IN MY HEART
5: Beyond All Do You Feel The Same?
"Enough," moaned Shinji and Kaworu.
"Maybe that competition wasn't really clever. Now I come to think of it, that it was stupid," hiccupped Asuka, toying with an empty can of beer. She tumbled her head over the table and moaned.
Kaworu turned on the film and rewound it to the moment they stopped watching because of Sohryu's challenge: "Who has the strongest head? Let's get drunk for the first time!"
Now they barely stood on their legs. Inevitably the consciousness was drifting away. Speaking of common sense, it was deserted long time ago.
"Ok, it'll pass. Let's make a second competition in order to get out of the first one's results," suggested Asuka with blank expression.
"Not bad. Just do something," agreed Kaworu dreamily. Ikari just nodded.
"Who does kiss the best?"
"No problem," mumbled Shinji and before the other boy could react he pressed his lips to Kaworu's. He was obviously surprised, but the great dose of beer was way too effective.
Asuka merely gazed at entwined figures, kissing almost wildly. Her senses were weakened, but this image she understood far too clearly.
"Hey guys... Shinji, you weren't joking at that time? You two really have an affair!" she stammered. Nagisa at once pushed Shinji away. "Are you crazy?!"
In the same moment Ikari grinned and said blurrily, "Of course we have."
Now that was confusing.
They blinked at each other; A fair blush started to cover their cheeks.
"Well, if Kaworu wants to. But I see he doesn't."
"I didn't mean it," muttered Nagisa. In respond he got something he didn't expect.
"Hehe. You're sometimes so damn cute. I just want to eat you with chocolate sauce. I fear to say that, but I think that maybe I could be actually in love with you. Hehe. Don't mind me. I'm totally drunk. I've known you a short time and it's so unusual. I wanna kiss ya again."
Shinji bubbled something else but nobody understood. Asuka and Kaworu were shocked in spite of their drunkenness, and it was impossible to tell who was more startled.
"Lucky," sighed Shinji when he noticed parents left a message on the phone, saying that they would be out for about few days. He eyed the mess in the room, beer and Asuka hanging from the couch. Kaworu was cuddled to the floor and he couldn't suppress the smile seeing that cute, calm expression on his face.
He stared and knew it was stupid of him. He believed he wouldn't have enough courage to tell Kaworu what he feels, however pathetic it might be, hopeless and idiotic, it was true.
'I'm such a coward and maybe I could help it but I can't because I'm a coward.'
He decided it was no use to debate it all over again.
"I need to talk with you," said a sleepy, but categorical, voice. Asuka, with firm look, grabbed his hand and threw him out.
"I could wonder and hesitate about it, but that's a final proof. You are the most hopeless idiot I know."
Her finger stung his chest and she looked very serious, as well as outraged.
"I always thought that one is meant to seek for happiness. That one wants acceptation, care and love, whatever. And thus, he welcomes all indications of it. So why the hell are you avoiding and shutting yourself from what makes you feel good? What you like is top priority, what your love is should be the most important for you. Isn't that obvious?" she burst, taking a breath.
"Not always," he smiled sadly.
"STOP IT!" she cried with fury and slapped him by impulse. "Why are you distressing yourself?! Stop being so damn melodramatic! Stop hesitating, stop crying over yourself! It's so... so... masochistic, you know!"
Shinji just stood unmoving, trying not to show how much it thrilled him. He needed so much time to come to these conclusions, and he was almost forced to understand. Asuka simply shouted him in face all the things he feared to suggest.
"So what?"
"You are getting me down. Go tell Kaworu all the business. Finally!" she yelled.
"Wanna... sleep..." mumbled Kaworu absently, and muffled his adorable sleepy face in his arms. He tried to make himself comfortable again but someone brought him to sitting position without any excuse.
"Nah, get up. I'm going to tell you the toady's Big News. And I admit it will be really Big."
Nagisa waved his hands and blinked, looking wistfully at the place he'd been sleeping at.
