Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Title: I think I better leave right now - chapter 13
Author: Purrfectly679 - e-mail purrfectly679hotmail.com for comments and suggestions. Feedback highly appreciated.
Rating: PG-13, angst, bad language. SakuSasu, SasuNaru, HinaNaru
Notes: No spoilers. This is a revised repost. Thank you so much to everyone for the reviews...!
Previously: Naruto finds Sasuke - who has been missing for 2 weeks - by the lake.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The rain poured down relentlessly, almost harshly, soaking the two boys from head to toe. Neither party seemed to realise, nor care that they were thoroughly drenched, that their clothes clung to their bodies like a second skin. Remorseful black met defiant blue, as the two former archrivals stood face to face. Not for the first time…
But maybe for the last time…
It seemed ironic – that even the weather knew, could somehow sense that this occasion was eminent, imperative… The clouds, the rain and wind matched the atmosphere - grave, solemn, tense, as if one wrong move could and would shatter that one instant forever…
Then the critical moment would be forever lost and gone…
Yet this clash of strength, of will, had nothing to do with physical endurance… Nothing to do with stamina, special abilities, nor even spirit of the heart... It had everything to do with the unlimited supply of questions… The infinite number of answers…
The whats, the wheres, the hows, the whos, the whens…
The 'How did we end up like this?'
And most importantly, the 'What do we do about it now?'
------------------------------------------
After a few more moments of frolicking in the rain, Naruto suggested that the two sought shelter under some trees. It was hard enough to hear themselves think, let alone hear each other's words… The winds continued its cruel assault, screaming as if in agonising pain, while the rain continued to pour down in unforgiving torrents…
Sasuke followed the mop of blonde hair mindlessly, as he kept a constant 20 feet behind the soaked figure. He didn't know where they were headed… He realised that he didn't care either. He just pursued the glint of blonde, as if it were just another mission… Another task…
It was almost, almost how it used to be… How it used to be back in the days of being in team 7…
To say that Sasuke was in shock was an understatement. After their last confrontation, Naruto was the last person he had expected to see… The blonde should've been angry, should've refused to look for him… After all, who would waste their precious time searching for the one person that they probably never wanted to see again?
The Uchiha had acted like a jerk – an extremely jealous jerk - and he knew it. So what if Naruto had a girlfriend? He was nice, he was gorgeous – so why wouldn't he be involved? He should be happy, he deserved to be happy…
So why did Sasuke feel as if he couldn't be happy for him?
Naruto stopped moving and stood under a tall oak tree. It wasn't rainproof, but it did conceal them from most of the downpour, bar a few trickles and splashes. It was also sheltered enough so that the howl of the wind was barely audible. The blonde sat himself down nimbly upon the grassy ground, before looking up at Sasuke expectantly. The raven-haired boy paused, then automatically mimicked the blonde's actions.
Silence consumed the two sitting face to face – the taller boy hugging his knees while the blonde sat cross-legged. Even while sitting the two had to be different, had to be conflicting…
It was inevitable… The truth had to be-
"So?"
Sasuke blinked, his expression in blank confusion - a manner that was extremely out of character for the raven-haired youth.
"Come on then, we don't have all night…" the blonde muttered in exasperation.
Silence.
"You've changed..." Sasuke murmured...
Silence.
Black eyes widened in shock as he realised what he had just said. Why did he have to say that for?! Out of all the things he could've come up with, he just had to say that?!
"In what ways?" the blonde asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.
"You're taller… Your hair's longer… Y-Your voice's deeper…" the words poured from the Uchiha's mouth as if he had no control over them. "You look stronger… Happier…" he choked on his last word, before taking a big breath to calm himself.
"You look good, Naruto…" the stoic boy whispered uncertainly, wondering why the hell it hurt so much… It looked as if the blonde didn't need him, didn't need him at all… He had been doing more than fine without him…
Sasuke smiled bitterly. "You're much smarter… The Naruto I knew would've never suggested avoiding the rain… He would've said something along the lines of 'I'm not scared of the rain, you cowards!'…."
It was true… Naruto had changed… He was no longer the boy, the friend from 5 years ago… No longer the rival that he had sparred with on countless occasions, both driven by the corresponding ambition of becoming stronger… No longer the grinning idiot that he had once affectionately nicknamed 'dobe' and 'baka'…
Because it was a sign of affection – did you see him giving anyone else in the village a nickname? They weren't worth the effort… They didn't deserve it… No one had ever gotten as close to his heart as Naruto did… No one had even gotten close to opening him up as much as the blonde did…
Naruto had managed to accomplish what was deemed impossible – he had managed to make him feel again.
