Interim
Archie vaulted lightly over the barrier, making Horatio wish briefly he could be that athletic. His eyes were bright with eagerness, but he spun the announcement out.
"We few, we happy few, we are to be posted to – the Indefatigable!"
Horatio felt his mouth drop open in shock. "You don't mean it!"
"Of course I mean it. Think on it! Captain Pellew's ship!"
Horatio bolted.
"What is the matter with you?" Archie demanded, catching up with him on deck. "It would be a great chance for anyone, half the midshipmen in the fleet dream of serving under Captain Pellew. And he knows us, that makes it even better. We couldn't have hoped for a finer posting!"
"It's because he knows us." Horatio looked half panicked. In the four years since Edward Pellew had left Justinian for better things he and Archie had seen nothing of the man he firmly believed to have saved both their sanity, but they had heard a good deal of his exploits. The very recent appointment to command one of the finest frigates in the fleet had cemented Captain Pellew's reputation as one of the Navy's rising stars – and Horatio was terrified. "Archie, he was so good to me, right from the first. What if I let him down?"
"Why should you let him down?"
"I'm not... I won't live up to what he'll expect in an officer!"
Archie shook his head. "Sometimes, Horatio, I think you must have bats in your belfry. You know sailing inside out, you can navigate at least as well as Master Bowles, the men respect you – no, don't argue! You won't let him down!"
"I'll be sea-sick."
"They say Nelson gets sea-sick. Horatio, he liked you. More than that, he thought well of you. That won't have changed, why should it? You haven't."
Horatio sighed, unable to accept Archie's confidence. "I'm glad we're both going, anyway. At least it won't be just me."
Archie shrugged. "It was always you first. I think he mostly saw me as your friend."
"I think you're wrong. Everyone gets along with you, he wasn't any different."
"Oh, yes, I can get along with people, for as much as that's worth. There are more important things, you know." Only very occasionally these days did a shadow of old trouble pass over Archie's face, this time Horatio could not even be certain he had seen it before Archie was saying brightly, "If it wasn't against regulations I'd lay a bet you'll be a lieutenant within a year."
"You do talk nonsense sometimes," Horatio said. Archie just laughed.
#
Horatio couldn't believe that he had done what he had. He could not believe he had kept his calm aboard the French ship, done what needed to be done, all with a hole blasted straight through him. And now he and Pellew were stood in the captain's cabin on the Indefatigable, staring at one another with the blankness of shared pain. Although he had known the risks in some cool academic way, as lifeless as maths tables; in his heart he had never really understood that war could lead to this.
He had not even learned of it until the fight for the Papillon was ended. Archie had been on the other side of the great mainmast, it was not until later, far too late, that he had heard of it. The fluke French shot that had caught Archie as he worked and sent him plunging to the sea. Some of the men had seen, but he had not asked if there was anything they could have done, nor even whether any of them could swim.
"It was a brave end," Captain Pellew said hoarsely, and to his shock he wanted to scream that death was death: brave or not it was such a waste of Archie, such a waste.
"Isn't there any hope?" he stumbled.
Edward closed his eyes. "Precious little."
#
He was beyond thought, beyond knowledge. The pain in his shoulder and the wet of the sandbank beneath him were things known but not understood. He thought nothing when the rough hands dragged him away.
#
Horatio knew he was being a coward, but day after day he fled from the cell, out into the light outside. He couldn't bear to stay, for he simply could not bear to see Archie reduced to this, all light and laughter and hope extinguished. Even in the worst days on Justinian he had not been so bad as this.
Archie was glad to see him go. His own memories were bad enough, the litany of suffering and failure and despair that Horatio could never understand. He had resisted Horatio's efforts to get him to talk of the prisons. Despite years of war Horatio was still simple and untouched, knowing little of dark places and the cruelties that lurked in them. Well for him that it was so.
Worse even than the nightmare memories was the knowledge that he was a hopeless burden. Was it not enough that he had proven his failure and weakness, over and over? Why inflict that on his old shipmates? He would not do so. He was not going to drag others down with him. He had made his choice.
