A/N: Well, as you can see, I have renamed this little group of one shots into 'Things JK Rowling would NEVER include in her books!'. I decided to expand this one shot into a series of one shots after having very strange dreams the night after I posted the first scene. It now has a very fitting title, as I don't think she'll ever have Snape drinking in front of his class, or Barney... oops, almost gave that one away! I've decided that this little group will be Harry and Co.'s attempts and success at torturing and reducing Dear Professor Snape and the members of my dear Slytherin House (and yes, I've taken the Sorting Test. I'm a Slytherin!) to tears and helpless gibbering in the most hilarious and impossible way possible! So, my faithful readers, enjoy!
Tales of the Antichrist
It was yet another boring day at Hogwarts. At least, for the Slytherins, it was. They sat at their table, morosely playing with their food. Harry, Hermione and Ron watched them, their eyes twinkling madly, not unlike a certain Headmaster's. Said Headmaster was staring at the Golden Trio with concern, for reasons the only other member of the staff present, Professor Snape, did not know.
As Draco Malfoy, resident Sex God and Prince of Evil swept into the Great Hall, accompanied by his hulking body guards, Crabbe and Goyle, Ron nodded to Hermione imperceptibly and Harry discretely waved his wand. As Malfoy took his seat, an enormous bang and flash of light filled the center of the Great Hall. Smoke poured in, leaving everyone coughing and gasping for breath.
"Well well well, what do we have here?" A jovial, booming voice was heard ever the hacking of the students and teachers.
"Well, I think these are our newest playmates!" A higher pitched, childish voice answered in a singsong.
"Hello, children," the first voice boomed as the smoke cleared. The students could vaguely make out a large purple shape, a hulking yellow shape, and a slightly smaller green shape next to it. Harry, Ron and Hermione watched, grinning, as the smoke completely cleared.
"It's Barney and Friends!!" A first year Hufflepuff shrieked, hiding her face in her robes. The majority of the first year Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, Gryffindors, and Slytherins looked confused, while several other students, the ones who were Muggleborn, started crying. Blaise Zambini simply looked terrified. She dove under the Slytherin Table, clutching a circular string of beads with a wooden cross dangling off of one end and rocked back and forth, her lips moving.
Harry, Ron and Hermione broke into giggles, scaring the students around them. Barney, Baby Bop, and PJ waddled over to the Gryffindor table and stopped before the Golden Trio. "Young Masters and Mistress, we await your orders." Barney and PJ bowed while Baby Bop curtsied. She wiggled around until Hermione grinned at her. The green dinosaur gave a shriek of joy and skipped around the tables, causing the floors and walls to shake. She at last came to the Slytherin Table and plopped down at the end of it, right next to Draco Malfoy. Malfoy stared at her with a nauseous expression as she immediately reaching for a bowl of chocolate pudding and gulped it down.
"Mmmm! This is good!" she squealed through a mouthful of pudding. She turned and offered the bowl to Draco. "Do you want some?"
"Hell no!" Draco spat, staring at the bowl with revulsion.
Baby Bop's hands flew to her mouth. "I found our first playmate!" she gasped, rubbing her hands together. "This one needs to be taught manners!" She latched an enormous green paw onto Draco's wrist and tugged him to his feet.
"What the hell? Bloody animal! Get your paws off of me! Unhand me!" Draco screeched, his eyes wide. Baby Bop swung him in a circle, and danced with him, kicking and screaming, next to Barney and PJ.
"Bow before the Masters and Mistress," Baby Bop insisted, slamming Draco to the floor. Draco's jaw dropped as he hit the stones. He lay there, flabbergasted.
Harry, Hermione and Ron smirked, slapping each other high fives.
Snape and the Headmaster stared at the dinosaurs with extreme confusion, neither of them having ever seen Barney and Friends before. They looked at each other warily, wondering just what the hell was going on.
"Masters, Mistress, what are your orders? Who are the new children we can play with?" Barney asked, his voice booming all over the silent Great Hall.
"Master?" Snape finally demanded. "Why are they calling you three master???"