"I've missed you…" Sasuke murmured softly, so softly that he wasn't sure whether Naruto had heard him. But the sudden tensing of the blonde revealed the answer. He didn't know why he said it, but it was time to be honest right? No more running, no more lying… No more denying it, even to himself. He had missed the blonde klutz, missed him more than anyone would ever know…
The two drifted off into an uncomfortable silence.
The Uchiha sighed bitterly. What did he expect? Did he somehow expect Naruto to suddenly declare his undying love? Suddenly jump into his arms and announce that everything was going to be fine, that things were going to be ok…? That he had been forgiven?
No, he didn't expect that… He'd be a fool to expect that… He did nothing to deserve that… Especially not the forgiveness… But from the bottom of his heart, from the bleak depths of his soul… Sasuke had wished, had hoped, had desperately dreamed that the blonde would say one thing…
'Say you've missed me too… Please, god, tell me you've missed me Naruto…'
But only the faint whistle of the wind greeted his ears…
------------------------------------------
'I've missed you…'
Naruto tensed, his body betraying the fact that he was completely in shock. Did he hear right? Sasuke had missed him? But wasn't he the reason why the Uchiha boy had left Konoha in the first place? It was his fault, wasn't it?
Naruto shifted uncomfortably upon the cold floor. He didn't feel cold, but he couldn't escape the fact that he was completely and utterly drenched from head to toe. Incoherent thoughts whirled wildly in his mind. Sasuke, as in Uchiha Sasuke, had missed him…
The blonde opened his mouth to speak, trying desperately to form an articulate response to the statement that he had just heard… He willed his lips to move, to say something, to say anything… But his body refused to obey his commands. Instead, his mouth had decided to remain hanging open, emphasising the fact that he was still utterly and downright stunned.
A tense silence consumed the pair.
Naruto panicked. But what should he say? What could he say? He was so confused… He didn't expect this! Sasuke was supposed to hate him! He was supposed to shout, scream, hurl abuse! He wasn't supposed to miss him! That was the last thing he was meant to do…
After all, it was his fault that the Uchiha went away…
In those 5 years, Naruto had felt nothing but hate, regret, and anger… Angry at the raven-haired boy for leaving, angry at himself for letting it happen… Hating everything, regretting everything…
That night should never have happened… It was his fault – he should've stopped it… Should've stopped all the shame, the loathing, the disgust… Then everything would've been back to normal… Sasuke would still be his rival and somewhat friend… Sakura would still be there every morning to yell at his stupidity while they trained… Team 7 would've been as it were – a happy although dysfunctional family…His only family...
Sasuke wasn't supposed to miss him!
And yet, the blonde realised rather sullenly, that he had missed him too… He had missed their bizarre relationship, missed the constant jeering, the sparring, their shared ambition to become stronger… He missed the 'dobe,' missed the 'baka,' missed the glares, the smirks, the rare smiles…
…He had missed Sasuke.
Naruto opened his mouth to tell him, to say how he felt… Time to be honest, time to stop running, to stop hiding… Time to be strong, to be truthful… But flashes of pink clogged up his mind…
"Why?" was the only word that escaped him, before his voice became too choked to communicate articulately.
Why did you leave Konoha? Why did you leave us?
…Why… Why did you leave me?
-----------------------------------
"Why?"
Sasuke flinched inwardly. He wasn't expecting this… Weren't they meant to idly chat about random things until he built up his nerve? He wasn't ready! Naruto wasn't meant to ask that now! Not so soon… Not now! That question… That one question he had been dreading all those years was finally muttered…
Why now?!
A burst of raw emotion spurred through the raven-haired boy, smothering him, choking him - some emotions he did not desire to ever feel again. His heart picked up speed, his breathing escalated erratically and his mouth became unusually dry…
Not now…
He had often dreamt of this moment, it haunted him in his sleep – teasing him, mocking him, tormenting him… He knew he couldn't run away forever, knew that one day reality would smack him in the face and that it would hurt. A lot. It was foolish to attempt to delay it… He realised that somewhere, someday, the inevitable question would be asked… It was unavoidable, inescapable…
And today just happened to be that day…
Sasuke winced inwardly as the monosyllabic question continued to echo furiously within his confused mind. Naruto had asked 'Why?' …Not how, or when… Or what or whom… But why… Such a simple question…
Yet such a painful one …
He took a deep breath to calm himself. He had to do this. He needed to do this… Naruto deserved at least that. Even if the blonde hated him afterwards, even if he vowed to hate him forever… Naruto deserved this at least, didn't he? He deserved to know… Deserved to know everything…
Sasuke bit down upon his lip, the jolt of pain increasing his own awareness of the surroundings. Suddenly his mind was clear. He had to do this… He had to clarify everything… He had to explain… Not matter what it took…Even if it did mean reliving it all…
Even if it did mean reliving the worst 5 years of his life…
Maybe he wouldn't be forgiven… He didn't expect that… Maybe he wasn't worthy of that…
But still… Naruto deserved to know…
He deserved to know everything.
