Scene 9

Is There a Cure?

DD: Sorry, everyone! But maybe there's SOMETHING we can do…

McG: Like what? (taps her foot)

DD: Poppy…(turns to MP) do you have any Phooey?

MP: Any what?

DD: Phooey!

MP: I'm sorry, I don't follow.

DD: You know…Phooey! The miracle worker of all congestions and mental problems!

MP: Is this some sort of Muggle thing too?

DD: No! This was invented by…

McG: Let me guess…Tom Riddle?

DD: No! Good god, woman! Are you insane? No, the great Billy Bootlick invented this.

MP: Does he happen to be famous?

(long pause)

DD: Um…I believe the answer is unable to be found. Anywho, we need Phooey.

MP: I don't have any of this…Phooey.

DD: That's what you said about the Yogic!

MP: And that didn't turn out so well on poor Neville, did it?

Neville: Who's Neville?

McG: Never mind, Neville.

Neville: I'm Neville?

McG: YES!

DD: Leave the boy alone, Minnie Mouse.

McG: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT?!?

DD: Oh, be quote on quote.

MCG: Grr! (sticks out tongue)

DD: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyways, we need Phooey.

MP: OH! I think I know what you're talking about! But it's not called Phooey! It's called Guru!

DD: Doesn't Guru mean religious teacher?

MP: I was just fooling 'ya. It's actually Petard.     

DD: O…Kay…

MP: Anywhom, I'll go get the wok!

DD: The wok? What's the wok for? What is a wok, anyway?

McG: A wok is a wok.

DD: That makes sense.

MP: (gets wok) Now we need the Petard!

McG: I don't Petard is even a word.

DD: Neither is Yogic!

McG: True.

DD: I know. I'm so wise.

McG: (snorts)

DD: I am!

MP: (returns with "Petard", which is a strange lavender liquid with bits of beef in it)

DD: Woo! Beef! Remember when Snape did the DJ thing for the Beef Song? B-beef, b-beef, b-b-b-beef!

MCG: YEAH! That was funny!

MP: Can we please give Neville his Petard?

DD: I liked it better when I called it Phooey.

MP: Too bad!

DD: (pouts)

MP: OK, here we go…

DD: WAIT!

MP: (looks at DD in irritation) What now?

DD: What's a-gonna a-happen?

MP: He'll fall to sleep and forget the last couple of days.

DD: I thought this cured memory!

MCG: Shut up, Dumb-Door!

DD: HEY! I take offense!

MCG: Newsflash, DD…NO ONE CARES!

DD: Well, that was uncalled for!

MCG:*coughlosercough**

DD: DOUBLE HEY!

MCG: Shut up.

DD: Make me!

MCG: Fine! (turns into a cat and tears DD's robes)

DD: TRIPLE HEY!

MCG: (turns back into human) Let that be a lesson to you! (turns away)

MP: Can we please get on with the healing?

DD: Certainly!

MP: Okay…

DD: WAIT!

MCG and MP: WHAT?

DD: I need to tell him something…very quick… Neville…(goes to Neville) Please remember…when you wake up…the first thought in your head should be…(whispers something in Neville's ear)

Neville: Okay, Mister! (salutes DD)

DD: I've never been saluted before! (sobs)

MCG: Aw, snap outta it, ya big crybaby!

DD: (sniffs) Fine.

MP: Okay, Navy Wavy…

DD: Navy Wavy? (sniggers)

MP: Oh, shut up!

DD: Gr!

Neville: Wham?

DD: Pardon?

Neville: Sorry, I mean, what?

DD: Oh…well…just drink the disgusting liquid and remember…(whispers same thing in Neville's ear)

Neville: Okay, Mister! (salutes DD)

DD: I've never been saluted before! (sobs)

MCG: Aw, snap outta it, ya big crybaby!

DD: (sniffs) Fine.

MP: Okay, Navy Wavy…

DD: Navy Wavy? (sniggers)

MP: Oh, shut up!

DD: Gr!

MCG: This all sounds very familiar.

DD: Well, it should!

MCG: Oh, be quote on quote!

MP: Oh, geese, not that again!

DD: Poppy, just give (clears throat) Navy Wavy his medicine.

MP: (sniffs in disapproval) Fine! (gives Neville medicine)

(Neville falls asleep immediately)

Neville: SNOOOOOOOORRE…

MP: By the way, Dumbly Door…(turns to DD) What did you tell Neville?

DD: (looks uncomfortable) Um…well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell you…(whispers the same "secret" in MP's ear)

MP: Now why in the world would you tell him such a ridiculous thing?  

DD: Because it's funny!

MP: Well, tell Minnie what you said.

MCG: What did you say?

DD: Well, I told him Canadians are weird! (A/N: No offense, Canadians, but I couldn't think of another country that sounded right!)

MCG: Poppy's right! That is a stupid thing to tell him!

MP: Yeah! Hopefully he won't remember when he wakes up…

DD: He better!

The end…for now…YAHAHAHAHA!