Celeborn's Club
by Erestor
Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to Lord of the Rings.
Breaking News: Aliens Seen Near Imladris; Experts Say Attack on Ithilien is Imminent
CHAPTER THREE
Upon unpacking the picnic hamper, Celeborn discovered that all they had brought was a good deal of coffee. He passed it out to the others.
"Coffee?" whimpered Glorfindel. "But I'm a tea-totaler!"
A moment of silence. "Ha ha," said Erestor.
Lindir had realized that he was afraid of heights. He looked extremely unhappy. Elladan had realized that they had brought very few sandbags with them. He looked unhappy as well. Elrohir was leaning over the side of the basket admiring the view, and scaring everyone else.
"We seem to be traveling towards Ithilien!" said Elrohir.
Utter pandemonium reigned after this casual comment. Thranduil went rather berserk. "Ithilien?" he cried. "That's where my son lives!"
"Are you sure we should be going to Ithilien?" whispered Erestor to Celeborn. "Thranduil might commit murder."
Celeborn was rubbing paint off his face. He glanced at Erestor. "It probably doesn't matter. You see, I don't know how to steer these things."
Erestor clung to one of the ropes, looking a bit green. "Oh," he said.
One bright, happy, pleasant little morning in Ithilien, Legolas strolled leisurely outside to do some target practice. It was mainly so that the Elven reporters could see what a great shot he was. He nodded regally to his fans, and then went to shoot a few targets.
However, on this morning, the targets wouldn't be the only things he'd shoot. On this morning, a marvelous opportunity for showing off came floating contentedly towards his happy land, looming ominously on the horizon. A large, paint bespeckled Thing was advancing.
At this moment, Legolas's best friend came running outside with the news. "Middle-Earth is on an alien alert!" said the friend. "Apparently one was sighted not too long ago. We're supposed to. . ." His voice trailed off abruptly. "Look at that!"
Legolas turned around, staring in horror at the Thing. "Oh no!" he cried. "It's Aliens!"
The friend scampered off to safety, leaving Legolas to save the day. Again.
Coolly, Legolas selected an arrow, glancing behind himself to make sure at least a few reporters were paying attention. Then he fired.
There was a sonic boom.
"Valar save us!" screamed the reporters hysterically.
"We're deflating, captain!" shouted Elladan, trying to unpack his (homemade) parachute.
Celeborn was calm in the crisis. "All hands abandon hot air balloon!" he yelled.
"I feel sick," whimpered Erestor, still clinging to his rope.
"So do I," moaned Lindir, clinging to the coffee flagon.
The balloon plummeted like a stone. The Elves hurriedly scrambled out of it, and fortunately their parachutes worked. Legolas stared in horror as six Aliens landed in his backyard.
"Do not be afraid," said Celeborn. "I come in peace."
Glorfindel and Elrohir were staring up into a nearby tree. "Celeborn," cried Glorfindel, "King Thranduil's stuck!"
"What?" asked Legolas, horrified. "My father's here?"
"Well, he's in a tree," said Elrohir. "If that's what you mean by 'here'."
"I am NOT stuck," said Thranduil, from where he was holding onto a tree branch for dear life. "I'm admiring the view. You can tell my son to-"
His words were cut off. Fortunately.
Legolas glanced around. He could see his reporters watching with interest. Now was his big moment. He could see it in the headlines: "Prince Legolas Saves Father From Certain Death". That would be good publicity.
"Bring forth a ladder!" he called.
His friend hurriedly brought a ladder to him. Legolas propped it up against the tree and began to climb. Celeborn and his club watched with bated breath as Legolas scrambled into the lower branches. The reporters cheered and took photographs.
A news reporter and camera Elf stood a little to the front, the reporter talking quickly. "Hello, this is Rumil, reporting live from Ithilien. Today, after strange sightings of an unusual device presumed to be an alien spacecraft, discoveries have been made in the right direction. After Prince Legolas shot down the strange device, it turned out to be a hot air balloon, designed by Lord Celeborn. Currently, King Thranduil is stuck up a tree, and his son is about to preform a daring rescue. We have with us today the famous Elf married to Lady Galadriel, who is willing to give us an interview. Lord Celeborn, what do you think about this situation?"
"Well," said Celeborn, basking in the limelight, "it came as a surprise to me that such an innocent outing had such dire results. This morning we set out on a sight seeing tour of Middle-Earth, and only a few hours later, we're stranded in Ithilien. It's really quite hard to believe." He twirled a strand of newly painted yellow hair round his finger.
By the tree, something was happening. Legolas had fallen out. Later, Legolas protested by saying that Thranduil had kicked him, but the King denied this. As it was, Legolas tumbled out of the tree and hit the ground with a resounding smack. The reporters eagerly took photographs. Rumil began chattering excitedly about the new turn of events.
Legolas's friend dashed to his side anxiously. "Are you all right?" he asked.
Elrohir shook his head. "His leg is broken."
"What will I do, Telcuru?" moaned Legolas. "I'm a busy Elf! I have a reputation to keep up!"
But Legolas's best friend, Telcuru, was staring at Thranduil with a strange expression on his face. "You know," he said slowly,"I have a very good idea."
TBC