---------------------------------------
There was a good 5 minutes of pure silence before Sasuke started to speak. Nothing could be heard throughout that period but the faint pitter-patter of the dying rain. Naruto had remained quiet the whole time, despite the fact that he was in desperate curiosity. He wanted to know everything; he wanted all the answers the raven-haired boy could give…
He needed to know…
"That day I left…" Sasuke trailed off uncertainly. His voice was soft, a little unsure… It was not like him at all, and yet Naruto found himself hanging onto every word that emerged from the stoic boy's mouth. As if he was afraid that the Uchiha might change his mind, then just get up and disappear again…
As if afraid that this was all another dream…
"I left that day after we… After… After our relationship became more… intimate…" Sasuke's voice was laced with unconcealed embarrassment, as he seemed to search for the correct terms to use. It was as if he was ashamed of the situation, ashamed of what they did… Naruto glanced up, and was saddened by the fact that the usual impassive expression was once again on full display upon the taller boy's visage…
The blonde sighed bitterly. It was to be expected after all…
"You know I'm an avenger…" Sasuke continued, his voice becoming more and more monotonous, devoid of any feeling…
"I had to kill my brother, I had to revenge my clan…" the dark haired boy paused, before his voice became slightly hysterical. "Itachi, that fucking bastard, killed everyone! Everyone I've ever loved… Everyone I've ever been close to… All gone!"
If Naruto was shocked, he hid it well. The Uchiha had never revealed so much about his family before… He knew that Sasuke was an avenger… He had mentioned it when they had first joined team 7 together... He had even heard that his family, the whole of the Uchiha clan, had been massacred in a terrible assassination, although that was never confirmed to him until today… But the blonde never did learn more than that… Even throughout their years of comradeship together, even during all that time the two boys had spent in each other's presence, Naruto never did find out anymore…
"He killed my father, my mother, and left them to die - in front of my very eyes… I saw their bodies; I saw what he did to them!" Sasuke's voice became icy cold. "They died a painful death… They didn't deserve that… None of them deserved that! I promised them all, I promised every single person who died by his bloody hands, that I would avenge them… Avenge them all…"
The blonde bit down upon his lip guiltily. Too consumed in his own childhood sorrows, he never did consider the raven-haired boys feelings on his family… The fact that Sasuke was an orphan never did register in his subconscious… He was always the fortunate one, the respected one, the one that everybody wanted to be… He was gifted, he was blessed…
The blonde never gave the Uchiha clan or the role of an avenger a second thought. He preferred to keep thinking that Sasuke was the lucky one, and that he took everything for granted… Like a spoilt brat. It was much easier to hate someone like that… And Sasuke never seemed to care about his family… He never talked about them, he never cried for them… He never looked as if he cared…
He was always cold… Indifferent…
But what if it had all been a façade? What if he had been hurting inside all along?
"I had to leave Naruto… I had to kill him…" Sasuke trembled slightly, his voice barely above a whisper. "I had to kill him, for taking everyone, everything away from me… I couldn't stay, I had to leave…"
"But why then?" Naruto blurted out before he could stop himself. "Why did you have to leave then? Why not before, huh? Why not after? Why did you have to leave that one-day after we… After we…" he trailed off uncertainly.
Sasuke stared at him, his black eyes glinting strangely in the dim light. Naruto considered apologising for his sudden outburst, but immediately decided against it. Anyway, judging by the emotionless expression gracing the taller boy's features, the blonde assumed that an apology was unnecessary…
It didn't appear as if Sasuke cared anyway…
"I couldn't have stayed with you Naruto…" the voice was soft, unregretful. "We couldn't have been together…"
"You think I don't know that?" the blonde murmured, his tone becoming dangerously low. "You could've stayed… We could've pretended that nothing had ever happened! No one needed to know…" He wanted to get angry, get angry and shout at the stupid bastard! Shout at him for ruining a perfectly good rivalry… For ruining his first real friendship… For being so fucking selfish, for running away… For single-handedly terminating team 7… His first ever family… The only time that he had felt truly at peace… Felt like he belonged…
But he couldn't get angry… It just hurt too much…
"It wasn't possible… I couldn't stay, not after what we did…" Sasuke continued, not realising that every word that streamed out of his mouth was cutting painfully into the blonde, like piercing shards of glass.
