Airy Dairy Fairy!

Scene 11

(Defense Against the Dark Arts)

Smith: Now, I will unleash the horror all of you have feared since your first primetime reruns in Muggle Studies!

(all shiver)

Smith: I must ask you (smoothes out his short ponytail) not to make a sound. This monster might tear the limbs out of you with…(shivers) inspirational dairy commercials!

(all gasp)

Smith: Shh…(opens blue box)

(a fairy comes out)

Smith: Yes…an Airy Dairy Fairy! Now, please remain calm…

Airy Dairy Fairy (hereafter known as ADF): Cheese gives you calcium! It makes your bones strong!

Harry: AH!

ADF: Milk is filled with Vitamin C!

Ron: AH! (pauses) No, it's not.

ADF: How do you know, bucko?

Ron: (squeaky voice) I don't know, Your Airiness! (slumps in seat in fear)

ADF: You! (points to Malfoy) Mr. Snuggles!   

Malfoy: (blushes)

ADF: How many glasses of milk should you drink a day?

Malfoy: Um…I don't know, Your Airiness.

ADF: Ha! Shows how much you know! (A/N: Which, in my personal opinion, is nothing!) You should drink 6 to 11 glasses a day for strong healthy bones and teeth!

Ron: AH!

Harry: To me, that sounds like a lot of bathroom time.

ADF: Well, it is, wise guy!

Harry:(looks shocked) Me? A wise guy? No!

ADF: Yeah! So shaddup!

Harry: GRRRRR…

ADF: Hey…(looks at Ron) You're kind of cute…actually, you're hot!

Ron: (blushes) Err, thanks.

ADF: Want to make out?

Ron: Uh, you're kind of…

ADF: What?
Ron: Tiny.

ADF: Never fear! This isn't my actual form, anyway! This (changes into a beautiful girl Ron's age) is my actual form.

Ron: (surprised and happy) Oh, la, la! OK!

Smith: Hey! I'm still teaching a class!

Ron: Can…uh…(looks at ADF for help)

ADF: My real name is Layne.

Ron: OK. Professor Smith, may Layne and I make out after your class?

Smith: Certainly. But I will need to write a note to your next teacher. (takes out parchment and quill) What class do you have next?

Ron: It's Potions.

Smith: Oh, no! Snape will NEVER accept an excuse from me!

Harry: You got that right. He hates your guts. (A/N: For more 411, see Professor Snape and Professor Smith…by me)

Ron: What to do?

Smith: (rolls up parchment and puts away quill) I'm sure Dumbledore will make your excuses. Now…(takes out a dry erase board with doodles drawn on it) if you look closely, you'll see that…

Part 2 of Scene 11 Potions

Snape(who seems to have recovered from insanity): Now, class, I want you to open your books to page 482, and look for the section on armadillo tails and what to do with them once they have been shredded for an Itching Solution…

(Ron comes bursting into the classroom, his hair messed up, with a malicious grin on his face)

Ron: Hey, people! (struts to the empty seat next to Harry, looking oddly like Malfoy)

Snape: Weasley, why are you late?

Ron: Well, I have this note…(walks up to Snape, grinning at everyone like Isn't-This-The-Best-Day-Of-Our-Lives?)

Snape: (snatches parchment of Ron's hand, and reads it) That is a poor excuse. That is also against the rules! 23 points from Gryffindor!

Ron: Why 23?

Snape: Because you were three minutes late, and 15 points for breaking the rules.

Ron: Wouldn't that be 18?

Snape: I added the 5 points for fun.

Ron: Oh. (sits down next to Harry)

Snape: Now, before Mr. Weasley cut me off…

Harry: (whispering) Hey, Ron, how'd it go?

Ron: (whispering) Great. Fantastic. Unbelievable.

Harry: (sighs and is still whispering) I wish I had someone to make out with…

Ron: (whispering) You can have Layne 'cause I love Hermione and I adore her and I worship her and do you think she likes me back?

Harry: (whispering) I really can't tell, dude.

Snape: Do you have something you want to say to the class, Potter and Weasley?

Harry and Ron: No.

Snape: Then stop talking! Now, cut up your willow roots and get back to work!

(after class)

Ron: You're going to love Layne, you really are.

Layne: (walks up to them) Hello, Harry. Hi, Ron.

Ron: Layne, I don't love you.

Layne: (shrugs) I kind of figured that.

Ron: Can you make out with Harry?

Harry: Yeah, can you make out with Harry?

Layne: Nah…I have to go.

Harry: Why?

Layne: I have to go back to the Muggle World and shoot a commericial!

(turns back into ADF)

ADF: Bye! (flys away)

Harry: (sighs)

A/N: Sorry it got less funny at the end. I think I'm going to make this serious for about three chapters, then make it insane again! What do you think? Review!

PLEASE!