A shrill voice could be heard, ranting in the silence. "Then I saw a beast come out of the sea... The beast I saw was like a leopard but it had feet like a bear's and its mouth was like the mouth of the lion. To it the Dragon gave its own power and throne, along with great authority... Fascinated, the whole world followed after the beast. They worshipped it...Then I saw another beast come out of the earth; it had two horns like a lamb's but spoke like a Dragon. It wielded all the authority of the first beast... and made the earth and its inhabitants worship the first beast... That's from Revelations in the Bible! This Beast is the beast foretold! It's the Antichrist!!!" Harry stared at Blaise Zambini, who was screaming, reading straight from Scripture from under the Slytherin Table.
PJ waddled over and grabbed her wrist, dragging her out from under the table. "BACK!!!" Blaise yelled, brandishing a crucifix. Startled, PJ dropped her wrist. "Back, Agent of Satan! I'm a good Catholic! I go to Mass! I went to Confession last week! You can't hurt me!!! You can't hurt me!" Shrugging, PJ grabbed her wrist again and dragged her over to lay next to Draco, who was staring at her in fright.
"Hey, let me see that!" Draco hissed, taking the Bible from her. She gave up the book without a fight. He flipped through the pages. "Huh? EWWW! There's INCEST in here!"
Blaise snatched the book back from him. "Only in Genesis," she muttered.
"Well, no shit that's the Antichrist," Ron sniggered.
Blaise lifted her head. "What?" She stared at him with round eyes.
"Well, he is on loan from our Lord and Master," Harry said with a twisted grin. "Barney! You can take any of the ones wearing green!" he commanded. Barney turned around and stared at the Slytherins with an enormous grin.
"Oh goody!" the jovial dinosaur proclaimed. "We're going to have so much fun!"
"Oh," Hermione said off handedly. "Take Cho Chang as well. The one in blue- no not that one, the one next to her!" she directed as Baby Bop grabbed a terrified Muggleborn fourth year Ravenclaw before grabbing the correct person.
"But- but- I was, like, dating you last year, Harry!" Cho protested as she was dragged from her seat. "Let go of me!"
"And you're, like, a bitch who can't kiss!" Harry shot back, mocking her. She burst into tears as she was thrown to the floor.
PJ dragged whimpering Pansy, Goyle, Nott and Crabbe from their seats.
"What do you mean, your master?" Severus Snape asked slowly, his eyes narrowed and calculating. He gazed back and forth between the three dinosaurs, his terrified Slytherins (and an insulted Ravenclaw) and the three Gryffindors.
"HE MEANS ME, you incompetent mortal!" a booming voice thundered through the Great Hall. Snape and Dumbledore whipped around, trying to find the source of the voice without any luck.
Everyone missed the slightly confused looks the Golden Trio gave each other before jumping to their feet. "Master?" they cried, just about tripping over themselves in glee. "Master, where are you?"
Lightning flashed and struck the space in front of the Gryffindor Table. The entire room glowed, and everyone shut their eyes from the glare. When they were finally able to see again, an enormous man with scarlet skin and black ram's horn growing from his forehead stood with a hand, equipped with wicked looking four inch black claws, on Harry's and Hermione's shoulders, gazing fondly down at the three of them. "My Heirs," he said with pride. "Have you chosen the newest playmates?" Everyone turned their heads and stared at his lower body in shock. He had black shaggy goats legs ending in a cloven hoof, one of which that tapped a staccato rhythm on the stone.
Harry, Hermione and Ron nodded. "They are on the floor."
"Excellent," the enormous person hissed. He briefly looked up at the Head Table and stared at Snape, an evil smirk playing on his lips. "I want him as well."
Snape's eyes widened comically. "Ex- excuse me?" he stuttered.
"You heard me. You're an interesting specimen, Severus Snape. You would make an interesting addition."
"How the- who the hell are you and how do you know my name?"
The gigantic person took a bow. "Oh course. I am Satan and I know everything, hence how I know your name as well as all about that cute little scar on you left arm."
Snape involuntarily clutched his arm. "You!" he hissed at the Golden Trio. "Explain this!"
"Oh, it's simple, Professor Snape," Harry said with a grin.