Naruto struggled for breath as he felt something warm fill his eyes. Was he crying? He can't cry! Not in front of Sasuke… Not in front of anyone! Why the hell was he crying for? He had expected this! He had expected these exact words to come tumbling out of the Uchiha's mouth! Because it was true! They couldn't be together! It was repulsive, disgusting, and wrong…
So wrong…
So it was his fault after all… The raven-haired boy had finally confirmed it… Finally confirmed what had been left unsaid… Finally confirmed the truth that had been breaking his heart piece by piece for 5 years…
That Sasuke left Konoha because of him…
----------------------------------------
Sasuke couldn't help but wince as he saw the sudden pain, the sudden hurt that made itself visible within the blonde's eyes. But as quick as a flash, as swiftly as it had appeared, the raw emotion was gone, replaced by a posture of uncharacteristic rigidness.
Maybe he had imagined it…
The Uchiha sighed bitterly. Damn his conscience… Always playing tricks on him… Especially when there was no chance that Naruto would actually feel anything towards him but hate… Nothing but hate and anger… And he deserved it…
After all, why would Naruto bother with him when he had Hinata?
"I had to find my brother…" he began softly, trying his best to avoid the pain that was slowly consuming him from within - half initiated from his terrible memories and half from Naruto's apparent lack of concern.
The blonde remained oddly silent, but his eyes revealed that he was listening intently.
"I encountered him about 6 weeks later…" Sasuke continued, gazing attentively at his feet, his voice becoming monotonous once again. "I was surprised to see him… He looked so much older, wearier, as if he had suffered a lot during the years we spent apart… Then the hate raged through me… All the hate, the anger, the fury.... I attacked him head on… And ended up in hospital for 3 months…"
The raven-haired boy snorted. "He was so strong… Power I've never even fathomed before… And so I started to train – trained 24 hours a day, only pausing when I became unbearably thirsty or hungry, and only slept against my will when my body collapsed from weariness…" he paused. "Then after about 7 months of intensive training, Sakura appeared…"
Naruto tensed upon hearing the sound of the familiar name.
"She looked after me…" Sasuke continued softly. "She tried to make me live again… But I just couldn't… She didn't understand… She didn't understand that I had to do it… I had to kill him… She made me sleep, made me eat…" he laughed hollowly. "I don't think I would've survived if she hadn't showed up…"
The raven-haired boy glanced up for a response, but found Naruto staring at his feet in mute fascination. It seemed so odd, too odd – the blonde sitting still, and not incessantly rambling away on a random tangent. Unexpected shock gripped him – what if the blonde wasn't listening? What if he had been pouring his heart out to the smaller boy for no particular reason? What if-
"I'm listening…"came a soft reply.
Sasuke felt his heart revert back to its original pace before he continued.
"After about another year of training, I decided to confront my brother again… I knew he was still stronger than me… But I figured that if I surprised him, that maybe that would give me an advantage, give me an edge…" he paused, as sudden bursts of emotion rushed through him, flashbacks of fear, of hate, of anger… "That's when I discovered that I hadn't even begun to see the full extent of his true power…"
The raven-haired boy suppressed a small choke. "I thought I had died… But somehow I woke up, and found Sakura beside me… She had looked after me for 2 weeks while my body was trying its best not to shut down… She had somehow found me, even after I abandoned her to reach Itachi… She… saved me… Again…"
It was a strange feeling. He had never spoken so much before in his whole entire life… And never had he imagined revealing so much about himself in one go. Sure it was uncomfortable, being so open, so vulnerable… Naruto now held the power to make or break him… Held the power to mock him, to insult him…
Yet he felt a huge sense of relief to finally get it off his chest… To abandon his worries to the wind… He didn't care about the outcome - he knew he couldn't run forever…
"I spent 6 months recovering… The worse scenario was that I wouldn't be able to walk again… And yet I somehow pulled through… I began training again, ignoring Sakura, ignoring everything she did for me… Not even thanking her for supporting me, for saving me… I began to disappear for days, just to train, just to get away from her…"
"Then about 15 months later, after almost... almost 4 years of constant intensive training, I finally felt somewhat confident… I… I faced him again, and I vowed that it would be my last confrontation. And if I died from it, then so be it…" Sasuke grimaced. "That's how much value I placed on my own life…"
"We were fighting pretty evenly for a while, and I was satisfied, almost proud that my training had paid off so well…" his voice trailed off uncertainly. "But not long after the battle initiated, it was obvious that he was still stronger… I… I became desperate – how was it possible that one person was so powerful? Where did he acquire such power? Why was it that no matter how much I trained, he was always one step ahead?…"
Sasuke's voice trembled slightly. "I recall being knocked to the ground. I was exhausted – I-I couldn't even get up… I remember looking up, and smirking once I realised that my brother was also breathing harshly, and that his left arm looked kinda broken. I was contented then – even if I couldn't beat him, even if I couldn't kill him… The fact was that I had injured him, I had exerted him to his limit... I wasn't so weak anymore… Maybe my training did pay off after all…" he paused. "I was prepared to die then, and die happy…"
Naruto shifted in his position awkwardly, betraying the fact that the taller boy's words haunted him. How could anyone talk about death so coolly? So detachedly?
