerged, somewhat more tousled than before.
"I have found it!" he cried, and everyone turned to see him holding a long strip of beef jerky out in front of him, brandishing it like a sword.
"Er… you do know that's jerky…" said Legolas.
"I know," said Aragorn, taking a bite, "But I need a new sword too. Change of plans. Now we're going to go to Gondor, to get me properly armed again."
Legolas nodded slowly and Gimli scowled. "Why do we have to do what he said?" he pointed at Boromir.
Boromir, smug, replied, "Because I have better ideas than you, Master Dwarf."
"In any case," said Aragorn, raising his voice, "it is time to go. Gimli, write a note for the halflings. Legolas, lend me your long knife, you never use it anyway. Boromir, er… you can lead the way."
Boromir smirked to himself. He doesn't know the way, but I do, he thought.
***
"Merry?"
Merry's eyes popped open and he saw his dear cousin running towards him. "Pippin?" So gald was he to see a friend at last that he got up and started towards Pippin to give him a very warm reception. Then he stopped, and remembered why he had gone away in the first place.
"Go away," Merry ordered, sticking his nose in the air.
"What do you mean, Merry? I just came. Aren't you glad to see me?"
"Ye - I mean, no."
"But Merry, I was worried about you! I came looking for you!"
Merry had reached the frustration he had felt when he ran away. "You forgot about me! You all did! You all think I'm useless, that I'm stupid…" Merry began to sob.
Pippin frowned at him. "See, I don't know why they chose you for this expedition. It certainly wasn't for your baffling emotions."
Pippin sat down on the snow and took out some bread. He began to chew, slowly, until Merry had stopped crying.
"How can you just be calmly eating bread under these circumstances? It's perfectly heartless of you!" Merry cried.
"Oh? You're still here Merry?" Pippin looked surprised. "I forgot about you! Anyway, eating is the only thing that consoles me."
"Yes, but that is no reason for you to be eating all of it in that greedy way, give me some!" Merry wrestled the bread from Pippin's hands and took a bite.
Pippin picked up a slice of beef jerky. "Would you have beef jerky instead? I don't like beef jerky."
Merry wrinkled his nose. "No thanks. I am quite content with the bread. I'm not really fond of beef jerky."
"But you just said it was perfectly heartless to be eating bread!" Pippin protested.
"No, I said, it is perfectly heartless for you, under these circumstances, to be eating bread. It's an entirely different thing." Merry felt quite content. He missed having these pointless arguments with Pippin.
"Yes, but the bread is the same!" Pippin pulled his bread back, and munched happily.
"But you can't eat all the bread!"
"Well, I don't like beef jerky!"
"Neither do I!"
"Well what are you going to do about it?"
Merry sighed resignedly. "Whatever. But we can't sit here all day watching you eat bread. We have to move along."
Pippin looked up, scandalised. "But I haven't finished eating my bread yet!"
Merry scowled. "Pippin, you are the most -"
"Now, now, little hobbitses, no fighting is necessary!"
The figure of Sméagol approached them and stood in front of the two hobbits, 'grinning'.
"Er, hello Sméagol," said Pippin hesitantly. He rather thought that the creature would leave him alone after leading him to Merry. Clearly, though, this was not the case. Perhaps he wanted some payment.
"Would you like some beef jerky?" Pippin asked, grabbing the slice from Merry's hand. Then will you go away? He thought.
"Oh, no," Sméagol replied, shuddering, "but Sméagol can help you again, nice hobbitses. Sméagol knows what hobbitses are trying to do. Sméagol knows what it is you're looking for - and where you can find it."
"You do?" Merry's eyes widened. This ugly thing knew where the Ring lay? "Why didn't you say so earlier? Where is it? Which way do we go?"
Sméagol grinned, and made a noise of gollum, gollum in the back of his throat. "Sméagol will lead you to it himself.
***
And Gandalf, in ways unknown to the rest of us, had already arrived in Rivendell. He whistled, ad casually strode across the bridge, admiring the trees on either side of him, and crashed straight into someone who just came up to his waist.
"Gandalf?" asked Bilbo Baggins incredulously, "What are you doing here?"
"Nice to see you too, Bilbo!" he replied cheerfully, giving Bilbo a somehow awkward hug.
"You smell terrible," said Bilbo when Gandalf released him. "Like… beef jerky."
"Oh, that," remembered Gandalf, taking quite a few strips of jerky from his pocket, "Aragorn's favourite beef jerky. Let's go inside, my friend, and we shall talk and enjoy what our poor Ranger and his friends cannot at the moment."
____________________________________________
Fanfiction cannot be copyrighted, so copy, copy all you like! The bit where Merry and Pippin are fighting over the bread is from Oscar Wilde's play The Importance of Being Earnest, except in that it was muffins and tea cake instead. It's a really great play and the dialogue is hilarious, but if you don't want to read it you could always watch the new-ish movie on it, with Reese Witherspoon playing the airhead.
Cryptic crossword clue (it's LotR related of course): "Girl after children's building blocks." (7 letters) Can you figure it out? Do you know the answer? It will be released in the next chapter, and if you think you know it drop me a line or review. This question belongs to some fellow LotR fans who go to my school.