IN MY HEART
2: Escaping from the harder way.
Shinji shook his head. No, no, no. Not appropriate. Had he overslept? But, on the other hand, if there was no need to worry, why did he care? He continued his steadfast gaze on the wall.
The simple, white, stupid wall.
He couldn't deceive himself. Through the past lessons he stared dreamily at the new, transferred guy. What the heck was going on? Maybe he had an intuition. Something told him to stare. Kaworu may be dangerous, and it might be safer to keep him at a distance.
...nonsense. Nagisa looked sympathetic, a possible good friend.
Try to think logically, he commanded. You've barely known this guy for two days. You have never spoke to him. Never crushed with him in the hall. Never even said even "hello". So why are you watching him, with bated breath, thinking how pretty he is?!
"What does it mean?" asked Shinji in husky voice.
It can mean nothing, if you want to, said the voice in his head. Do like the common sense demands. Try to be interested with Ayanami.
"Deine Zauber binden wieder, was die Mode streng geteilt. Alle Menschen werden Bruder, wo dein sanfter flugel weilt," someone sang the 'Ode to Joy' melody just lovely, in a warm, soothing voice. But what...
"Asuka? What happened with her voice?" Shinji burst with laughter.
"What's so funny?" someone asked. The humming stopped.
Ikari faced Kaworu who seemed to appear from the corner. In a moment of terrifying realization, his mind said clearly: "Damn it!!"
Instead of that, he smiled faintly and greeted the boy.
"Hi, Kaworu-kun, er, Nagisa-kun..." Grin.
"Kaworu is fine. I haven't seen you... oh, wait, you are in my class! Sorry, I'm not good with remembering faces." Nagisa tried to restrain his voce from trembling.
Shit, that was unfortunate and idiotic. What an obvious lie! This boy's face was far too well engraved in... saying the truth, in everything about Kaworu.
Shinji didn't display any emotion on that. Maybe he thought that remembering him would be rather curious.
He was just he kind of person you pass by, eventually look at, then go and forget him immediately and forever. No one known got a deeper look in those sad eyes. Shinji himself didn't know why he wasn't happy.
Whereas, he had a family, friends...or so-called friends. He would call that a friendship because of lack of better word, but in fact it was far less than the real one.
He hadn't got a girlfriend. He supposed he was too boring, uninteresting and didn't have a sufficiently pretty face. But of course he wanted to have the girl to love her.
Despite that, Shinji's heart beat the fastest when he saw Kaworu.
This couldn't mean anything. He gasped. He couldn't get more ridiculous.
"It's okay. So, was it you who sang?"
"Yes. It's a violation of the melody but I can't suppress this urge. I love singing even when I do it totally out of tune. I always do." Nagisa grimaced and faked a nostalgic smile.
"You're nice..."
"Well, do you say that to everyone just after a few-minute conversation?" The boy seemed to be disappointed. Only that?
"Sometimes I don't say it at all."
"Man, she's kinda hot! But know this, stubborn too. I mean, she's secluding herself. That's my impression," chattered Toji. The end of his opinion was led by the dreamy smile.
Kensuke's face stayed still. He put his glasses straight and hummed.
"Mister I-Know-Everything-The-Best let's hear what's your image of our sweet blue haired friend," teased Suzuhara.
"I give up. I can only repeat after you."
"I can't believe he just said that! Kensuke-kun, congratulations. I assume that in your instance those words declare affection. We've moved one step forward." Toji clapped his hands and bowed irrationally.
"What do you suggest?! That I'm not straight!?" He waved his hands in funny indignation.
"No, of course you're normal. I wouldn't accuse you of being homo, guy." Suzuhara laughed with a rather disgusted look.
For Ikari, it wasn't so funny. He couldn't clear it, but it was a perfect embodiment of something he started to fear about. He pondered it, but the answer wasn't the one he wanted though he'd expected.
Something wasn't in order, surely. He was a perfectly normal, teenage boy, maybe a little shy with girls. He didn't show affection to many girls he liked. For example...Oh, there were truly many of them.
So why the hell he couldn't recall any secret admiration or something?! There were only images of his male friends. But he didn't even think of them like that. Only animals were left over, he thought sickeningly.
He'd preferably and joyfully poison and decapitate the one who made this mess at once. Who was pretty, witty and...
Maybe just this mess was already deep inside of him? And he denied its presence.
"And it could as well sleep there 'til the end of time..."
But it wouldn't. Because he came.