"But he didn't kill me… Instead, he started to speak… He was so calm, too calm… Hearing his voice again was so strange, almost like a dream… He asked about you, Naruto…" the Uchiha trailed off… "He asked whether I knew you or not… Whether I knew about the power that was sealed inside of you… I told him that I didn't know, that I had heard of you, but you had disappeared from Konoha a long time ago… I didn't know what I was saying, I was just making it up on the spot… But he knew that I was lying… He started to smirk maliciously. That's when he said that he was going to kidnap you, and somehow harness the Kyuubi's power for himself…"
Naruto tensed up, startled.
"Then he commented on how much I looked like him… And he asked whether anyone would notice if he came back to Konoha instead of me… After all, 4 years did a lot to people… It wouldn't be too strange if my appearance changed slightly…"
Sasuke bit down upon his lower lip. "Right then, I wanted to die… Just so that I didn't have to hear him speak… Why was he telling me all this? Its not like I cared! Why wouldn't he let me die in peace…? I-I stopped caring for myself, how could I possibly care about what happened to other people?…"
"But then he said how your body was only a vessel, that he didn't want you but the power within you, that he only wanted the Kyuubi… He said he had to hurt you, somehow make you crack… That when you're overwhelmed by feelings of hate, of anger - only then will the fox be released… Then he started to suggest all these ways to break you…" Sasuke shuddered inwardly as he recounted persistent threats of torture, of destruction, of mutilation…
… But the one that had distressed him the most was the suggestion of rape… Itachi had actually threatened to rape the blonde, whilst pretending to be Sasuke himself…
That's when he snapped.
"The next thing I remember was seeing his body below mine…" the Uchiha murmured weakly. "He was dead…"
"I had killed him…"
----------------------------------------------
"I had killed him…"
Naruto shivered as the full realisation of the statement hit him. He had killed someone – killed his brother… Sasuke had killed his own brother…
'To protect me…'
The blonde idly wondered what Itachi could've said and threatened the younger Uchiha with, to cause the usually composed boy to suddenly snap…
'At least that means that he doesn't hate me…' Naruto thought silently. 'And that he didn't disappear just because of me…' Sudden relief flowed through him, mixed with traces of unrealism. He hadn't expected this… Not in his dreams, not in his thoughts, not in his mind…
He had never expected this…
Sure they were ninjas… Sure ninjas were supposed to kill, were supposed to assassinate… After all, they were nothing but tools used in a clash of will… They weren't supposed to think, weren't supposed to take sides… They were supposed to follow orders, not question them…
In battles, there was no right or wrong. There was only a conflict of views…
And yet Naruto could never bring himself to take away someone's life, someone's hopes, someone's dreams… Some people called him soft, some called him a coward… But he ignored them all. After all, who had the right to dictate whether someone lived to see another day? Who had the right to destroy not just one life, but all the other lives that surrounded the victim?
And so he had adamantly refused to accept any assignments that involved assassinations, no matter well it paid… His values were worth more to him than all the riches in the world…
Though that's not to say that he slacked off, or that he was inadequate as a ninja… It was actually quite the contrary… Whenever his missions involved combat, he fought with everything he had… He disarmed the enemy, knocked them unconscious, and broken limbs if needed be… Even ended their fighting careers if deemed necessary…
But he never killed them…
And he knew that Sasuke felt the same, although he never did voice his opinions… Or rather, the Uchiha used to feel the same…
Naruto suddenly felt very cold.
