The Orange-You-Bored Ball

Scene 5

OK, so this scene is supposed to be the first scene. But I don't feel like changing things around. So tell everyone else to start with this one, then start at the beginning of the list again.

(in the Great Hall)

DD: (stands up) I have an announcement to make! (rowdy chatter stops) Minerva and I are getting married!

(everyone gasps)

McG: What? (stands up) This is not appropriate! I'm much younger than you!

DD: Oh, be quiet, woman! I was just kidding!

(everyone sighs with relief)

DD: Instead of the Yule Ball like last year, I was thinking of a more interesting ball…

Snape: (groans) I don't like the sound of that…

DD: I was thinking of painting the Great Hall of sparklingly vivid orange (A/N: Thanks, Taboo! You inspired me!) and then put little blue fish, dead of course, hanging from the ceiling, then have a Orange-You-Bored Ball! We will eat nothing but oranges and orange juice at this festivity! Our very own Professor Sprout will be supplying the oranges! (beams at everyone like isn't-this-the-best-thing-since-sliced-bread)

(sound of crickets)

Malfoy: This is stupid! Why can't we have a normal, non-lunatic ball? When my father hears about this…

Gryffindor table: SHUT UP MALFOY!

Malfoy: Okay.

DD: Now put on your beanie caps kids! It's going to be a lo-o-o-o—n-g night!

Part 2 of Scene 5

The Orange-You- Bored Ball

DD: (comes skidding into Ball on a moped) WEEEEE IT'S A MUGGLE VEHICLE!

(everyone stares at him)

DD: (gets off moped) Whaaaaaat?

Herm: Oh! Oranges! (points excitedly at oranges)

Ron: FRUIT BASKETS WEEEEEEEEEEE! (swings baskets full of oranges in air)

Harry: Are you guys OK?

Ron and Herm: No! (start dancing to imaginary music) Hey-ya-ya-ya-ya…(do weird rain dance thing)

(rains in Great Hall)

Harry: GUYS STOP DANCING! DO A SUN DANCE!

R&Herm: OK! (do a sun dance, which is almost the same thing as a rain dance) Ho mama! Ho mama!

(stops raining)

All: YAAAAAY! (someone starts a pillow fight)

All: WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO GRIM TARTAR HAAAAAA!

Harry: WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO EVERYONE! (gets knocked out by pillow. No one notices.)

DD: (beams at McG) I'd like to think I caused all this havoc and chaos!

McG: Usually it's Peeves who does these things! What did you do to everyone?

DD: I put crazy pills in the orange juice! Harry didn't drink I guess! (does this weird interpretive dance)

McG: I didn't either! I like myself sane better, thank you!

DD: Aw, come on! (shoves orange juice in McG's mouth)

McG: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I LIKE ME BETTER INSANE-O, SNAPE-O! (slaps the lunatic Snape on the back) CROCODILES!

All the students except Harry (who is still unconscious) singing in Spanish: Chocolate, chocolate, vate vate chocalate!

DD: You don't want chocolate! You want el hoga da naranja!  

All: YEAH WOOOO HUMAN BEANS!!!!! HAM SAM JAM CAM DAM MA'AM! WOOOOOO!

DD: (sniffs) Isn't it glorious? (takes out hankie and blows nose)

Malfoy: (doing Russian dance on the High Table)

Cho: HARRY I LUV YOU!

Herm: I INVENTED SPECTACLES!

Harry: (getting up) You're all making spectacles of yourselves! (faints again)

Neville: HAPPY, HAPPY, JOY, JOY, HAPPY, HAPPY, JOY, JOY, HAPPY, HAPPY, JOY, JOY!

Part 3 of Scene 5

The Aftermath

(everyone is acting all crazy because the crazy pills have not worn off yet)

Malfoy: (swinging from light fixture on ceiling) WEEEEE I'M TARZAN!

Harry: (who has apparently drunken orange juice) AFRICAN CHANT! MIZO MITO MEEKO SITO HA HA HA! OYO!

DD: You know, the crazy pills were supposed to wear off by now…

McG: Well, I'm off the spell! Are you?

DD: No…but why has it only worked on you?

Guess they need to find out the mystery…when they're sane again! MWAHAHAHAHAH!