"I'm not really conscious but you can try."
"I love you."
"Oh. I love you too."
Silence.
"WHAT?!"
"Are... are you serious?" asked Kaworu carefully.
"I'm not sure of course, but I've never felt like that before. I just want to be with you and..." Shinji faltered in his speech.
"I understand perfectly," said Nagisa and gently stroked Ikari's face to prove how he felt. Then, he retreated, not sure if he didn't go too far.
"But may I ask you about something? Don't you mind what people will say?" Shinji avoided the eye contact, 'cause that was rather keen in his opinion... like being accused of being totally abnormal, freaky and perverted.
"Frankly? I say, fuck their opinion."
Now, that was going to be hard. Shinji was frightened, nervous and it went only worse minute by minute. His hands were shaking and he was aware of how hopeless it looked.
He had to face his parents.
He imagined their disgusted faces, furious father and sad mother. They would push him away, they... Stop.
Cowards acted like cowards, and he hadn't have to do it. To tell his parents and bear their lack of acceptance. Kaworu would understand.
It was unfair, using the boy's affection to escape from reality and protect himself from the consequences. But... no. There isn't any 'but' anymore. You're avoiding results of your doings and the fault is yours alone.
He didn't care much. Later days brought to him new feelings, abilities, and sudden but intense and true in this intensity.
And the person who would change his life forever.
Kaworu Nagisa, in essence, was in perfect collection of himself and Shinji Ikari in the same.
Not perfect, easy or sure. As long as it was their choice, everything was going to be fine. As long as they engrave their emotions in each other's hearts.
At least, so the things seemed to Shinji, overjoyed by how easily went confession, that his feelings were not one-sided... But beautiful words are still only words and they don't mean much when it comes to facing hardships of life... TBC.
Thank you for reviews! I really appreciated it, especially Cyber-Undead's remarks... I'll remember it while writing next chapters. I'm sorry if this one still had some mistakes, I wrote this about three months ago... But now I'll try to do it better.
5: Beyond All Do You Feel The Same?
"Enough," moaned Shinji and Kaworu.
"Maybe that competition wasn't really clever. Now I come to think of it, that it was stupid," hiccupped Asuka, toying with an empty can of beer. She tumbled her head over the table and moaned.
Kaworu turned on the film and rewound it to the moment they stopped watching because of Sohryu's challenge: "Who has the strongest head? Let's get drunk for the first time!"
Now they barely stood on their legs. Inevitably the consciousness was drifting away. Speaking of common sense, it was deserted long time ago.
"Ok, it'll pass. Let's make a second competition in order to get out of the first one's results," suggested Asuka with blank expression.
"Not bad. Just do something," agreed Kaworu dreamily. Ikari just nodded.
"Who does kiss the best?"
"No problem," mumbled Shinji and before the other boy could react he pressed his lips to Kaworu's. He was obviously surprised, but the great dose of beer was way too effective.
Asuka merely gazed at entwined figures, kissing almost wildly. Her senses were weakened, but this image she understood far too clearly.
"Hey guys... Shinji, you weren't joking at that time? You two really have an affair!" she stammered. Nagisa at once pushed Shinji away. "Are you crazy?!"
In the same moment Ikari grinned and said blurrily, "Of course we have."
Now that was confusing.
They blinked at each other; A fair blush started to cover their cheeks.
"Well, if Kaworu wants to. But I see he doesn't."
"I didn't mean it," muttered Nagisa. In respond he got something he didn't expect.
"Hehe. You're sometimes so damn cute. I just want to eat you with chocolate sauce. I fear to say that, but I think that maybe I could be actually in love with you. Hehe. Don't mind me. I'm totally drunk. I've known you a short time and it's so unusual. I wanna kiss ya again."
Shinji bubbled something else but nobody understood. Asuka and Kaworu were shocked in spite of their drunkenness, and it was impossible to tell who was more startled.
