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IN MY HEART
3: Steps closer, steps back
"You're not speaking to me. Are you mad about something?" asked Kaworu finally.
He wondered and decided to ask that for about two days. Conversation from that time chased after him all the time and he didn't even notice when his mind couldn't stop being full of Ikari. He tried to halt it but it only made things worse. He was to think and dream about girls. Not handsome classmates.
Ok, it was useless. He couldn't stay it, although it was happening.
"Maybe I'm straight, and he's an exception."
Yeah, right. He was aware of the fact that he always liked only boys. He had never admired any girl.
Stop. Thinking!
"No, I am not. I just was in bad mood lately. Sorry."
"Oh."
The awkward silence fell between them.
"Oh," repeated Nagisa and made a quick decision. "So we must take you out of your bad mood. How 'bout ice-cream?" he asked and pretended to look self-confident.
Shinji's eyes widened.
"Bad move," ran through Kaworu's mind.
"Fine," he smiled.
Ikari was shocked. He was talking... a lot.
He couldn't recall a conversation in which he would talk that much. They were ordinary remarks, funny things or simple but pleasant silence. Shinji didn't feel judged and it was so good to speak with someone so freely.
He believed his character was like that and being silent was the part of his nature, but with Kaworu it was different. Someone had found the things he said interesting. His parents always listened to him, but they were family. It was great to gain the newly met person's attention. Maybe they could become friends. To be near him...
Holy shit!
Now, that was not proper. This way leads to nothing. Once again: try not to think about it. Convince yourself you're wrong. And if you aren't? "Kaworu..." he began uneasily. What now? 'Hey, y'know, do you feel like you're crushing on me? Because I do.'
Wait. I'm not having a crush on him. I don't. I don't.
I do.
"Heeey!" they heard a loud shout, and the silhouettes of Toji and Kensuke neared them.
"Shinji, are you finally saying 'hello' to our new guy? I'm proud of you. Finding sufficient courage to face the person you met a few days ago... We've moved one step forward." Toji face was decorated with an extra-wide merry smirk.
"I've heard that somewhere," Kensuke gnashed his teeth.
"Well, actually I was going home now. Time for me to go. Bye Kaworu, and, um, thank you!"
Shinji smiled shyly, and turned back before they could react, so they didn't see his blush. He rushed and as an afterthought, he turned again and waved to them.
"Was it meant to be rude?" asked Nagisa.
"Of course not. That's just his way. He's too shy and he doubts his worth," remarked Aida thoughtfully with a dangerous gleam in his eyes.
"But he talks a lot. Shy people don't act like that," Kaworu hesitated.
Toji and Kensuke exchanged surprised glances. Toji stared at him with shock.
"It must be a misunderstanding. Shinji hardly ever speaks. Unbelievable. Someone just called Ikari a chatterbox. Man, a day of wonders." Both were quite sure that he tried to fool them. Muttering something in excuse, Kaworu said them goodbye and walked off to his home.
Watching the calm, silent display of shadows playing with the trees and his own image, he pondered many things.
Why did Shinji talk with him so freely? "Is it because I'm special? In what way? Why? Or is it just my impression?"
Anyway, it was a good omen. Shinji showed interest in him. According to Toji's words, it could be a big display of trust or emotions.
"Ok, Toji said we've moved one step forward. Now I'll say that it's time to take another step."
4: When it doesn't mean anything
Easy to say, more difficult to do. Kaworu wondered what exactly he was to do. Not to go too fast, but to get to know Shinji's real feelings... if there were any feelings at all.
"Hey, you. Shinji, I'm talking to you! My parents went out tonight but they exploded when I proposed to stay at home alone. In that case, I'll have to sleep with you!" exclaimed Asuka, sufficiently loudly for everyone to hear. By chance, this time she didn't do it on purpose. She even wasn't aware of how loud she said that.
"Oooooh," went everybody.
"I mean, no," she blushed a really nice shade of crimson, "at your place, not with you, exactly, in another room, of course in one, no, not in your bed, I mean-"
The shade of red went even deeper than it was possible. Everyone burst out with laughter.