"I found a tome with a spell in it guaranteed to give the caster and two others unlimited power," Hermione continued.
"So 'Mione, Harry and I cast it and it somehow summoned Satan." Ron finished.
Severus Snape stared at them with a blank expression on his face. "You su- su - summoned SATAN??" he screeched a minute later, as soon as the information had sunk in.
"Well, it's not like we meant to," Harry scowled.
"We just wanted the power to defeat Moldy Voldy," Ron scowled as well.
"And we got it!" Hermione chirped brightly.
Snape's jaw dropped, as did everyone else's in the Hall. "You- you- what??"
"He's going to help us!" Harry grinned.
"At what cost?" Snape wondered aloud.
Ron grinned. "Well, we're the Princes and Princess of Hell now so..." Snape shuddered and accioed a bottle of Firewhiskey, swinging it back and gulping the liquid.
Satan raised a hand and suddenly, Voldemort came crashing through the wall.
"I- I- What the hell?" Voldemort hissed, scowling at the students. "Where- how-"
Satan grinned, causing everyone but the Golden Trio to shudder and, where Voldemort had stood was now a tiny green garden snake. Harry walked over and picked him up. "I like him, can I keep him?" he asked, hissing to the enraged snake.
Satan smirked. "As you wish, my Heir." Harry, Ron and Hermione cheered. The rest of the Great Hall stared, flabbergasted as Hermione happily conjured a terrarium and Harry deposited the Former Dark Lord into the cage. The snake hissed and reared, striking the glass with its stubby, venomless fangs.
"Now, onto the initiation!" Barney chuckled. Satan laughed, a chilling sound, and Professor Snape found himself floating in the middle of the room, slowly spinning in a circle.
"Hey, Potter, you owe me ten galleons!" Ron yelled. "He DOES wear clothing under those robes!" Harry grinned as he handed over the bag of money.
"FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYYFINDOR!!!!!" Snape screamed, his face turning beet red from anger and embarrassment. "SOMEONE GET ME DOWN!!!!"
Barney, PJ and Baby Bop clapped their paws together. Five of the six chosen students looked down and screamed. Blaise started sobbing immediately, because she had been turned into Raggedy Ann, complete with bright red yarn hair in pigtails, makeup, white bloomers and the blue and white checked dress. Pansy started wailing and shrieking at the top of her lungs, because she had been turned into a porcelain doll, complete with a pretty pink party dress, white patent leather shoes, a matching purse and a small strand of pearls. Goyle and Crabbe, both with drawn on freckles, were in, respectively, purple and blue footie pajamas with the butt flaps and held pacifiers and security blankets. They stared at each other for a minute before screaming bloody murder. Cho stared down at herself and promptly passed out from shock. Her hair was now fire engine red and in two braids that stuck out at odd angles, striped stockings, and a bright green pinafore.
Draco stared down at himself. "I don't know why they're screaming," he said to no one in particular. "I like it." He was wearing tight black leather pants and a silver shirt, reminiscent of Nick from Backstreet Boys. His hair was ungelled and framing his face. Baby Bop squealed and rushed forward, hugging the smirking blond.
"You're perfect!!" she squealed.
Draco's smirk grew wider. "I know." His smile disappeared. "Now let go of me."
"I love children!" Barney gushed. "They're so nice and tasty!" Each of the dinosaurs grabbed a hand of two of the children and dragged them from the Hall.
Satan smirked up at Snape. "Now, Severus," he purred. "You have a choice. I can give you everything of your wildest dreams and make you a Prince of my Realm, or I can drag you off kicking and screaming as my unwilling slave. What do you say?"
"You're getting my soul either way," Snape muttered. "All right, let me down. I'll go willingly." He clenched his eyes shut as he was lowered to the ground. He ground his teeth together and clasped hands with the King of Hell.
"Excellent!" Satan threw an arm around Snape's shoulders and led him from the Hall. "Now, I had some ideas about some potions..." The doors slammed shut behind them.
Harry, Hermione and Ron shrugged and looked at each other. "Well, that went well," Harry said before digging back into his lunch. Hermione and Ron dug in as well. They were the only ones eating. Everyone else just stared at them incredulously.
