Celeborn's Club
by Erestor
Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to Lord of the Rings.
Breaking News: Prince Legolas Saves Father fom Certain Death
CHAPTER FOUR
Thranduil shook his head desperately. "Nonsense. There is no way I look that much like Legolas! I'd never get away with it!"
Legolas shook his head as well, just as frantically. "Telcuru, you're crazy! He's my father! We look nothing like each other!"
The two stared at the other Elves in horror, from where they were lying on separate hospital beds. "But Telcuru," they said in unison, "he's UGLY."
Celeborn nodded slowly, turning to Legolas's friend. "Actually, you're right. They do look like each other. We'll pretend that Legolas is unhurt, and Thranduil will pretend to be Legolas."
"Some friend you turned out to be," snapped Legolas, crossing his arms and glaring at Telcuru.
"Some club this turned out to be," snapped Thranduil, crossing his arms and glaring at all in sundry.
Lindir looked at the two with great interest. "It's perfect! They're nearly identical!" he realized. (Lindir was a bit slow on the uptake.)
Fifteen minutes later, Thranduil slunk out of the room. He was now completely devoid of paint. He was wearing Legolas's clothes. He had a bow and some arrows. Celeborn's Club emerged a few moments later, all grinning and acting a bit too nonchalant They sauntered down the halls, and eventually discovered Thranduil autographing the diaries of various young maidens, smiling in a very strained manner.
"Ah, Lord Celeborn, there you are," said Thranduil through his teeth. He smiled brightly at the girls. "This is a good friend of mine. Why don't you all get acquainted?"
Erestor watched Thranduil dash off. "He probably should have introduced them to someone who was single," he muttered.
Very soon afterwards, Lindir, Elladan, Elrohir, Glorfindel and Erestor sat on a tree branch, watching Thranduil and Celeborn argue furiously.
"This isn't fair!" said Thranduil. "I didn't even want to see my son, much less impersonate him! We've tried something like this before, and it didn't work!"
"You're far too mean to your son," Celeborn retorted. "It will start nasty rumors."
Thranduil stuck out his tongue. "I'm not mean to him. He hates me!"
Celeborn raised one eyebrow. "Really? Well, you can just get over it, and do a good deed. . .for once."
"If you were being forced to pretend to be CelebrÃan, you'd be protesting," said Thranduil.
"That's completely irrelevant," scowled Celeborn.
"Why? Because it's true?"
"No, it's a different case altogether. You're grasping at straws."
The five Elves watched with amusement.
"This is entertaining," said Elladan.
"Very entertaining," said Elrohir.
"I never knew Thranduil was this bad-tempered," said Lindir.
"I never knew Celeborn was so vicious," said Glorfindel.
"They don't get along well, do they?" said Erestor.
Thranduil and Celeborn stomped off in different directions.
"Oh well," said Elladan. "Show's over."
Celeborn's Club headed for the nearest restaurant.
After a few minutes, Celeborn entered the restaurant and sat down. "What is there to drink here?" he asked.
"Coffee," said Glorfindel gloomily. He poured Celeborn some of the potent mixture. "Help yourself."
"No wonder Legolas is always so hyper," said Lindir. "This stuff would do it to anybody." He peered into his cup curiously. "How do they make this? With tar?"
"I think my coffee is hardening," said Elladan with interest.
"Really? That is unusual," said Erestor, leaning over to examine Elladan's drink.
Elrohir poured his coffee out the window. The flowers wilted.
Thranduil entered the restaurant next, followed by a lot of his fans. He shooed them away and sat down with a newspaper. It was not improving his mood. Every article had something to do with his son.
"'A glorious example of Prince Legolas's heroism was shown today when he risked his life to save his father'!" snarled Thranduil. He took a swig of coffee and choked.
"Why do you torture yourself in this way?" asked Lindir. "You don't have to read the stupid newspaper."
Thranduil slammed the coffee cup down. "I want to read it! I'm imaging all the fun things that I'm going to do to my son after this. Salt in his coffee, caterpillars in his lunch, pink hair, green skin, and unexpected buckets of water over his door!"
Lindir sat down again. "Oh. That's nice," he said.
Thranduil flipped the page, suddenly acting unnaturally calm.
"Mood swings," whispered Erestor, "if you want my professional opinion. A sure sign of a deranged mind."
Thranduil turned pale. He stared at the newspaper. "I don't believe it!" he whispered.
Celeborn's Club turned to were Thranduil was gaping at the newspaper. "Legolas is getting married tomorrow!" he shouted.
Glorfindel glanced over the article. "My dear Thranduil," he said, "as you are Legolas at the moment, it would appear that YOU are the one getting married tomorrow."
And Erestor murmured into his coffee cup, "'Ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.'"
TBC