"Asuka, you're fast! And you're better, Shinji-kun? Just when did you seduce her? How many nights did you spend together? You should be careful..."
"Shin-chan! Your eyes are like shining stars, I can drown in them forevermore..." Toji imitated Asuka's voice, making it more squeaky.
"It's cute! Why didn't you tell me? You're in love! Oh, it's so beautiful!"
"Congratulations, really, but I'd have preferred live yaoi..." muttered Hikari and blushed.
"I think you're getting it wrong," Shinji rolled his eyes.
"There is no smoke without fire, Shinji-chan, darling," Kensuke licked his lips with double meaning suggestion.
CRACK!
"What? Enlighten me, would you please?" declared Miss Misato with a smirk, squeezing into the classroom, obviously late.
"Ikari and Soryu are sleeping together!" sang Toji hastily.
Katsuragi stopped immediately. Her look wandered from side to side.
"It was today's Big News."
"I-I believe you..." giggled Misato.
"HEY. LISTEN TO ME," began Asuka angrily, standing up and overturning the chair. "I have never slept with him," she pointed at Shinji, who sighed with relief, "and I'm not going to. Understood?"
Everyone nodded in polite agreement. It was better not to argue with an annoyed Asuka. That was the safest way for one's physical health.
"I only kissed with him twice," added the girl, maybe too sincerely. "It was fun."
Extra-wide eyes and jaws were everywhere. They knew that the case of sleeping together was a joke, rather a bad one, but actually no one took it seriously, whereas this declaration was true.
Shinji and Asuka. Who'd think of it.
It was time to begin with laughs of disbelief, shock, congratulations, questions, teasing and sighing over the newly-born sweet class romance. Everyone was too busy to notice that Kaworu left.
So. It was all over. What does it mean, one conversation, compared to kissing? Nagisa supposed that Shinji didn't kiss everyone just then and there. No, in that matter, a kiss would be a proof of an emotion a lot deeper and more serious. Of course, Ikari had feelings for that girl. How could he ever dream that Shinji would be interested in a boy? He'd laugh him in face, maybe even told him off and left. Who knows.
"Hey, it isn't unfair just because he's straight. Not like me..."
For every man of sense, it would be a sign to give up, admit he's unwelcome. But for Kaworu, it was time to get to know him more.
He was about to think over some plan, when he heard steps and running.
"Wait, Kaworu! Why didn't you wait? We were to walk back together," said Ikari quietly, catching his breath after a tiresome rush.
"Sorry. I forgot."
"Well, from now on, don't forget."
Nagisa wasn't able to start an argument about anything. This look in Shinji's eyes, it said directly about some kind of warmth, gentleness, and even a promise of understanding.
"I want you to understand. Don't be mad at me about anything, ok? Because for me it's important. I won't ever hurt you."
"Why would I think about such a thing?" He chewed on his lip.
"It might sound stupid but I see it in your eyes."
God, you sound like total, romantic idiot, are you aware of that? his mind told him.
"I-"
"SHINJI!"
Kaworu swore soundlessly as he saw vaguely Sohryu running to them. The last thing that was now needed.
"Shinji, you left without a word, just to skip from me for the sake of this guy, again. I am truly worried. If you two weren't boys I would think that you have a crush." She rolled her eyes and then winked.
Shinji with a very un-Shinji-like smirk, wrapped his arm around Kaworu's neck, pulled him closer and asked, in challenging way: "And what if we have?"
"Then take me too. We'll make a little triangle."
They both laughed and Kaworu forced himself to do so as well. He was too pleasantly disturbed by Ikari's close touch to giggle freely.
"Baka, you promised me that you'd show me that new film. We have time now, so would you ple-ase?" begged Asuka.
"Don't toady. I'm merciless," he grumbled in answer.
"Oh, come on, it'll be our first triangle date!"
"If you insist. But remember that my parents...argh, they left. We'll be all alone," said Shinji shivering in foreboding at the girl's evil grin.
"Be careful. I have a strange idea."
TBC.
