Selling Out
by capgamer
Link climbs upon Epona, the sun shining in the sky behind him. He looks calmly upon the rolling Hyrulian fields before him. A single black dot appears over the faraway hills. It is soon followed by many more-an entire dark army. The earth rumbles and the sky grows dark.
Link's look of calm fades. He takes upon him the stern look of a warrior, and he draws his sword. The sun behind him sets as though hiding from the approaching force. The earth pounds beneath Epona's feet, she grows nervous.
"Hyia!" cries the hero and sets on a gallop straight for the enemy forces, his sword shining through the darkness. 300 yards away. 200 yards. 100 yards. 50 feet. He rushes into the enemy and swings his sword fiercely!
Bthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhpbbpbpb.
Bbbp.
Has this ever happened to you? Do you have incontrollable diarrhea at home, on the job, at the worst possible times?
Well you don't have to suffer through it any more! Now with our new medical product Die!arrea you can have some piece of mind and stay free of the big D.
Just listen to our satisfied customers:
(Link) "Before I had Die!arrea I always had diarrhea at the worst possible times. I would be fighting a giant scorpion, impaling the Great King of Evil, or trying to pick up chicks. It would hit then, browning my tunic and ruining my life. Thank you Die!arrea!"
(Link wearing a fake moustache speaking in a deep voice)"I used to always have to go around with a crap in my pants because I worked wear there were no bathrooms. People around me would stiff and say "Did somebody let their dog crap around here or something?" It was embarrassing. And let me just say, that I could never get any either."
(Link wearing a wig and dimestore dress and speaking in a high-pitched voice)"Now that that hottie Link has started using Die!arrea, he's getting some every day. I can't even look at that hot man-meat without..."
"LINK! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO WITH MY DRESS?!"
(Link runs)
So remember, if you have uncontrollable diarrhea at the worst times, Die!arrea is for you!
Not supported by Nintendo or FDA approved. Side affects include: swelling of the abdominal region, baldness, violent behaviors, need to eat hearts in order to remain healthy, affinity towards green clothes, speaking in old English, lung cancer, heart cancer, kidney failure, liver failure, heart failure, numbness in the tongue, decreased appetite, saying "hya" when doing physically challenging activities.
Do not consult your doctor before use. That would be bad for us.
Die!arrea as been known to react to all other medications in diverse ways.
"So when do I get paid?"
(Lights shut off)