Disclaimer: All the characters belong to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. I promise I won't break them. The dialogues are created by Ben Elton and Richard Curtis, I've simply altered them.

A/N: I've ripped everyone out of character once again so if you don't like it, I advice you to read something else.

'Sisyphus' is a strange cat that belongs to Corri Anders. She gave me permission to use him. If you'd go and have a look at my favourite authors, you'll see Chi Alpha. Read her 'Leda' story and you'll see what I mean.

I like to thank my beta-reader Smitten and Corri for allowing me to use the cat. Thanks ladies.

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It was breakfast time at Malfoy Manor. Lucius Malfoy, Macnair and Severus Snape were enjoying their toast.

"I must say, Lucius, it was jolly nice of you to ask me to share your breakfast before the rigours of the day begin," Macnair said cheerfully.

"It is said, Macnair, that civilized man seeks out good and intelligent company so that through learned discourse he may rise above the Muggles and closer to Lord Voldemort," Malfoy said.

"Yes, I'd heard that," Macnair replied delighted.

"Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me I'm best," Malfoy sneered.

Macnair was so hurt, that he stood up and rushed out of the room. Malfoy started to sort out his owls, acting like nothing happened.

"Well, Merlin pats me on the head and says, 'Good boy, Lucius'," Malfoy said with a menacing smile on his face.

"Lucius?" Snape asked.

"My aunt and uncle, Lord and Lady Beaufoy, the two most fanatical Death Eaters in England, have invited themselves to dinner here, tonight," Malfoy said beaming.

"But, aren't they the most frightful bores?" Snape remarked.

"Yes but they have one great redeeming feature: their wallets; more capacious than an elephant's scrotum and just as difficult to get your hands on. At least until now, for tonight, they wish to 'discuss my inheritance", Malfoy said before the both of them roared with laughter.

At that moment, Wormtail entered with a piece of cheese hanging from his nose on a string.

"Why have you got a piece of cheese tied to the end of your nose?" Malfoy asked with an arched eyebrow.

"To catch mice Master. I lie on the floor with my mouth open and hope they scurry in," Wormtail replied.

"And do they?" Malfy asked suspiciously.

"Erm… not yet, Master," Wormtail replied.

"I'm not surprised. Your breath comes straight from a Muggle's bottom, Wormtail. The only sort of mouse you're going to catch is one without a nose," Malfoy sneered.

"That's a pity because the nose is the best bit on a mouse," Wormtail said, slightly disappointed.

Any bit of a mouse will seem like a luxury compared to what Snape and I must eat tonight. We're entertaining Death Eating vegetable folk, Worm, and that means, no meat," Malfoy said.

"In that case, I shall prepare my turnip surprise," Wormtail said.

"And the surprise is?" Malfoy asked suspiciously.

"There's nothing else in it except the turnip," Wormtail replied.

"So another word for turnip surprise would be … a turnip," Malfoy retorted.

All of a sudden, something or someone knocked on the door.

"Get the door, Wormtail," Malfoy ordered.

Wormtail bowed and left the room to obey his master.

"Well, Lucius, if things go as planned tonight, it would seem congratulations are in order," Snape said as he reached out his hand to shake Malfoy's.

"Nice try, Severus, but forget it: you're not getting a Knut," Malfoy sneered as he sat down on his chair by the door, inspecting his silver snake-headed cane.

A loud crash roared through the Manor and Wormtail entered, carrying the door.

"Wormtail, I would advise you to make the explanation you are about to give phenomenally good" Malfoy said with a hint of warning in his voice.

"You said 'Get the door.' Wormtail explained.

"Not good enough. You're fired," Malfoy said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"But Master, I've been in your family for years," Wormtail pleaded.

"So has Sisyphus. Now get out," Malfoy hissed.

"Very well, Master. Oh, by the way, there was a messenger outside when I got the door. Says Lord Voldemort wants to see you. Fudge is very sick," Wormtail said before he made his way out off the room.

"Really?" Malfoy grinned.

"Yes. He's at death's door," Wormtail said.

"Well, my faithful old reinstated family retainer, let's go and open it for him," Malfoy roared.

He stood up, fetched his cane and cloak and stormed out of the Manor.