A/N-Okay, it is official; I am the worst author alive. It has been about a
year and a half since I have updated this story and I feel horrible about
it. I deserve to be dangled off a large building. Anyone who reviewed that
long time ago, I apologize. As I write this, I am in math class looking
extremely guilty and not paying attention. This is more important than SAT
Math anyway right?
Right?
An E-mail saying that I got a review for this story reminded me about it, and I am disgusted with myself.
So, to anyone reading this, an industrial sized tub of peanut butter, and my sincerest apologies.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing at all.
Not the chair. Not the computer. Just the plot, or maybe I stole that too.
Harry and Ron woke up normal the next day, well as normal as life is at Hogwarts. In this case, they were woken up to Seamus clucking like a chicken.
"Shut the F—Front Door Seamus," said Harry as usual. "Cluck Cluck," said Seamus as usual.
Harry and Ron and not eaten the ill-fated tic-tacs yet, as they had been knocked out when Neville's toad hopped out of the fireplace and began a killing spree.
Ron sat up to find a hysterical Harry frantically reaching under his bed. "What are you looking for," said Ron, not really caring while looking for a hair band to wear that day.
"I....cannot....find....my hat", grunted Harry while throwing his junk around.
"WHAT!!!!," exclaimed Ron while jumping out of bed. "ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU SET ME UP ON A DATE WITH A DAMNED HOUSE ELF AND THEN YOU DECIDE TO LOSE THE HAT!"
However, Harry, Neville, Seamus, Dean, and Luna, who was just there because she just was, just stared at him strangely.
"Ron....," she started slowly, "What are you wearing?"
Ron looked down at himself and saw a pink flowery nightgown.
"What?!"
BOOM
Everyone forgot about the morning's conversation and were in their Defense against the Dark Arts class. The teachers name was Professor Nudnik (A/N-Means a boring pest; look it up if you don't believe me)
"Hello CLASS," said the old woman who resembled a huge lump and liked to appear behind students and flick their ears. "I am the one and only PROFESSOR NUDNIK!!" She now jumped on the desk to emphasize her point. The whole class didn't even laugh; they were too busy trying to restrain Hermione from jumping out the window because Snape didn't want her anymore. "Excuse me child, I am trying to introduce myself, so you better sit down and SHUT UP WENCH!"
Hermione gazed openmouthed at Nudnik. All anyone heard was "BITCH" from her before she jumped on the teacher and fists were flaying. The rest of the students just sat down patiently playing blackjack. After a few minutes, Nudnik stood up straightening her glasses.
Hermione had turned into a raccoon and threw herself out the window regardless. However, as no one can die in this story, she was a flying raccoon and flew around the Quidditch pitch for a while..
"Moving on," shrieked Nudnik, "on to Algebra"
No on objected, as they were making origami hats to rival Harry's whose had mysteriously come back from the depths of the underworld. So of course, it was Harry who said
"Like OMGWTF is Algebra"
"Math", replied the Lump.
"What is Math?"
"Numbers"
"And numbers are..."
"Well....GO LOOK IT UP DAMMIT!!!" she roared slamming her hand down on the table and ripping pages out of books. "I HACE HAD IT WITH THESE SMART ALECK CHILDREN WHO THINK THEY CAN QUESTION ME!!!I WILL NOT HAVE IT!!" She threw herself down under the desk and started pelting the class with stray chalk. "YOU WONT TAKE ME ALIVE NO YOU WON'T!!!"
Harry jumped up, "WE WONT BE YELLED AT WILL WE"
"NooOOOoooo", chorused the class.
"WELL KILL HER!!! CHARGEEEE!!!!!!!!"
So like a scene out of Gladiator they charged, stabbing the Lump with pencils and giving her paper cuts. Luckily, Justin Filch-Fletchy had a fetish for lemon juice and carried it around at all times, so they poured on the lemon juice and watched her scream and writhe with agony. At this point, Harry also screamed in agony, because his scar was burning. Not however because of my dear friend Voldie but because someone had accidentally poured the lemon juice on it (HA! Actually thought for a second I might have a plot). So now, we had two people screaming.
In the next minute or so, The Lump died, but was brought back to life by Hermione who had come back from flying to give her mouth-to-mouth.(Gross). Now the Lump was resuscitated and reintroduced.
Still an old lady, but now had long blond hair and was dressed in sunglasses, bell-bottoms, a tye-dye shirt, and sandals.
"Dude", she started, "You can call me Blue. I don't believe in authority, power to the people man, peace and love." She managed a peace sign, put on a lopsided grin, and fainted right on the spot.
Finally, the bright Hogwarts students decided they had done enough Defense Against the Dark Arts for one day and had finally decided to leave.
"So", started Harry, "I said to myself, 'Self, if you want to buy that hat from Padma Patil at a good price, then you had better get down to business."
"Right...business" said Ginny while piling peanut butter onto toast.
"Hi Harry dear," said Fred and George together, skipping merrily over to the place where Harry was seated eating lunch.
"Fred! George! I love you guys", he exclaimed sweeping them into a huge hug.
"Sure you do Harry," replied Fred peeling Harry's hands off himself and George, "Anyway, will you hold something for us, something that I assure you will NOT leave incriminating evidence behind and will defiantly NOT risk your expulsion from school."
"Name it sweetheart"
"Right..." said George with an enormous grin taking out a bag full of something identified as....
"FRED! GEORGE!! IS THAT WEE-!!!"
"HAHA," said Fred loudly and fakely while covering Harry's mouth, "YEA and then she told me to pull the weeds!! HAHAHA!!"
When all the suspicious students turned back to their conversations George started talking again.
"No Harry of course its not weed. Just take the bag and watch it"
"OKAY!! But you have to do something for me first."