"Lucky," sighed Shinji when he noticed parents left a message on the phone, saying that they would be out for about few days. He eyed the mess in the room, beer and Asuka hanging from the couch. Kaworu was cuddled to the floor and he couldn't suppress the smile seeing that cute, calm expression on his face.
He stared and knew it was stupid of him. He believed he wouldn't have enough courage to tell Kaworu what he feels, however pathetic it might be, hopeless and idiotic, it was true.
'I'm such a coward and maybe I could help it but I can't because I'm a coward.'
He decided it was no use to debate it all over again.
"I need to talk with you," said a sleepy, but categorical, voice. Asuka, with firm look, grabbed his hand and threw him out.
"I could wonder and hesitate about it, but that's a final proof. You are the most hopeless idiot I know."
Her finger stung his chest and she looked very serious, as well as outraged.
"I always thought that one is meant to seek for happiness. That one wants acceptation, care and love, whatever. And thus, he welcomes all indications of it. So why the hell are you avoiding and shutting yourself from what makes you feel good? What you like is top priority, what your love is should be the most important for you. Isn't that obvious?" she burst, taking a breath.
"Not always," he smiled sadly.
"STOP IT!" she cried with fury and slapped him by impulse. "Why are you distressing yourself?! Stop being so damn melodramatic! Stop hesitating, stop crying over yourself! It's so... so... masochistic, you know!"
Shinji just stood unmoving, trying not to show how much it thrilled him. He needed so much time to come to these conclusions, and he was almost forced to understand. Asuka simply shouted him in face all the things he feared to suggest.
"So what?"
"You are getting me down. Go tell Kaworu all the business. Finally!" she yelled.
"Wanna... sleep..." mumbled Kaworu absently, and muffled his adorable sleepy face in his arms. He tried to make himself comfortable again but someone brought him to sitting position without any excuse.
"Nah, get up. I'm going to tell you the toady's Big News. And I admit it will be really Big."
Nagisa waved his hands and blinked, looking wistfully at the place he'd been sleeping at.
"I'm not really conscious but you can try."
"I love you."
"Oh. I love you too."
Silence.
"WHAT?!"
"Are... are you serious?" asked Kaworu carefully.
"I'm not sure of course, but I've never felt like that before. I just want to be with you and..." Shinji faltered in his speech.
"I understand perfectly," said Nagisa and gently stroked Ikari's face to prove how he felt. Then, he retreated, not sure if he didn't go too far.
"But may I ask you about something? Don't you mind what people will say?" Shinji avoided the eye contact, 'cause that was rather keen in his opinion... like being accused of being totally abnormal, freaky and perverted.
"Frankly? I say, fuck their opinion."
Now, that was going to be hard. Shinji was frightened, nervous and it went only worse minute by minute. His hands were shaking and he was aware of how hopeless it looked.
He had to face his parents.
He imagined their disgusted faces, furious father and sad mother. They would push him away, they... Stop.
Cowards acted like cowards, and he hadn't have to do it. To tell his parents and bear their lack of acceptance. Kaworu would understand.
It was unfair, using the boy's affection to escape from reality and protect himself from the consequences. But... no. There isn't any 'but' anymore. You're avoiding results of your doings and the fault is yours alone.
He didn't care much. Later days brought to him new feelings, abilities, and sudden but intense and true in this intensity.
And the person who would change his life forever.
Kaworu Nagisa, in essence, was in perfect collection of himself and Shinji Ikari in the same.
Not perfect, easy or sure. As long as it was their choice, everything was going to be fine. As long as they engrave their emotions in each other's hearts.
At least, so the things seemed to Shinji, overjoyed by how easily went confession, that his feelings were not one-sided... But beautiful words are still only words and they don't mean much when it comes to facing hardships of life... TBC.
Thank you for reviews! I really appreciated it, especially Cyber-Undead's remarks... I'll remember it while writing next chapters. I'm sorry if this one still had some mistakes, I wrote this about three months ago... But now I'll try to do it better.