IN MY HEART
3: Steps closer, steps back
"You're not speaking to me. Are you mad about something?" asked Kaworu finally.
He wondered and decided to ask that for about two days. Conversation from that time chased after him all the time and he didn't even notice when his mind couldn't stop being full of Ikari. He tried to halt it but it only made things worse. He was to think and dream about girls. Not handsome classmates.
Ok, it was useless. He couldn't stay it, although it was happening.
"Maybe I'm straight, and he's an exception."
Yeah, right. He was aware of the fact that he always liked only boys. He had never admired any girl.
Stop. Thinking!
"No, I am not. I just was in bad mood lately. Sorry."
"Oh."
The awkward silence fell between them.
"Oh," repeated Nagisa and made a quick decision. "So we must take you out of your bad mood. How 'bout ice-cream?" he asked and pretended to look self-confident.
Shinji's eyes widened.
"Bad move," ran through Kaworu's mind.
"Fine," he smiled.
Ikari was shocked. He was talking... a lot.
He couldn't recall a conversation in which he would talk that much. They were ordinary remarks, funny things or simple but pleasant silence. Shinji didn't feel judged and it was so good to speak with someone so freely.
He believed his character was like that and being silent was the part of his nature, but with Kaworu it was different. Someone had found the things he said interesting. His parents always listened to him, but they were family. It was great to gain the newly met person's attention. Maybe they could become friends. To be near him...
Holy shit!
Now, that was not proper. This way leads to nothing. Once again: try not to think about it. Convince yourself you're wrong. And if you aren't? "Kaworu..." he began uneasily. What now? 'Hey, y'know, do you feel like you're crushing on me? Because I do.'
Wait. I'm not having a crush on him. I don't. I don't.
I do.
"Heeey!" they heard a loud shout, and the silhouettes of Toji and Kensuke neared them.
"Shinji, are you finally saying 'hello' to our new guy? I'm proud of you. Finding sufficient courage to face the person you met a few days ago... We've moved one step forward." Toji face was decorated with an extra-wide merry smirk.
"I've heard that somewhere," Kensuke gnashed his teeth.
"Well, actually I was going home now. Time for me to go. Bye Kaworu, and, um, thank you!"
Shinji smiled shyly, and turned back before they could react, so they didn't see his blush. He rushed and as an afterthought, he turned again and waved to them.
"Was it meant to be rude?" asked Nagisa.
"Of course not. That's just his way. He's too shy and he doubts his worth," remarked Aida thoughtfully with a dangerous gleam in his eyes.
"But he talks a lot. Shy people don't act like that," Kaworu hesitated.
Toji and Kensuke exchanged surprised glances. Toji stared at him with shock.
"It must be a misunderstanding. Shinji hardly ever speaks. Unbelievable. Someone just called Ikari a chatterbox. Man, a day of wonders." Both were quite sure that he tried to fool them. Muttering something in excuse, Kaworu said them goodbye and walked off to his home.
Watching the calm, silent display of shadows playing with the trees and his own image, he pondered many things.
Why did Shinji talk with him so freely? "Is it because I'm special? In what way? Why? Or is it just my impression?"
Anyway, it was a good omen. Shinji showed interest in him. According to Toji's words, it could be a big display of trust or emotions.
"Ok, Toji said we've moved one step forward. Now I'll say that it's time to take another step."
4: When it doesn't mean anything
Easy to say, more difficult to do. Kaworu wondered what exactly he was to do. Not to go too fast, but to get to know Shinji's real feelings... if there were any feelings at all.
"Hey, you. Shinji, I'm talking to you! My parents went out tonight but they exploded when I proposed to stay at home alone. In that case, I'll have to sleep with you!" exclaimed Asuka, sufficiently loudly for everyone to hear. By chance, this time she didn't do it on purpose. She even wasn't aware of how loud she said that.
"Oooooh," went everybody.
"I mean, no," she blushed a really nice shade of crimson, "at your place, not with you, exactly, in another room, of course in one, no, not in your bed, I mean-"
The shade of red went even deeper than it was possible. Everyone burst out with laughter.