Yet for all his repeated flights, Horatio was deeply worried. At last the worry came to a head, and he could no longer take refuge in retreat.
"Aren't you going to have some ... soup," he picked the most appropriate word for what was actually a mass of nameless goo, although no worse than average naval food. Although he still wanted to escape anxiety was stronger now than pain.
"Later." Later. Time and again he'd seen Archie mumble a little then put it aside. And it was always gone when he came back to the cell, but suddenly suspicion flared. He #knew# Archie, for all their time apart, and he knew that Archie was concealing something now. "You are eating aren't you?" The sunken eyes slid away. Horatio rounded on Hunter. "Is he eating?" Hunter only shrugged.
Panic erupted. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" He grabbed Archie by the shoulders too distracted to notice the involuntary flinch. "What are you doing? Don't you want to get better."
This time Archie's eyes met his. "It's better this way."
"Better for who? Archie, you're talking nonsense." He heard the unsteadiness of his own voice but didn't care.
"You and the men can go. You don't want me holding you back."
"No!" For the first time since they had first walked in here he had completely forgotten Hunter's presence. "No, I can't do that. You have no right to make me do that. I will not go back without you. I will not bring the news of your loss to the captain. Not again."
"What does it matter, now?"
"It matters to me! And to him. You are coming back with us. I won't leave you again, Archie, I will not!" He reined in his panic, and, still holding Archie's shoulders, put as much force as he could into his voice. "Now, listen. You are going to get better. You are going to eat and get well, and we will wait. Archie, I'm not living with your death on my soul. I will not do it."
For a few moments he thought Archie's stubbornness was unshaken, but at last his eyes slid away from Horatio's and he took the soup.
#
"Think of it, Horatio. Captain Sawyer! If we had to leave the Indy where better to go?"
"A captain with his record – it's a big responsibility."
"Horatio, don't you ever look on the bright side? It's a compliment! And an opportunity."
"It is a good posting, Archie."
"And we are going to celebrate. No arguments, Horatio. I'm going to see you enjoy yourself, for once!"
Archie vaulted lightly over the barrier, making Horatio wish briefly he could be that athletic. His eyes were bright with eagerness, but he spun the announcement out.
"We few, we happy few, we are to be posted to – the Indefatigable!"
Horatio felt his mouth drop open in shock. "You don't mean it!"
"Of course I mean it. Think on it! Captain Pellew's ship!"
Horatio bolted.
"What is the matter with you?" Archie demanded, catching up with him on deck. "It would be a great chance for anyone, half the midshipmen in the fleet dream of serving under Captain Pellew. And he knows us, that makes it even better. We couldn't have hoped for a finer posting!"
"It's because he knows us." Horatio looked half panicked. In the four years since Edward Pellew had left Justinian for better things he and Archie had seen nothing of the man he firmly believed to have saved both their sanity, but they had heard a good deal of his exploits. The very recent appointment to command one of the finest frigates in the fleet had cemented Captain Pellew's reputation as one of the Navy's rising stars – and Horatio was terrified. "Archie, he was so good to me, right from the first. What if I let him down?"
"Why should you let him down?"
"I'm not... I won't live up to what he'll expect in an officer!"
Archie shook his head. "Sometimes, Horatio, I think you must have bats in your belfry. You know sailing inside out, you can navigate at least as well as Master Bowles, the men respect you – no, don't argue! You won't let him down!"
"I'll be sea-sick."
"They say Nelson gets sea-sick. Horatio, he liked you. More than that, he thought well of you. That won't have changed, why should it? You haven't."
Horatio sighed, unable to accept Archie's confidence. "I'm glad we're both going, anyway. At least it won't be just me."
Archie shrugged. "It was always you first. I think he mostly saw me as your friend."
"I think you're wrong. Everyone gets along with you, he wasn't any different."
"Oh, yes, I can get along with people, for as much as that's worth. There are more important things, you know." Only very occasionally these days did a shadow of old trouble pass over Archie's face, this time Horatio could not even be certain he had seen it before Archie was saying brightly, "If it wasn't against regulations I'd lay a bet you'll be a lieutenant within a year."
