Disclaimer: I own a copy of the OED [hugs OED] but I own not Phantom.
[Meg sits down in Raoul's wheelchair and the other characters take their places for the Prologue. She begins swinging her legs]
Kristin: [walks onstage] Ladies and Gentlemen! May I have your attention? Until my dear friend Emily comes back down to earth, I'm going to have to fill in a few details that she seems to have ignored. The Porter and the Auctioneer get to switch places. Not like anyone cares. Oh, and Piangi and Reyer switch. That's all I can think of at the moment; I'll additional assignments as needed.
Emily, AKA Authoress: [pops in] What are you doing?
Kristin: Trying to help you out.
Emily: Or you could be pestering me because I never finished my Billy Budd parody and you were looking forward to the Salsa party at the end.
Kristin: Me? Pester!? Never. [tries to look innocent]
Emily: Ok. Wanna stay and watch?
Kristin: Sure.
Emily: Yay! Now we can continue.
Porter: Sold! Your Number? Thanks, man. Ok, lot somethingsomething: a bunch of skulls on a piece of plywood. Says here we're asking 10,000 francs, but you're all too cheap to--
[thankfully, he is cut off by Meg, who has lost control of the wheelchair and is now rolling rapidly towards the edge of the stage]
Meg: AHHHHHH! HELP!
[Unfortunately, the closest person, the Auctioneer, hasn't had this much excitement in about 200 years and drops dead of a heart attack]
Meg: Someone DO something!
[Fortunately, Erik has suavely waltzed onto the stage to see what the commotion is. Thinking quickly, he pulls out his punjab lasso and ropes the back of the wheelchair in a truly Indiana Jones-esque movement only an instant before Meg would have plunged to her PERIL]
Christine: Oh, Erik! You're my hero! [hugs him]
Raoul: Umm, he just saved Meg, not you.
Christine: And?
[Raoul's attention turns to the wheelchair]
Raoul: I never knew it would go so fast! Wow, I have to try that!
[He proceeds to get into the wheelchair and start it off. he almost immediately loses control]
Raoul: AAAAAIIIEEEE! Somebody help!
[Erik, Christine, Meg, the Porter, and the bidders exchange looks]
All: Nahh.
Raoul: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOO!
[Raoul's voice fades as crashing sounds are heard]
Emily: Umm, any Raoul-sympathizers in the house? Somebody needs to go check on him...
Kristin: [looks around] Oh, I'll do it! [marches over to the wreck. After a moment, she comes back moaning and obviously in distress]
Emily: What happened??
Kristin: Well, he hit his head when he fell and when he woke up...he thought I was Christine!
Both: UGH!
Emily: What did you do?
Kristin: I got one of the chorus girls to take care of him. She's bandaging his head at the moment.
Emily: She must be new here...
Kristin: Started yesterday.
Emily: Well that explains that.
Meg: Umm, can we get back to play now?
Emily: Right! Umm, that was pretty much the Prologue--
Porter: We didn't even--
Emily: But it's boring. Skip to the bit about the chandelier.
Porter: Ok, whatever, dude.
Emily and Kristin: -ette!
Porter: Dudette, whatever. Don't have a cow. [clears throat] Perhaps we may frighten away the ghost of so many years ago with a little illumination! Homeys?
Emily: That's 'g-e-n-t-l-e-m-e-n'! Argh, we have to fire this guy.
Porter: Actually, seein's how the real Auctioneer croaked a minute ago, you're going to need me.
Kristin: [loud sigh] Okay, we may be able to keep you if you can learn to fake the poise and eloquence of the lately late Auctioneer.
Porter: Can do!
Emily: Shut up, you two! We're missing the Overture!
---------------------------------------------------
AN: I really was writing a Billy Budd parody earlier...I need to finish that sometime. And, in case anyone was mildly curious and/or picked up on it: a 'schmouffle' is my general term for any of my various unusual sandwhich creations I make and consume when I have the time.