Barney, Baby Bop and PJ quietly left the Room of Requirement, five of the six students they had 'kidnapped' taking naps with assorted toys. Draco sat in the far corner, playing with a stuffed crocodile, making it eat a stuffed bunny with very disturbing noises. Barney sighed. "Hey, Fred, what do you think?"
Baby Bop pulled off her head, revealing Fred Weaseley. "I dunno, George. How long can we keep this up? And who the hell was Satan? I don't remember Harry telling us about his grand appearance."
Barney pulled off his head and George stepped out of the costume. "I have no idea, but, whoever it was, he rocked!"
PJ stretched. "I'm beat. I'm gonna go take a nap too. Being the Antichrist is hard work!"
"Ok Lee. Go watch the kiddies," George grinned evilly.
"I can't believe they actually thought we'd eat them!" Lee waved and walked back into the room.
Harry walked up next to Fred. "Hey, did one of you cast a person as Satan?" he asked, scratching his head.
"Nope," George said slowly. "That wasn't your doing?"
"No..." Harry trailed off. "You know, the three of us did actually complete that power spell," he said slowly. "Do you think he really was..."
Fred's eyes widened. "Oh shit."
Harry shuddered. "We didn't plan Voldemort either... Do you think my snake is really him?"
Fred and George's mouths dropped open. "Oh... shit," they said again.
Remus walked out of Hogwart's gates and into the Apparation zone, a pair of black ram's horns slung over his shoulder and a smear of red paint on one cheek, chuckling evilly. LONG LIVE THE MARAUDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A/N: Well............ what did you think? Definitely a foray into insanity. Like before, I'm not sure where this came from. Maybe the aliens are putting ideas into my head at night. And, even tho the BSB sucks, in my opinion, Nick Carter was good looking (and looked like Draco!)
B/N: Yay!!! Me likey! Me likey Mikey! I don't know who Mikey is yet, but if he is anything like this story, then I'm sure he has nothing to worry about! Just so you guys know, the Draco as Nick thingy does not mean that my sister or I are in to the Back Street Boys. We don't even acknowledge their existence, but for the fact that I thought it would be funny to include them in this thingy. Anywho, yeah, it's all good. And gotta love Remy, no? And mega Brownie points to Gred&Forge, and of course, Lee Jordan. Hope you peoples liked it! Tootles!
Tales of the Antichrist
It was yet another boring day at Hogwarts. At least, for the Slytherins, it was. They sat at their table, morosely playing with their food. Harry, Hermione and Ron watched them, their eyes twinkling madly, not unlike a certain Headmaster's. Said Headmaster was staring at the Golden Trio with concern, for reasons the only other member of the staff present, Professor Snape, did not know.
As Draco Malfoy, resident Sex God and Prince of Evil swept into the Great Hall, accompanied by his hulking body guards, Crabbe and Goyle, Ron nodded to Hermione imperceptibly and Harry discretely waved his wand. As Malfoy took his seat, an enormous bang and flash of light filled the center of the Great Hall. Smoke poured in, leaving everyone coughing and gasping for breath.
"Well well well, what do we have here?" A jovial, booming voice was heard ever the hacking of the students and teachers.
"Well, I think these are our newest playmates!" A higher pitched, childish voice answered in a singsong.
"Hello, children," the first voice boomed as the smoke cleared. The students could vaguely make out a large purple shape, a hulking yellow shape, and a slightly smaller green shape next to it. Harry, Ron and Hermione watched, grinning, as the smoke completely cleared.
"It's Barney and Friends!!" A first year Hufflepuff shrieked, hiding her face in her robes. The majority of the first year Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, Gryffindors, and Slytherins looked confused, while several other students, the ones who were Muggleborn, started crying. Blaise Zambini simply looked terrified. She dove under the Slytherin Table, clutching a circular string of beads with a wooden cross dangling off of one end and rocked back and forth, her lips moving.