Silence once again engulfed the two, except this time the silence was tensely unnerving. The rain had all but stopped, and only a faint rustle of the upper branches could be heard from their sheltered positions under the tall tree.
Not another sound could be heard, but the pounding of his own heart…
Sasuke was a murderer.
-------------------------------------------
Sasuke sat with his head facing the ground. He felt as if judgement was about to be passed upon him, and he realised ironically that the situation was more or less true… He was waiting for Naruto's reaction, his response to his confession…
He was waiting for the blonde's judgement…
The raven-haired boy glanced at his knees. Yes, he enjoyed silence, but even this was too much… Just sitting there with a subdued Naruto just seemed too unreal… Too much like another one of his hallucinations… Panic flared up within him as the possibility that this was nothing but a dream crossed his mind… He couldn't go through all this again! It was too much, he didn't want to-
"Wait…" Naruto suddenly spoke out loud, his brows quirking in concentration. "That's 4 years right?… But… You went for 5… So… What did you do during the last year?"
Sasuke paused. It wasn't the reaction he had expected, but then again, he figured that nothing would ever go the way that he had envisioned. Naruto was just too unpredictable…
Well at least the blonde didn't depart in disgust… That was a good thing, right?
"I recovered," he answered shortly, realising how easily he seemed to fall back into his stoic mode. And so soon after his recent confession as well…
"Well of course you recovered," Naruto muttered in annoyance. "But you might as well finish the story while you're at it…"
"Why do you care?" Sasuke asked bluntly, as an image of Hinata flashed up in his mind. He then immediately wished that he could've retracted his words.
Naruto's blue eyes widened in shock and confusion, before anger consumed them from within. But instead of lashing out as Sasuke had expected, instead of shouting, yelling and arguing as they had done only 2 weeks ago, the blonde merely bit down upon his lower lip…
Then the anger died down, as quickly as it had appeared.
"Of course I care…" he whispered uncertainly. "I've always cared…"
Suddenly, Sasuke found himself feeling very much like the bad guy again. He hesitated in confusion. "I'm…" he paused. "I'm… sorry."
No reply.
"I was being an insensitive bastard… I'm sorry." Strange how saying sorry got easier the second time you said it…
This earned him a small smile from the blonde.
"What did you do then, Naruto?" the Uchiha boy asked, his voice surprisingly cool and steady, unlike his insides, which were currently trembling with anxiety and trepidation. "What did you do during the 5 years?"
Just how many times did you break my heart while I was gone?
--------------------------------------
Naruto blinked at the unexpected question. Well this was new! Was Sasuke actually trying to make conversation?! Conversation that didn't involve a mission? As in, Sasuke voluntarily speaking? To him? About him?
Where was the cold, aloof and distant Uchiha from 5 years back?!
"Errr…." Naruto stared blankly, frantically wondering whether this was all a ruse. He was half expecting Sasuke to suddenly smirk, 'Baka, don't tell me you actually believed that I care!'
He shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts.
"I didn't do much… Missions here and there, and training when I had the time…"
"No, I meant what did you do…"
"That is what I did…" Naruto answered in confusion. Did Sasuke expect a different answer?
"So you're telling me that all you did in the 5 years was train and complete missions?" the Uchiha asked, raising one impeccable eyebrow.
"Uhm… Well…" Naruto hesitated. "Yeah, I guess so…" he admitted, hanging his head in embarrassment. "Not much of a life huh?" he offered a small smile.
Silence once again made its presence known.
"You and Hinata…" Sasuke murmured softly, his voice barely above a whisper. Naruto wondered why he had sounded so strained, then immediately dismissed it to his overactive imagination. "I… know… I'm… I'm glad you're happy…"
The blonde looked up.
"Huh?" blue eyes blinked in bafflement.
"You seem happy…" the Uchiha trailed off unsteadily.
"Erm… Ok…" Naruto replied uncertainly, not realising that his confirmation was slowly killing the raven-hared boy from the inside. The blonde then wondered what the hell his happiness had to do with Hinata. Actually, what did anything have to do with Hinata?! He searched the taller boy for answers, but was disappointed to find that Sasuke had suddenly found the ground extremely fascinating again…
'Still a few more hours before dawn…' the blonde thought silently, as his stomach fluttered uncomfortably. The 5-year… More like 4-year account of the Uchiha boy had taken longer than anticipated, and now that he had finally attained the many answers to his continuous questions, he realised that he didn't feel contented at all…
Yes it was nice to catch up on old times, but he realised that the past was in the past… And sometimes, it was better left that way… Now important things were at hand…
More important things concerning the present…
"Hey Sasuke…" Naruto asked, wondering how the hell he was going to phrase this properly. Then he decided to take the blunt and coarse route. "Why the hell are you out here and not at home?"