[Meg sits down in Raoul's wheelchair and the other characters take their places for the Prologue. She begins swinging her legs]
Kristin: [walks onstage] Ladies and Gentlemen! May I have your attention? Until my dear friend Emily comes back down to earth, I'm going to have to fill in a few details that she seems to have ignored. The Porter and the Auctioneer get to switch places. Not like anyone cares. Oh, and Piangi and Reyer switch. That's all I can think of at the moment; I'll additional assignments as needed.
Emily, AKA Authoress: [pops in] What are you doing?
Kristin: Trying to help you out.
Emily: Or you could be pestering me because I never finished my Billy Budd parody and you were looking forward to the Salsa party at the end.
Kristin: Me? Pester!? Never. [tries to look innocent]
Emily: Ok. Wanna stay and watch?
Kristin: Sure.
Emily: Yay! Now we can continue.
Porter: Sold! Your Number? Thanks, man. Ok, lot somethingsomething: a bunch of skulls on a piece of plywood. Says here we're asking 10,000 francs, but you're all too cheap to--
[thankfully, he is cut off by Meg, who has lost control of the wheelchair and is now rolling rapidly towards the edge of the stage]
Meg: AHHHHHH! HELP!
[Unfortunately, the closest person, the Auctioneer, hasn't had this much excitement in about 200 years and drops dead of a heart attack]
Meg: Someone DO something!
[Fortunately, Erik has suavely waltzed onto the stage to see what the commotion is. Thinking quickly, he pulls out his punjab lasso and ropes the back of the wheelchair in a truly Indiana Jones-esque movement only an instant before Meg would have plunged to her PERIL]
Christine: Oh, Erik! You're my hero! [hugs him]
Raoul: Umm, he just saved Meg, not you.
Christine: And?
[Raoul's attention turns to the wheelchair]
Raoul: I never knew it would go so fast! Wow, I have to try that!
[He proceeds to get into the wheelchair and start it off. he almost immediately loses control]
Raoul: AAAAAIIIEEEE! Somebody help!
[Erik, Christine, Meg, the Porter, and the bidders exchange looks]
All: Nahh.
Raoul: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOO!
[Raoul's voice fades as crashing sounds are heard]
Emily: Umm, any Raoul-sympathizers in the house? Somebody needs to go check on him...
Kristin: [looks around] Oh, I'll do it! [marches over to the wreck. After a moment, she comes back moaning and obviously in distress]
Emily: What happened??
Kristin: Well, he hit his head when he fell and when he woke up...he thought I was Christine!
Both: UGH!
Emily: What did you do?
Kristin: I got one of the chorus girls to take care of him. She's bandaging his head at the moment.
Emily: She must be new here...
Kristin: Started yesterday.
Emily: Well that explains that.
Meg: Umm, can we get back to play now?
Emily: Right! Umm, that was pretty much the Prologue--
Porter: We didn't even--
Emily: But it's boring. Skip to the bit about the chandelier.
Porter: Ok, whatever, dude.
Emily and Kristin: -ette!
Porter: Dudette, whatever. Don't have a cow. [clears throat] Perhaps we may frighten away the ghost of so many years ago with a little illumination! Homeys?
Emily: That's 'g-e-n-t-l-e-m-e-n'! Argh, we have to fire this guy.
Porter: Actually, seein's how the real Auctioneer croaked a minute ago, you're going to need me.
Kristin: [loud sigh] Okay, we may be able to keep you if you can learn to fake the poise and eloquence of the lately late Auctioneer.
Porter: Can do!
Emily: Shut up, you two! We're missing the Overture!
---------------------------------------------------
AN: I really was writing a Billy Budd parody earlier...I need to finish that sometime. And, in case anyone was mildly curious and/or picked up on it: a 'schmouffle' is my general term for any of my various unusual sandwhich creations I make and consume when I have the time.