Harry, Ron and Hermione broke into giggles, scaring the students around them. Barney, Baby Bop, and PJ waddled over to the Gryffindor table and stopped before the Golden Trio. "Young Masters and Mistress, we await your orders." Barney and PJ bowed while Baby Bop curtsied. She wiggled around until Hermione grinned at her. The green dinosaur gave a shriek of joy and skipped around the tables, causing the floors and walls to shake. She at last came to the Slytherin Table and plopped down at the end of it, right next to Draco Malfoy. Malfoy stared at her with a nauseous expression as she immediately reaching for a bowl of chocolate pudding and gulped it down.
"Mmmm! This is good!" she squealed through a mouthful of pudding. She turned and offered the bowl to Draco. "Do you want some?"
"Hell no!" Draco spat, staring at the bowl with revulsion.
Baby Bop's hands flew to her mouth. "I found our first playmate!" she gasped, rubbing her hands together. "This one needs to be taught manners!" She latched an enormous green paw onto Draco's wrist and tugged him to his feet.
"What the hell? Bloody animal! Get your paws off of me! Unhand me!" Draco screeched, his eyes wide. Baby Bop swung him in a circle, and danced with him, kicking and screaming, next to Barney and PJ.
"Bow before the Masters and Mistress," Baby Bop insisted, slamming Draco to the floor. Draco's jaw dropped as he hit the stones. He lay there, flabbergasted.
Harry, Hermione and Ron smirked, slapping each other high fives.
Snape and the Headmaster stared at the dinosaurs with extreme confusion, neither of them having ever seen Barney and Friends before. They looked at each other warily, wondering just what the hell was going on.
"Masters, Mistress, what are your orders? Who are the new children we can play with?" Barney asked, his voice booming all over the silent Great Hall.
"Master?" Snape finally demanded. "Why are they calling you three master???"
A shrill voice could be heard, ranting in the silence. "Then I saw a beast come out of the sea... The beast I saw was like a leopard but it had feet like a bear's and its mouth was like the mouth of the lion. To it the Dragon gave its own power and throne, along with great authority... Fascinated, the whole world followed after the beast. They worshipped it...Then I saw another beast come out of the earth; it had two horns like a lamb's but spoke like a Dragon. It wielded all the authority of the first beast... and made the earth and its inhabitants worship the first beast... That's from Revelations in the Bible! This Beast is the beast foretold! It's the Antichrist!!!" Harry stared at Blaise Zambini, who was screaming, reading straight from Scripture from under the Slytherin Table.
PJ waddled over and grabbed her wrist, dragging her out from under the table. "BACK!!!" Blaise yelled, brandishing a crucifix. Startled, PJ dropped her wrist. "Back, Agent of Satan! I'm a good Catholic! I go to Mass! I went to Confession last week! You can't hurt me!!! You can't hurt me!" Shrugging, PJ grabbed her wrist again and dragged her over to lay next to Draco, who was staring at her in fright.
"Hey, let me see that!" Draco hissed, taking the Bible from her. She gave up the book without a fight. He flipped through the pages. "Huh? EWWW! There's INCEST in here!"
Blaise snatched the book back from him. "Only in Genesis," she muttered.
"Well, no shit that's the Antichrist," Ron sniggered.
Blaise lifted her head. "What?" She stared at him with round eyes.
"Well, he is on loan from our Lord and Master," Harry said with a twisted grin. "Barney! You can take any of the ones wearing green!" he commanded. Barney turned around and stared at the Slytherins with an enormous grin.
"Oh goody!" the jovial dinosaur proclaimed. "We're going to have so much fun!"
"Oh," Hermione said off handedly. "Take Cho Chang as well. The one in blue- no not that one, the one next to her!" she directed as Baby Bop grabbed a terrified Muggleborn fourth year Ravenclaw before grabbing the correct person.
"But- but- I was, like, dating you last year, Harry!" Cho protested as she was dragged from her seat. "Let go of me!"
"And you're, like, a bitch who can't kiss!" Harry shot back, mocking her. She burst into tears as she was thrown to the floor.
PJ dragged whimpering Pansy, Goyle, Nott and Crabbe from their seats.
"What do you mean, your master?" Severus Snape asked slowly, his eyes narrowed and calculating. He gazed back and forth between the three dinosaurs, his terrified Slytherins (and an insulted Ravenclaw) and the three Gryffindors.