A sudden tensing of the body was the only indication that the raven-haired boy was listening.
"Sakura's worried sick about you…" Naruto trailed off, a small spark of anger coursing through his system at the thought of the terrible way that his pink haired friend had been treated.
"I was thinking." Short, curt.
"Well couldn't you have thought at home?" Naruto asked in frustration. Strange how he could swing between two extreme emotions with such ease around the Uchiha… One of compassion and one of anger…
"No."
"So you stayed out here for 2 weeks, just thinking? By yourself?" Naruto asked incredulously. Why would anyone want to subject themselves to conditions out here?! When they had a nice warm bed only a few kilometres away?!
"…Yes."
"You're impossible!" Naruto growled in annoyance.
No reply. It seemed as if Sasuke had resumed his impassive mode.
"So are you going to enlighten me on what you were thinking about?" the blonde mocked in irritation. "I mean after 2 whole weeks of thinking, you must've come to a conclusion by now…" His words were dripping with sarcasm.
The Uchiha paused as if contemplation. He seemed to hesitate before looking the smaller boy steadily in the eye.
"I'm not marrying Sakura," he answered firmly.
Then Naruto's world came crashing down.
--------------------------------
"What do you mean you're not marrying her?!" Naruto hollered, fury tearing at his insides. "You CAN'T not marry her! She loves you for some fucking unknown reason!"
Sasuke remained silent.
"You bastard! You can't do that to her! You're her life… Her everything goddamnit!" the blonde was desperate. He couldn't let Sasuke hurt her like this! Not again… Not after everything she had been through… Not after he had seen her break down, seen her cry herself to sleep…
Not for the first time, but damn it, it would be the last time if the blonde had anything to do with it!
…and didn't he promise her that everything would be ok?
"I don't love her."
Naruto recoiled in shock. "Whadyameanyadunloveher!?" For fuck's sake, she had looked after him… Looked after him after every fight, after every punishing training session he endured… He must've developed some affection along the way right?! What kinda fucking person was he if he didn't?!
"I don't love her in the way she wants me to."
"Then why the fuck did you ask her to marry you?!" Naruto screeched in vehemence. Was the Uchiha just leading her on? Because if he was just leading her on then he was gonna get his assed properly kicked by one well-known blonde… What kinda sick bastard did stuff like that anyway? He knew how much she adored him! How much she loved him! How she was more than willing to die for him…
He can't just crush her hopes, her dreams… Not when she had finally attained her perfect life…!
'But her life isn't perfect…' his conscience reminded him.
"I didn't – she asked me to marry her…"
"Then why the hell did you agree?!" Naruto spluttered in outrage. "You don't play with people's emotions you fucking bastard!" Hurting someone physically was one thing, but emotions should never, ever be played with! To deliberately build up someone's hopes and dreams, then to tear it down single-handedly…
Sasuke you fucking asshole!
The blonde was fuming now, and it took every ounce of his willpower to keep his rear firmly on the ground, and not throw himself as a weapon at the stupid boy with the stupidly pretty face…
"I…" Sasuke hesitated. "I can't tell you…"
Naruto was immediately on his feet, his eyes glowing a faint red as memories of the pink haired girl invaded his mind… Sakura crying, Sakura declaring her undying love… Her tears, her pain…
"Have you been cheating on her?" the blonde asked, his voice dangerously low, staring down at the seated boy, successfully intimidating him. His eyes screamed 'If you even dared to look at another woman while dating her, I will rip you apart, limb by limb...'
Naruto hadn't expected a Uchiha to be unfaithful… They had too much dignity and pride after all, and they always kept to their word… Relationships were almost like a promise, a promise of loyalty, of commitment…
Then again, there was always a first time for everything…
"Of course not!" Sasuke muttered in annoyance.
Naruto relaxed very slightly, then began to pace around the tree, his shoulders visibly shaking from anger.
"You can't do this to her…" he repeated, then spun around facing the raven-haired boy, his eyes wild. "You can't fucking do this…!"
"What do you want me to do then?" Sasuke snapped, his voice increasing in volume by the second. "You want me to lie to her? Participate in a loveless marriage? Is that fair on her?"
"But you can grow to love her…!" Naruto pleaded desperately. "Then it won't be a loveless marriage…" He... He can't do this to her… She's been though too much already!