"You do talk nonsense sometimes," Horatio said. Archie just laughed.
#
Horatio couldn't believe that he had done what he had. He could not believe he had kept his calm aboard the French ship, done what needed to be done, all with a hole blasted straight through him. And now he and Pellew were stood in the captain's cabin on the Indefatigable, staring at one another with the blankness of shared pain. Although he had known the risks in some cool academic way, as lifeless as maths tables; in his heart he had never really understood that war could lead to this.
He had not even learned of it until the fight for the Papillon was ended. Archie had been on the other side of the great mainmast, it was not until later, far too late, that he had heard of it. The fluke French shot that had caught Archie as he worked and sent him plunging to the sea. Some of the men had seen, but he had not asked if there was anything they could have done, nor even whether any of them could swim.
"It was a brave end," Captain Pellew said hoarsely, and to his shock he wanted to scream that death was death: brave or not it was such a waste of Archie, such a waste.
"Isn't there any hope?" he stumbled.
Edward closed his eyes. "Precious little."
#
He was beyond thought, beyond knowledge. The pain in his shoulder and the wet of the sandbank beneath him were things known but not understood. He thought nothing when the rough hands dragged him away.
#
Horatio knew he was being a coward, but day after day he fled from the cell, out into the light outside. He couldn't bear to stay, for he simply could not bear to see Archie reduced to this, all light and laughter and hope extinguished. Even in the worst days on Justinian he had not been so bad as this.
Archie was glad to see him go. His own memories were bad enough, the litany of suffering and failure and despair that Horatio could never understand. He had resisted Horatio's efforts to get him to talk of the prisons. Despite years of war Horatio was still simple and untouched, knowing little of dark places and the cruelties that lurked in them. Well for him that it was so.
Worse even than the nightmare memories was the knowledge that he was a hopeless burden. Was it not enough that he had proven his failure and weakness, over and over? Why inflict that on his old shipmates? He would not do so. He was not going to drag others down with him. He had made his choice.
Yet for all his repeated flights, Horatio was deeply worried. At last the worry came to a head, and he could no longer take refuge in retreat.
"Aren't you going to have some ... soup," he picked the most appropriate word for what was actually a mass of nameless goo, although no worse than average naval food. Although he still wanted to escape anxiety was stronger now than pain.
"Later." Later. Time and again he'd seen Archie mumble a little then put it aside. And it was always gone when he came back to the cell, but suddenly suspicion flared. He #knew# Archie, for all their time apart, and he knew that Archie was concealing something now. "You are eating aren't you?" The sunken eyes slid away. Horatio rounded on Hunter. "Is he eating?" Hunter only shrugged.
Panic erupted. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" He grabbed Archie by the shoulders too distracted to notice the involuntary flinch. "What are you doing? Don't you want to get better."
This time Archie's eyes met his. "It's better this way."
"Better for who? Archie, you're talking nonsense." He heard the unsteadiness of his own voice but didn't care.
"You and the men can go. You don't want me holding you back."
"No!" For the first time since they had first walked in here he had completely forgotten Hunter's presence. "No, I can't do that. You have no right to make me do that. I will not go back without you. I will not bring the news of your loss to the captain. Not again."
"What does it matter, now?"
"It matters to me! And to him. You are coming back with us. I won't leave you again, Archie, I will not!" He reined in his panic, and, still holding Archie's shoulders, put as much force as he could into his voice. "Now, listen. You are going to get better. You are going to eat and get well, and we will wait. Archie, I'm not living with your death on my soul. I will not do it."
For a few moments he thought Archie's stubbornness was unshaken, but at last his eyes slid away from Horatio's and he took the soup.
#
"Think of it, Horatio. Captain Sawyer! If we had to leave the Indy where better to go?"
"A captain with his record – it's a big responsibility."
"Horatio, don't you ever look on the bright side? It's a compliment! And an opportunity."
"It is a good posting, Archie."
"And we are going to celebrate. No arguments, Horatio. I'm going to see you enjoy yourself, for once!"