TBC.
2: Escaping from the harder way.
Shinji shook his head. No, no, no. Not appropriate. Had he overslept? But, on the other hand, if there was no need to worry, why did he care? He continued his steadfast gaze on the wall.
The simple, white, stupid wall.
He couldn't deceive himself. Through the past lessons he stared dreamily at the new, transferred guy. What the heck was going on? Maybe he had an intuition. Something told him to stare. Kaworu may be dangerous, and it might be safer to keep him at a distance.
...nonsense. Nagisa looked sympathetic, a possible good friend.
Try to think logically, he commanded. You've barely known this guy for two days. You have never spoke to him. Never crushed with him in the hall. Never even said even "hello". So why are you watching him, with bated breath, thinking how pretty he is?!
"What does it mean?" asked Shinji in husky voice.
It can mean nothing, if you want to, said the voice in his head. Do like the common sense demands. Try to be interested with Ayanami.
"Deine Zauber binden wieder, was die Mode streng geteilt. Alle Menschen werden Bruder, wo dein sanfter flugel weilt," someone sang the 'Ode to Joy' melody just lovely, in a warm, soothing voice. But what...
"Asuka? What happened with her voice?" Shinji burst with laughter.
"What's so funny?" someone asked. The humming stopped.
Ikari faced Kaworu who seemed to appear from the corner. In a moment of terrifying realization, his mind said clearly: "Damn it!!"
Instead of that, he smiled faintly and greeted the boy.
"Hi, Kaworu-kun, er, Nagisa-kun..." Grin.
"Kaworu is fine. I haven't seen you... oh, wait, you are in my class! Sorry, I'm not good with remembering faces." Nagisa tried to restrain his voce from trembling.
Shit, that was unfortunate and idiotic. What an obvious lie! This boy's face was far too well engraved in... saying the truth, in everything about Kaworu.
Shinji didn't display any emotion on that. Maybe he thought that remembering him would be rather curious.
He was just he kind of person you pass by, eventually look at, then go and forget him immediately and forever. No one known got a deeper look in those sad eyes. Shinji himself didn't know why he wasn't happy.
Whereas, he had a family, friends...or so-called friends. He would call that a friendship because of lack of better word, but in fact it was far less than the real one.
He hadn't got a girlfriend. He supposed he was too boring, uninteresting and didn't have a sufficiently pretty face. But of course he wanted to have the girl to love her.
Despite that, Shinji's heart beat the fastest when he saw Kaworu.
This couldn't mean anything. He gasped. He couldn't get more ridiculous.
"It's okay. So, was it you who sang?"
"Yes. It's a violation of the melody but I can't suppress this urge. I love singing even when I do it totally out of tune. I always do." Nagisa grimaced and faked a nostalgic smile.
"You're nice..."
"Well, do you say that to everyone just after a few-minute conversation?" The boy seemed to be disappointed. Only that?
"Sometimes I don't say it at all."
"Man, she's kinda hot! But know this, stubborn too. I mean, she's secluding herself. That's my impression," chattered Toji. The end of his opinion was led by the dreamy smile.
Kensuke's face stayed still. He put his glasses straight and hummed.
"Mister I-Know-Everything-The-Best let's hear what's your image of our sweet blue haired friend," teased Suzuhara.
"I give up. I can only repeat after you."
"I can't believe he just said that! Kensuke-kun, congratulations. I assume that in your instance those words declare affection. We've moved one step forward." Toji clapped his hands and bowed irrationally.
"What do you suggest?! That I'm not straight!?" He waved his hands in funny indignation.
"No, of course you're normal. I wouldn't accuse you of being homo, guy." Suzuhara laughed with a rather disgusted look.
For Ikari, it wasn't so funny. He couldn't clear it, but it was a perfect embodiment of something he started to fear about. He pondered it, but the answer wasn't the one he wanted though he'd expected.
Something wasn't in order, surely. He was a perfectly normal, teenage boy, maybe a little shy with girls. He didn't show affection to many girls he liked. For example...Oh, there were truly many of them.
So why the hell he couldn't recall any secret admiration or something?! There were only images of his male friends. But he didn't even think of them like that. Only animals were left over, he thought sickeningly.
He'd preferably and joyfully poison and decapitate the one who made this mess at once. Who was pretty, witty and...
Maybe just this mess was already deep inside of him? And he denied its presence.
"And it could as well sleep there 'til the end of time..."
But it wouldn't. Because he came.
TBC.