"And that would be.....?"
A/N-Hope you enjoyed this at least a little, I need to get back in the swing of writing again. This was 1102 words. WOOHOOO
Right?
An E-mail saying that I got a review for this story reminded me about it, and I am disgusted with myself.
So, to anyone reading this, an industrial sized tub of peanut butter, and my sincerest apologies.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing at all.
Not the chair. Not the computer. Just the plot, or maybe I stole that too.
Harry and Ron woke up normal the next day, well as normal as life is at Hogwarts. In this case, they were woken up to Seamus clucking like a chicken.
"Shut the F—Front Door Seamus," said Harry as usual. "Cluck Cluck," said Seamus as usual.
Harry and Ron and not eaten the ill-fated tic-tacs yet, as they had been knocked out when Neville's toad hopped out of the fireplace and began a killing spree.
Ron sat up to find a hysterical Harry frantically reaching under his bed. "What are you looking for," said Ron, not really caring while looking for a hair band to wear that day.
"I....cannot....find....my hat", grunted Harry while throwing his junk around.
"WHAT!!!!," exclaimed Ron while jumping out of bed. "ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU SET ME UP ON A DATE WITH A DAMNED HOUSE ELF AND THEN YOU DECIDE TO LOSE THE HAT!"
However, Harry, Neville, Seamus, Dean, and Luna, who was just there because she just was, just stared at him strangely.
"Ron....," she started slowly, "What are you wearing?"
Ron looked down at himself and saw a pink flowery nightgown.
"What?!"
BOOM
Everyone forgot about the morning's conversation and were in their Defense against the Dark Arts class. The teachers name was Professor Nudnik (A/N-Means a boring pest; look it up if you don't believe me)
"Hello CLASS," said the old woman who resembled a huge lump and liked to appear behind students and flick their ears. "I am the one and only PROFESSOR NUDNIK!!" She now jumped on the desk to emphasize her point. The whole class didn't even laugh; they were too busy trying to restrain Hermione from jumping out the window because Snape didn't want her anymore. "Excuse me child, I am trying to introduce myself, so you better sit down and SHUT UP WENCH!"
Hermione gazed openmouthed at Nudnik. All anyone heard was "BITCH" from her before she jumped on the teacher and fists were flaying. The rest of the students just sat down patiently playing blackjack. After a few minutes, Nudnik stood up straightening her glasses.
Hermione had turned into a raccoon and threw herself out the window regardless. However, as no one can die in this story, she was a flying raccoon and flew around the Quidditch pitch for a while..
"Moving on," shrieked Nudnik, "on to Algebra"
No on objected, as they were making origami hats to rival Harry's whose had mysteriously come back from the depths of the underworld. So of course, it was Harry who said
"Like OMGWTF is Algebra"
"Math", replied the Lump.
"What is Math?"
"Numbers"
"And numbers are..."
"Well....GO LOOK IT UP DAMMIT!!!" she roared slamming her hand down on the table and ripping pages out of books. "I HACE HAD IT WITH THESE SMART ALECK CHILDREN WHO THINK THEY CAN QUESTION ME!!!I WILL NOT HAVE IT!!" She threw herself down under the desk and started pelting the class with stray chalk. "YOU WONT TAKE ME ALIVE NO YOU WON'T!!!"
Harry jumped up, "WE WONT BE YELLED AT WILL WE"
"NooOOOoooo", chorused the class.
"WELL KILL HER!!! CHARGEEEE!!!!!!!!"
So like a scene out of Gladiator they charged, stabbing the Lump with pencils and giving her paper cuts. Luckily, Justin Filch-Fletchy had a fetish for lemon juice and carried it around at all times, so they poured on the lemon juice and watched her scream and writhe with agony. At this point, Harry also screamed in agony, because his scar was burning. Not however because of my dear friend Voldie but because someone had accidentally poured the lemon juice on it (HA! Actually thought for a second I might have a plot). So now, we had two people screaming.
In the next minute or so, The Lump died, but was brought back to life by Hermione who had come back from flying to give her mouth-to-mouth.(Gross). Now the Lump was resuscitated and reintroduced.
Still an old lady, but now had long blond hair and was dressed in sunglasses, bell-bottoms, a tye-dye shirt, and sandals.
"Dude", she started, "You can call me Blue. I don't believe in authority, power to the people man, peace and love." She managed a peace sign, put on a lopsided grin, and fainted right on the spot.
Finally, the bright Hogwarts students decided they had done enough Defense Against the Dark Arts for one day and had finally decided to leave.
"So", started Harry, "I said to myself, 'Self, if you want to buy that hat from Padma Patil at a good price, then you had better get down to business."
"Right...business" said Ginny while piling peanut butter onto toast.
"Hi Harry dear," said Fred and George together, skipping merrily over to the place where Harry was seated eating lunch.
"Fred! George! I love you guys", he exclaimed sweeping them into a huge hug.
"Sure you do Harry," replied Fred peeling Harry's hands off himself and George, "Anyway, will you hold something for us, something that I assure you will NOT leave incriminating evidence behind and will defiantly NOT risk your expulsion from school."
"Name it sweetheart"
"Right..." said George with an enormous grin taking out a bag full of something identified as....
"FRED! GEORGE!! IS THAT WEE-!!!"
"HAHA," said Fred loudly and fakely while covering Harry's mouth, "YEA and then she told me to pull the weeds!! HAHAHA!!"
When all the suspicious students turned back to their conversations George started talking again.
"No Harry of course its not weed. Just take the bag and watch it"
"OKAY!! But you have to do something for me first."
"And that would be.....?"
A/N-Hope you enjoyed this at least a little, I need to get back in the swing of writing again. This was 1102 words. WOOHOOO