"I can't…" Sasuke whispered, his voice strangely hollow.
"You can try you bastard!!" Naruto all but screamed.
"What do you think I've been doing for the past year?" Sasuke yelled back, the suppressed finally anger consuming him from within.
"You can fucking try harder then!" the blonde exploded.
"I can't force myself to feel, you moron!" the Uchiha growled bitterly, before tucking his head in between his knees.
Naruto dropped into seating position, the burst of anger, the shouting, the screaming exhausting him… "You can love Sakura… I know you can…" he murmured weakly. "Everyone says it… You make the perfect couple…"
"I can't Naruto…" came the whispered reply, on the verge of breaking down. "I've tried so hard, but… I just can't…"
Naruto trembled bitterly. It was too ironic, too much like déjà vu… Only a few hours ago, Sakura had been repeating the same thing…
Except hers involved loving the Uchiha too much…
"Why then?" the blonde asked dully. "If you're so adamant about this, then tell me the reason… Give me a fucking good enough reason for hurting her, and I'll leave you alone…"
"I…" the Uchiha paused.
"I won't say anything…" Naruto added for encouragement, although he couldn't think of one excuse that was good enough to justify the raven-haired boy's actions… His felt so weary, so tired….
His problems were one thing… But he could usually ignore them and go to sleep… But god, other people's problems were even more strenuous… And the bad thing was, he couldn't just ignore them… Couldn't just switch them off and go to bed…
Especially when they involved his closest friends…
"I can't love her when someone else plagues my mind…" Sasuke whispered ever so softly, and for once, his mask was completely lowered. Pain shone out from within his black eyes, mixed with regret…
A lot of regret…
"I thought no one else was involved?" Naruto muttered, a little distrustingly, trying to ignore the spark of pain that had just attacked his heart.
"That person doesn't love me back… Won't… ever love me back…" the usually composed voice trembled slightly.
"How do you know?" the blonde sighed, wondering how the hell things managed to end up like this… How could Sasuke fall in love with someone else when he had Sakura by his side? But it was obvious that the Uchiha wasn't lying – Naruto could sense the pain within the taller boy, eating at him, tormenting him... The situation was so delicate, too delicate…
"I have no chance…" he whispered softly. "That person… Already has someone…"
"Then why are you giving up on Sakura? If you know you have no chance with this person, then why are you still doing this?" Naruto murmured desperately, clearly not understanding the situation, clearly not comprehending the concepts of love. Which wasn't really surprising – how could you understand something you hadn't felt before?
"I can't Naruto! I just can't!" the reply was harsh and abrupt. "How could I be with her when someone else occupies my mind and my soul? I can't just… Just forget it! It's not fair on her and it's not fair on me!"
"But you just said you had no chance!"
"I don't care Naruto! I don't care if he hates me!" Sasuke was desperate, his eyes glinting strangely, as if he were holding back unshed tears. "I can't deny how I feel… I spent too long in denial and it's eating at me! Can't you see? I've spent so much time running from it… I'm sick of running, sick of hiding… I've run out of places to hide! Don't you understand? You can't just stop loving someone! I've tried… Its not… It's not as easy as that!"
"He owns me, Naruto…" he trailed off, his black hair swept over his eyes, concealing the hurt, concealing the pain. "He owns me - heart, body, mind and soul… He's in my soul… I can't deny him… Even if he doesn't feel the same way… I can't lie to myself, I won't even try to lie to myself…"
"I can't live without him…" he whispered thickly. "I belong to him - I can't just give myself to someone else… Even though he hates me, I can't stop loving him… I promised myself that I'd protect him… And I intend to protect him with my life…"
Naruto's mouth dropped open in surprise for two reasons: number one – Sasuke has feelings!! And he's actually talking about them! And number two – he?!
"Uh… He?" Naruto asked dumbly, speaking his mind before he could stop himself.
Sasuke stared at him in dejection.
"It's you…" he murmured softly. "It's always been you…"
The blonde blinked.
"I love you Naruto..."
"I've always loved you…"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End chapter 13
CLIFFHANGERRRR!!!
[ducks from onslaughts of sharp pointy objects]
Eep. It seemed like a good place to end it...
p.s. this had to be the hardest chapter I've ever written... Arghh I'm sorry for any OOCness...
Anyways, please read and review!!! And if you would like to join the mailing list, please leave me a review or mail me at purrfectly679hotmail.com! Thanks loads!
Thanks for reading, and take care everyone
(p.s. if you would like me to reply to your reviews, please leave an e-mail address )