"Asuka, you're fast! And you're better, Shinji-kun? Just when did you seduce her? How many nights did you spend together? You should be careful..."
"Shin-chan! Your eyes are like shining stars, I can drown in them forevermore..." Toji imitated Asuka's voice, making it more squeaky.
"It's cute! Why didn't you tell me? You're in love! Oh, it's so beautiful!"
"Congratulations, really, but I'd have preferred live yaoi..." muttered Hikari and blushed.
"I think you're getting it wrong," Shinji rolled his eyes.
"There is no smoke without fire, Shinji-chan, darling," Kensuke licked his lips with double meaning suggestion.
CRACK!
"What? Enlighten me, would you please?" declared Miss Misato with a smirk, squeezing into the classroom, obviously late.
"Ikari and Soryu are sleeping together!" sang Toji hastily.
Katsuragi stopped immediately. Her look wandered from side to side.
"It was today's Big News."
"I-I believe you..." giggled Misato.
"HEY. LISTEN TO ME," began Asuka angrily, standing up and overturning the chair. "I have never slept with him," she pointed at Shinji, who sighed with relief, "and I'm not going to. Understood?"
Everyone nodded in polite agreement. It was better not to argue with an annoyed Asuka. That was the safest way for one's physical health.
"I only kissed with him twice," added the girl, maybe too sincerely. "It was fun."
Extra-wide eyes and jaws were everywhere. They knew that the case of sleeping together was a joke, rather a bad one, but actually no one took it seriously, whereas this declaration was true.
Shinji and Asuka. Who'd think of it.
It was time to begin with laughs of disbelief, shock, congratulations, questions, teasing and sighing over the newly-born sweet class romance. Everyone was too busy to notice that Kaworu left.
So. It was all over. What does it mean, one conversation, compared to kissing? Nagisa supposed that Shinji didn't kiss everyone just then and there. No, in that matter, a kiss would be a proof of an emotion a lot deeper and more serious. Of course, Ikari had feelings for that girl. How could he ever dream that Shinji would be interested in a boy? He'd laugh him in face, maybe even told him off and left. Who knows.
"Hey, it isn't unfair just because he's straight. Not like me..."
For every man of sense, it would be a sign to give up, admit he's unwelcome. But for Kaworu, it was time to get to know him more.
He was about to think over some plan, when he heard steps and running.
"Wait, Kaworu! Why didn't you wait? We were to walk back together," said Ikari quietly, catching his breath after a tiresome rush.
"Sorry. I forgot."
"Well, from now on, don't forget."
Nagisa wasn't able to start an argument about anything. This look in Shinji's eyes, it said directly about some kind of warmth, gentleness, and even a promise of understanding.
"I want you to understand. Don't be mad at me about anything, ok? Because for me it's important. I won't ever hurt you."
"Why would I think about such a thing?" He chewed on his lip.
"It might sound stupid but I see it in your eyes."
God, you sound like total, romantic idiot, are you aware of that? his mind told him.
"I-"
"SHINJI!"
Kaworu swore soundlessly as he saw vaguely Sohryu running to them. The last thing that was now needed.
"Shinji, you left without a word, just to skip from me for the sake of this guy, again. I am truly worried. If you two weren't boys I would think that you have a crush." She rolled her eyes and then winked.
Shinji with a very un-Shinji-like smirk, wrapped his arm around Kaworu's neck, pulled him closer and asked, in challenging way: "And what if we have?"
"Then take me too. We'll make a little triangle."
They both laughed and Kaworu forced himself to do so as well. He was too pleasantly disturbed by Ikari's close touch to giggle freely.
"Baka, you promised me that you'd show me that new film. We have time now, so would you ple-ase?" begged Asuka.
"Don't toady. I'm merciless," he grumbled in answer.
"Oh, come on, it'll be our first triangle date!"
"If you insist. But remember that my parents...argh, they left. We'll be all alone," said Shinji shivering in foreboding at the girl's evil grin.
"Be careful. I have a strange idea."
TBC.