Chapter Five – I used to be rational... or not
«Padfoot!» I heard someone calling me «Moony? Prongs?» I shouted
They smiled at me, I smiled at them. «Padfoot» another voice said, I looked around, the voice laughed. «Wormtail!». And everything turned black.
I dreamed about the Marauders many times while there, but all dreams turned into nightmares. The image of Lily and James' body laying on the floor always ended up appearing.
Of course the Dementors didn't bother me anymore. You know why? Because i didn't had any hope, I didn't had any happy thoughts. Outside i was an evil murderer and a crazy dangerous person. That was enough to make me feel bad.
But as the time passed I got used to those screams, that food, those dreams and feeling alone. I got used to that place so much, that it was becaming really boring. My goal for everyday wasn't to survive anymore, but to find something to do, save myself from insanity. Sometimes I just looked through the bars to see someone. I 'knew' people there, but I don't think they remembered me, I tried to talk with some of them but they answered me with such strange words that...oh well...I gave up.
Sometimes I found myself singing at the corner of the cell, which had become my favourite place to be.
"La la la"
Is it me or the dementors couldn't ear?
"HEY, I'M DEAD YOU BASTARDS!!! CAN'T YOU SEE ME?"
Is this what you feel when you're crazy? The other prisoners started yelling too. So much noise. I wonder if the dementors got annoyed.
I looked outside, it was snowing, which means that Winter had come again. I didn't knew how many Winters I had passed there, a lot perhaps, but I remembered the first.
I was so cold, I don't think I could feel my body, I wasn't sure to survive, but after that, many Winters came. The stone cell wasn't warm, you know, and if you don't move you frost to dead, well kinda... I made the pin against the wall, just to see how many time I could stay without moving. I didn't had a watch so I counted until 14 before I start feeling that my head will blow up.
Once I grabbed a small rock I found there and wrote on the prison wall
«Sirius Black was here»
It sounds stupid but it kept me busy during a while and since it was a really small rock it was difficult to write, it took me some time.
And the moon light entered in the cell. The clouds probably disappeared and I looked through the window. Full moon. That reminded me of Remus. "I wonder...where is he today? What happened to him? I wonder if I start howling would he listen?"
And I did. Like a fool. All night long.
This was the closest to insanity I got.