"HE MEANS ME, you incompetent mortal!" a booming voice thundered through the Great Hall. Snape and Dumbledore whipped around, trying to find the source of the voice without any luck.
Everyone missed the slightly confused looks the Golden Trio gave each other before jumping to their feet. "Master?" they cried, just about tripping over themselves in glee. "Master, where are you?"
Lightning flashed and struck the space in front of the Gryffindor Table. The entire room glowed, and everyone shut their eyes from the glare. When they were finally able to see again, an enormous man with scarlet skin and black ram's horn growing from his forehead stood with a hand, equipped with wicked looking four inch black claws, on Harry's and Hermione's shoulders, gazing fondly down at the three of them. "My Heirs," he said with pride. "Have you chosen the newest playmates?" Everyone turned their heads and stared at his lower body in shock. He had black shaggy goats legs ending in a cloven hoof, one of which that tapped a staccato rhythm on the stone.
Harry, Hermione and Ron nodded. "They are on the floor."
"Excellent," the enormous person hissed. He briefly looked up at the Head Table and stared at Snape, an evil smirk playing on his lips. "I want him as well."
Snape's eyes widened comically. "Ex- excuse me?" he stuttered.
"You heard me. You're an interesting specimen, Severus Snape. You would make an interesting addition."
"How the- who the hell are you and how do you know my name?"
The gigantic person took a bow. "Oh course. I am Satan and I know everything, hence how I know your name as well as all about that cute little scar on you left arm."
Snape involuntarily clutched his arm. "You!" he hissed at the Golden Trio. "Explain this!"
"Oh, it's simple, Professor Snape," Harry said with a grin.
"I found a tome with a spell in it guaranteed to give the caster and two others unlimited power," Hermione continued.
"So 'Mione, Harry and I cast it and it somehow summoned Satan." Ron finished.
Severus Snape stared at them with a blank expression on his face. "You su- su - summoned SATAN??" he screeched a minute later, as soon as the information had sunk in.
"Well, it's not like we meant to," Harry scowled.
"We just wanted the power to defeat Moldy Voldy," Ron scowled as well.
"And we got it!" Hermione chirped brightly.
Snape's jaw dropped, as did everyone else's in the Hall. "You- you- what??"
"He's going to help us!" Harry grinned.
"At what cost?" Snape wondered aloud.
Ron grinned. "Well, we're the Princes and Princess of Hell now so..." Snape shuddered and accioed a bottle of Firewhiskey, swinging it back and gulping the liquid.
Satan raised a hand and suddenly, Voldemort came crashing through the wall.
"I- I- What the hell?" Voldemort hissed, scowling at the students. "Where- how-"
Satan grinned, causing everyone but the Golden Trio to shudder and, where Voldemort had stood was now a tiny green garden snake. Harry walked over and picked him up. "I like him, can I keep him?" he asked, hissing to the enraged snake.
Satan smirked. "As you wish, my Heir." Harry, Ron and Hermione cheered. The rest of the Great Hall stared, flabbergasted as Hermione happily conjured a terrarium and Harry deposited the Former Dark Lord into the cage. The snake hissed and reared, striking the glass with its stubby, venomless fangs.
"Now, onto the initiation!" Barney chuckled. Satan laughed, a chilling sound, and Professor Snape found himself floating in the middle of the room, slowly spinning in a circle.
"Hey, Potter, you owe me ten galleons!" Ron yelled. "He DOES wear clothing under those robes!" Harry grinned as he handed over the bag of money.
"FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYYFINDOR!!!!!" Snape screamed, his face turning beet red from anger and embarrassment. "SOMEONE GET ME DOWN!!!!"
Barney, PJ and Baby Bop clapped their paws together. Five of the six chosen students looked down and screamed. Blaise started sobbing immediately, because she had been turned into Raggedy Ann, complete with bright red yarn hair in pigtails, makeup, white bloomers and the blue and white checked dress. Pansy started wailing and shrieking at the top of her lungs, because she had been turned into a porcelain doll, complete with a pretty pink party dress, white patent leather shoes, a matching purse and a small strand of pearls. Goyle and Crabbe, both with drawn on freckles, were in, respectively, purple and blue footie pajamas with the butt flaps and held pacifiers and security blankets. They stared at each other for a minute before screaming bloody murder. Cho stared down at herself and promptly passed out from shock. Her hair was now fire engine red and in two braids that stuck out at odd angles, striped stockings, and a bright green pinafore.
Draco stared down at himself. "I don't know why they're screaming," he said to no one in particular. "I like it." He was wearing tight black leather pants and a silver shirt, reminiscent of Nick from Backstreet Boys. His hair was ungelled and framing his face. Baby Bop squealed and rushed forward, hugging the smirking blond.
"You're perfect!!" she squealed.
Draco's smirk grew wider. "I know." His smile disappeared. "Now let go of me."
"I love children!" Barney gushed. "They're so nice and tasty!" Each of the dinosaurs grabbed a hand of two of the children and dragged them from the Hall.
Satan smirked up at Snape. "Now, Severus," he purred. "You have a choice. I can give you everything of your wildest dreams and make you a Prince of my Realm, or I can drag you off kicking and screaming as my unwilling slave. What do you say?"
"You're getting my soul either way," Snape muttered. "All right, let me down. I'll go willingly." He clenched his eyes shut as he was lowered to the ground. He ground his teeth together and clasped hands with the King of Hell.
"Excellent!" Satan threw an arm around Snape's shoulders and led him from the Hall. "Now, I had some ideas about some potions..." The doors slammed shut behind them.
Harry, Hermione and Ron shrugged and looked at each other. "Well, that went well," Harry said before digging back into his lunch. Hermione and Ron dug in as well. They were the only ones eating. Everyone else just stared at them incredulously.
Barney, Baby Bop and PJ quietly left the Room of Requirement, five of the six students they had 'kidnapped' taking naps with assorted toys. Draco sat in the far corner, playing with a stuffed crocodile, making it eat a stuffed bunny with very disturbing noises. Barney sighed. "Hey, Fred, what do you think?"
Baby Bop pulled off her head, revealing Fred Weaseley. "I dunno, George. How long can we keep this up? And who the hell was Satan? I don't remember Harry telling us about his grand appearance."
Barney pulled off his head and George stepped out of the costume. "I have no idea, but, whoever it was, he rocked!"
PJ stretched. "I'm beat. I'm gonna go take a nap too. Being the Antichrist is hard work!"
"Ok Lee. Go watch the kiddies," George grinned evilly.
"I can't believe they actually thought we'd eat them!" Lee waved and walked back into the room.
Harry walked up next to Fred. "Hey, did one of you cast a person as Satan?" he asked, scratching his head.
"Nope," George said slowly. "That wasn't your doing?"
"No..." Harry trailed off. "You know, the three of us did actually complete that power spell," he said slowly. "Do you think he really was..."
Fred's eyes widened. "Oh shit."
Harry shuddered. "We didn't plan Voldemort either... Do you think my snake is really him?"
Fred and George's mouths dropped open. "Oh... shit," they said again.
Remus walked out of Hogwart's gates and into the Apparation zone, a pair of black ram's horns slung over his shoulder and a smear of red paint on one cheek, chuckling evilly. LONG LIVE THE MARAUDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A/N: Well............ what did you think? Definitely a foray into insanity. Like before, I'm not sure where this came from. Maybe the aliens are putting ideas into my head at night. And, even tho the BSB sucks, in my opinion, Nick Carter was good looking (and looked like Draco!)
B/N: Yay!!! Me likey! Me likey Mikey! I don't know who Mikey is yet, but if he is anything like this story, then I'm sure he has nothing to worry about! Just so you guys know, the Draco as Nick thingy does not mean that my sister or I are in to the Back Street Boys. We don't even acknowledge their existence, but for the fact that I thought it would be funny to include them in this thingy. Anywho, yeah, it's all good. And gotta love Remy, no? And mega Brownie points to Gred&Forge, and of course, Lee Jordan. Hope you peoples liked it! Tootles!